In the Hall of the Wood Elf King
by TreeHugger
Summary: The Hobbit AU. While the Dwarves are imprisoned in Thranduil's dungeons, Bilbo meets Legolas quite by accident. We find out why Elves don't smoke pipeweed. COMPLETED!!
1. Chapter 1 - Once upon a Time in Mirkwood

Disclaimer: I don't own them or make any money from them. I just enjoy them!  
  
Greetings! This is my "Hobbit" based fic. AU needless to say since Bilbo and Legolas never met, or at least Master Tolkien never said that they did. Kudos to my reviewers who noticed the pipe jokes in the last chapter of "An Orc in Rivendell"! This is the story of the pipe and why Elves don't smoke pipeweed, my version of it anyhow. Part of this is taken from "The Hobbit". It is not necessary to have read my other fics as this one takes place many, many years before those. There may be a few jokes in reference to my others, but again your enjoyment of this tale does not require knowledge of them. Enjoy!  
  
Chapter 1 - Once Upon A Time In Mirkwood  
  
Bilbo Baggins gazed through the pipe smoke at the small figure huddled on the plump pillow in the chair on the opposite side of the hearth. Compassion flooded the bachelor Hobbit as he watched a small hand reach up unobtrusively to wipe away the tears that trickled from the sad blue eyes.  
  
~ Poor child, ~he thought. ~ Lost both parents at once and brought to visit in a strange place with a strange cousin. ~ Well, he didn't consider himself strange, but he knew that certain people did. He felt that he was a most ordinary Hobbit, or nearly so.  
  
Bilbo adored children though he had none of his own. Certainly he preferred them to adults. Children were always more willing to listen to his stories and didn't look at him strangely when he told them of dwarves, wizards, elves or dragons. They were always fascinated and asked all the right questions, where as the adults almost always looked skeptical and asked all the wrong questions.  
  
"Frodo my lad, would you like to hear a story?"  
  
The little Hobbit looked up at his cousin, wet eyes wide. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words formed, so he merely nodded. Frodo had met so very many cousins of late that he felt quite overwhelmed at times. This one seemed different somehow and he wasn't quite certain just what to make of him.  
  
Bilbo smiled, leaning back in his own chair, feeling the cushion shift beneath him. He thought for a moment, pipe clamped between his teeth. He watched the fragrant smoke wreath about his head. He withdrew the pipe and blew a smoke ring. Frodo gasped and smiled, leaning forward slightly. Bilbo smiled and blew another one. When many of them floated about the ceiling, Bilbo laughed in delight.  
  
"Have I ever told you about the time I shared a pipe with an elven prince? Elves don't smoke, you know. And my goodness! I found out why!"  
  
Frodo's eyes widened even further as Bilbo laughed. He shook his head; dark curls glistening in the late afternoon sun that crept in at the window just to play upon the child's hair. This cousin knew elves? He blinked, staring at Bilbo in wonder.  
  
"Well then, would you like to hear about it?"  
  
Frodo nodded solemnly, his tears forgotten for the moment.  
  
"First let me get you something to eat. Would you like a cookie? Storytelling makes one hungry, you know."  
  
The child stared at his cousin in amazement as Bilbo bustled about piling biscuits, cookies, apples, and cheese on a tray, which he placed on the table between their chairs. Then he brought another tray loaded with a teapot, cups, plates, and napkins and set it by the first. His eyes twinkling, he handed Frodo a plate with cookies and cheese on it.  
  
"Eat up, Frodo lad. Eat up while I tell you a grand adventure I once had in the Hall of the Wood Elf King."  
  
~ ~ ** ~ ~ ** ~ ~ ** ~ ~ ** ~ ~  
  
Poor Mr. Baggins - it was a weary long time that he lived in that place all alone, and always in hiding, never daring to take off his ring, hardly daring to sleep, even tucked away in the darkest and remotest corners he could find. - The Hobbit  
  
~Mirkwood Forest was not a place where one would want to settle down and make a home, ~ Bilbo thought grimly as he stared at the dark, twisted trees surrounding him. The undergrowth beneath the fell trees was tangled with thorns and vines, filled with odd unsettling noises, grunts and shuffling that filled the hobbit with dread. It seemed always dark here; with only an occasional spear of sunlight filtering down to give them hope in this stifling place of fear.  
  
They had journeyed for several days now since Gandalf had left them at the Forest Gate; they would have taken the Old Forest Road, but Beorn had warned them against it. Goblins used it, he had said, and the eastern end was overgrown and led to impassable marshes where the paths were lost. It would take them too far south anyway. He advised them to take a little know elf path to the north, saying it lead almost straight toward the Lonely Mountain, which was, of course, their destination.  
  
Mirkwood seemed a place to avoid, but Gandalf had said it wasn't wise to try and go round it. To the north were the Grey Mountains, two hundred or so miles away and there were no safe paths there. It would be a way haunted with goblins, hobgoblins, and orcs, and they had seen enough of goblins lately! In the south was the tower of the Necromancer and they should in no wise go that way. Bilbo had shuddered to think what meeting a Necromancer might mean for them.  
  
"Stick to the forest track, keep your spirits up, hope for the best, and with a tremendous slice of luck you may come out one day and see the Long Marshes lying below you, and beyond them, high in the East, the Lonely Mountain, where dear old Smaug lives, though I hope he is not expecting you," the wizard had told them cheerily before he had ridden off. "Good- bye! Be good, take care of yourself - and DON'T LEAVE THE PATH!" He had been emphatic on that last point.  
  
They had heeded his advice and stayed on the path, though the path didn't offer them much comfort. Stretching on either side of it were thick, dark cobwebs clinging to the trees, tangling in the lower branches. There were none on the path for which Bilbo was very grateful. What sort of spider could spin such large, sturdy webs? He was certain that he didn't wish to find out. To think he had often gazed at dew-sparkled spider webs at home with such wonder! His hand often strayed to his little sword that he had gotten in the troll's cave. So much had happened that it seemed ages since then.  
  
It *had* seemed ages since they had entered this bothersome forest. The dwarves were grumbling quietly about how stuffy the air was, why was there no wind beneath these cursed trees. They were all tired and hungry, though Bilbo felt certain that he was hungriest of them all. Never in all his life did he remember being so deprived of food and the simple comforts of a fire and a teakettle. They had shot one of the strange black squirrels that haunted the trees, but it had tasted so horrible they never shot another. Bilbo would spend the day trekking dully behind the dwarves, making lists of food in his head that he would eat when this adventure finally came to an end and he could go home to the Shire and his house, Bag End. Not that the dwarves had left much in the pantries after their unexpected arrival and subsequent party, but that could be remedied quickly when he returned.  
  
~ If I return, ~ he thought quite glumly.  
  
It was that very day that they came upon a wide stream of swift flowing black water. Beorn had warned them of this place as well, so regardless of their great thirst they didn't fill their water bags here. Who wanted to drink enchanted water that brought on great drowsiness and forgetfulness? A bridge had spanned it at one time, but it had rotted and fallen away into the water, leaving only broken, slimy posts near the bank, tangled in choking ivy and woodbine.  
  
Bilbo had noticed a boat on the other side about twelve yards from them.  
  
"Twelve yards!" Thorin thundered. "I should have thought it was thirty at least, but my eyes don't see as well as they used a hundred years ago. Still twelve yards is as good as a mile. We can't jump it, and we daren't try to wade or swim it."  
  
"Can any of you throw a rope?"  
  
"What is the good of that? The boat is sure to be tied up, even if we could hook it, which I doubt."  
  
"I don't believe it is tied," said Bilbo, shooting a frustrated look at their leader, who was glowering beneath his eyebrows. "Though of course I can't be sure in this light; but it looks to me as if it was just drawn up on the bank, which is low just there where the path goes down into the water."  
  
Thorin moved to stand by the hobbit, and was peering into the gloom across the water. He wasn't certain if he trusted the hobbit's eyes any more than his own.  
  
"Dori is the strongest, but Fili is the youngest and still has the best sight. Come here, Fili, and see if you can see the boat Mr. Baggins is talking about," he said, with nary a glance at Bilbo.  
  
Fili thought that he could see the boat and a rope was brought to him. It was the longest one they had with them with a large iron hook fastened on one end. Fili took it and weighed it in his hand then he whirled it about his head and threw it out across the water.  
  
"Not far enough!" Bilbo said, when a loud splash filled the air. "A couple of feet and you would have dropped it on to the boat. Try again. I don't suppose the magic is strong enough to hurt you, if you just touch a bit of wet rope," he added, seeing the young dwarf's reluctance to allow his hand to come in contact with anything that had been drenched in the black enchanted waters of Mirkwood. Surely these dwarves were a silly, fretful lot.  
  
Fili made a face then pulled the hook from the water, looking as if he might be struck dead at any moment. Then he hurled it with even greater strength than his first throw.  
  
There was a rustling and they knew he had overthrown this time. It had landed in the tangle of brush beyond on the far bank.  
  
"Steady," Bilbo cautioned. "You have thrown it right into the wood on the other side now. Draw it back gently."  
  
They all held their breath as their companion hauled the rope back as slowly as he could.  
  
"Carefully!" Bilbo hissed. "It is lying on the boat; let's hope the hook will catch."  
  
Suddenly the rope went taut and Fili pulled as hard as he could. But to no avail, it was tied after all. Kili came to help followed by Oin and Gloin. The four tugged mightily until they all went tumbling onto their backs as the rope holding the boat gave way. Luckily Bilbo acted quickly and grabbed the fallen rope. The boat leapt forward being pulled along by the strong current.  
  
"Help!" The hobbit shouted, and Balin leapt forward to grab it before it sailed past and was lost. They all looked at one another with the satisfaction of a job well done, even if there had been a moment's worry. The boat was theirs.  
  
On the other side of the bank hidden behind the tall dark ivy-twined trees, three pairs of eyes watched in startled amazement as their boat was pulled from its moorings and hauled across the dark water.  
  
"What do those dwarves think they are doing with our boat?" one of them asked, anger and disdain coloring his voice as his dark grey eyes narrowed.  
  
"They are stealing our boat!" another exclaimed, his pale grey eyes wide with shock as he stared at the dwarves in amazement at their audacity. "How can they! Why we should. . . ."  
  
"Silence, Brethil. They will hear you," the third one cautioned, his blue eyes watching as the dwarves discussed who would go over in the boat first.  
  
"I'm always last and I don't like it," a particularly fat Dwarf was saying petulantly. "It's somebody else's turn today."  
  
"That sounds like you, Brethil," the other dark grey-eyed elf said with a sideways glance at his companions.  
  
Brethil drew a breath to protest, but a hand on his arm stopped his words.  
  
"Don't tease him, Tavor. Quiet."  
  
"Yes, Prince Legolas," Tavor said with a slight, sarcastic smile.  
  
"You should not be so fat," another Dwarf said, his white beard wagging under his blue hood, the silver tassel dancing.  
  
~You should not be so loud, ~the blue eyed one thought with amusement, his hand dropping from Brethil's arm.  
  
"Don't start grumbling against orders, or something bad will happen to you," the dwarf finished, glaring at the fat one threateningly.  
  
"There aren't any oars. How are you going to push the boat back to the far bank?"  
  
The three elves looked at one another. What was that one? He didn't look like a dwarf, as he had no beard, though he was just as short, perhaps even shorter.  
  
"Give me another length of rope and another hook," a yellow bearded dwarf said. He took the rope and hurled it across the water as high as he could, right into the branches of the tree behind which the elves were hiding.  
  
The three crouched down in shock, covering their heads as if they feared the heavy hook would tangle about them instead of the branches. It didn't fall though, and the dwarves soon began to clamber into the boat.  
  
The three elves crept silently backward into the darkness of the surrounding trees. They watched as the dwarves came ashore and sent the boat back for the others. As the last one - the fat one - was preparing to leave the boat there was the sound of flying hooves, and a deer charged out of the underbrush and into the startled dwarves. It leapt high and sprang across the water. The dwarf in the blue hood had fitted an arrow to his stout, short bow when he had stepped off the boat, fearing the arrival of its owner. Now he loosed the arrow and the deer fell as it made the safety of the brush on the other side.  
  
"Your father is not going to be happy about that, Legolas."  
  
Legolas grimaced. No, Thranduil would not like his prey to escape thus; let alone to be felled by a dwarf's arrow.  
  
A sudden shout drew his attention back to the figures on the bank.  
  
"Bombur has fallen in! Bombur is drowning."  
  
The elves watched as the fat dwarf scrabbled at the slimy roots at the stream's edge, the black water pulling at him as the boat disappeared in a swift rush of current. He had fallen in, startled by the deer's sudden leap over his head.  
  
"Stupid dwarves!" Tavor growled, his hand clenching on his bow. "Look what they've done now."  
  
The dwarves threw a rope with a hook on the end to their companion, and quickly pulled him to shore as his hand closed about its length. They laid him on the bank, amazed that he could be fast asleep after such an adventure, the rope clenched so tightly in his fists that they could not remove it.  
  
It was then that the sound of hunting horns and the baying of dogs filled the air.  
  
"Your lord father," Tavor said with a glance at Legolas, an elegant dark gold eyebrow arched.  
  
Legolas sighed and shook his head.  
  
"He will not be pleased when he learns of this. Dwarves in Mirkwood. . . shooting the king's deer."  
  
"I'm not telling him," Brethil said quickly, well knowing how the king's ire would be raised not only against the dwarves, but also against the bearers of the news.  
  
Tavor snorted.  
  
"I won't be the one either."  
  
They both turned to look at their prince, Thranduil's youngest son.  
  
He scowled, turning to look at the dwarves one last time.  
  
"Perhaps it won't be necessary. They will probably be leaving soon anyway," he said, fervently hoping that it would indeed not be necessary.  
  
The three, feeling very relieved that they wouldn't have to bear the news to their king, turned and made their way into the forest, leaving the very disconcerted dwarves staring at their slumbering companion, a smile of deep content on his fat face.  
  
TBC 


	2. Chapter 2 - Of Singing Orcs and Butterfl...

Chapter 2 - Of Singing Orcs And Butterflies  
  
In six days' time the dwarves still had not come to the eastern edge of Mirkwood, and they were beginning to wonder if there was an eastern edge of Mirkwood. Their food and water supplies were nearly gone even though Bombur, who certainly consumed the most, still slept quite contentedly. Little did they know they were being trailed by the three young elves, whom couldn't believe the dwarves were still in the confines of the forest moving slowly toward its edge.  
  
To relieve their consternation and the tingle of apprehension they couldn't quite shake - somehow they knew that King Thranduil would find out and then he would turn his anger onto those who had neglected to alert him to the dwarves' presence in his realm - they began to play tricks on the dwarves, trying to frighten them into fleeing away at a much accelerated pace.  
  
Bilbo shuffled through the dead leaves underfoot, not noticing the color changes as autumn came on. The air was stifling and close. He wiped his brow with a red handkerchief, one of Elrond's, and glanced about. They were traveling through a grove of beech trees, the shadows not so deep here, nor quite so dark, though the sigh of the wind that wound through the line of trees sounded sad and lonely. Lost.  
  
~ Bothersome Dwarves! ~ he thought glumly. ~ I wish I had never come on this adventure. Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable thing! Oh, why did I ever agree to come? ~  
  
Suddenly the sound of singing drifted to them from somewhere amidst the surrounding trees. They froze in their tracks, Ori nearly plowing into Nori.  
  
"Not again," Thorin muttered, trying not to show how disconcerted he truly was.  
  
Sometimes it was laughter and sometimes, as now, it was singing. They stared into the trees but saw nothing, and none of them wished to leave the path to find out what it was that was serenading them.  
  
"Goblins!" Oin hissed, his hand moving to his axe. "Or orcs." In honesty he was confused as to the difference between the fearsome creatures. He had heard that goblins were a form of orc, but he had also heard that they were two separate races of fell beings. He shuddered, not wanting to meet up with one or the other here beneath the dark trees.  
  
The others reached for their weapons as well, and Dori and Kili lay Bombur on the ground where he snored quite happily.  
  
"It can't be," Bilbo said. "Goblins don't sound like that when they sing." He remembered them singing as they surrounded the trees that he, Gandalf, and the dwarves had climbed to escape the Wargs just before the eagles rescued them. "Besides, I don't know if orcs sing. I rather doubt it. All the same . . . . " He drew his sword a few inches from its sheath to see if it was glowing. It wasn't, and he heaved a sigh of relief. "Let's go on. Please."  
  
Thorin agreed and they were soon moving forward for the music was eerie and strange.  
  
Tavor clapped one hand over his mouth to keep from laughing too loudly as the dwarves hustled off. He followed them silently for a time before turning back to find Brethil and Legolas.  
  
Legolas was seated on a tree branch high above the ground singing, his fair voice rose in a song that mocked the dwarves' heavy footfalls, their beards, and their fears.  
  
"They have moved on," Tavor said, grinning at Brethil who was seated beneath the tree checking his arrows.  
  
Legolas finished his song and gazed down at his two friends, his face lit with delight.  
  
"Did they like it? I made it especially for them."  
  
Tavor smirked up at him.  
  
"The strange dwarf with furry feet knows you are not a goblin," he paused until Legolas snorted, then said slyly, "but he thinks you might be an orc."  
  
"What?!" Legolas gasped, eyes widening in horror and disgust, which nearly sent him tumbling from his perch in disbelief. "An orc?! Don't be ridiculous, Tavor. Orcs don't sing." He scowled, feeling highly insulted and dropped silently to the ground.  
  
Brethil was giggling; trying to stifle the sound, but couldn't quite manage it.  
  
"An orc!" He chortled. "Legolas, Prince of the Singing Orcs." He rolled on the ground, howling with delight.  
  
"Shut up, Brethil. It's not that funny," Legolas muttered before turning to Tavor, whose lips were twitching with amusement. "Which way did they go?"  
  
"Im alcar gar gul, Caun ned Yrch. (I do not have (that) knowledge, Prince of Orcs.)" he said, bowing slightly.  
  
Legolas glared at him, growling in Sindarin. He grabbed up his bow and quiver stalking away.  
  
Brethil sat up, still laughing.  
  
"Is he going the right way?" he asked, watching Legolas' retreating form.  
  
"No," Tavor grinned, folding his arms over his chest.  
  
"When are you going to tell him that he is going the wrong way?"  
  
"Oh . . . I don't know. It would appear that singing orc princes don't have a good sense of direction."  
  
Brethil laughed again, standing and taking up his own weapons.  
  
"Oh, well," Tavor sighed, then grinned again suddenly. "I know how to stop him."  
  
As Bilbo and the dwarves trudged on, another voice sang into the trees, but they hurried away at yet a greater speed as a yell of outrage shattered the air.  
  
"O Caun ned Gliriel Yrch!  
Le rinciel I raeg athrad.  
I Anfang drega amrun - u annun."  
  
[O Prince of Singing Orcs!  
You (are) moving the wrong way.  
The Dwarves flee east - not west.]  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Two days later, with weary feet, Bilbo and the dwarves stumbled downward into a small valley of oak trees. One of the trees was larger than the others, the leaves on the spreading branches not yet turned to the bright copper color they would wear later in the season.  
  
~ You should be in the Shire, ~ he thought with wonder, moving to brush the mottled bark with his fingertips.  
  
"Is there no end to the accursed forest?" Thorin growled suddenly, his eyes sweeping the seemingly endless circle of trees surrounding them. Then his gaze fell upon Bilbo who was smiling up into the oak tree's interlaced branches high above his curly head.  
  
"Somebody must climb a tree and see if he can get his head above the roof and have a look round. The only way is to choose the tallest tree that overhangs the path."  
  
As one the Dwarves turned to look at the hobbit.  
  
Bilbo turned to them, sensing their gazes, and looked upon them in bewilderment.  
  
"What? Oh, dear. My good dwarves, surely you cannot mean for me to _"  
  
"Mr. Baggins, that is precisely what we mean," Thorin continued. "You are the only one who is light enough to climb to the top and see exactly where we are. And hopefully see the way out of here."  
  
~You mean that I am the expendable one, ~ Bilbo thought bitterly, as the dwarves clustered about him and hoisted him into the lower branches. ~ And if I fell it wouldn't really matter to the rest of you as long as I told you the way out before I hit the ground. ~ He sighed in resignation and grabbed at the branches. It did no good to argue with Thorin Oakenshield. He had never met a more stubborn being in all of his life!  
  
Since Bilbo didn't have much experience climbing trees it wasn't that easy at first. He clambered his way upward, hands and feet slipping on the greenish bark.  
  
~ What if one of those web spinners lived up here? ~ he wondered with a chill of fear running up his spine. As he gazed upward though, he saw nothing furry or hairy or large enough to be the creature that had made the thick webs, so he continued on with some relief.  
  
Once he slipped altogether and barely managed to stop himself from plummeting to the ground. He stood on a stout branch hugging the tree's trunk, panting with fear as his heart beat a rapid staccato.  
  
"Hobbits are not made for this," he moaned, squeezing his eyes shut when he made the mistake of looking down. One must *never* look down! But finally - after what he was sure was hours and hours of climbing - he poked his head through the topmost leaves and felt the sun on his face for the first time since they had entered Mirkwood. He smiled, blinking at the sunlight that embraced him. He even laughed, when at last his eyes adjusted to the brilliance at the small spiders that did inhabit these topmost branches.  
  
"To think I was afraid of what I might find here," he chuckled watching them scurry away from him.  
  
And - oh! The butterflies! Hundreds of butterflies floated all about him born on the air by their dark velvety black wings.  
  
It was glorious up here! He could barely hear the calls of the dwarves below. It was quite easy to ignore them at this height. A cool breeze ruffled his hair and caressed his face. Glorious indeed.  
  
Eventually though the cries of the dwarves intruded, and he opened his eyes once more and peered about, remembering why he was here in the first place.  
  
As far as he could see in any direction was an endless green sea.  
  
"Oh, bother," he muttered, listening to his stomach growl. "Maybe there is no way out of this forest and we will just wander about forever until we collapse from hunger and thirst." He sighed, watching a butterfly flit about his face and finally settle on his hand. When it fluttered away he began his descent.  
  
As he reached the ground he dug Elrond's handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his hot face. He noticed the scratches on his hands, but thought nothing of them. Misery at his report overwhelmed him. All the joy he had experienced in the sun and breeze, surrounded by butterflies and green leaves, was gone. He quickly told the others what he had seen, and their hope died as well.  
  
"The forest goes on for ever and ever and ever in all directions." the dwarves complained. "Whatever shall we do? And what is the use of sending a Hobbit!" they muttered, frowning at their burglar.  
  
They didn't seem interested in the butterflies or the cool breeze, which only seemed to upset them more.  
  
"You could climb up there for yourselves," Bilbo said at last. "Perhaps one of you might see the way out."  
  
The dwarves only glared at him in answer and continued to complain.  
  
Bilbo shook his head in consternation.  
  
"Bothersome Dwarves," he mumbled, heading away from them and plopped down beneath another tree, pulling out his pipe. He didn't fill the bowl as full as he would have liked, since he wanted his pipeweed to last a while longer yet. As the smoke filled the air, his eyes closing, he enjoyed a little of what he had felt in the top of the oak tree return. He smiled.  
  
"Why are they always smoking?" Brethil said, wrinkling his nose as the three watched from their perch not far away.  
  
"And complaining. And bickering. And . . . ."  
  
"Enough, Tavor. I think we understand what you are saying," Legolas sighed, shooting a glance at his friend.  
  
Tavor smiled lazily and shrugged.  
  
"They do make an inordinate amount of noise you must admit. And I needn't remind you, my prince, that they are getting awfully close to . . . ."  
  
"I know, Tavor. I know." Legolas scowled down at the dwarves. Why hadn't they left the forest yet? They were getting entirely too close to his father's Hall for comfort.  
  
Thranduil enjoyed his excursions to the east and his hunting forays deeper into Mirkwood. He often came in this direction, south of his Hall. What would happen then? Could Legolas trust that he, Tavor, and Brethil would all be able to keep silent about their knowledge of these Dwarves, if his father happened them upon? His eyes slid to his two friends. Tavor would probably be able to keep from saying anything incriminating, but Brethil . . . .  
  
Legolas frowned and looked away. Discretion was not one of the younger elf's strong points. He could easily let slip everything he knew, and if confronted by Thranduil outright . . . .  
  
~ We don't stand a chance, ~ he thought despairingly. ~ Why don't those dwarves just leave the forest?! ~  
  
Below them the dwarves continued their growling and gripping; and Bilbo puffed quietly away on his pipe, content at least for the moment, remembering the sun, the breeze, and the butterflies.  
  
TBC  
  
JastaElf - Thanks to you for being my first review on my first non-Orc story. Hope you enjoy this one, nin mellon.  
  
Ranger - Trouble ahead in the big bad woods. I used to play in the woods when I was younger with my brother and our friends, too. Well, actually, I still play in the woods with my kids. And what do we play? Lord of the Rings, of course. How is the red hanky factory doing, nin mellon??  
  
Irena - I don't think that I am prolific. I think I am obsessed, nin mellon!  
  
Karina - My Most Excellent Friend thank you for always complimenting my humor. You know what that means to me! And no. The circumstances are not the most ideal, nin mellon.  
  
Canon Police - Oops. Violation of Section 521. Thank you for not filing charges! I am glad that you can tell that I have read and reread and reread Master Tolkien's works. And thank you so much for the wonderful compliments! You make me blush.  
  
seafoamgreen - I am glad that you like this! Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Indigo - Thank you for being so kind to me. I will write as quickly as my muse will let me!  
  
Horus - Greetings, Horus! I'm glad that you liked this. You know I post as quickly as I can, nin mellon.  
  
Thundera Tiger - I'm glad that you liked my mix of Master Tolkien and my own style. And as Karina already knows I love it when someone finds what I write as funny. At least when it's supposed to be funny. Thanks a lot for your encouragement!  
  
hildestohl - Thanks for telling me that it is interesting. There is not much I fear more than being a boring author. Thanks so much!  
  
Nancing Elf - I got this story started sooner than I thought. Actually didn't think about stories for - oh - 3 days! I slept great! And then - BANG - here we go again. Thank you for saying that I captured the tone of The Hobbit exactly. I needed to hear that, nin mellon.  
  
KT Welsh - Thank you for reviewing. Children are more attentive and less judgmental, too. And as for my grammar . . . ; You's got that right! I likes it right much! 


	3. Chapter 3 - Hunger, Thirst, Singing Orcs...

Chapter 3 - Hunger, Thirst, Orcs Singing, and Bombur Snoring  
  
"Eggs and bacon; toast with jam . . . raspberry jam; pancakes drenched with rich brown syrup; slices of apple dipped in honey; strawberries in cream . . . ."  
  
"Would you please not talk about food, Bilbo," Gloin called to the hobbit, look of bleak frustration on his bearded face.  
  
They were all in a bad mood that morning as they prepared to set out again. They had eaten the last bite of food the evening before, and now far overhead they could hear rain pattering on the leaves. Only an occasional drop made its torturous way to the forest floor, which only served to remind them of their thirst.  
  
"Accursed forest," Thorin croaked as he pulled his hood up about his face.  
  
"It's your turn to help carry Bombur," Dwalin said to Bifur as they surveyed their still slumbering companion.  
  
"Will he ever wake up? How many days has it been? My arms and back are still sore from the last time I carried him."  
  
Dwalin snorted, adjusting his pack straps.  
  
"I don't recall. All the days seem much the same to me. Hunger, thirst, orcs singing, Bombur snoring." He shrugged.  
  
"Who is snoring?"  
  
Everyone started and turned to stare at the sleeping dwarf who had just spoken.  
  
His eyes popped open and he sat up, scratching his head.  
  
"My goodness!" he exclaimed. "Where are we? Why are we sitting in a forest?"  
  
They gaped at him in ill concealed astonishment.  
  
"You're awake!" Ori squeaked, dropping his pack to the ground, and rushing to Bombur's side.  
  
"Of course I am. Where are we?" he repeated climbing to his feet. "What is there to eat, Mr. Baggins? What have we left in your cupboards? Is there any pork pie left? It was quite excellent." His brows furrowed suddenly. "Why are you all staring at me? When did we decide to have a picnic?" He glanced about in bewilderment at the dark trees, the tangled undergrowth. "Rather a gloomy place for a picnic really."  
  
Thorin was the first to find his voice.  
  
"Bombur, don't you know where we are?"  
  
The fat dwarf blinked, his eyes scanning the trees.  
  
"The woods near Mr. Baggins' house, is my guess. But why are we picnicking? I do believe it is starting to rain."  
  
"Bombur, don't you remember falling into that black stream? When the deer jumped over your head."  
  
"What black stream? What are you speaking of, Thorin?"  
  
The other dwarves and Bilbo glanced uneasily at one another.  
  
"You don't remember the trolls, Bombur?" Gloin asked his face troubled.  
  
"Or the goblins?"  
  
"The eagles?"  
  
"The fire?"  
  
"The wolves?"  
  
"Beorn's house? Surely you remember that. We ate quite well there."  
  
Bombur stared at them stupefied. What were they speaking of?  
  
"I am certain that if we ate well there, I would remember it," he said rather defensively after a moment, feeling suddenly cross.  
  
"I guess we'd better tell him everything," Bilbo suggested, settling on the ground wishing he had something to chew on as they told the Dwarf the long tale of their adventures since leaving Bag End. He wondered how oak leaves tasted.  
  
After all was told, and a long exciting tale it was, and Bombur was informed that they were out of food, he dropped heavily to the ground and began to weep into his hands.  
  
"Why did I ever wake up! I was having such beautiful dreams. I dreamed I was walking in a forest rather like this one . . . ."  
  
"You were being carried through a forest rather like this one," Dori said under his breath. Being the strongest one had its drawbacks after all.  
  
"Only lit with torches on the trees and lamps swinging from the branches and fires burning on the ground; and there was a great feast going on . . . ."  
  
Several of Bilbo's companions groaned at this, and the Hobbit's stomach rumbled unhappily at this reminder of the deprivation it was suffering. The oak leaves were starting to look rather tasty.  
  
"Going on forever," Bombur smiled slightly, though he clutched his own empty stomach. Dream food wasn't very substantial. "A woodland king was there with a crown of leaves, and there was a merry singing . . . ."  
  
"He heard the orcs, too," Oin whispered, tugging nervously at his beard, his eyes darting about the shadows that surrounded on every side.  
  
" . . . . and I could not count or describe the things there were to eat and drink," Bombur said with a dreamy look on his face.  
  
"You need not try," Thorin interrupted with a fierce scowl. "In fact if you can't talk of something else, you had better be silent. We are quite annoyed enough with you as it is."  
  
There were many rumbles of assent to this statement and an especially loud snort from Dori, who felt he had suffered more than any of them, what with being the main one to carry Bombur through this dread wood.  
  
"If you hadn't waked up, we should have left you to your idiotic dreams in the forest; you are no joke to carry even after weeks of short commons." Thorin stood suddenly and pulled on his woefully light pack.  
  
The others followed suit, ignoring poor Bombur who complained that his legs didn't fell quite right. and he wasn't certain that he could go on. After all, he reminded them, they had eaten food that rightfully should have been his. As one his companions turned and glared so fiercely at him that he whimpered and picked up his own pack, slinging it disconsolately over his shoulder. Suddenly several packs hit him in the back at once. Twelve to be exact. Only Bilbo had kept his, not wanting to take a chance at losing what few things he still possessed in case Bombur fell into another stream.  
  
"Why did you do that?" Bombur whined, staring down at the packs.  
  
"Because you are going to carry them all," Thorin said, with a grin. "You owe us that much for making us carry you for so long." With that he strode off with great purpose.  
  
The other dwarves grinned at one another, a few slapping Bombur on the back as they passed him, rather harder than was necessary in some cases. Bilbo couldn't suppress the smile that teased at his lips as he walked by the whimpering dwarf who had bent to pick up the packs and was trying to arrange them suitably.  
  
"This isn't fair," he moaned. "I haven't eaten for days. Please, Thorin. I am too weak to carry all these packs."  
  
"Then go back to sleep and maybe Oin's singing orcs will come and feed you. That is if they don't eat you."  
  
"Singing orcs?!" Bombur gasped, straightening suddenly and staring wildly into the trees. "Eat me! Wait! Wait!" He threw the packs round his shoulders and hurried after them, stumbling in his haste as he looked back over his shoulder as though he feared an entire hoard of orcs was chasing him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~~*~*  
  
"That poor Dwarf." Brethil breathed, staring after Bombur with pity. "Couldn't we just give - "  
  
"No!" Both Legolas and Tavor hissed, gazing at him in disgust.  
  
"Why not? I just thought - "  
  
"Don't think, Brethil. It will be your undoing."  
  
The younger Elf glared at Tavor.  
  
"You at least should feel sorry for him. After all you fell into Morn Nen [Black Stream] once yourself."  
  
"What are you talking about, Brethil?"  
  
Brethil looked at Legolas who was smiling widely. Tavor also turned to his prince and was not amused by what he saw in those sparkling blue eyes.  
  
"I did not fall into Morn Nen." he stated. "Don't you think I would remember if I had?"  
  
"No!"  
  
Both Legolas and Brethil burst into amused laughter.  
  
"You are making this up." Tavor declared in an insulted voice.  
  
"No, we are not. Don't you remember when you, Legolas, Glamren, Darthannan, and I tied a rope across Morn Nen and dared each other to walk across it?"  
  
Tavor's eyes widened, his nostrils flaring. He searched his memory frantically for any glimmering that what Brethil was saying was true - or as he fervently hoped - not true. He studied their fair faces intently.  
  
"I don't believe you." he said finally, turning away from them. "You are both enjoying this far too much for it to be true." : Or, : he thought glumly. : Are they enjoying themselves so much because it is true? :  
  
"I told you that he wouldn't remember, Brethil." Legolas grinned, his eyes suddenly gleaming with a wicked light. "And to think that you were so worried that he would recall that you pushed him in just as he reached the edge."  
  
"What?!" Tavor wheeled on Brethil, his eyes narrowing in anger.  
  
"Legolas! You said you wouldn't tell him!" Brethil backed slowly away from Tavor who began to advance on him slowly, his fist clenched.  
  
"Oops! I guess I forgot."  
  
"Brethil! How could you push me into Morn Nen! You will pay for that!" Tavor leapt after the younger Elf.  
  
"But Tavor! You don't even remember it!" Brethil sprinted away, running as hard as he could, knowing that he could never outrace his friend. He never could.  
Legolas laughed loudly, feeling that the debt they owed for calling him a singing Orc prince was paid. He loped after them laughing and singing.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Bilbo was walking behind the dwarves, his smoke the day before and the memory of his time in the top of the tree having worked to calm his frayed nerves. And of course Bombur's awakening. It was a relief not to hear his snoring after so long. Though now he was whimpering and complaining.  
  
~Ah, well, ~ Bilbo though cheerily, ~ At least he is awake and the others will stop complaining about carrying him. One Dwarf complaining is a lot better than twelve. ~  
  
He had been humming snatches of songs to help keep his mind from his groaning stomach. He thought of songs sung in the Shire, happy folk tunes that made him bounce as he walked; then the songs of the Dwarves so different and stirring. That was partly to blame for his being here now: the stirring of his Took blood that night so long ago in May when he had an unexpected party with thirteen dwarves and a wizard. Then his mind turned to the music he had heard while they were at the Last Homely Home in Rivendell.  
  
Elves' music was different from hobbit music; or dwarf music; or for that matter goblin music. As Bilbo was turning this over in his mind, something struck him. The Elves of Rivendell were always full of laughter and merriment . . . and singing. He tired to recall some of the words that the "orcs" had sung, comparing them to words he had heard and, in some cases, learned in Elrond's valley.  
  
"Um, Thorin?"  
  
"What is it, Mr. Baggins?"  
  
"What is the Elvish word for dwarves?"  
  
"Elvish word? What makes you think that I know any Elvish words?"  
  
"Such a well traveled person as yourself must surely have picked up a few words here and there." Bilbo allowed himself a small smile. He was learning how to handle these dwarves. And flattery never hurt.  
  
"Well, perhaps I have. Let me see." Thorin furrowed his brows in deep thought.  
  
"Would it by any chance by - uh - Anfang?"  
  
"Well, yes. I do believe that you are right. Why do you ask?"  
  
"Well, I was just thinking. Do you remember the singing orcs?"  
  
"No," Bombur muttered. He had just managed to catch up to the others and was panting slightly. Even nearly empty packs could be oppressive if one hadn't eaten in what seemed like a lifetime.  
  
"Well, I was wondering if perhaps it wasn't orcs at all."  
  
"Of course it was," Oin spoke up, nervously eyeing the trees again.  
  
"I hate to disagree with you, but I don't think it was, Oin. I think it was elves."  
  
"Elves? What makes you think that?" Thorin asked.  
  
"Well, I was remembering all the wonderful songs we heard in Rivendell; such beautiful songs in Elvish. It seems very similar to what Oin's orcs were singing. The words, I mean, not the tunes. And well, I thought there was one word that figured rather prominently in one of the songs we heard here. Anfang. And you just said that was the Elvish word for dwarves. I think they were singing about us."  
  
"About us? Whatever for? I think that is ridiculous."  
  
"I don't know, Thorin," Gloin said, as Kili and Fili nodded in agreement. "Perhaps he is right."  
  
Balin and Dwalin glanced at one another then shrugged. Elves or orcs, did that really matter?  
  
"We did hear elves singing in Rivendell and they sounded nothing like that," Oin said, not liking the fact that his grand thought about singing orcs was proving to be wrong. Not that he wanted there to orcs about, singing or otherwise.  
  
"That is not surprising," Thorin interjected. "Not that I am saying that it was elves singing, mind you. Only that any elves living in this horrid place would not sound the same as elves living in Rivendell. Their music would be . . . ." He paused.  
  
Strange and eerie, the words drifted through his brain.  
  
~ Hmph! ~  
  
Just then a rather disturbing thought presented itself to him.  
  
~ Old wicked Thranduil's people. That doesn't surprise me. Perhaps the Burglar is right after all. ~ But then another thought surfaced, much more unsettling. ~ If he finds out where we are headed and why he will want a part of it, that greedy elf! Probably think it is due to him or something. Well, we must avoid that at all costs then! ~  
  
"Well, yes," he finally said. "Strange and eerie. Perhaps it is Mirkwood elves after all," he snorted, trying to bolster his own courage, "and that's just as bad as singing orcs in my book."  
  
"What did he just say?" Tavor bristled, his eyes flashing with sudden anger.  
  
"I think he said that we are just as bad as singing orcs," Brethil whispered in disbelief.  
  
Legolas scowled. He had been impressed that the furry-footed one had figured out that it was elves chasing them with laughter and strange and eerie songs, but really!  
  
"I hope my father does find them," he growled, his eyes following them filled with great dislike. " Just as bad as singing orcs indeed."  
  
TBC  
  
Nancing Elf - You know me! Red hankies and singing Orcs. Can't get away from them I guess. And wouldn't it be enchanting to sit with Legolas in the top of the tree surrounded by black butterflies!! And yes. Gandalf is not the only one capable of fireworks! Albeit of a different sort.  
  
Mari - I will put chapters out as quickly as my muse will let me. And thanks for all the wonderful comments! I loved them!  
  
t - Thanks for reviewing. I hope you enjoy the rest of it!  
  
LOTR lover - I can't seem to stay quiet for very long. Glad you liked my song!  
  
HotChickHermione - Wow! Thanks for the Gr8 review!  
  
Ranger - Well, the Dwarves are being dense, though as you will see Bilbo has it figured out. He's the smartest one in the group, don't you think? Being lost in the woods must be scary especially when you have been wandering for days and days. Luckily I've never had that experience. And yes. Thranduil is definitely waiting in the wings.  
  
Irena - What?? You think Orcs do sing? Well, I guess anything is possible. I'm glad that you're enjoying this!  
  
Ithilien {chapter 1} - My old stories are going to stay there so don't worry. It is refreshing for me to write something so fun and lighthearted, though I wasn't certain if I could do it well. This has been a blast, knowing that no one is going to suffer overmuch in this is something of a relief! And I agree one hundred percent - Bilbo is a charming little fellow!  
  
Indigo - My muse seems to be in overdrive at present. Though I don't know how long that will last. I'm glad that you're enjoying this because I am having a lot of fun writing a story with my two favorite Tolkien characters: Legolas and Bilbo!  
  
Tamsin FlameArrow - I'm thrilled that you are enjoying my singing Orcs! Thanks so much!  
  
ziggy {chapter 1} - I'm so happy that you found it! Hope you enjoyed it! 


	4. Chapter 4 - And Some Flowers For Your Ha...

Chapter 4 - And Some Flowers For Your Hair  
  
"You don't really mean that, do you?" Brethil said quietly, staring at Legolas, his grey eyes filled with worry.  
  
"Of course he doesn't," Tavor snorted, then turned to regard the prince. "Do you? Legolas, I thought we all agreed that it would be best if your father doesn't know about the dwarves."  
  
Legolas drew a deep breath and sighed.  
  
"I know. I didn't really mean it. Only . . . , well, I am getting tired of being insulted by dwarves."  
  
"Well, there is that," Tavor said with a relieved grin, and a rougish light in his eyes. "It is so much better to be insulted by your friends."  
  
Mirkwood's prince shot an unamused glance at Tavor, but then laughed lightly.  
  
"Aye. Let's go. Perhaps we will leave them to their own devices for a while. You do remember what tonight is, don't you?"  
  
Brethil's brows knit, but then his eyes brightened.  
  
"Oh, yes! Let's go!" he exclaimed excitedly. "Autumn feasting! You do remember that, don't you, Tavor?"  
  
"Oh, shut up, Brethil. Merrymaking versus Dwarves. Not much of a contest really. Though this has been fun." Tavor grinned and slapped his companions on the shoulders. "Well, my fellow singing orcs, let us move on to bigger and better things."  
  
"They . . . uh, the dwarves won't be following us, will they?" Brethil asked with a backwards glance.  
  
"Brethil, we were following them, not vice versa. Come now. I am for merrymaking of every sort. Let us go. Besides they are quite far from the clearings and have not once strayed off this path. They've probably been warned by someone about the fell denizens of Mirkwood." Legolas contorted his face into an ugly mask, sticking his tongue out at the younger, worried elf.  
  
"Yes, You are probably right. It will be good to eat something other than dried rations. Let us go!"  
  
Brethil walked arm in arm with Tavor and Legolas, but then he looked back once more.  
  
"Couldn't we just give them . . . ."  
  
"No, Brethil!"  
  
"Oh, very well."  
  
The three soon picked up their pace, laughing and singing as they headed for the clearings.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Roast chicken; ham drizzled with honey; mince-pies; tarts; pork pie . . . ." Bilbo trudged along, the songs forgotten and the food list begun again. He felt that this whole adventure was poorly planned and that if only they had something to eat . . . . "Seed cakes," . . . . they would be making out so much better. Or something to drink; just one glass of cool water would make all the difference. But there was no water and there was no food. "Bothersome dwarves and their confounded adventures. We will never make it out of this forest, let alone all the way to the Lonely Mountain. Why did I ever agree to this?" Normally Mr. Baggins was not one to complain, but the urge to do so now, and quite loudly and long, was almost overwhelming.  
  
The dwarves were complaining quite bitterly and Bombur was trudging along just ahead of the hobbit, moaning about his legs, the packs, and his empty stomach, ("They really shouldn't have eaten my share of the food. They are so cruel and heartless. They don't care for me at all."), his tired hot feet, his need to just lie down for a while and sleep, his empty stomach, ("They should have left me a scrap of bread. That is the least they could have done. But no! They devoured it all. Greedy lot!"), the oppressive atmosphere here beneath the never-ending trees, and of course, his empty stomach. ("I wonder what oak leaves taste like.")  
  
Suddenly the dwarf stopped, nearly causing Bilbo to stumble over him. He flung himself to the ground like a petulant child, his lower lip thrust out.  
  
"Go on, if you must. I'm just going to lie here and sleep and dream of food, if I can't get it any other way. I hope I never wake up again," he said, looking up to see if anyone was watching him.  
  
Several of the dwarves turned to glance at him, but they did nothing to persuade him to stand and continue on.  
  
~ They do want me to sleep and never wake up. ~ he thought morosely. ~ Cruel heartless things. To think I thought they were my friends when all along . . . . ~  
  
Suddenly Balin, who was someway ahead of the others called back to them.  
  
"What was that? I thought I saw a twinkle of lights in the forest."  
  
They all strained their eyes in the direction that Balin indicated and -yes! - a long way off in the trees they saw a red twinkling, and then as they watched more appeared, like someone lighting candles all in a row.  
  
They glanced at one another in excitement and hurried off down the path heedlessly.  
  
Bombur climbed to his feet, Bilbo kindly lending him a hand, and the two followed after.  
  
The light was in front of them to the left, and in the haste of their excitement they didn't even stop to wonder if perhaps it was trolls or goblins. It seemed that Bert, William, and Tom - the three trolls that had nearly eaten them - were forgotten. When at last they drew level with the glowing, they suddenly realized that the light was torches and fires beneath the trees, but it was some distance off the path.  
  
Bombur gasped as he pulled up beside them.  
  
"It looks as if my dreams were coming true," he sighed happily, barely resisting the urge to clap his hands. He started to leap forward, but Dori grabbed his sleeve.  
  
"A feast would be no good, if we never got back from it alive," Thorin said grimly.  
  
"And both Beorn and Gandalf told us to stay on the path. Not to stray from it at all," Oin piped in. He felt quite certain that there were orcs or goblins out there somewhere, just waiting for them to make one false move and then . . . . He shuddered and abruptly cut the thought off.  
  
"But without a feast we shan't remain alive much longer, anyway," Bombur insisted firmly. They owed him this feast. Yes, they did!  
  
Bilbo found himself nodding in agreement. They did need to eat and perhaps it wasn't that far off the path. Not that far at all really! And he just knew that the food would be splendid! Perhaps. . . . .  
  
"No!" Thorin said firmly, seeing the all too eager gleam in the others' eyes. "And you really have no say in this, Bombur, seeing as how you've slept through a great deal of this and can't even remember the rest. So be still." The son of Thrain II had a nasty feeling that he knew what those fires meant, and he was not ready - not quite yet - to beg food from the elves. He would have to be in a much more dire straight than he was to beg from that wicked elf king!  
  
"I think that Bombur is right. We need food, Thorin. We can't continue on like this," Bofur said, tugging slightly on his yellow hood. He was so very hungry that he was quite willing to face anything to get a bite of food!  
  
"I don't know," Bifur said. "Gandalf did say to stay on the path. Who knows what is out there." He did remember the trolls, and he didn't really relish being a prisoner and threatened to be squished into jelly again.  
  
"Well, I think that a quick death at the hands of a Goblin, Orc, or Troll would be preferable to this prolonged starvation."  
  
"But you heard Beorn -"  
  
"I'm hungry!"  
  
"But Gandalf said -"  
  
The arguments went on for some time getting louder and louder until finally someone suggested that they send a couple of spies to find out who had made the fires. Then they argued as to who should be sent, and for some reason the ones chosen always declined.  
  
"Bombur should go. This is mostly his fault anyway."  
  
"I will not go. I have been through quite enough already."  
  
"He'd eat all the food before we arrived. We can't send him."  
  
"Send Dori. He's the strongest. He can handle whatever is out there."  
  
"Oh, no, you don't. I won't do it. I am getting rather tired of being the strongest!"  
  
"Then perhaps none of us should go. We can't leave the path. Gandalf said - "  
  
"Yes, well, Gandalf isn't here, is he? He's probably sitting at a nice inn somewhere with a plate full of hot food and a glass of ale, smoking away as happy as ever, while we stand here and starve."  
  
"Since it is just like my dreams, we should go. There was such wondrous food. Let me tell you . . . ."  
  
In the end, they all went. No one could resist the temptation of what Bombur was telling them, not even Thorin if he were willing to admit it.  
  
~ I won't beg food from an Elf, ~ Thorin told himself sternly. ~ From a Troll, perhaps, but not an Elf. ~  
  
As they moved into the forest, Bilbo hesitated. Though his stomach told him to move forward quickly, he stood for a moment hesitantly remembering Gandalf's final words.  
  
"DON'T LEAVE THE PATH."  
  
Gandalf's last words to the little company seemed to leave no room for questioning them, but still . . . .  
  
"I am sorry, Gandalf. It would appear we have no choice," he whispered, wondering where the Wizard was and why he kept disappearing on them. He picked up one furry foot and moved off the path into the darkness beyond.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Earlier that evening as the clouds cleared away and streaks of gold and lavender colored the sky, Legolas, Tavor, and Brethil wandered into a clearing in the trees ringed with sawn tree trunks. The first of the night's celebrations would be held here, and the least formal. The grass was still a vibrant summer green, studded with tiny flowers. This was one of the many places filled with the magic of the Wood Elves. It was a peaceful place made for merriment and laughter, singing and eating. And there would be plenty of it all this night. Torches were fastened to the trees in preparation for the feast. Several Elves had already gathered here and were talking and laughing happily with one another. They were dressed in the comfortable browns and greens most of the Wood Elves favored. They turned to greet the prince and his friends. Brethil immediately moved to join a small group, and Legolas sent Tavor after him to keep him quiet.  
  
"Well, nin caun (my prince), where have you three been these past days?"  
  
Legolas turned to see Mirkwood's Master Archer standing behind him, arms folded over his chest, one silver brow held aloft.  
  
Long silver hair fell over the older elf's shoulders, his grey eyes sharp and bright as a hawk's. He missed nothing and Legolas felt a tremor of apprehension. Perhaps Tavor better come and keep *him* quiet!  
  
"Maer aduial, Master Tanglinna," he said, pressing his hand to his heart in greeting, casting his eyes downward as he struggled to keep his expression full of innocence.  
  
"Maer aduial, Prince Legolas. Where have you three been these past days?" Tanglinna was not one to be put off, and having seen the 'innocent' look far too many times in the past, had learned that it was more telling than any other expression that ever graced the prince's fair countenance.  
  
~ I knew that this wasn't going to be easy, ~ Legolas thought, wondering what to say that would satisfy the Master Archer.  
  
"We were just wandering about. We killed some spiders just east of Morn Nen. And . . . uh -. . . . Oh! Yes! We . . . we told Tavor about his falling into it once. Into Morn Nen that is! Do you remember that? You should have seen his face when we told him." Legolas laughed lightly. "He was not very pleased to learn of it. Of course he denied it at first, but then why would he remember it since . . . ."  
  
Tanglinna cleared his throat and arched one eyebrow.  
  
"You are trying very hard not to tell me something, aren't you, Prince Legolas?"  
  
Legolas swallowed and shook his head, shrugging his shoulders helplessly, and looking behind him to where Tavor and Brethil were standing a few feet away laughing and talking totally unaware of his great need for their help.  
  
"I see," Tanglinna said smoothly, a smile quirking his lips. "Perhaps you fell into Morn Nen this time and you have forgotten where you've been."  
  
"No. Well . . . ." Would Tanglinna believe him if he told him that? No, perhaps not. Legolas grimaced. Why hadn't he thought of that excuse before now?  
  
Tanglinna shook his head and grinned, slapping his prince on the arm, knowing quite well the inner torment the prince was in.  
  
"I'm sure it will all come out in time," he assured Thranduil's youngest son in a tone that was anything but reassuring. "For now though I have something to tell you."  
  
Relief swept through Legolas. He wasn't ready for a confrontation just yet. He needed time to think of a plausible story if questioned again about their activities of the past days. Then he had to tell this 'plausible story' to Tavor and Brethil, and knowing Brethil . . . . Legolas grimaced once more and shook his head. They were caught!  
  
Tanglinna, following his line of thought quite easily, felt laughter bubbling up inside.  
  
~You won't be so happy when I tell you what you have been instructed to do this night. ~ he thought merrily, taking the younger Elf's arm lightly and steering him across the clearing.  
  
"King Thranduil, your lord father, bids you join him for his feast in the Gelir Angol Dor (Merry Meeting Place). It is to be a much more formal affair than this one," Tanglinna told him waiting for the reaction that he was certain to get at this piece of news.  
  
At the word formal, Tanglinna noticed the widening of Legolas' eyes and the flicker of anxiety that passed through them. The archer forbade the laugh in his throat to emerge and continued.  
  
"I have brought your clothes with me. Some how your father knew you would probably be showing up here today. The king is good and wise."  
  
"What clothes?" Legolas asked in a small voice, fearing that he already knew the answer to that.  
  
"Ah, here they are."  
  
Legolas stifled a groan of dismay. He did not enjoy formal occasions, and he did not like the clothing that he was required to wear. His father, on the other hand, did enjoy the fussiness and formality and insisted that all his offspring bow to his whims and wishes.  
  
A long pale green silk robe was laid out on the grass, it's stiff silver collar encrusted with the white gems his father preferred; the flowing sleeves were gathered at the wrists where more gems sparkled; a silver belt, also studded with gems lay beside it; and to complete the outfit, fair pale green shoes and leggings embroidered with a tracery of silver threads also awaited him.  
  
"Tanglinna, I . . . ."  
  
The archer stopped him by lifting one slim hand.  
  
"Your father commands it, my prince," he said with a smirk.  
  
"But Tanglinna, I . . . ."  
  
"You had better dress, your father is expecting you."  
  
Legolas scowled and took off his weapons. Grumbling he stripped off his comfortable hunting leathers and pulled on the ridiculous flowing garments.  
  
He turned to see the grand amusement that sparkled in the Master Archer's eyes.  
  
"You look most, uh, beautiful, my prince," he choked out.  
  
"I look like a girl!" Legolas spat in disgust, waving his arms and watching the full sleeves billow out. "This is ridiculous. I think father just does this to torture me." He shook his head and turned to leave, still muttering under his breath.  
  
Tanglinna gathered up the weapons and discarded clothing, trotting after the younger elf.  
  
"You're not quite ready, my prince. One more thing is required."  
  
Legolas turned to look at him, hearing the too pleased tone in the other's voice.  
  
"What else could this outfit possibly require?"  
  
Tanglinna inclined his head toward a tree nearby. Hanging in its branches were delicate wreaths of small green leaves and berries trailing strands of white flowers.  
  
"For your hair," the Master Archer said, then turned and fled, his delighted laughter filling the cool evening air.  
  
TBC  
  
Jasta Elf - I'm glad you think this is fun. That is why I am writing it. You are right about Legolas being like his dear dad. But not exactly like him as you have seen in this chapter. And yes. Thranduil is demanding an appearance in this. Who am I to deny him??  
  
Ranger - Yes, Legolas can be testy and vengeful. But as you saw here he will never be able to top his father for getting even or having his own way. I'm glad that you like the joking about Tavor's falling into Morn Nen and then trying to remember it. I liked that one myself.  
  
Karina - I am fast! This one just keeps pouring out. Relief and fun I guess after much angst and pain in the last ones. The Dwarves were definitely bogus! They are not very nice. And things will get worse before it can get better.  
  
Indigo - I hope this new chapter cracked you up a bit, too. I will warn you that my other stories are very different, though there are moments of fun and joking. Thanks for wanting to read them though.  
  
seafoamgreen - I guess Dwarves' appreciation of music is different than everyone else's. I know I would be highly insulted though if someone heard me singing and thought I was an Orc!!  
  
Ithilien - I'm glad I am not the only one who had transitory problems going from the Hobbit to LOTR. They are such different books on many levels. I think Legolas' lighter side is often overlooked though it was there. And I enjoy making use of it. I am glad you enjoyed the pranks and jokes! Those three are fun to write!  
  
ziggy - chap. 2 - You honor me by saying that you think Master Tolkien would enjoy this. I certainly hope that he would. I loved it when you thanked me for keeping Legolas Elvish and not pathetically girlish. When I read the next section of the Hobbit last night to write this chapter and saw about the feasts and the descriptions of the Elves at the last party, I had to laugh out loud and think of what you had said. I like Legolas being Elvish and male so you can imagine the fun I had when Thranduil's silly "formal" party made him dress in a rather girly manner. Thanks for your wonderful, gushy review!!  
  
annakas - Thanks so much for all the reviews on my various fics. This one is very different from the others, but I see you found the fun in them as well: Vandal Root tea, red hankies and shovels. I appreciate your reading them. Thanks!  
  
Nancing Elf - Pay back is definitely a b*tch! And so much fun! This little apple didn't fall too far from the tree. They just have wardrobe issues. I have distance myself from my other fics to write this one. I can't look ahead to what happens, and sometimes I regret what happened, but now it is too late. So I live in the NOW! And this is so easy and fun to do. No angst! YAY!  
  
Nory - I'm glad you think this is wicked funny! Anyone who thinks this is funny is a Grand Wonderful Person in my book! Thanks so much!  
  
Silvarn - Thank you for the wonderful review. I appreciate it so much and it's good to get an Elf's point of view on my story! Even a relatively young one like you!  
  
Mari - My muse hears you loud and clear. You have definitely gotten its attention. It is dancing all about the living room singing and laughing. Telling me to type faster!! Thanks so much!!  
  
alliwantisanelfforchristmas - First, thanks for showing everyone such a marvelous time at Elu's recovery party. That is all they talk about. And yes, singing Orcs. I can't seem to escape him! I am really enjoying this one and love writing about Legolas, Tavor, and Brethil in a much happier time! And yes, they are planning their next visit to your house. And Brethil and Tavor want to know if they can come, too??  
  
Nimue - It makes me very happy that everyone is enjoying this one. I wasn't sure I could write something like this, so I really appreciate all these great, encouraging reviews. Thanks so much! I love their jokes, too!  
  
Nina - Yes, according to the Sindarin dictionary Anfang is the word for Dwarves. I didn't know that it was German for beginnings. Thanks for telling me! That is so cool!  
  
Aredhel - I'm very glad that you are enjoying this one so much and laughing happily with me. I definitely feel like a Hobbit in the midst of all this! Thanks, nin mellon!! 


	5. Chapter 5 - Roast Venison and Elf Maiden...

Response to Reviewers after this chapter.  
  
Chapter 5 - Roast Venison and Elf Maidens With Hair of Gold  
  
"Oh, great Valar! Do you see what I see?"  
  
Brethil turned at Tavor's words, taking a sip of wine from the silver goblet in his hand. When he saw what Tavor was pointing at, his face filled with such glee that the young elf gasped, choking on the wine.  
  
"I don't believe it," Tavor continued, laying aside the sweet bread he had been eating.  
  
Brethil straightened from his coughing fit and stared across the clearing in amazement and delight.  
  
"I will never let him forget this. Never," Tavor said, folding his arms across his chest.  
  
As Legolas stalked out of the trees a hush came over the assembled Elves. They were all aware of how much their youngest prince disliked dressing for his father's formal affairs and some of them even felt a certain sympathy for him. But the sight of him dressed in flowing pale green robes glittering with silver and fair jewels, a wreath of leaves, berries and flowers clenched in one fist, and a scowl as formidable as one of his father's was enough to send them into paroxysms of laughter.  
  
Legolas glared at them all, his blue eyes fiery bright and fierce.  
  
"I think we'd better push him into Morn Nen after this night. I am certain he will wish to forget it," Brethil laughed into Tavor's ear.  
  
His face red and burning with embarrassment and frustration, Legolas moved to join his two closest friends.  
  
"Do not say one word to me, either of you, or you will pay dearly."  
  
Brethil bit his lips, giggling helplessly and ended up clapping his hand over his mouth and turning away. But Tavor merely smirked and raised one fair eyebrow.  
  
"What one word would you not have me say? Truly, you look . . . stunning. I must say that I have never seen you looking better. In fact," he leaned back surveying the glowering prince, "if you don't mind, I think perhaps my sister would like to borrow that outfit sometime."  
  
Legolas bared his teeth and thrust the wreath at Tavor's chest.  
  
"Don't talk to me!" he hissed and turned away in a swirl of green silk and blonde hair.  
  
Brethil, gasping slightly, turned back to watch him go.  
  
"Uh, Legolas! You forgot your flowers!" he called, snatching the wreath from Tavor, whose eyes were sparkling brightly.  
  
"Come on, Brethil," he said, draining his goblet in one swallow. "We'd better go comfort our pouting princess."  
  
Brethil giggled again and, placing the wreath on his own head, followed at Tavor's heels.  
  
Legolas had seated himself on one of the sawn tree trunks and was staring moodily at the area in the center of the clearing. He turned his head away slightly as the two came to sit on either side of him.  
  
"Cheer up, Legolas. It could be worse," Tavor soothed, patting his friend's knee.  
  
Brethil started to laugh again, but a sharp look from his prince made him force his mirth down for the moment.  
  
"Yes, Legolas. Tavor is right. It could be worse." The younger elf felt the giggles coming on again. "But I don't know how." He burst out laughing once more, nearly toppling from his seat.  
  
"Ignore him, Legolas. You know how he gets. Really, it is quite a nice outfit. And it *could* indeed be worse. It could be, uh, pink."  
  
"Pink!" Brethil choked. "It should be blue though. To match your eyes."  
  
Tavor bit back the laughter that surfaced and turned a stern face to the young elf.  
  
"Go fetch him some wine, why don't you, Brethil. And give him back his wreath please."  
  
Brethil stood and then, bowing gracefully, handing Legolas the wreath. He grinned and rushed away.  
  
"Don't let him bother you, Legolas. You know how he is. Besides, it is a good color on you." Tavor commiserated, leaning back on the seat and staring at the sky. It was probably wise to change the subject. It wasn't prudent to tease the prince overmuch after all. He swallowed a bubble of mirth and turned to Legolas. "I saw Master Tanglinna speaking with you earlier. Does he suspect?"  
  
Legolas snorted, fingers caressing the berries and leaves. He could feel his bad mood dissipating slowly. He knew he looked ridiculous, and he also knew that he would have laughed at anyone else dressed this way, he probably would before the evening was over. He shrugged, smiling slightly.  
  
"Of course he does. He's like my father. They seem to know everything."  
  
Suddenly a fire leapt up in the center and the torches ignited one by one around the clearing. Cheers, singing, laughter, and clapping filled the glade. Tavor and Legolas stood, both smiling. No one could be upset in this merry atmosphere for too long. The first of the autumn feasts had begun!  
  
The Dwarves and Bilbo crawled on their hands and knees though the dead leaves and moss toward the clearing, which was glowing brightly in the night. The sound of laughter drifted to them and that of soft singing.  
  
"It's not Orcs and Goblins, is it?" Oin whispered fearfully, his eyes huge.  
  
"Of course not," Nori hissed. "Be still! And back up a bit. You're right on top of me!"  
  
Bombur crawled beside Bilbo, smiling happily.  
  
"Oh, Bilbo, do you suppose that they will have pork pie? I don't recall any in my dreams, but I suppose they might. Don't you think so?"  
  
"I'll take any kind of pie they care to give me," Bilbo said. "Though it smells like roast venison, and that is just as good!"  
  
"Quiet!" Thorin growled. "We are nearly there." He was feeling very out of sorts as his stomach was recommending that he indeed beg food from the elves, after all, what could it hurt?  
  
They crept to the edge of the glade, peering in at the festivities from behind the trees that ringed it.  
  
"Elves," Bilbo breathed and smiled at Bombur, who smiled back quite delightedly. "I knew it!"  
  
"I am glad that you were right, Bilbo." Bombur said quietly. He found he rather liked the Hobbit. He remembered that Bilbo hadn't made him carry his pack. Yes, he rather did like the Hobbit!  
  
The Dwarves stared hungrily into the clearing, and Thorin felt his stomach pinch with hunger.  
  
~Dratted Elves. I *won't* beg food from an Elf. ~  
  
But as the smell of roasting meat reached his nose he felt his resolve crumbling once more. The others glanced at him, their eyes pleading.  
  
"Accursed Elves!" he muttered.  
  
At that moment Brethil happened to turn, his gaze going to the trees just beyond the firelight. He gasped slightly.  
  
"Uh . . . Legolas? Tavor?"  
  
But the two were laughing and drinking the sweet berry wine, feeling quite happy and didn't hear him. They were admiring Legolas flowing sleeves and remarking how the jewels sparkled so fetchingly in the firelight.  
  
"Legolas? I think that . . . ."  
  
Suddenly thirteen Dwarves and one Hobbit scrambled from behind the trees into the clearing.  
  
"The Dwarves are here!" Brethil hissed, reaching out to grasp Legolas' arm.  
  
His two friends spun toward him, their eyes falling on the on the small rushing figures. Then they turned to look at one another with stricken faces. The huge fire suddenly shot upward like one of Gandalf's rockets into the night sky in a glimmer of sparks, and the torches puffed out one by one.  
  
Thorin and Company suddenly found themselves engulfed in total darkness.  
  
"What is happening?" Oin cried. "What is happening?!"  
  
They all scrambled frantically, falling over the tree trunk seats and fallen logs. Their feet became entangled in the growth of ivy and woodbine at the tree's edge.  
  
"Stop!" Thorin commanded them, hearing all the crashing and cries about him. "Stop!"  
  
But it was too late. They had run pell-mell back into the surrounding trees.  
  
"Stop! You must stop!"  
  
For some reason they didn't heed him, and the crashing in the underbrush continued.  
  
"Dratted Elves! This is all their fault!" And with that Thorin headed into the greater darkness.  
  
The second autumn feast was held in a larger clearing and more elves were in attendance. If possible this one was much merrier, laughter and song flowing into the night.  
  
Legolas, Tavor, and Brethil stood in a small knot, the only three unaffected by the spirit of mirth and lightness that prevailed this night amongst the Mirkwood Elves. They each held silver goblets, but the wine inside them was untouched.  
  
"I thought you said those Dwarves weren't following us!" Brethil said accusingly, his grey eyes dancing with apprehension.  
  
"They didn't follow us, Brethil. We are Wood Elves. No one follows us unless we want them to." Tavor stated sternly.  
  
"You are a part Noldor, Tavor! And Legolas is Sindar. I am the only Wood Elf! So it is yours and Legolas' fault! And what about that pack of wargs out by the western edge? They followed us easily enough, though you said . . . ."  
  
"The wargs were different, Brethil. They are much more intelligent than Dwarves." Tavor sniffed, feigning nonchalance though his heart raced and his eyes darted about the glade fearing to see Dwarves tumbling into this party. Things really didn't look very good. The king was bound to hear about this!  
  
"Be quiet! Both of you!" Legolas whispered. "Tanglinna is watching us."  
  
Brethil, of course, swung his head toward the Master Archer who was standing several feet away, his bright eyes on the three young Elves. Brethil smiled weakly at him and waved.  
  
"You are such a Troll, Brethil. I'm sure that he knows we are up to nothing at all now. Thank you so much."  
  
"What? I didn't do anything, Tavor." Brethil was feeling very put upon. It was hard to be the youngest of this trio at times; it seemed they were always blaming him for all of their trouble.  
  
"Just . . . don't look at him any more. Alright?" Legolas soothed, raising the goblet to his lips. "Why did the Dwarves leave the path? They hadn't up until now. I wonder what happened?"  
  
Tavor shrugged, his eyes sliding to Tanglinna, who continued to watch them. Had he perhaps moved slightly closer? He certainly appeared to be closer than he had been, but Tavor hadn't seen him move. He swallowed uncomfortably, gulping his wine down, eyes wide.  
  
"They probably heard the laughter and singing" Legolas said, an uneasy feeling filling him. What if they did manage to track them here? What if they managed to find his father's feast? He groaned slightly and gulped the rest of the wine down, feeling it buzz pleasantly in his head.  
  
"They probably smelled the food," Tavor speculated, his eyes still on the Master Archer, who appeared to be even closer now, but still Tavor hadn't seen him move even one muscle. "They were rather hungry, and rather obsessed with food. Especially that furry-footed one."  
  
"I told you we should have given them something to eat!" Brethil announced, looking at the two of them in exasperation. "If you had but listened to me . . . ."  
  
"Oh shut up, Brethil. There is nothing to be done about it now. Hopefully they got so frightened that they scampered back to the path and are fleeing down it this very moment." All the same, Legolas' eyes scanned the trees and the darkness beyond.  
  
It was sometime later that, after much wine and food, the three began to relax. There had been no sign of the dwarves. Perhaps all would be well. Tanglinna hadn't moved any closer either. Yes, all would be well.  
  
As Brethil was singing a merry tune his eyes chanced upon a movement in the trees. His voice faltered, and he gulped slightly.  
  
"Uh, Legolas? Tavor?"  
  
Thorin and Company had managed to gather themselves all together at last. They were very relieved that none were lost or badly hurt, though all were scraped and bruised.  
  
"What are we to do?" Bombur asked.  
  
"What is there to do?" Balin said. "We can't do anything in this darkness. We'll only get lost again. And none of us wants that."  
  
"Which way is the path?"  
  
"We should never have gone off the path."  
  
"Gandalf told us not to leave the path. Beorn warned us, didn't he?"  
  
"Maybe there is some food on the ground here. They left in such a hurry, surely they must have dropped something," Ori piped up. He dropped to his knees hands frantically searching the ground for any small scrape of sustenance. He was beginning to wonder how oak leaves would taste.  
  
"No, Ori! Get up. You will only become lost again." Thorin was now in charge once more and feeling somewhat relieved because of it. "Everyone must lie down where he is and not move until it is his watch or morning comes. Dori, you may take the first watch. Alert us if anything happens."  
  
Everyone reluctantly obeyed, their stomachs aching with hunger made much worse by having smelled food earlier.  
  
"Did you see that beautiful elf maiden dressed all in sparkly green, holding a wreath of flowers? Her hair was like spun gold," Gloin said quietly. "I never knew elves could be so beautiful."  
  
"Don't tell me that you are falling for an Elf, Gloin?" Fili giggled.  
  
"Don't be ridiculous!" Gloin pouted. "I merely commented that she was quite beautiful. Hmph! A dwarf falling in love with an elf. How ridiculous! Though it might be wondrous just to have a lock of her hair," he whispered softly to himself.  
  
"Roast venison," Bombur said quietly. "That is what I smelled.  
  
"Yes. It did smell very good, didn't it?" Nori agreed, rubbing his stomach.  
  
"What else do you suppose they had?" Bifur called softly.  
  
"All sorts of things, I am sure. What do elves eat anyway?"  
  
"I am certain that I do not know, nor do I care," Thorin said sternly. "But if you don't all shut up right now, I will eat every last one of you!"  
  
"He's just grumpy because he is hungry."  
  
"Be quiet!!"  
  
The dwarves had just settled into silence and drowsiness was stealing upon them - it had been a very eventful day after all - when Dori whispered loudly, "The lights are coming out again over there, and there are more than ever of them."  
  
They all leapt immediately to their feet and, sure enough, there were lights twinkling like fallen stars, and voices and laughter.  
  
"Oh! Another party! Let's go!"  
  
"No rushing forward this time! No one is to stir from hiding till I say," Thorin ordered sharply as they crept forward together, each touching the back of the one in front of him so as not to loose their way. "I shall send Mr. Baggins alone first to talk to them."  
  
Bilbo squeaked and stumbled.  
  
"They won't be frightened of him and anyway, I hope they won't do anything nasty to him."  
  
Bilbo was shaking slightly, his fingers toying with his magic ring that rested in his pocket.  
  
~ Yes. Why would they be frightened of me? But what about me of them? ~ For all that the elves looked so lovely and happy, Bilbo feared they might just transform before his eyes into fierce, bright-eyed warriors with sharp weapons glinting in the torch light. These weren't like the Rivendell elves, after all.  
  
They peered cautiously into the glade, Gloin's eyes searching for his elf maiden.  
  
~ Ah, there she is! ~ he thought dreamily, his eyes resting fondly on Legolas. ~ You are a glorious creature. I have seen none fairer. ~  
  
Thorin nodded and the dwarves suddenly pushed Bilbo from behind. Before he could slip his ring onto his finger, he stumbled forward, caught by surprise by the grand thrust from behind. Out went the lights again, and complete darkness fell.  
  
Responses:  
  
Nancing Elf - What can I say? I am dancing and writing as fast as I can here! You know I couldn't resist dolling him up especially when I read the descriptions of Thran's party in the Hobbit. Too fun to pass by! So, did you get enough to eat yesterday as you were raiding your cupboards? Maybe Boromir and Aragorn can run to the store for you. They did for alliwantisanelfforchristmas. Writing about all that food makes me hungry, too! Excuse me! (runs to kitchen an searches all of her cupboards, but they are mostly empty. Dratted Dwarves must have come in last night! Note: Send Boromir and Aragorn to the store!!)  
  
Ranger - What do you mean I really did girly little Legolas up? I don't remember doing that. And why is there a large wet puddle on my floor? Oh, well. I think you are right. Tanglinna likes discomfort in the young Elves and the fireworks ahead ought to give him a good laugh. And you may be right about shared ancestry between Dwarves and Hobbits. They are both short and like food. Though I guess some of us like food a lot, too (looks at Nancing Elf.) As far as shifting gears, my stories are light years apart in tone as well. And I am glad that my gears haven't stuck yet!  
  
JastaElf - I like cuddly Bombur, too. And I think you are right that the others do seem to pick on him. I guess they need a scapegoat and he is it. Poor baby! And yes, we parents love to torture our children! Why go through the pain of delivery if we can't get back at them even a little?? Legolas does look so adorable in his green robes and floral wreath. I'll send him over so you can see him, though I warn you he will be cranky about it!  
  
Ithilien - Tavor and Brethil loved it! Of course! He is too precious in his froufrou outfit! Bilbo is not always ruled by his stomach, though in the end it won out - this time. I suppose we all get that way. And everyone seems to have a soft spot for poor old Bombur. He really is a sweet little guy! And I'm sure the spiders think so, too!!  
  
Katharine the Great - I loved your little scenelet! But instead of a Dwarf complimenting Thran on his fair and radiant daughter, I have a certain Dwarf falling for said fair and radiant daughter. Who better than Gloin!! It seems to run in the family!!  
  
Lakergurl13 - I'm glad that you loved Legolas' costume! I don't know how many chapters this will be. I told my hubby "Oh, this one is short. Probably 5 chapters." Oops! This is the 5th chapter! Oh, well. I don't know. We shall see.  
  
Irena - Poor Legolas! Everyone seems to be enjoying his discomfort so much! Poor baby! (giggles evilly) Ain't it grand!  
  
annakas - Male Elves in robes are definitely sexy! But the flowers put it way over the top. But you can thank Master Tolkien for that one! He wrote the flowers in the hair, not me! This one is very different from my others and I'm glad that you've read them. I'm afraid to ask - how was your meeting?? And well.it sounds like you had started on the Vandal Root Tea before you wrote the review. Did Elrond himself make it for you? Or, since it seemed rather strong, was it perhaps Elu? Thought I don't think he would look as good in a silk robe as Elrond. Or was it Glory with his slippy shovel?? And yes, the stars are bright today!  
  
Karina - My Most Excellent Friend! You are too right! Thran is wicked! I bet he gets such a kick out of dressing up his little son because he knows it drives him crazy! "Legolas the Sparkly Green" Love it!! I, too, feel sorry for the Dwarves and poor Bilbo. I'm quite cranky when I am hungry! And well, you know Brethil and Tavor. Hehehe  
  
elven waves - Any helpful comments are welcome! I'm glad you are enjoying this little jaunt we are taking through Mirkwood. More fun ahead. I promise!  
  
Teri-Teri - Sounds like Leggy gave you a rather hard time last night! Tell him to mind his manners or you'll tell his father! That should stop him dead in his tracks! And he does look very pretty!  
  
LOTR lover - Legolas and Co. and Thorin and Co. are both in for some trouble with the formidable Thranduil of Mirkwood. And I love this particular weaving I am doing right much and glad you like it, too!  
  
Mari - My muse said to tell you HI! It loves all these reviews dearly! Thanks for saying that this is funny. It is something I wonder about as you all probably know. Comedy is not my strong suit! And I will see what twists I can come up with!!  
  
alliwantisanelfforchristmas - Legolas is feeling somewhat sorry for himself right now. But he'll get over it. So since you wondered how the dwarves would react to Leggy in his outfit, how did you like poor old confused Gloin! Poor thing! Better not tell his son about that one! And don't worry. No one will be seriously hurt in this one! It's not that kind of story this time around. And, uh, what exactly are you not trying to tell me?? Incident?? What did those bad boys do at your house??!! Or was it YOU??!!  
  
phoenixfeather - It's wonderful to tease, isn't it!! You have a guy friend who wears a kimono??!! Guess what. I gave my husband a Japanese robe that looks like a kimono and he looks right fine in it!!  
  
Horus - The pipe is coming. Though it is taking a while to get there. Be patient, nin mellon. All good things come in time!!  
  
t - I'm glad that you're enjoying this more and more. I am writing as fast as I can!  
  
ziggy - Of course Leggy was disgusted. I know the men in my life would react to being forced to wear that particular outfit!! And yes, Thran loves his sparkly things! I am sure that the Emeralds of Girion are quite tasteful, though I confess that I like less tasteful sparkly things myself. I like Brethil myself (ducks as all the readers of her other fics start swinging shovels at her). He is so much fun to write. (author apologizes to all the readers of her other fics for what she did and runs off sobbing) 


	6. Chapter 6 - The Last Bash

You are all invited to attend the party of Thranduil King of Mirkwood - please wear something sparkly! Oh! And don't forget the flowers!  
  
Chapter 6 - The Last Bash  
  
King Thranduil of Mirkwood Forest gazed serenely over his people feeling a swell of love and pride. Beautiful faces shone with joy and mirth, long hair twined with flowers gleamed in the fire light; slender bodies were wrapped in flowing garments of green, silver, and white with green and white gems flashing at throats and slim waists. It was a magnificent gathering and their king was the most magnificent of them all.  
  
Wood Elves were not the wicked folk that Thorin thought them to be. It was true that they distrusted strangers and were wary, often melting into the trees and vanishing from mortal sight. They weren't like their more refined cousins, the High Elves of the West. They were more dangerous and less wise. Most of the Wood Elves were descended from those elves that had never seen the light of the Two Trees, feeling perfectly content to live in the twilight world of Middle Earth beneath the Sun and the Moon, the stars bringing them the greatest joy. They lived amongst the trees of the forest, sometimes venturing forth to hunt on horseback, or ride where the stars were unhindered by leafy boughs. They were different from the elves that Bilbo had encountered so far, but they were still elves, and that is "Good People."  
  
Their present and greatest King stood tall and straight in his long, dark green robes embroidered with silver oak and golden beech leaves. Glowing white gems and sparkling emeralds gleamed and flashed at his pale throat, his slender wrists, and on the sliver belt at his slim waist. Atop his long golden locks that waved down his back to his narrow waist was a crown of oak and beech leaves worked in gold and silver and enameled in green. Small gems flashed as he turned his head, rivaling the stars themselves. At his side stood his two eldest sons, looking nearly as wonderful as their father, one dressed in silver and one in white, the green gems glittering like green stars, wreaths that matched their youngest brother's graced their long fair locks.  
  
Thranduil smiled at them fondly and they smiled back. He felt a thrill of complacent satisfaction. They did not enjoy dressing for these occasions, but they knew they had no choice. It irritated them greatly to comply with his wishes, but comply they did. And Legolas, well . . . .  
  
"It is too bad that Laerlend isn't here," Thranduil murmured, thinking about his youngest child and only daughter. "She enjoys dressing up. Where is your brother?" he asked loudly, his eyes scanning the clearing, as he abruptly changed the subject. "Why is he not here? I told Tanglinna to fetch him."  
  
"He is probably still being coaxed into his clothes." Aralith said quietly with an amused glance at his brother.  
  
"He is probably trying to figure out how to get out of dressing," Celebross replied wryly, resisting the urge to yank at his tight glittering collar.  
  
"He'll just tell father that he can't wear it because it makes him itch," Aralith murmured in an undertone.  
  
"Hmph. That only ever worked for him. I always got in trouble if I said that; even when it was true."  
  
Thranduil suppressed a smile as their quiet, and they supposed private, words reached him.  
  
~And for you Celebross it was always too tight and you couldn't breathe. For you Aralith it was always too loose or long, and was going to fall off you or trip you. Ah, yes. I know all your little tricks, nin ionnath (my sons); just as my father knew mine. ~  
  
But where was Legolas?  
  
There was a stirring on the other side of the clearing and the tinkle of feminine laughter. Thranduil knew that his youngest had arrived; he never failed to make an entrance whether he meant to or not. He thought his son looked very fine that evening, and he smiled in approval. But the smile soon turned to a frown of foreboding. He saw Legolas look up at him, blue eyes filled with sudden trepidation, then look to Tanglinna who strode at his side, smirking slightly.  
  
~What have you done now, Little Greenleaf?~ Thranduil thought wearily, resisting the urge to raise one hand to his brow and shake his head. ~ If they've let black squirrels loose in the palace again, I'll . . . .~  
  
"Someone looks very guilty," Aralith said in a singsong voice, his lips twisted in wry amusement.  
  
"Hmph. There are Tavor and Brethil," Celebross commented. "I wonder what those three have done now. We'd better check the wine before we drink it. Do you remember when they put water from Morn Nen into the wine we sent to Lord Elrond? I think father even enjoyed that one. Father is not hard enough on him." He shook his silvery head wondering why Legolas seemed to get away with more than he ever had.  
  
Across the clearing Tanglinna bowed toward Thranduil and slapped Legolas' back.  
  
"You may have managed to avoid telling me what you know of those dwarves, sweet princeling, but I doubt that you can avoid telling your lord father, our great King. Though it will be a great amusement for me to watch you try," Tanglinna moved away, still smiling though he hadn't been particularly amused when he had not managed to wrest anything from the three younger elves. Now he merely shrugged and prepared to watch his king at work.  
  
Thranduil watched as Legolas glanced hastily at Tavor and Brethil for support, and from the gestures, looks, and hurried comments that flew between the three he knew that something had happened. He shook his head with amusement and slight annoyance as Celebross and Aralith exchanged disgusted glances.  
  
"You have to go to him, Legolas. You can't just - ignore - your father," Tavor said, his usually perfect composure slipping slightly.  
  
"I wasn't going to ignore him, Tavor. Just . . . just avoid him. There is a difference, you know."  
  
"No, there's not. Not to your father. To him they are one and the same," Tavor continued, wondering if what he was beginning to feel was panic.  
  
"He's staring at us!" Brethil squeaked. "He knows! Ai, Valar! He knows!"  
  
"Be quiet, Brethil. He doesn't know. He can't." ~ Can he? ~ Tavor thought desperately, sweat beaded his brow and his heart raced. ~ Is this going to kill me?~ he wondered with distress.  
  
Not only Thranduil was staring at them. Several Elves had turned to them as well, many of them elf maidens whose admiring stares were fixed on Legolas.  
  
Suddenly Tavor's usual humor tried to resurface. One must always try to impress the maidens, after all.  
  
"Mayhap *we* should have worn sparkly green clothes, Brethil."  
  
"What are you talking about, Tavor?" Legolas growled in exasperation. Surely now was not the time to discuss his outfit yet again. Enough had been said earlier. But then he became aware of the twitters and flutterings around him. He turned to see the maidens staring unabashedly at him, looking as though they wanted to devour him. He choked slightly and glanced at his father, whose eyebrows were raised in question. He looked to the maidens and felt a blush rising to his cheeks. He turned once more and, having made his choice, rushed toward his father.  
  
King Thranduil watched as his son approached, enjoying his discomfort as the eyes of the elven people followed their young prince with amusement and admiration.  
  
"He certainly knows how to draw attention to himself," Aralith said to Celebross.  
  
"Aye, he has always been able to do that," Thranduil's eldest answered, but the brothers laughed lightly, knowing that the attention was seldom wanted.  
  
"You don't need the attention, Celebross. You are happily wed. I, on the other hand, am not."  
  
"Give it time, tithen gwador (little brother). She is out there somewhere," Celebross smiled.  
  
Legolas bowed to his father, hoping to keep his feelings of unease from his face. Brethil's words, "He knows! Ai, Valar! He knows," kept running through his brain.  
  
~He can't know. There is no way he can know. He doesn't know!~  
  
Thranduil held out his arms and embraced his youngest son. For a moment he could feel the rapidly beating heart before he released him. He held him out at arms length and studied him. He made a slight adjustment to the wreath on his head, straightened some of the flowers that didn't lay just so, then smiled.  
  
Legolas felt a flicker of relief. Perhaps he didn't know. He wouldn't be smiling if he knew. How silly, of course he didn't know.  
  
But then the smile turned to a frown.  
  
"Little Greenleaf, what have you done now?"  
  
Legolas' eyes widened in sudden panic, and he glanced at his brothers who both stared calmly at him, eyes shining with wicked glee beneath cocked eyebrows.  
  
"I . . .I . . . ." he gasped, turning to look for Tavor and Brethil. He could not stand before his father alone and hope to keep his composure intact. But his friends were nowhere to be seen. "Father, I . . . I don't know anything about those dwarves. I swear . . . ."  
  
"Dwarves? What dwarves? What are you speaking of?"  
  
Legolas stared up at him in amazement and confusion.  
  
"What are *you* speaking of?" he blurted out, hoping to recover.  
  
"You have torn your sleeve," Thranduil said, his eyes moving to the tear on one flowing butterfly gossamer sleeve. "Why is it that your sister is the only one that knows how to treat nice clothing?"  
  
Relief washed anew, and Legolas held up his arm noticing the rip in the delicate fabric for the first time.  
  
"Oh! I . . . I don't know how that happened. I am so sorry. I'll go fix it . . . right now!"  
  
He turned hastily thinking he could flee safely away and perhaps be rid of these clothing in the bargain, but Thranduil's hand landed on one shoulder.  
  
"What were you saying about Dwarves, little Greenleaf?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Bilbo!"  
  
"Bilbo Baggins!  
  
"Hobbit! Where are you?"  
  
"You dratted hobbit!"  
  
"Hi! Hobbit, confusticate you, where are you?"  
  
Bilbo Baggins the hobbit was missing.  
  
The dwarves had a much more difficult time getting themselves back together after the fires had gone out on them once again. With much stumbling and calling, and grabbing things in the dark they finally managed to find one another, everyone that is, except for the hobbit. They called cajolingly and threateningly, but nothing worked. There was not a sound in the forest, but the echo of their own voices, not even the sound of elvish laughter, and Thorin felt certain that the elves were laughing at them.  
  
"Where could he be?"  
  
"You don't suppose the elves took him?"  
  
"Why would the elves take him, Oin?"  
  
"If they didn't take him, then where is he?"  
  
"I don't know . . . .Ouch! Get off my foot!"  
  
"We'll never find him. Poor Bilbo. Lost in Mirkwood forever."  
  
"Oh, do be quiet, Bombur."  
  
"We never will find him in this dark. Dratted Elves. This is entirely their fault. They will pay for making us lose our Burglar," Thorin muttered darkly.  
  
"Oof!" Dori fell heavily to the ground. "What? Hey, it's Bilbo!"  
  
He had indeed stumbled over the hobbit in the dark, thinking at first that he was a fallen log.  
  
"He's asleep!" Dori exclaimed, kneeling beside Bilbo and shaking him gently. "I can't get him to wake up!"  
  
The Dwarves homed in on Dori's voice and gathered around poking and prodding the Hobbit, trying to awaken him.  
  
"I was having such a lovely dream," the hobbit grumbled as he blinked his eyes and yawned. "I was having a most gorgeous dinner."  
  
"Good heavens! He sounds like Bombur." Dwalin exclaimed.  
  
"We're not anywhere near that black stream, are we?" Oin squeaked, expecting the eerie laughter and singing to begin at any moment now.  
  
"Be quiet, Oin. You are really starting to irritate me."  
  
"That's alright, Oin," Gloin said quietly, patting the other's shoulder, or he thought it was Oin's shoulder. "Did you by any chance see the elven maiden I spoke of earlier?"  
  
"I think Gloin is the one dreaming," Kili giggled.  
  
"Tell us what you dreamed, Bilbo," Bombur prompted eagerly.  
  
"Don't tell us about dreams," Thorin said hastily. "Dream-dinners aren't any good, and we can't share them."  
  
"They are the best I am likely to get in this beastly place." Bilbo muttered, as the dwarves lay down for the night once again. The hobbit grumbled to himself and tried to get comfortable on the ground and find his dreams once more. "Roasted venison, hot bread and butter, crisp apples."  
  
It was much later that night when Kili roused them.  
  
"There is light blazing far away. It is a though a hundred torches lit up magically all at once. And listen! They are singing! And there is harp music!"  
  
At first no one moved, they merely lay where they were listening to the enchanting music that softly floated on the cool night air.  
  
"Are we going to try again?" Oin asked, hoping that they weren't. It was much safer to just stay here in the calm darkness, all together.  
  
"Well, I don't know if we should. Look at what has happened already. This time we might loose everyone," Bofur said wisely.  
  
"Don't be ridiculous. It must be near morning. Isn't it?" Bifur said, gazing at the stars overhead.  
  
In the end it was decided that three was the charm and they got up and crept into the trees once more.  
  
~ This cannot be happening, ~ Bilbo thought as he trudged behind the others. ~ They will not be pushing me into the middle of it this time. Though the dream was rather nice. Even if these aren't Rivendell elves, I am sure they are quite nice enough. They do sing lovely songs. ~  
  
They huddled behind the trees and stared into this glade. This feast was much grander and much more magnificent than the others had been, and they stared in wonder at what they saw. The dwarves stared at the food and sighed happily. Gloin stared at his elven maid and sighed happily. They would never see anything like it again.  
  
Responses to Reviewers  
  
Ranger - I think long golden hair is definitely a fetish for that particular family of Dwarves. Well, Papa Thranduil's going to find it out pretty soon and I don't think he'll be amused. I would love to hear about your snipe hunting! Sounds like you've had some adventures of your own! I'm glad you're enjoying my lighthearted tale. Sobbed my eyes out on the last part of my last fic and needed something silly. And this is it!  
  
Horus - Don't worry! Leggy will get his regular Wood Elf duds back. Just not until Papa's party is over. And besides Gloin seems to like his outfit, not to mention some Elf maidens and - er - human maidens and maids!!  
  
JastaElf - Well, of course I chose Gloin on purpose. I was running through the Dwarves to pick one (No, his name didn't just surface like magic. Darn, I'm not that with it!) and of course (talking out loud to myself) when I got to Gloin then the light bulb finally went on. It was "Wow! How obvious!" And thanks for the story idea! You may see that one at some point with credit going to you! I am enjoying writing those three young Elves very much. 'Tis great fun! Male Elves are very sexy in their robes and yes, Thranduil could carry off anything he felt like. He is very not a wimp! He's strong enough to whip Nazgul butt - I hope!  
  
Karina - Parents can do cruel things to their children in regard to wardrobe sometimes. Especially to the little ones! I remember one outfit that I had my then 2-year-old son wear for a professional portrait. Very cute knickers, knee socks, dress shirt and shoes, and a vest. He was adorable. Very Victorian. But - oh man - if I tried to get the now 8-year- old to wear that - well, you can imagine! But there was no pink. As you saw Leggy's brothers were dressed in basically the same way. It's definitely a family affair! And if Leggy gets pushed into Morn Nen I will call you to help! Though he won't remember it! 'Tis ironic that Gloin's got a thing for a beautiful golden haired Elf. Gimli didn't fall far from his family tree either.  
  
annakas - I'm glad that Elrond made your tea. And I guess you were lucky no one noticed that you were in Snoozeville at your meeting. Yep. Poor Legolas! Poor Gloin! What will they do??!!  
  
Indigo - I don't think Gloin will be too surprised when his son returns with some golden Elf hairs and a grand infatuation with an Elf he can't have. I'm glad that you love Brethil. He's a pretty cool Elf. And I can now guess what you are like!  
  
phoenixfeather - I'm glad that you're laughing! Don't worry about my being a rabid fangirl. I take shots for it so I should be okay! But I really couldn't resist one of the Dwarves falling for Leggy and who better than Gimli's dad!  
  
Silvarn - I do enjoy picking on the poor Elf. It makes me laugh! I was thinking that perhaps you should dress one of your brothers in Arwen's dresses next time. That should be interesting! Most dresses aren't that comfortable. We just look good in them and sometimes that is enough. But not always!  
  
IceAngel - Chapter 4 - Good luck on your exams! Gosh, such compliments! You make me blush! Analyze away, nin mellon! My beginning with Bilbo telling Frodo a story did sound a lot like what I did in "Have Hope." though it wasn't intention. That's just the way I work, I guess. And I am thrilled and delighted that I've written your best review! Wow!  
  
Lakergurl13 - Nope. Leggy's not had a great few days and unfortunately for him the fun is not over just yet! More mishaps and hilarity to come.  
  
Crawler - There is not much that is more beautiful than Legolas in his dress robes. That is too true! And I hope that you don't forget this story. Or my Orc is coming after your Orc! And mine is definitely not wimpy!  
  
t - Yep. Leggy is the cutest thing there is! And fathers and sons do have the same tendencies it seems. I'm not sure how much Gloin would remember or be willing to confess to. That could be embarrassing! Hehehe!  
  
Tamsin FlameArrow - Sorry to make you splatter your Sprite. I have learned not to drink anything when I read something funny. It does tend to make a great mess of things! Hope your computer wasn't too upset by the impromptu bath.  
  
flame - Brethil does rather get the short end of the stick at times, though he seems to enjoy himself pretty much. I'm glad you like cute little Frodo. He is such a darling! And so well behaved!  
  
Nancing Elf - We definitely do know that Elves can be so beautiful! We do indeed! And now a certain Dwarf knows it, too. Poor Gloin, what's he going to do?? I love it that you guys are laughing at this, since my husband insists that I am not a funny person. It makes me want to laugh and dance with all these nice reviews for my humor! So thank you for screaming with laughter, nin mellon!  
  
Erin 21 - I'm glad that you like this! Yes, poor Legolas! He doesn't get any breaks! And, yes, Legolas and Bilbo will meet. Soon I think.  
  
Irena - I'm thrilled that you like this light and fun story and that you're enjoying Legolas, Tavor, and Brethil's adventures and mishaps. As for following the Hobbit so closely, that sweet little book is always open and the pages are laying flat at this point! I, too am enjoying this immensely and am quite gratified that you are, too! 


	7. Chapter 7 - Spiders and a Shrieking Blon...

Chapter 7 - Spiders and a Shrieking Beast with Blonde Hair  
  
There were many things that could have flickered through Legolas' brain at that moment when his father's warm hand came to rest on his shoulder. He could have remembered the time that he, Tavor, and Brethil had brought home a baby spider thinking it would make a very fine pet some day; or the time they had set off one of Mithrandir's fireworks inside the palace; or loosed about twenty black squirrels in the throne room for Thranduil's birthday because, they swore, they had taught them a very nice trick 'specially for the King; or the wine bottles sent to Lord Elrond laced liberally with water from Morn Nen, but that had been an accident. Or any of the dozens of things they had gotten themselves into over the years. Usually Thranduil had found their escapades somewhat amusing, especially the enchanted wine, but this one was somewhat different than those rather harmless incidents. This one involved Dwarves after all.  
  
"Dwarves?" He managed to say at last, his eyes wide with feigned innocence. "I don't think I said anything about dwarves, adar. You . . . you must be. . . uh . . . mistaken." The last word was a whisper, barely croaked out passed the tightening in his throat.  
  
Aralith couldn't stop the snicker from passing his own lips. He cleared his throat to cover it, but Thranduil hadn't heard.  
  
"I must be what?" he said to his youngest son quietly. "I don't believe that I heard you correctly."  
  
Legolas swallowed, knowing that his words could not have been more poorly chosen. The king did not make mistakes.  
  
~ Where are Tavor and Brethil? ~ he thought feeling panic rising. ~ How could they leave me alone now! ~  
  
"Look at me, little Greenleaf, and tell me what you said."  
  
Legolas lifted his eyes to his formidable father. The dark sapphire eyes weren't sparkling with amusement now. He glanced at his brothers and saw enjoyment on their faces. He scowled at them, wishing they were the ones standing in his place for a change. Thranduil was never as hard on them as he was on his youngest son.  
  
Tanglinna, who had moved closer to them, positioning himself so he could see both Thranduil's and Legolas' faces, grinned widely. At that moment they looked very similar. This was going to be rather fun!  
  
Suddenly two dwarves burst into the clearing, dancing and jigging about. The elves burst into peals of melodious laughter. Legolas turned, fearing that once again the Dwarves had found them. But then he realized what it was and he nearly fell to his knees in relief.  
  
"Are these your dwarves?" Thranduil asked with a smile.  
  
His son merely nodded, knowing he had no voice at that moment to speak. A wide grin spread across his face as he watched Tavor and Brethil caper about the clearing, singing in gruff voices about stone and axes, long strings of moss and flowering vines dangling from their hair and chins. It seemed that Dwarves had indeed invaded their festivities again.  
  
Celebross and Aralith shook their heads, but then they noticed the odd look on Tanglinna's face. They grinned at one another and wondered when the real truth would come out.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"What do those Elves think they are doing?" Ori asked.  
  
"I think they are making fun of us," Dori said, feeling his beard bristle with anger.  
  
"Why would they do that?" Bifur wondered.  
  
"I don't know, but it is not very nice of them," Bofur countered, his fists clenching.  
  
"Elves aren't very nice."  
  
"But look at the beautiful maiden! She is smiling. Have you ever seen anything so radiant, so . . . ."  
  
"Shut up, Gloin!" several voices hissed.  
  
Bilbo didn't say anything as he found it rather amusing himself. He was glad of the dark so they wouldn't see his smile.  
  
~ Silly dwarves. They take themselves much too seriously, ~ he thought, stifling a giggle when the two "dwarves" ran into one another and fell to the ground, kicking their feet in the air.  
  
The other elves laughed and applauded, raising their goblets in appreciation to the Dwarf Dance performed by Legolas' two friends.  
  
Tavor and Brethil stood and bowed gracefully. They looked to Legolas who smiled at them, applauding loudest of all. They grinned through the moss and vines on their faces.  
  
Thranduil laughed and reached for a wine goblet. He raised it in a toast.  
  
"To the dwarves. We thank you for livening our party. You are welcome to come anytime you wish."  
  
The elves raised their goblets.  
  
"To the dwarves!"  
  
Tanglinna handed a goblet to Legolas, his silvery eyes boring into the young prince.  
  
"To the dwarves," he said. He had to hand it to the three of them, they had managed to avoid telling the king as well. He shook his head. "I only hope nothing more comes of this," he muttered softly, knowing how displeased Thranduil would be if his party was interrupted by the real dwarves.  
  
Behind the ring of trees the real dwarves looked to Thorin.  
  
"You heard them," he growled. "We are welcome anytime we wish."  
  
And with that Thorin Oakenshield stepped into the clearing.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
~ Oh, no! ~ Bilbo thought. ~ Here we go again! ~  
  
Silence descended on the clearing, the laughter cut off instantly and Bilbo had barely registered the shock and surprise on the fair Elven faces when all the fires leapt up in thick, black choking smoke, ashes and cinders flying into the sky.  
  
Bilbo found himself running about, just why he wasn't certain, calling to the dwarves. All about him was the sound of people he could not see or feel also calling the dwarves' names and occasionally his own. But soon the cries of the others came from farther and farther away and to him it seemed that the yells and cries changed to ones of fear.  
  
"Help! Help!"  
  
"Oh, no! What is that?!"  
  
"Help!"  
  
And then, even more frightening, the noises died away all together, leaving the hobbit alone in the complete silence and darkness.  
  
"What am I to do now?" he said aloud, though the sound of his voice seemed so loud that it echoed from the trees. He thought of running after them, but knew that he would only become more confused and lost than he was already.  
  
~ This is no good! ~ he thought. ~ What is the point of running about when I can't see anything. Bothersome dwarves! What have they gotten themselves into now? Where have they gone? Did the Elves take them? Confusticate them! Whatever that means. ~  
  
He settled down against a tree with his legs stretched before him. His thoughts turned to his home, which had never seemed so far away.  
  
~ What wouldn't I give to be in my comfortable hole right now, sitting by the fire with a full pipe; the kettle singing; and a tray piled with food. ~  
  
Since it was nearing breakfast, the morning food litany began.  
  
"Bacon and eggs; toast and butter . . . "  
  
It was then that he felt something touch him. It felt like a long sticky string against his left hand and when he tried to move he found his legs were wrapped in the same sticky substance, so that when he managed to get to his feet he promptly fell over.  
  
"What is going on?!" he gasped in surprise.  
  
He heard a noise behind him and rolled around to see who or what was coming toward him. Was it the dwarves? Or had the elves finally decided to do something about the intruders?  
  
"Good heavens!" he exclaimed.  
  
Coming toward him was a spider, not like the little ones that lived in the corners of his own home or on the top of the great oak here in Mirkwood, but a very large one. He could see its many eyes glowing and feel the long hairy legs as it wrapped its sticky threads round and round him.  
  
He beat at the creature with his hands, quite disgusted, while it darted at him, trying to poison him wishing to keep him still as it went about it business of wrapping him up.  
  
Suddenly, as Bilbo felt something dig into his hip as he rolled onto his side, he remembered his little sword and he quickly drew it.  
  
The spider, upon hearing the ring of steel, jumped back. It was a young spider and though it had never had a personal encounter with any of the glowing beings that lived in this wood that slew its kind, he had been warned. But this little bit of a thing didn't glow.  
  
As it hesitated, Bilbo sliced his legs free and rushed toward it striking it in the eyes.  
  
The spider shrieked with pain and fury, dancing and leaping about, flinging its long legs, until Bilbo felled it with another sure stroke. Then the hobbit fell to the ground and remembered no more for quite some time. He had fainted dead away.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
It was daylight when he awoke, the usual dim filtered light that he was getting used to filled the space beneath the trees. The spider lay dead beside him and his elven dagger was black with its blood. A great swell of pride and fierceness filled him. Mr. Bilbo Baggins of Hobbiton in the Shire had killed a Giant Spider of Mirkwood all by himself! He had no help from Wizards, Dwarves or Wood Elves. Nor anyone else. He was a different person than the one running about in confusion the night before. He wiped his sword on the grass and slid it into the sheath with a satisfying snick.  
  
"I will give you a name," he said to it, his hand caressing the hilt. "I shall call you Sting."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"It looks as though there were more than two dwarves in attendance this evening, princeling," a voice whispered in Legolas' ear. He turned to see the Master Archer staring at him, one eyebrow cocked, arms folded over his chest.  
  
"Yes, little Greenleaf. Is there something you need to tell me?" A voice at his other side said. Legolas turned his head to see his father standing there, one eyebrow cocked, arms folded over his chest.  
  
~ I am dreaming, ~ he told himself, hurried looking away from them and missing the twin grins that flashed over Thranduil's and Tanglinna's faces. ~I fell out of our boat into Morn Nen and then fell asleep. This cannot be real . . . . It is a nightmare. ~  
  
When the prince continued to say nothing, but stared dazedly into the distance, Tanglinna turned to his king.  
  
"This is the third time this night that this has transpired, your Majesty." He saw Legolas twitch slightly as he said this, but the younger elf still didn't speak, though his lips moved soundlessly. Tanglinna shook his head. Panic was never becoming.  
  
"Third time? What is this? Legolas, you had better begin speaking to me of what you know immediately." Thranduil gently gripped his son's chin and turned his head so their eyes met.  
  
"I am dreaming," Legolas stated firmly. "Truly I am dreaming because this cannot be happening. Why aren't Tavor and Brethil waking me up? I don't like this dream."  
  
Thranduil scowled down at him, and Tanglinna's brows rose incredulously.  
  
"I assure you, little Greenleaf, that you are not dreaming. Though I assure that you will indeed wish that you are if you don't . . . . " He turned suddenly to Tanglinna. "Find Tavor and Brethil. We will get to the bottom of this."  
  
Aralith and Celebross watched with much amusement. Finally something that their father couldn't laugh away.  
  
All about this clearing, that the Wood Elves had been transported to, fair soft voices spoke to one another in hushed tones. Wonder and confusion filled the air. They would look to their king on occasion, but from the frown on his face they knew it would not be safe to approach him.  
  
Tavor and Brethil were speaking hurriedly to one another when they suddenly became aware that they were not alone. They spun to find Tanglinna standing behind them.  
  
"You were saying, my young friends?" he said, and then suddenly he reached out and grabbed them both by the shoulder and marched them to the king.  
  
"I might have known," they heard someone say. "What have they done now?"  
  
"Oh, no," Brethil moaned, his eyes huge with fright. "I can't do this, Tavor. You know I can't."  
  
"Be quiet, Brethil. We . . . we have done nothing wrong," Tavor said, feeling the strange sensation of panic welling in him once more.  
  
"Oh, look! What is wrong with Legolas? He looks so strange! What did they do to him? What are they going to do to us?!" Brethil squeaked.  
  
"Silly young scamp!" Tanglinna scolded. "Nothing has been done to anyone. Yet." He shoved them forward, watching as they at least had the presence of mind to bow in an acceptable manner.  
  
Thranduil turned the full power of his stare on the two young elves, who wouldn't meet his gaze, but seemed intensely interested in the ground at their feet. This was truly growing tiresome. The king shook his head and addressed the one most likely to talk.  
  
"Brethil. Explain yourself."  
  
Legolas glanced at Tavor, who paled and wiped sweat from his brow.  
  
"Not Brethil." The prince breathed. "Not Brethil."  
  
The young elf swallowed and looked up at his king. He opened his mouth, then glanced at his two friends, who stared pleadingly at him. He swallowed and opened his mouth again.  
  
"You will tell me now, Brethil."  
  
"I . . . We . . . That is . . . ."  
  
Legolas shook his head almost imperceptible, but Thranduil rounded on him.  
  
"You had your chance, little Greenleaf. Now it is Brethil's. You will not move until I am finished with your friend. You were saying, Brethil."  
  
"I . . . I . . . . Your Majesty, I am so sorry! They stole our boat from Morn Nen and we sang to them and they ran, but then . . . oh, if only we had fed them . . . !"  
  
"Hold, Brethil," Thranduil said, grabbing the youngster by the arm to steady him. "Start at the beginning. Why were you at Morn Nen?" Thranduil wondered if he truly wanted to hear Brethil's version of this tale. They might be standing here all night.  
  
Legolas' eyes widened and Tavor gulped noisily at the mention of their 'reason' for being at Morn Nen. Both of them looked guiltily at Aralith, who was oblivious of their gaze as he watched his father in action.  
  
"We . . .uh . . . ." Brethil glanced nervously from Legolas to Tavor, but knew he would receive no help when he saw their stricken faces, so he plunged ahead. "We were getting water from Morn Nen to put in Aralith's wine. I am so sorry!" He was nearly sobbing with fear, that Thranduil almost felt pity for him. Almost.  
  
'What?!" Aralith squeaked, turning to glance sharply at his brother. "Why you little. . . " He glared at Legolas, his face reddening with anger.  
  
"Silence, nin ion (my son). Brethil, why were you going to put water from Morn Nen in Aralith's wine?" Even though Thranduil spoke to Brethil, his eyes bored into his youngest son's profile. He had put up with so many of their pranks in the past, and on occasion even found them amusing, but he found that he had just about as much as he could take from them.  
  
"Oh, your Majesty," Brethil continued, words gushing forth like water from a burst dam. "I am so sorry! We were getting the water because we wanted him to forget that we had taken your necklace to put on the spider we had caught and he saw us, but he's told you already and now we are in so much trouble. Oh, why did I let you talk me into this?" He looked accusingly at his two friends. "We always get caught and Aralith's run to your father already . . . ."  
  
"No, Brethil. I hadn't told him yet," Aralith smirked, feeling mildly vindicated. "I guess I don't have to now."  
  
Legolas felt his heart drop to his feet as his father rounded on him once more.  
  
"What necklace?" Thranduil asked quietly. He could feel the beginnings of a headache. It was always like this when he cornered these three.  
  
Legolas swallowed. Unlike Brethil his voice seemed trapped somewhere in the vicinity of his stomach.  
  
"It . . . it . . . ."  
  
"It was the one with the large white gem and all the little green ones set in silver," Brethil interrupted. "You know, your Majesty. One of the ones you didn't want to pay the dwarves for making. We dropped it into Morn Nen accidentally and we tried to get it back, but - oh! - we couldn't."  
  
Thranduil's face reddened, and Tavor made a small noise and backed away, hand over his mouth. He would have fled if Tanglinna's hand hadn't knotted on his tunic.  
  
Brethil kept muttering, "I am so sorry. I am so sorry," over and over into his hands, which covered his face.  
  
Legolas stared into the distance. Why couldn't he just wake up?!  
  
"Oh no. Oh no. Oh no," he whispered, fingers pinching the skin of his arm.  
  
"WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Far away the spiders quaked as they hastily wrapped their recently caught dinner, and their dinner quaked wondering if perhaps this wasn't such a bad way to die after all if only to escape whatever had made that particular shriek. And Bilbo Baggins, lying against a tree, newly passed out from his battle with a spider, moaned and dreamed of large fierce beasts with dripping fangs and long blonde hair.  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
First let me say that at least the shrieking beast with blonde hair is not I for a change though I came close trying to get this chapter up! For almost 4 hours! - I wrote that last night and I became the shrieking blonde beast because I could not log in! It is now 3 am and here is the story finally!  
  
Mari - I'm not sure if Legolas can live this down in a hundred years! And it isn't over yet! I am so thrilled that you are enjoying this and like my humor. Please speak to my husband, who lay on the couch yesterday and read the first four chapters and said it still wasn't funny. There was one line he liked in chapter 3 that was funny, but that was it. He just doesn't get this and is making me crazy! Thanks again!  
  
t - Ffnet is a royal pain at times and makes me shriek! The Dwarves will eat soon - or is that get eaten soon?? Hmmm. Well, we'll see. I'm sure they would love to come to your house and so would Leggy. But you have to send them right back. 'kay??  
  
Aedalena - I'm glad you appreciate my speedy updates. I'm writing as fast as my fingers can fly over the keyboard. And again with ffnet!! How frustrating. Thank you for laughing at my story. Please speak to my husband also.  
  
Elwen - Yes, that does make a very nice image, doesn't it. Leggy in green silk! Does it every time!  
  
Ranger - ffnet can be mighty annoying I know! Maybe you should sell bottled water from Morn Nen -you know for the joke section. And no, its' not just Legolas that gets dressed up by papa. He gets to share that humiliation. What child with sibs ever went it alone in that department!! And we love embarrassing pics of our kids. Love to see that one of you!! As I said before, my hubby has read 4 chapters and still doesn't think this is funny. Sheesh!  
  
Horus - I told you, nin mell! He gets his regular clothes back soon. Don't panic! Here have some bottled water! Hehe  
  
Katharine the Great - Well, maybe you'd better get the chocolate Elf Lords and gummy Rangers ready to send this way. I'm thinking about that one right now. And you wouldn't be drooling alone! (author wipes her mouth with a red hanky) Can't wait for your next installment and you can't shoot Black Arrows at me! I am too fast!! Like Jan had mentioned and got me thinking I wish I had known all of this when I wrote my other fics. I could have been so funny! Who knows?? Maybe I will have to AU my own story about the Council.  
  
Jan - I wish I had known that about dear sweet Gloin and Legolas, but I didn't. Shoot! Maybe I'd tippled some water from Morn Nen! It would have been cool. But I guess that's what happens when you write backwards! I think Legolas lies about as well as I do, not very often or at all, and is therefore not good at it. Thank you for saying that Legolas is still in character with my other stories. I guess that this is how I see him since I can't write him any other way.  
  
Crawler - You got on!! I have been trying all evening and into the night to get on! How did you do it??!! Thanks for your review and I hate ffnet when it eats reviews! Grrr!  
  
Karina - What's his name is Tanglinna. And I prefer "Thranduil's Bogus Black Squirrel Adventure" myself! Another plot bunny! Another story idea! Thank you! And you are not the only one with ffnet woes. Have had them for hours yesterday and into today! Lots of shrieking in Sindarin at my home here!  
  
Well, this would have been up sooner but guess what!! Ffnet's Web Site Not Responding!! Gotta hate it! Maybe I should send Thranduil to talk to them. What do you think??  
  
And Mae Govannen to the third son of Elrond. I got on first, so chalk one up for the sons of Thranduil!! Annan cuinar Mirkwood Egladhrim! [Long live Mirkwood Elves!] It pays to sing to the stars at 3am! 


	8. Chapter 8 - Slaying Spiders and Retaliat...

Chapter 8 - Slaying Spiders and Retaliation  
  
Author's Note - Bilbo's poems are from the Hobbit.  
  
Bilbo stared at the trees about him. They were mainly oaks and beeches and would have been considered quite fair but for his experiences since entering this forest. Mirkwood seemed a dark, grim place, a place into which the dwarves had disappeared, crying for help. A place, it seemed, that Gandalf the Grey wouldn't even enter. He knew he couldn't shout for them, which would only draw unwanted attention. He paused beneath a towering oak wondering in which direction the path lay and what direction he should go first in his attempt to locate the dwarves.  
  
"Oh! Why did we not remember Beorn's advice, and Gandalf's! What a mess we are in now! We! I only wish it was we: it is horrible being all alone," he said quietly, gazing about him for some sign of the dwarves. In the end he slipped on his ring, made a good guess at the direction from which the cries of the dwarves had come in the night. And because he was born a rather lucky hobbit he guessed correctly. . . or nearly so.  
  
He moved silently through the trees, for hobbits at need can move more quietly even than Wood Elves when they so choose, when he noticed a place of darker shadows ahead. As he drew closer he saw why it was darker.  
  
The place of darkness was made by spider-webs all tangled, matted and crossing over one another again and again. Then he saw the spiders: horrible and loathsome, too many of them. They were squatting in the branches above him.  
  
He trembled with fear and disgust and hoped that they had not seen him. He turned his ring on his finger, as if to assure him that it was indeed there. Then something chilled him even more: the spiders were speaking to one another in creaky, hissing voices and they were talking about the dwarves - his dwarves!  
  
"It was a hard struggle. But they are ours now!" one creaked happily. "They will make a juicy dinner!"  
  
"Juicy! Juicy!" a young one squeaked happily, bouncing up and down on its branch.  
  
"Aye, they'll make fine eating when they've hung a bit," another announced.  
  
"Fine eating! Fine eating!"  
  
"Don't hang 'em too long. They're not as fat as they might be," a third adult commented. "Been feeding none too well of late, I should guess. The glowing ones didn't feed 'em proper!"  
  
Bilbo shuddered, sharply reminded of the three troll's discussion on how to eat the dwarves. He wondered if Gandalf would show up to save them this time. Somehow he doubted it.  
  
"Kill 'em I say." another hissed. "Kill 'em now and hang 'em dead for a while."  
  
"They're dead now, I'll warrant," the first said.  
  
"They are not! Here, have a look."  
  
One of the fat spiders ran along a sticky rope till it came to a high, thick branch with a dozen bundles hanging from it in a neat row.  
  
~ Oh no! ~ Bilbo thought as he stared up, seeing a Dwarvish foot sticking out here and there. Or the tip of a nose, a beard, or the end of a hood.  
  
The spider went to the fattest bundle, a wicked grin on its face.  
  
~ Poor Bombur, I'll bet, ~ Bilbo thought and watched with growing horror as the spider nipped at the protruding nose. A muffled yelp was heard and a toe shot up and kicked the spider hard. The spider hissed and fell from the branch, catching itself by a thread just before it hit the ground.  
  
The others laughed at it in amusement.  
  
"You were quite right, the meat's alive and kicking!" one chortled happily, waving long hairy legs about.  
  
"I'll soon put an end to that," the offended spider hissed and started to climb toward Bombur once more.  
  
~ Oh no! ~ Bilbo thought desperately. ~ What am I to do?! ~ He stared up at the spiders knowing that it was impossible for him to climb up to them. And what could he do clinging helplessly to a branch? He glanced about and saw many stones lying in what appeared to be a now dry stream. Bilbo was a fair shot and soon had a nice egg-shaped stone that suited his purpose. Bilbo was quite good at throwing with great accuracy. He had practiced throwing stones at things from the time he was a boy, stemming from the time that a carelessly thrown stone had broken out a window of his father and mother's house. He was now a rather deadly shot. The spider reached for Bombur, and Bilbo threw. The stone struck the spider squarely on the head and it fell to the ground stunned, all its legs curled up. Bilbo felt a thrill of immense satisfaction and grinned, reaching for more stones.  
  
More stones flew and the spider colony grew greatly agitated. They could not see what was throwing the stones, but they could guess what direction they came from. They began their lightning fast descent, flinging strings in all directions, hoping to manage to wrap some about their assailant.  
  
Bilbo soon slipped silently to another place, leading the spiders further and further away from the Dwarves. When a group fifty had gone off to a place where he had stood, he threw more stones at them, and at others that had stopped behind those. They were angry and excited, hissing violently at one another. Bilbo laughed quietly, suddenly remembering the Elves singing to the dwarves to frightening them. So he sang to the spiders:  
  
Old fat spider spinning in a tree!  
Old fat spider can't see me!  
Attercop! Attercop!  
Won't you stop,  
Stop your strutting and look for me?  
  
Old Tomnoddy, all big body,  
Old Tomnoddy can't spy me!  
Attercop! Attercop!  
Down you drop!  
You'll never catch me up your tree!  
  
Soon all the spiders were after him. They obviously didn't like his song any better than the dwarves had liked the elves'. They swung down from the branches, casting strings over the open spaces as they went.  
  
Bilbo moved to a new place, but the spiders had moved about their home and were fencing him in, spinning their strings between the trees as quickly as they could. Standing in the middle of the spiders he sang one more song.  
  
"Lazy Lob and crazy Cob  
are weaving webs to wind me.  
I am far more sweet than other meat,  
But still they cannot find me!  
  
Here am I , naughty little fly;  
you are fat and lazy.  
You cannot trap me, though you try,  
in my cobwebs crazy."  
  
Then Mr. Baggins turned and pulled out Sting, he slashed through the last space between two tall trees with only a thin webbing between them. The spiders saw the sword, though they didn't know what it was and all rushed after the hobbit, hairy legs waving, eyes popping, full of rage. He lead them a merry chase into the forest until he dared go no further for fear of becoming lost and never finding the dwarves again. He hid behind a tree and watched as the spiders rushed past, then quiet as a mouse he crept back to rescue the dwarves. He was feeling rather pleased with himself.  
  
He climbed up one of the spiders' sticky ropes, thinking of how he was to free the dwarves. At the top he met an old, slow, wicked fat spider that had stayed to guard the dinners and had been pinching them to see which was juiciest. But before it realized that it had company, Sting flashed and the spider rolled off the branch dead. Bilbo smiled with satisfaction, slipped off his ring, and began to free his friends.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Before Bilbo had even begun his morning adventure, three young elves of Mirkwood stood shaking before their very irate king. Thranduil glared down at them, breathing harshly as he sought some sort of control over his anger before he had them all pitched into Morn Nen headfirst.  
  
"You wanted MY necklace for a spider," he said, through clenched teeth. "MY NECKLACE FOR A SPIDER! ! ! !"  
  
"We . . . we thought, your Majesty," Brethil began, wringing his slender hands, "that perhaps if we pushed the spider into Morn Nen it would fall asleep and then we could put the necklace on it. . . . Because it might forget that it was a spider. And it would make a wonderful pet. . . .But . . . .well . . . ?" He gazed at Tavor and Legolas for support. "Legolas overbalanced and . . . nearly fell in, but the necklace went in instead and the spider floated away and . . ."  
  
"Brethil, be quiet!" Legolas moaned entirely too loudly.  
  
The people of Mirkwood stared at their king and thanked Elbereth that they weren't the ones standing before him. Thranduil's temper was nearly as great as that of his father Oropher. The three young Elves were constantly doing things that brought them to Thranduil's attention, but they had not seen him this upset with them before. They had heard quite clearly about the spider and the necklace. But they wondered, what had this to do with the dwarves? They shifted uneasily and waited.  
  
Thranduil looked over at Tanglinna, who hastily rid his face of the wide , and most inappropriate, grin.  
  
"Tanglinna, escort them back to Gladaran Thamas. And make certain there are no . . . mishaps on the way."  
  
"Yes, your Majesty." Tanglinna moved to gather the bag with Legolas' clothing in it and waited for the three to follow him.  
  
Brethil stood with his head down and Tavor's usual smirk was absent. The three needed to have their impetuosity curbed at times, but the Master Archer felt an unusual stab of pity for them. It had amused him that the three still chased after spiders for fun.  
  
"Adar, I . . . ."  
  
"Go, Legolas. I will deal with you later."  
  
Legolas sighed, and bowed gracefully before he turned to join the others.  
  
"Let's go," Tanglinna said, hoping his voice didn't betray his uncharacteristic sympathy.  
  
Thranduil watched them go, scowling fiercely. Celebross and Aralith even felt a pang of regret for their brother, though they too fought to hide it.  
  
"I really wasn't going to tell," Aralith whispered. "I thought it was rather funny."  
  
"It doesn't matter now. Brethil told everything he knows," Celebross sighed, wishing that Mirithil wasn't away visiting with Laerlend in the south. She would be able to sooth her father-in-law.  
  
"He always does. That's why adar always goes after him like a hawk after a rabbit."  
  
Thranduil turned to them, effectively halting their conversation.  
  
"Return home," he said, including not only his sons, but the others as well. "This night's festivities are over."  
  
The Wood Elves quietly vanished into the dark trees. Aralith and Celebross exchanged glances and moved away from their father.  
  
"I don't think they'll get out of this one so easily. I almost feel sorry for them," Aralith whispered as he walked at his brother's side.  
  
Thranduil remained in the empty clearing, staring at nothing. His beautiful necklace was lost in Morn Nen.  
  
"One of the ones you didn't want to pay the dwarves for making."  
  
Brethil's words rang in his head. There had been wars with the Dwarves in the past and accusations had run high on both sides.  
  
~I paid them what was owed them, ~ he thought, frowning.  
  
But it angered him to hear the old argument, especially from the lips of one of his own subjects.  
  
"I don't owe the dwarves anything," he stated aloud, striding out of the clearing, green robes billowing about him. "And why are there dwarves in Mirkwood anyway? Up to no good. I will get to the bottom of this. They had better not be here to rob us." He walked for a time in silence and then growled again, "I don't owe them anything!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"I am so sorry," Brethil said as the three trudged ahead of Tanglinna.  
  
"I think you've said that quite enough for one night," Tavor replied dispiritedly. He glanced at Legolas who was walking silently at his side.  
  
"What do you think he will do?" Brethil asked, his tone filled with the worry that he felt.  
  
"I don't want to think about it," Tavor answered. "Why did you have to tell him everything, Brethil? He might not have noticed that particular necklace was missing for quite sometime."  
  
"I don't know," the young elf sighed, shaking his head and tugging on one long, blonde braid. "I just couldn't seem to stop."  
  
"You never can. That is why he pounces on you. You need to learn to use more discretion like Legolas and I."  
  
Tanglinna snorted behind them.  
  
"Someone wasn't being very discreet when he mentioned the dwarves earlier."  
  
"You see, Tavor. No one can stand before the king and keep his composure. Not even his own son. If he can't, then what possible chance do I have?" Brethil asked with a vindicated look on his face. He smiled back at the Master Archer gratefully.  
  
"None," Tavor and Tanglinna said together. The two glanced at one another and almost smiled.  
  
Legolas was silent as they walked on, a scowl gracing his face beneath his rather askew wreath.  
  
~ He's taking this rather hard, poor prince,~ Tanglinna thought. ~ Usually he manages to laugh it off. ~  
  
Tavor had noticed the unusual silence as well.  
  
"Legolas, he won't do anything too . . . uh . . . too horrible to us," he said. ~ I hope he doesn't do anything horrible to us, ~ he thought with a slight shudder.  
  
"I wonder where our spider is," Legolas said quietly.  
  
"What?" Tavor gazed over at him in amazement. "Our spider?"  
  
"The poor thing looked rather scared when it floated away. I wonder where it came ashore."  
  
Tanglinna halted in his tracks and stared at him.  
  
"Your father is ready to take your head off for losing his valuable necklace and all you can think about is that silly spider?"  
  
"It was a very nice spider. I think it would have become quite tame."  
  
"You never cease to amaze me, Thranduilion. Are you so cocky that you think nothing will happen to you over this?"  
  
"It's not just the spider. Our boat is gone, too. It was a particularly nice boat." He sighed and shook his head.  
  
"What of the necklace, nin caun? Perhaps you could escape the king's wrath over the dwarves, but not over this."  
  
"If only it hadn't fallen into Morn Nen. Any where else and we could have recovered it," Brethil breathed sorrowfully.  
  
"I don't see what all this fuss is about," Legolas said, he took his bag of clothing from Tanglinna. "It was only a necklace. He has lots of them." Slowly he moved ahead of others. "It made him forget the dwarves for a time at least. And Brethil, why did you tell adar that I overbalanced. I know you tried to push me in."  
  
Brethil gasped and glanced at Tanglinna, knowing that there might be more trouble over this revelation.  
  
"I . . . Well . . . . Yes. But it was Tavor's idea!"  
  
"I know."  
  
"Legolas, really. This is not the time to think of that," Tavor commented with a guilty look at the Master Archer. How many times had they all heard about not playing around at Morn Nen? "There are more serious things to think on." ~ Like what is going to happen to us! ~  
  
"What? Do you fear I will retaliate?"  
  
"Hmph. You *always* find a way to retaliate."  
  
"I know. Do you suppose that you have been paid back in full yet?"  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"I mean, poor Brethil telling adar everything that he knows. Or thinks he knows - as he always does. Shaking like a leaf in the wind," Legolas grinned impudently. "Adar loosing his temper at us over a necklace lost in Morn Nen. And you - looking like you were about to faint on the spot. Is that retaliation enough?"  
  
Tavor's face reddened, fists clenching.  
  
"What are you talking about, Legolas?" he growled.  
  
Grinning wickedly, Legolas turned and pulled the necklace from his bag where it had been tucked inside his hunting tunic.  
  
"What?! Where did you get that?! Legolas! You've had it the whole time?!"  
  
The prince shrugged.  
  
"I only told you that I dropped it because you tried to push me in."  
  
"But . . . But . . . how did you know Brethil would tell your father about it? Why did you stand there and let him yell at us in front of everyone?!"  
  
"I know. Revenge is quite a wonderful thing, don't you think?" He shrugged. "Brethil always tells everything."  
  
"I do not!" Brethil spluttered. "Well . . . I try not to, but . . . ." He glanced at the amused face before him. Then he shook his head, relief washing over him. The necklace wasn't lost. Thranduil wasn't going to punish them. He laughed.  
  
"Really, you should thank me," Legolas continued, staring at Tavor who was not so forgiving as Brethil.  
  
"Thank you?! I should strangle you!"  
  
"Adar didn't get angry about the dwarves, did he? Now he'll probably forget them."  
  
Tavor stared at him with his mouth open, for once not certain what to say.  
  
Then the sound of muffled laughter caused them to turn. Tanglinna was bent over, shaking with mirth.  
  
"That one is worthy of your adar, nin caun." The archer straightened, eyes sparkling. "And just for that, I will help you catch another spider."  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
Nancing Elf - My muse is on overdrive, though feeling quite sleepy right now. Thorin definitely stepped in it and Brethil sure dug it deep. That is what he seems to do best. Thank you for laughing. And yelling, nin mellon.  
  
Tamsin FlameArrow - Smart move with the soda. I bet you'd like to see the prince get spanked! Oh, you are wise. No water, huh? How about tea? I know how to brew some rather strong Vandal Root!!  
  
elwen - Plot bunny with Elrond's laced water is running around the house right now!  
  
littlesaiyangirl - glad you are laughing with me!  
  
Ranger - There seems to be one in every family. But - uh - now that I think about it.that might have been me in our family. We all need Morn Nen Mind Conditioner at times. Thran's got a great voice that carries very well. I like Bilbo, too. Well, you better contact Elrond about that Super Walmart. I'm not sure how he will take that.  
  
Salad the Deceiver - Thanks for that vote of confidence. I'm running!  
  
JastaElf - My daughter read your review and said "What is wrong with Slytherin? It's the best house." She has a major crush on Draco Malfoy. Go figure. Brethil does tend to run off at the mouth. That can be quite dangerous! Ffnet worked for me because it was 3 a.m. and no one else was on I think. It worked beautifully! And the stars were nice and bright. I will have to let my hubby read all these nice reviews!  
  
Hildestohl - Brethil must start a fan club. Poor dear! He has so many admirers! Yep. 3 a.m. Woke up thinking "I bet I can get on now." And sure enough - I did!  
  
Lakergurl13 - Enjoying others discomfort is fun, isn't it! I wouldn't want to face Thranduil's wrath either. And don't pity Leggy too much!  
  
shirebound - thanks for reviewing. I think it is cute, too. I'm not sure if Legolas wants to remember all of this!  
  
ziggy - chapter 6 - I have a younger sibling, so I know what it's like. Like Aralith I am the middle child. And I think Thranduil knows how to handle most situations. He is used to it. The king is good and wise.  
  
Indigo - Everyone seems to favor the sweetie Brethil. And it was indeed Tavor who thought up the Dancing Dwarves. Thran knows them well indeed, and how to exploit their weaknesses. And he does. Shamelessly.  
  
Erin-21 - Aww. Brethil is cute! I feel sorry for him having to face down the king. Poor thing needs a hug. Any volunteers?  
  
t - The Elves do need to watch their careless words. They may regret it - just like Brethil! Thank you! I read your review to my hubby. He said "What do they know?" Go figure. Men!  
  
alliwantisanelfforchristmas - Sorry about your computer. I basically hold my breath every time I use mine. Well, as you have seen Leggy's rather a slick operator and quite a consummate actor! And Brethil knows how to cook a goose. Especially his own. Sorry about those nasty spiders! Tell Little Pip that I'll have Bilbo kill a few of them just for her. The deck - the hot tub?? You'd best thank the Valar he wasn't there. But I am still waiting for some explanation. (scowls formidably. But unfortunately the Bad Boys just laugh at me) Well then. They can't come to your house unless somebody spills the beans! Hmph!  
  
Clam Chowder - Poor Gloin! Which shriek will be louder: his of embarrassment or his fellow Dwarves of amusement! Hmmm. We'll see.  
  
Silvarn the third son of Elrond - Hmph! What did this Mirkwood Elf see when he checked his emails this morning?? Author Alert - new chapter from Silvarn Vilya. (pouts) Looks like we chalk one up for the son of Rivendell this time. (desperately yanks blonde hair and looks frantically at the blank sheet of paper with nothing written on it yet.) Oh, why didn't I get up at 3 a.m. again!! Grrrr! I guess Arwen left you alone. Or maybe she wrote it for her baby brother?? (smirk) 


	9. Chapter 9 - The Elf King and Thorin and ...

Chapter 9 - The Elf King and Thorin and Slain Spiders for Little Pip  
  
Thranduil stared at the necklace in his hands, studying the way the white gems glowed in their intricate silver settings, the small stones flashing with emerald fire. He recalled the light in his youngest son's blue eyes, so at odds with the contrite look on his face, when he had brought it to him.  
  
"Unbelievable," he whispered, turning it this way and that. "To think he had it the entire time. That young trickster! Letting me scream at them in front of everyone. Making me frighten Tavor and Brethil half to death . . . though if any deserve that it is they. And he, looking so apprehensive himself." The king shook his head remembering with minor chagrin the way he had reacted to the news of his lost necklace. "Not my best moment."  
  
"No, it wasn't," Tanglinna replied dryly, lifting one brow as Thranduil turned to look at him.  
  
The king snorted and stood, moving to place the necklace in its box of oak and silver, gems glittering darkly on the lid. He liked the way the piece looked spread on the black velvet. He snorted slightly again and closed the box, locking it. He didn't usually have to lock things up, but he was taking no chances now.  
  
"Ah, little Greenleaf. What is to be done about this?" He strode across the room, motioning for the grinning archer to follow him down the corridor. As he neared one of the palace's many exits, he heard voices. Smiling, he crept to the doorway and saw Legolas, Tavor, and Brethil laughing together and eating. He raised one eyebrow. "It seems you three enjoyed that little joke too much," he said quietly, watching as Legolas mimed his father's outrage. "Well, we shall see what can be done about this, shan't we, Tanglinna. This might be fun."  
  
The Master Archer sighed and shook his head.  
  
Legolas had changed into his normal clothing of soft leather in muted greens and browns and Thranduil wondered where he had hidden the beautiful robes that he had worn the night before. He suspected that no one would ever see them again. Probably some spider was making a nest with it right now. A slow smile spread over the king's handsome face. He laughed slightly and turned away.  
  
"Please send for Ceredirhammad," he said politely to Tanglinna, who raised one brow questioningly. "I need to see her immediately." Then, delighted with his own thoughts of retaliation, the king of Mirkwood walked briskly down the hallway, singing lightly.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Bilbo had never had to think and act so quickly in all of his life, and he found it somewhat disconcerting. He had managed to free some of the dwarves, and poor old Bombur weakened by being pinched and poked so much, tumbled right off the branch to the ground. The spiders were returning and they did not look happy; in fact, they looked rather irate. Bilbo moved to fend them off as the dwarves worked to free the remaining five.  
  
"Now we see you, you nasty little creature," the spiders hissed at Bilbo. They proceeded to tell him all of the horrible little things they would do to him, glaring wickedly at him.  
  
Bilbo hoped that they could somehow manage to escape, though the ease they seemed to have been captured with the night before didn't give him much hope. He glanced down to see some of the spiders gathered about Bombur, thinking him the easiest target, weakened as he was. They had managed to tie him up once more and were dragging him away, his protests muffled and feeble. The little hobbit gave a grand shout, one to nearly rival Thranduil's and leapt at the spiders in front of him. They gave way at this unexpected show of bravado and he scrambled for the branches, only to fall out of the tree into the middle of the ones on the ground. And then Sting did indeed earn its new name! It darted all about like a silver snake, killing at least six of the beasts and causing the others to move away from the fierce little sting and its wielder and poor Bombur.  
  
"That is for all the little people who are frightened of spiders," Bilbo declared feeling very bold and warrior like indeed. "Especially a wee lass called Little Pip!'  
  
"Come down! Come down!" Bilbo shouted to the others. "Don't stay up there and get caught again!" He had seen the other spiders swarming toward them, crawling directly over the dwarves' heads.  
  
The dwarves did scramble then. They jumped and fell into a heap on the ground, feeling very shaky and weak from their ordeal. At last twelve of them were accounted for, and Bombur was propped between Bofur and Bifur. Bilbo danced about waving and jabbing with Sting; and all about them hundreds of angry spiders were watching, quite enraged by this unexpected turn of events. All in all it looked rather hopeless.  
  
Some of the dwarves still had their knives, some had purloined sticks, and they all made use of the abundant stones at their feet. And Bilbo had his mighty Sting! Again and again they were able to repel the spiders' attacks, many spiders dying in the attempts. Bilbo felt very tired and only four dwarves could stand steadily. The spiders were weaving their gruesome fences of webs and Bilbo had to do something quickly or all would be lost.  
  
"I am going to disappear," he said, regretting that his magic ring would no longer be his secret. "I will try to draw the spiders off; and you must keep together. Hurry! Go to where we last saw the elven fires!"  
  
They didn't seem to understand what he was saying, what with dizzy heads, and all the noise and flying stones. But at last Bilbo shook his head and slipped on his ring and, to the dwarves' vast amazement, he vanished.  
  
Soon away off to the right there came the sound of "Lazy Lob" and "Attercop". This upset the spiders greatly and they stopped moving toward the dwarves and some left to pursue the voice. Then finally, Balin realized what Bilbo had been telling them. He quickly led an attack on the remaining spiders. They huddled together throwing stones and jabbing with sticks and knives for all they were worth. At last they managed to break through the ring and flee. Behind them the shouting and singing stopped abruptly.  
  
"Poor Bilbo!" Balin gasped. "I do hope that nothing has happened to him."  
  
But it was the dwarves that were having trouble. The spiders had chased after them and because they were so weak, they had to turn and continue fighting. Things might have gone badly for them if Bilbo hadn't suddenly reappeared and charged the surprised spiders from behind.  
  
"Go on! Go on!" he shouted to them. "I will do the stinging."  
  
He slashed and hacked at them and their webs. The spiders were very angry with him, but they had learned to fear Sting and didn't dare move in too close. They spit curses at the retreating dwarves, watching their dinner moving ever so slowly away, but they could not pass Sting and its wielder to get at them. Bilbo's arms were aching and his breath came in pants and gasps.  
  
~ I can't keep this up much longer, ~ he thought desperately. ~ I suppose * I* will be the spiders' dinner. ~  
  
But then the spiders suddenly turned and gave way, fleeing back to their dark colony, muttering among themselves. He nearly collapsed with relief, but he didn't linger, and went trotting after the Dwarves.  
  
The Dwarves had come to the edge of the clearing where the last of the ill- fated autumn feasts was held. It seemed to them that some good magic lingered here which the spiders did not like. The light here was greener, the trees seemed much more friendly. The all sat down heavily, panting and moaning. But when they had at last caught their breath the questions began.  
  
They had to know all about Bilbo's vanishing act and how it was accomplished. Balin had insisted on hearing the entire story of Gollum and the riddles in the dark, and the finding of the ring. Then it began to grow dark, for the day was fast flying away, and they remembered just how hungry they were.  
  
"Where are we going to get food, Bilbo?"  
  
"Where is the path, Bilbo?"  
  
"Where are we, Bilbo?"  
  
"What are we to do now, Bilbo?"  
  
Bilbo felt a little overwhelmed to be thrust into such a position of leadership, but he was flattered as well. It had been rather humbling when the Dwarves had stood and bowed to him - right to the ground! - thanking him so profusely. Poor old Bombur bowed so low that he tipped right over.  
  
Unfortunately, he didn't know where the path was, or food, or where to go, or what to do.  
  
"Bilbo?" he heard a quiet voice whisper.  
  
'Um, yes, Gloin?"  
  
"The Elf maiden didn't get taken by the spiders, did she?" the dwarf asked in a concerned voice, gazing about the clearing in dismay.  
  
"Really, Gloin. I suspect the elves sent the spiders after us. Elf maiden," Balin snorted, lying down to try and sleep.  
  
Gloin ignored him and walked to the place where he had last seen the maiden standing. A few flowers from the wreath lay on the ground, tangled with a few golden hairs. He bent reverently and picked them up. He raised the flowers to his nose and kissed the fair strands. Hastily he hid them in his tunic.  
  
A while later, Dwalin opened his eyes and looked around.  
  
"Where is Thorin?" he asked.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Where indeed was Thorin? Thorin knew only too well where he was. He had fallen asleep just as Bilbo had when he had stepped into the magically guarded clearing and lay there unaware of what was going on about him. He had slept through the battle that morning and hadn't awakened until the elves had come for him. They had stood staring down at him, eyes bright with disapproval, tall spears clasped in their hands. They had dragged him through the woods to Gladaran Thamas.  
  
Thranduil's palace was a great cave. Smaller caves opened out of it on every side, and the large cave itself wound downward, deeply into the earth. There were many rooms and passages, the walls delicately carved with likenesses of trees and flowers, vines and birds, or painted with woodland murals and mosaics proclaiming the beauty of nature. Most of the Wood Elves lived in houses outside the palace, some nestled in the great beech trees. The cave contained many storehouses, treasure houses, and dungeons. And it was here that they dragged Thorin, who might have enjoyed gazing at the beauty of the stone and carvings at some other time under other circumstances.  
  
The elves brought him before Thranduil and removed the spell from him and the Dwarf glared up at the elf king. He muttered under his breath. He didn't like this particular elf king one bit. He knew all the old grievances that his folk harbored against him and this appalling treatment didn't do anything to change his assessment of Thranduil.  
  
"I thought that elves didn't like caves," he muttered acerbically.  
  
Thranduil stared down at him, frowning. Behind him stood his three sons, two looking at the dwarf as fiercely as their father. The third's expression was carefully blank.  
  
Thorin stared back. He glared at the king and his sons. Two of them he recognized from the night before, but not the third. Though he seemed familiar somehow.  
  
"What are you doing in Mirkwood Forest?" Thranduil asked abruptly.  
  
"We were starving and looking for food." Thorin answered stubbornly, his eyebrows knit.  
  
"How many of you are there?"  
  
"We were starving and looking for food."  
  
"What have you come for?"  
  
"We are starving and looking for food."  
  
Aralith giggled slightly and looked away. Celebross shot him a glance that silenced him immediately, though on occasion the younger prince's lips twitched.  
  
Thranduil felt frustration building. He looked to Legolas, who deftly avoided his eyes.  
  
"How many of you are there in my forest?" he asked quietly, turning to the dwarf once more.  
  
"We were starving and looking for food."  
  
Thranduil drew a deep breath. His patience was beginning to wear thin. He gazed back at his sons, in time to see Aralith mouthing the words that Thorin was speaking. The king pursed his lips and cleared his throat to get Aralith's attention. The prince's eyes widened and he flushed in embarrassment. Thranduil resisted the urge to shake his head in disgust, and turned back to Thorin.  
  
"Why did you and your folk three times try to attack my people at their merrymaking?"  
  
"We did not attack them," Thorin answered. "We came to beg, because we were starving. Attack them indeed."  
  
At least this was a different answer.  
  
"Where are your friends now, and what are they doing?"  
  
"I don't know, but I expect they are starving in the forest."  
  
Legolas thought he heard a quiet voice drift from somewhere behind him, "I told you we should have given them food."  
  
"Shut up, Brethil," another voice hissed.  
  
Thranduil turned to look at him again, and Legolas looked away, gazing intently at the ceiling.  
  
"What were you doing in the forest?"  
  
"Looking for food and drink, because we were starving."  
  
"But what brought you to the forest at all?!" Thranduil roared. Truly he was getting nowhere!  
  
Thorin stuck out his bottom lip, folded his arms across his chest, and glared up at the elf king. He would say no more.  
  
"He looks rather like you," Thranduil heard Tanglinna chortle from somewhere beside him.  
  
Thranduil frowned, refusing to acknowledge him.  
  
"Very well!" he barked. "Take him away and keep him safe, until he feels inclined to tell the truth, even if he waits a hundred years."  
  
"That's not very long," the quiet voice said.  
  
"Shut up, Brethil!"  
  
Thorin glared at the king and his sons as thongs were tied around his wrists. But just before they lead him away, he turned back to them and stared at Legolas, a wicked gleam in his eyes.  
  
"I recognize you now," he said. "You are Gloin's beautiful elf maiden dressed all in sparkly green with hair like spun gold, carrying a wreath of flowers." Then amazingly, he laughed.  
  
Legolas' face reddened and he stared at the dwarf in confusion and embarrassment.  
  
"What is he talking about?" Aralith asked, turning to his younger brother.  
  
"I know now. I don't think I want to know," he muttered, shifting uneasily.  
  
But the dwarf laughed all the way to the dungeon.  
  
TBC  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
I know I posted one this morning, but since I lost that particular round of fast writing to a Rivendell elf named Silvarn, I had to work double quick to get this on before ffnet doesn't work again or another chapter appears from Imladris. Chalk one up for Mirkwood!  
  
Jan - Honestly, I confess I didn't see that coming either until about 11:30 last night. Kind of a surprise. You know Legolas and his strange and unusual friends. And I am sure Tanglinna will help them with another spider. He's pretty cool! About Lindir - in "Hearts of Darkness" I said he was born after the Battle of Five Armies. So he's not born yet. Too bad really! That could have been even more fun!  
  
JastaElf - Leggy got out of his sparkly clothes, but - well, you'll just have to wait. Tee hee. I have had talks with my daughter about Slytherin, but since the only reason she likes it is because Draco is in it then perhaps she, too, is salvageable. And you are so right! Thranduil forgets nothing!  
  
Ranger - Lego's a lot like his papa - sneaky and vindictive. Pretty much tells it all. I don't think the Dwarves will get far at all. They're about to be hunted and not by spiders! I was afraid that the Walmart idea wouldn't fly with Elrond. And you know you're not to sample the product! Especially that one!  
  
Canon Police - I saw your name on the review and I thought "Uh oh! What did I violate now??!!" But whew! It's just a review! I do know about the Silmaril/Nauglimir, but I chose to stick strictly with The Hobbit on this. Makes it easier then hunting through all these books stacked around me.  
  
Mari - Ff.net is wonky quite a lot of the time. Very frustrating. Uh, carefully planned, huh? Oh.well.yeah.sure.I've got this one all planned out (looks at her muse who smiles and shakes her head). Oh. Well.thanks for thinking this is well planned. Almost Shakespearean - Wow! I am floored! (picks herself up from the floor and begins to -uh-plan the next chapter!)  
  
Sorry I didn't give you any breathing space on this one, but since a certain Rivendell Elf got a chapter up first this morning I have to do this now before ffnet goes crazy today! And Silvarn!! Two chapters in one morning! Top that! (tosses blond hair triumphantly!!) Mirkwood Rules! 


	10. Chapter 10 - Pretty in Pink

Chapter 10 - Pretty in Pink  
  
Tanglinna had organized a group of elves to hunt down the remaining dwarves. They had gathered outside the large stone entrance doors and were awaiting the last member of their party. Tanglinna glanced at Tavor and Brethil who shrugged. They didn't know what was holding him up either. Suddenly a loud cry of distress rang through the air.  
  
"No, Adar! Please! Don't make me wear that! I can't wear that!"  
  
The softer voice of the king was muffled and they couldn't hear his words, but they could hear his son's.  
  
"I swear I will never do anything like that again! Please, Ada! Please!"  
  
The hunters glanced at one another wondering what was happening now. Silence fell and they looked toward the palace. A few minutes later they could hear voices again.  
  
"You seem to enjoy sparkly things, nin ion (my son). I felt it appropriate to give you some of your own. Your sister would like it I dare say."  
  
"Please, Ada. Please don't make me . . . ." ~Of course my sister would like it! She's a girl!~he thought grumpily.  
  
"Ah ah ah." Thranduil was shaking his finger back and forth. "You better get used to it, unless you can stop some of these pranks."  
  
"But . . . !"  
  
"No, Legolas. You carry things too far and must be stopped. I think this will do it nicely."  
  
"Adar, I won't . . . ."  
  
"Yes. I am certain that you won't."  
  
The two rounded the corner and the hunters gasped, and then fell into convulsions of laughter.  
  
Their prince stood at his father's side, face red and scowling. Instead of his hunting leathers, so gratefully donned when they had returned to the palace, he wore a flowing tunic with billowing sleeves a slender belt of silver encircled his waist. Small glittery gems sparked on belt and on the high collar that fastened about his throat; it seemed to be strangling him. The shirt though was a brilliant shade of pink. On his head was an ornate silver circlet shaped into flowers and leaves, gems sparkling there as well in shades of green and red and pink.  
  
Tanglinna smirked, and bowed to the king.  
  
"Your Majesty," he began, "I believe the dwarves will see us coming many a mile off."  
  
Thranduil surveyed his handiwork, knowing he couldn't have thought of a more brilliant revenge.  
  
"Yes. He is rather a striking figure. Quite pretty really."  
  
Legolas' hand clenched on his bow, but he said nothing.  
  
~ Perhaps he is learning, ~ Thranduil thought with a wry smile.  
  
"I thought that you found that particular circlet in questionable taste, your Majesty," Aradoltha, one of the hunters said, with a smile.  
  
"I do. In questionable taste, like some of my son's pranks."  
  
" He can't get much redder," Brethil whispered to Tavor.  
  
"No. I just hope that . . . !"  
  
Thranduil turned to them.  
  
"And you may thank Tavor for the choice of color, Legolas," the king said, surveying the young elf, who was usually so sure of himself.  
  
Legolas rounded on his friend, eyes narrowed.  
  
"I . . .I never . . . ! Legolas, you know I wouldn't . . . !"  
  
"I do believe," Tanglinna drawled, "that I heard words to the effect that 'It could be pink', or am I mistaken?"  
  
Tavor stared at him open mouthed.  
  
"He *said* that the green outfit could be worse if it were pink," Brethil corrected, nudging his friend. "Don't you remember?"  
  
"Worse? Didn't you like the green one?" Thranduil asked with an innocent look of incredulity on his face.  
  
Legolas swallowed. Why was he being tortured like this?  
  
"Yes."  
  
"What? I didn't hear you."  
  
"Yes. I . . . I liked the green outfit."  
  
"Oh really?" Thranduil asked with a grin. "Then you want a pink outfit just like the green one?"  
  
Legolas turned to him and hastily wiped the grimace from his face and swallowed the words that rose in his throat.  
  
"No, father. I don't . . . . Thank you."  
  
"Truly? Too bad, I think it could be quite fetching."  
  
Tanglinna snorted, shaking his head.  
  
"Where is that, er, enchanting outfit, Prince Legolas?" he asked, enjoying this very much. "I was hoping to see it on you again."  
  
Legolas' eyes widened, and he glanced at Tavor and Brethil before he could stop himself.  
  
"He . . . uh . . . he gave it to my sister." Tavor said hastily. "Yes. That is it. My sister. She really, uh, appreciates it. Quite. . . er . . . enchanted really."  
  
Thranduil raised one eyebrow, but one look at his suffering son stopped him from saying anything further.  
  
"I see . . . . Well, go hunt some dwarves, why don't you? How many did you say there were, Brethil?"  
  
"Fourt . . . ! Uh. . . I. . . I don't recall." He looked up at Tavor who smiled tightly. Brethil grinned in relief. That had been very close!  
  
~ Ah. Oh dear. He is learning as well, ~ Thranduil thought. ~ We shall have to remedy that at some point. Can't have that one learning to be discreet. Not after all the work I have put into him. ~  
  
He watched as they strode away, Tavor and Brethil immediately moving along side his son. He smiled imagining what they three were saying. He saw Legolas turn and glance backwards with a guilty expression on his face. Thranduil shook his head in paternal amusement.  
  
~ You should at least wait until you are out of sight before you talk about me. ~  
  
"I can be rather a mean fellow," he said, grinning as he walked down a path lined with ferns.  
  
There was a sudden shriek from the kitchen garden and he hurried down the path to see a maiden with a basket of spilled herbs and late vegetables at her feet. A large spider was weaving slightly before her, a rather blank expression on its face.  
  
But what caught Thranduil's attention was the sparkling necklace around its furry neck. His eyes widened as he stared at the rather benign looking spider.  
  
"Where are the three masters?" it hissed, bowing awkwardly on its long hairy legs. "I wanted to show them this pretty sparkly thing. Though I don't remember where I got it."  
  
"Little Greenleaf!!" King Thranduil Oropherion yelled, causing the maiden and the spider to jump in surprise. He whirled about, hurrying away to count his necklaces.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The small band of hunters walked lightly through the forest, laughing and singing merrily. All except the three at the back: the youngest one looking worried and tugging on his braids while darting glances at the other two; the eldest, usually so smooth and glib, was silent, his brow furrowed as he fought to think of something to say; and the last, his face looking so like his father's when in high dudgeon that Tanglinna could barely control his own hoot of laughter.  
  
"Legolas, I am so sorry," Brethil began. "I knew we shouldn't have gone so far with these . . . uh, pranks. But the two of you just won't stop."  
  
Tavor turned to sneer at him.  
  
"It is your mouth that got us into trouble this time, Brethil. And those dwarves. . . ."  
  
"You should have let me give them some food."  
  
"Brethil, sometimes you really . . . ."  
  
"You never listen to me and now look at him! This is all your fault!"  
  
"It is not. If you could have . . .!"  
  
"Will you both shut up!" Legolas hissed at them. "You are not making this any easier."  
  
They both turned to look at him, his blue eyes sparkling darkly, his face no longer red but the fair cheeks still flushed above the glittering gem encrusted collar.  
  
Tavor raised one eyebrow, eyes widening in assessment and looked at Brethil, who suddenly felt his lips twitch.  
  
"Well, if it is any consolation, Legolas," Tavor began seeing Brethil's face contort as he tried to control his own laughter. "You look very pretty in pink."  
  
The two burst out laughing and sprinted away. Legolas lips pulled back in a snarl, and with a quick glance at Tanglinna, he thrust his bow at Aradoltha, and ran after them.  
  
"Here we go again," Ryn said with a shake of his fair head, green eyes alight with amusement.  
  
"They will never learn," Aradoltha commented, with a grin.  
  
"Then I suspect that we will be seeing that rather fetching ensemble quite a bit on our prince," Sern laughed.  
  
"It is a good color on him," Amdir said with a slight smirk.  
  
"Perhaps all the dwarves will fall in love with him and come along quietly," a young Elf named Meren said.  
  
Tanglinna said nothing, staring after the three, his eyes bright. He was enjoying these little games quite a lot and hoped they would continue for some time. There were very few that had ever managed to ruffle his king's feathers the way those three did, and Thranduil the wise and good needed his feathers ruffled on occasion.  
  
"Come along," he murmured at last. "We need to stop them before they scare the dwarves away before we can catch them. The king would not be pleased if they escaped us. And I don't think *we* would look nearly so good in pink as our prince."  
  
The hunters trotted through the silent trees, which rang with their mirth and laughter.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Bilbo and the Dwarves trudged heavily through the forest each lost in his own thoughts of hunger and thirst and weariness. The muted shadows of evening were falling and they had been walking - ~Staggering,~ Bilbo thought with a sigh - through the woods in their last attempt to be free of it.  
  
"I don't think we shall ever see the end of this forest," Ori moaned. "We'll die here forgotten by everyone."  
  
"I wonder what Gandalf will think when we don't come out," Bifur said quietly.  
  
"I suspect he will feel guilty for not coming with us. Why did he send us through here alone?" Bofur countered. "He's a Wizard, didn't he know what would befall us?"  
  
"Maybe he thought the elves would help us if we needed it. Dratted Elves," Dwalin muttered.  
  
"This is all their fault. They should have fed us. That would be the polite thing to do," Nori said, scratching his yellow beard.  
  
"The elf maiden would have helped us if they hadn't whisked her away so quickly," Gloin said confidently, his hand going to touch the spot above his heart where lay the Elf maiden's hair and crushed flowers.  
  
The others turned to stare at him.  
  
"You are quite pathetic," Dori said, with as much of a grin as he could muster.  
  
As they moved along following Bilbo who was lost deep in his food litany, Balin moved to join Gloin.  
  
"I have been thinking," he began hesitantly with a glance at the others. "The elf maiden in sparkly green was rather wondrous to behold." His eyes gleamed with a soft light as he remembered the maiden. "Fair as a rose in May," he sighed.  
  
Gloin gazed at him in wonder, thinking perhaps he should share his few treasured strands of golden hair. But no, he decided. He couldn't bear to part with them.  
  
The others turned to look at the two.  
  
Kili laughed at them and turned to Fili.  
  
"Can you believe them? In love with an elf!"  
  
Fili stared at him and blinked.  
  
"She was rather pretty," he stammered. "In an Elvish sort of way," he added hastily.  
  
The others laughed, momentarily forgetting their woes, which were manifold and overwhelming. It felt good to think of something other than parched throats, pinched stomachs, being lost, and no Thorin.  
  
"Her hair was rather beautiful," Dori admitted reluctantly. "Rather like spun gold."  
  
"Just as I said!" Gloin declared with a smile, warming to this subject readily.  
  
"I am sure she smelled rather nice. Unlike us," Nori grimaced as he lifted his arm. "Probably sweet as honeysuckle."  
  
"Roses," Balin said. "Definitely roses. She must smell of fresh pink roses kissed with dew."  
  
Again they all turned to him. He was becoming quite a poet.  
  
"That was a really nice outfit. I should rather like one like it."  
  
Now they all turned to stare at Oin who had a dreamy expression on his face.  
  
"Or not," he said quietly, quailing beneath their scrutiny.  
  
Bilbo kept his thoughts to himself, for his sharp eyes had detected something the dwarves hadn't noticed. Their elf maiden was an elf male. The manner of dress was masculine, though somewhat frilly and fluffy, but they were elves after all. He didn't wish to ruin their fantasy though, so he let them jabber on about the fair as a rose maiden in sparkly green, and smiled to himself. At least they weren't complaining. And it didn't matter, since they would probably never see "her" again.  
  
It was then that torches suddenly flared around them, just as they had in the clearings before during the elves' feasts. Elves jumped out before them, spears leveled at the dwarves, bows held ready, arrow points gleaming in the firelight. Bilbo gasped and slipped on his ring and silently moved to one side away from the others, who had plopped to the ground.  
  
"You are coming with us, Dwarves," Tanglinna told them, eyes narrowed. "The king would have a word with you."  
  
The dwarves stared wordless up at him. He looked so fierce that they wouldn't have tried to fight even if they weren't so starved and tired. Bright Elvish eyes glittered all about them, their muted brown and green clothing blending with the surroundings. . . . . All but one.  
  
Gloin gasped and clutched his heart. Ah! The fair one was here! But why did she travel with such savage warriors? Were they her protectors?  
  
Balin's eyes had traveled to her as well. He smiled and sighed.  
  
"A fair pink rose kissed by the dew," he murmured.  
  
All the dwarves had noticed her, it was impossible not to dressed in such a bright color and looking so fetching, standing there with a bow.  
  
"A Warrior Maiden," Dori whispered adoringly, feeling a thrill of excitement.  
  
"Silence, you Dwarves!" Tanglinna hissed at them, motioning for Aradoltha and Ryn to bind their wrists and put them into a long straggling line.  
  
"Twelve of them, Tanglinna," Meren said, after counting them.  
  
"Twelve?" He shot a glance at Tavor, Legolas, and Brethil. He knew one sat in the dungeons already, but Brethil had said -or almost said - fourteen. He gazed about the clearing, causing Bilbo to quake with apprehension. But the archer's eyes passed over the hobbit. Tanglinna shook his head. "Let's get them back."  
  
"That was awfully easy," Brethil said quietly, as they walked beside the line of dwarves.  
  
"Almost too easy," Tavor commented staring at the dwarves in wonder. "I at least expected some resistance."  
  
"They are tired and hungry. That is all," Legolas said, his eyes on the dwarves. Were they staring at him? He felt a flush creep up his neck. ~ You shouldn't embarrass me in front of the dwarves this way, ~ he thought angrily at his father. He looked hastily away.  
  
Tavor had noticed the undue amount of attention that Legolas was receiving from their smaller captives. But then he realized they were not looking at him in amusement. Could it be. . . admiration? He scrutinized their faces and saw that yes, indeed, it was admiration and - he nearly laughed out loud - infatuation!  
  
"Legolas, those Dwarves are staring at you," Brethil said, his face puzzled.  
  
"It's this stupid outfit. I can't wait to throw it to the spiders."  
  
"'Tis not the outfit, my prince. But the one *in* the outfit that draws their attention."  
  
"What are you talking about, Tavor?"  
  
"Look again at them. They are . . . how shall I put this? The Dwarves appear to be in love with you."  
  
Legolas wheeled on him, gazing at him, waiting to see the jest in his eyes. But then he looked to the Dwarves. Several of them were staring unabashedly at him, dark eyes filled with . . . ?! He gulped. Then one with a dirty white hood bowed his head, touching his hand to his heart and smiled. Another one, somewhat larger than the others with a purple hood trailing down his back, grinned and flexed his muscles as well as he could in his bonds. Yet another seemed to be whispering something about pink roses.  
  
Legolas' mouth fell open and he staggered backwards, nearly bowling poor old Bilbo over as he followed them as silently as a mouse.  
  
Brethil started to giggle, which only drew the attention of the others.  
  
Tanglinna glanced sharply at Tavor, who raised one eyebrow.  
  
"They find the Princess of Mirkwood rather pretty in pink," he said in Sindarin, knowing the Dwarves couldn't understand him.  
  
A wicked grin flashed across the older elf's face. Thranduil would get much delight out of this. Or perhaps he would regret that he had made his youngest son dress in such a manner. If he laughed or admitted that he had gone too far with this himself it wouldn't matter. Either way it would be fun to tell him.  
  
The dwarves knew that something amused the elves as they all burst out laughing and singing songs in their strange Elvish language.  
  
~ They must be singing about the maiden for she blushes so prettily. Ah, ~: Gloin smiled, feeling his heart swell even more. ~ She is modest as well as beautiful.~  
  
TBC  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
Ranger - As you can see not only Gloin is somewhat confused now. And Thorin is eating, just not happy about cooling his heels in a dungeon. Bilbo is quite an extraordinary person alright. Like Gandalf I always knew that. *smirks slightly* Papa was very cruel, but one upmanship often gets brutal. Btw have you fixed the warning labels on the water bottles yet? I forgot what you told me.  
  
Jan - Sorry, can't manage 3 in one day. I think it would kill me! Poor prince got his new robes as you see. Too bad he didn't like them. He is sooo hard to please. As you saw, poor Gloin is all the more smitten. And he isn't the only one. Maybe the Dwarves need glasses.  
  
Indigo - Legolas will never live this down. Never - never. His brothers are going have the best time! As you saw their spider came back. But a pair of them would be wonderful, don't you think?? All the little baby spiders running around!  
  
shirebound - Glad you like the weaving I am creating here.  
  
S - I do rely heavily on the canon. I assume that everyone has read the Hobbit, but I don't know for certain. And perhaps for some it has been a while since they last perused its pages. And at this point I can't change it. Though now the weeks that Tolkien doesn't describe are here and it will have to be all me! I am glad that the fun stuff makes you smile and Thran had his revenge, but it never seems to stop in Mirkwood. Someone is always up to something.  
  
ziggy - chapter 7 - I was so tickled when I read your review! Pure Whitehall farce! I had to show my husband that! He says you know what that means?? I said -you bet I do! Don't you love it! He said Benny Hill! I said I know! I love Benny Hill! Thanks so much!! I admit to having a food litany at times as well. And am also a Hobbit with Elvish leanings! I do have a wonderful fun time writing this zany stuff!  
  
Erin-21 - You must be as malicious in your humor as Thranduil. Pink, indeed! What else could it have been! How very wicked!  
  
Horus - First let me say - "I am so sorry! I am so sorry!" Putting poor Legolas in that pink tunic was a terrible thing to do! Who am I kidding. Sorry, I was sounding like Brethil there for a minute! I know it was mean, but I couldn't help myself. It'll get better for him. I promise!  
  
queenie - I update as quickly as I can, trust me. And you can join the ff.net club for disgruntled users. I totally agree about Chap. 5. Even I thought it was funny. That is the one my husband is supposed to read next, so we will see what he thinks. (author groans and shakes her head) I may not want to know what he thinks!  
  
Crawler - You are too kind to me. And I will have to come and visit Tawaruesta at some point. But I don't know. I prefer Mirkwood!  
  
t - Ff.net is screwy though it seemed to work fine for me most of yesterday when I checked. Hopefully it is better now. You make me sound like I am writing serials. That is what a certain Ranger told me before! Well, some of your questions have been answered and now on to the others!  
  
Rings of the Cosmos - Amusing! Very good! I like amusing! I can actually be amusing, now that is amusing. Sorry. Got a bit carried away there.  
  
Mari - Yes. I, too, can understand Legolas wanting to get out of Mirkwood at the first chance. Though he seems to enjoy himself most of the time. And the chaos theory is my way of writing. Just sit down and stare at the screen and think "Okay, what can happen now??" And my muse usually tells me these funny things! It is rather a wonderful muse, not like the last one who tended to sulk in the corner. This one definitely likes chaos!  
  
Karina - chapter 7 - Aww. Celebross and Aralith aren't all that bad. They are just older brothers. That is how they get sometimes. As for Tanglinna, he lives for this! Watching everyone trying to outdo the other just makes his day! The three Bad Boy Elves do get into lot of stuff! Very bodacious dudes, indeed! And Bilbo is truly excellent!  
  
Lakergurl13 - Yep. Legolas had the necklace the entire time! He can be sneaky. And Tanglinna is very cool! Give him a chance. And I think that Thorin is the only Dwarf that doesn't need glasses. Of course, he saw him in his normal clothes. So maybe that was it. Glad you liked Thorin and Leggy!  
  
phoenixfeather - Ff.net had a lot of us fuming there for a while. I am glad you find this tale so laughter worthy. I love it when people laugh at my stuff. Now if only I can get my hubby to laugh, even once.  
  
Irena - Write.write.write.That is about all I do now. Or think about writing when I am not writing. I think it is too quickly, but I can't seem to stop!  
  
Nancing Elf - I cannot keep up with me at times, nin mellon! Hobbits are a brave and resourceful lot. Gotta love them. And I was glad that Tavor got nailed. That doesn't happen often, so it is a victory when it does. Poor Gloin doesn't get it yet, though it wasn't his fault that he didn't know this time. And Thorin and Thrandruil make quite a lovely pair of old goats when it comes to stubbornness! As for the quick writing, it is very hard and taxing. Exhausting. But I try! For Mirkwood!  
  
IceAngel - chapter 7 - ff.net got you too, I see. I'm glad that you like Legolas' brothers, I will have to find more for them to do. It is a pity I couldn't have written all this fun stuff into my old fics. Shouldn't write prequels after the fact. I will remember that. Maybe. When Legolas said "Father.I.I don't know anything about those Dwarves." He must have been having a Brethil moment there or something. But I guess we all tend to tell a little too much when we have a slightly guilty conscience. Glad you liked the dead spiders. But there is that one that the three Bad Boy Elves have. I think I'll keep it around for a while!  
  
Gabrielle Lawson - I'm glad that you are enjoying this lighthearted fare. It was a great change for me and I am enjoying it myself. Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Karina againa - Lots of people seem to dislike spiders. Got over that little fear a while back (mostly) I'm glad that you liked Legolas' little revenge. I was something of a surprise to me. And nope, those brats don't ever stop! They are having way too much fun! And whoa! You are so right! I didn't think of Bill and Ted when I wrote that, but whoa! Excellent! Pipe weed is coming soon. They are almost there now! 


	11. Ignore this please!! (TreeHugger looks e...

Chapter 10 – Pretty in Pink  
  
Tanglinna had organized a group of Elves to hunt down the remaining Dwarves. They had gathered outside the large stone entrance doors and were awaiting the last member of their party. Tanglinna glanced at Tavor and Brethil who shrugged. They didn't know what was holding him up either. Suddenly a loud cry of distress rang through the air.  
  
"No, Father! Please! Don't make me wear that! I can't wear that!"  
  
The softer voice of the king was muffled and they couldn't hear his words, but they could hear his son's.  
  
"I swear I will never do anything like that again. Please, Ada! Please!"  
  
The hunters glanced at one another wondering what was happening now. Silence fell and they looked toward the palace. A few minutes later they could hear voices again.  
  
"You seem to enjoy sparkly things, nin ion. [my son] I felt it appropriate to give you some of your own."  
  
"Please, Ada. Please don't make me –"  
  
"Ah ah ah." Thranduil was shaking his finger back and forth. "You better get used to it, unless you can stop some of these pranks."  
  
"But –"  
  
"No, Legolas. You carry things too far and must be stopped. I think this will do it nicely."  
  
"Father, I won't – "  
  
"Yes. I am certain that you won't."  
  
The two rounded the corner and the hunters gasped, then fell into convulsions of laughter.  
  
Their prince stood at his father's side, face red and scowling. Instead of his hunting leathers, so gratefully donned when they had returned to the palace, he wore a flowing tunic with billowing sleeves a slender belt of silver encircled his waist. Small glittery gems sparked on belt and on the high collar that fastened about his throat. It seemed to be strangling him. The shirt was a brilliant shade of pink. On his head was an ornate silver circlet shaped into flowers and leaves, gems sparkling there as well in shades of green and red and pink.  
  
Tanglinna smirked and bowed to the king.  
  
"Your Majesty," he began. "I believe the Dwarves will see us coming many a mile off."  
  
Thranduil surveyed his handiwork, knowing he couldn't have thought of a more brilliant revenge.  
  
"Yes. He is rather a striking figure. Quite pretty really."  
  
Legolas' hand clenched on his bow, but he said nothing.  
  
: Perhaps he is learning. : Thranduil thought with a wry smile.  
  
"I thought that you found that particular circlet in questionable taste, your Majesty." Aradoltha, one of the hunters said, with a smile.  
  
"I do. In questionable taste, like some of my son's pranks."  
  
" He can't get much redder." Brethil whispered to Tavor.  
  
"No. I just hope that – "  
  
Thranduil turned to them.  
  
"And you may thank Tavor for the choice of color, Legolas." He said, surveying the young Elf usually so sure of himself.  
  
Legolas rounded on his friend, eyes narrowed.  
  
"I…I never…Legolas, you know I wouldn't…."  
  
"I do believe," Tanglinna drawled. "that I heard words to the effect that "It could be pink." Or am I mistaken."  
  
Tavor stared at him open mouthed.  
  
"He said that the green outfit could be worse if it were pink." Brethil said, nudging his friend. "Don't you remember?"  
  
"Worse? Didn't you like the green one?" Thranduil asked.  
  
Legolas swallowed. Why was he being tortured like this?  
  
"Yes."  
  
"What? I didn't hear you."  
  
"Yes. I…I liked the green outfit."  
  
"Oh?" Thranduil said with a grin. "Then you want a pink outfit just like the green one?"  
  
Legolas turned to him and hastily wiped the grimace from his face and swallowed the words that rose in his throat.  
  
"No, father. I don't…Thank you."  
  
"Truly? Too bad, I think it could be quite fetching."  
  
Tanglinna snorted.  
  
"Where is that, er, enchanting outfit, Prince Legolas?" he asked, enjoying this very much. "I was hoping to see it on you again."  
  
Legolas' eyes widened, and he glanced at Tavor and Brethil before he could stop himself.  
  
"He – uh – he gave it to my sister." Tavor said hastily. "Yes. That is it. My sister. She really, uh, appreciates it. Quite…er…enchanted really."  
  
Thranduil raised one eyebrow, but one look at his suffering son stopped him from saying anything further.  
  
"I see…Well, go hunt some Dwarves, why don't you. How many did you say there were, Brethil?"  
  
"Fourt-uh-I…I don't recall." He looked up at Tavor who smiled tightly.  
  
: Ah, dear. He is learning as well. : Thranduil thought. : We shall have to remedy that at some point. Can't have that one learning to be discreet. Not after all the work I have put into him. :  
  
He watched as they strode away, Tavor and Brethil immediately moving along side his son. He smiled imagining what they three were saying. He saw Legolas turn and glance backwards with a guilty expression on his face. Thranduil shook his head.  
  
: You should at least wait until you are out of sight before you talk about me. :  
  
"I can be rather a mean fellow." He said, grinning as he walked down a path lined with ferns.  
  
There was a sudden shriek from the kitchen garden and he hurried down the path to see a maiden with a basket of spilled herbs and late vegetables at her feet. A large spider was weaving slightly before her, a rather blank expression on its face.  
  
But what caught Thranduil's attention was the sparkling necklace around its furry neck. His eyes widened as he stared at the rather benign looking spider.  
  
"Where are the three masters?" it hissed, bowing awkwardly on its long hairy legs. "I wanted to show them this pretty sparkly thing. Though I don't remember where I got it."  
  
"Little Greenleaf!!" He yelled, causing the maiden and the spider to jump in surprise. He whirled about hurrying away to count his necklaces.  
  
  
  
  
  
The small band of hunters walked lightly through the forest, laughing and singing merrily. All except the three at the back: the youngest one looking worried and tugging on his braids while darting glances at the other two; the eldest, usually so smooth and glib, was silent, his brow furrowed as he fought to think of something to say; and the last, his face looking so like his father's when in high dudgeon that Tanglinna could barely control his own hoot of laughter.  
  
"Legolas, I am so sorry." Brethil began. "I knew we shouldn't have gone so far with these…uh…pranks. But the two of you just won't stop."  
  
Tavor turned to sneer at him.  
  
"It is your mouth that got us into trouble this time, Brethil. And those Dwarves-"  
  
"You should have let me give them some food."  
  
"Brethil, sometimes you really –"  
  
"You never listen to me and now look at him! This is all your fault!"  
  
"It is not. If you could have –"  
  
"Will you both shut up." Legolas hissed at them. "You are not making this any easier."  
  
They both turned to look at him, his blue eyes sparkling darkly, his face no longer red but the fair cheeks still flushed above the glittering gem encrusted collar.  
  
Tavor raised one eyebrow, eyes widening in assessment and looked at Brethil, who suddenly felt his lips twitch.  
  
"Well, if it is any consolation, Legolas," Tavor began seeing Brethil's face contort as he tried to control his own laughter. "You look very pretty in pink."  
  
The two burst out laughing and sprinted away. Legolas lips pulled back in a snarl, and with a quick glance at Tanglinna, he thrust his bow at Aradoltha, and ran after them.  
  
"Here we go again." Ryn said with a shake of his fair head, green eyes alight with amusement.  
  
"They will never learn." Aradoltha commented, with a grin.  
  
"Then I suspect that we will be seeing that rather fetching ensemble quite a bit on our prince." Sern laughed.  
  
"It is a good color on him." Amdir said with a slight smirk.  
  
"Perhaps all the Dwarves will fall in love with him and come along quietly." A young Elf named Meren said.  
  
Tanglinna said nothing, staring after the three, his eyes bright. He was enjoying these little games quite a lot and hoped they would continue for some time. There were very few that had ever managed to ruffle his king's feathers the way those three did. And Thranduil the wise and good needed his feathers ruffled on occasion.  
  
"Come." He murmured at last. "We need to stop them before they scare the Dwarves away before we can catch them. The king would not be pleased if they escaped us. And I don't think we would look nearly so good in pink as our prince."  
  
The hunters trotted through the silent trees, which rang with their mirth and laughter.  
  
  
  
Bilbo and the Dwarves trudged heavily through the forest each lost in his own thoughts of hunger and thirst and weariness. The muted shadows of evening were falling and they had been walking – :Staggering. : Bilbo thought with a sigh. – through the woods in their last attempt to be free of it.  
  
"I don't think we shall ever see the end of this forest." Ori moaned. "We'll die here forgotten by everyone."  
  
"I wonder what Gandalf will think when we don't come out." Bifur said quietly.  
  
"I suspect he will feel guilty for not coming with us. Why did he send us through here alone?" Bofur countered. "He's a Wizard, didn't he know what would befall us?"  
  
"Maybe he thought the Elves would help us if we needed it. Dratted Elves." Dwalin muttered.  
  
"This is all their fault. They should have fed us." Nori said, scratching his yellow beard.  
  
"The Elf maiden would have helped us if they hadn't whisked her away so quickly." Gloin said, his hand going to touch the spot above his heart where lay the Elf maiden's hair and crushed flowers.  
  
The others turned to stare at him.  
  
"You are quite pathetic." Dori said, with as much of a grin as he could muster.  
  
As they moved along following Bilbo who was lost deep in his food litany, Balin moved to join Gloin.  
  
"I have been thinking." He began hesitantly with a glance at the others. "The Elf maiden in sparkly green was rather wondrous to behold." His eyes gleamed with a soft light as he remembered the maiden. "Fair as a rose in May." He sighed.  
  
Gloin gazed at him in wonder, thinking perhaps he should share his few treasured strands of golden hair. But, no, he decided. He couldn't bear to part with them.  
  
The others turned to look at the two.  
  
Kili laughed at them and turned to Fili.  
  
"Can you believe them? In love with an Elf."  
  
Fili stared at him and blinked.  
  
"She was rather pretty." He stammered. "In an Elvish sort of way." He added hastily.  
  
The others laughed, momentarily forgetting their woes, which were manifold and overwhelming. It felt good to think of something other than parched throats, pinched stomachs, being lost, and without Thorin.  
  
"Her hair was rather beautiful." Dori admitted reluctantly. "Rather like spun gold."  
  
"Just as I said." Gloin declared with a smile, warming to this subject readily.  
  
"I am sure she smelled rather nice. Unlike us." Nori grimaced as he lifted his arm. "Probably sweet as honeysuckle."  
  
"Roses." Balin said. "She must smell of fresh pink roses kissed with dew."  
  
Again they all turned to him. He was becoming quite a poet.  
  
"That was a really nice outfit. I should rather like one like it."  
  
Now they all turned to stare at Oin who had a dreamy expression on his face.  
  
"Or not." He said quietly, quailing beneath their scrutiny.  
  
Bilbo kept his thoughts to himself, for his sharp eyes had detected something the Dwarves hadn't noticed. Their Elf maiden was an Elf male. The manner of dress was masculine, though somewhat frilly and fluffy. But they were Elves after all. He didn't wish to ruin their fantasy though, so he let them jabber on about the fair as a rose maiden in sparkly green and smiled to himself. At least they weren't complaining. And it didn't matter, since they would probably never see "her" again.  
  
It was then that torches suddenly flared around them, just as they had in the clearings before during the Elves' feasts. Elves jumped out before them, spears leveled at the Dwarves, bows held ready, arrow points gleaming in the firelight. Bilbo gasped and slipped on his ring and silently moved to one side away from the others, who had plopped to the ground.  
  
"You are coming with us, Dwarves." Tanglinna told them, eyes narrowed. "The king would have a word with you."  
  
The Dwarves stared wordless up at him. He looked so fierce that they wouldn't have tried to fight even if they weren't so starved and tired. Bright Elvish eyes glittered all about them, their muted brown and green clothing blending with the surroundings. All but one.  
  
Gloin gasped and clutched his heart. Ah! The fair one was here! But why did she travel with such savage warriors? Were they her protectors?  
  
Balin's eyes had traveled to her as well. He smiled and sighed.  
  
"A fair pink rose kissed by the dew." He murmured.  
  
All the Dwarves had noticed her, it was impossible not to dressed in such a bright color and looking so fetching standing there with a bow.  
  
"A Warrior Maiden." Dori whispered, feeling a thrill of excitement.  
  
"Silence, Dwarves." Tanglinna hissed at them, motioning for Aradoltha and Ryn to bind their wrists and put them into a long straggling line.  
  
"Twelve of them, Tanglinna." Meren said, after counting them.  
  
"Twelve?" He shot a glance at Tavor, Legolas, and Brethil. He knew one sat in the dungeons already, but Brethil had said –or almost said – fourteen. He gazed about the clearing, causing Bilbo to quake with apprehension. But his eyes passed over the Hobbit. The Master Archer shook his head. "Let's get them back."  
  
"That was awfully easy." Brethil said quietly, as they walked beside the line of Dwarves.  
  
"Almost too easy." Tavor commented staring at the Dwarves in wonder. "I at least expected some resistance."  
  
"They are tired and hungry. That is all." Legolas said, his eyes on the Dwarves. Were they staring at him? He felt a flush creep up his neck. : You shouldn't embarrass me in front of the Dwarves this way. : he thought angrily at his father. He looked hastily away.  
  
Tavor had noticed the undue amount of attention that Legolas was receiving from the small captives. But then he realized they were not looking at him in amusement. Could it be…admiration? He scrutinized their faces and saw that yes, indeed, it was admiration and - he nearly laughed out loud – infatuation.  
  
"Legolas, those Dwarves are staring at you." Brethil said, his face puzzled.  
  
"It's this stupid outfit. I can't wait to throw it to the spiders."  
  
"'Tis not the outfit, my prince. But the one in the outfit that draws their attention."  
  
"What are you talking about, Tavor?"  
  
"Look again at them. They are…how shall I put this…The Dwarves appear to be in love with you."  
  
Legolas wheeled on him, gazing at him, waiting to see the jest in his eyes. But then he looked to the Dwarves. Several of them were staring unabashedly at him, dark eyes filled with – He gulped. Then one with a dirty white hood bowed his head, touching his hand to his heart and smiled. Another one, somewhat larger than the others with a purple hood trailing down his back, grinned and flexed his muscles as well as he could in his bonds. Yet another seemed to be whispering something about pink roses.  
  
Legolas' mouth fell open and he staggered backwards, nearly bowling poor old Bilbo over as he followed them as silently as a mouse.  
  
Brethil started to giggle, which only drew the attention of the others.  
  
Tanglinna glanced sharply at Tavor who raised one eyebrow.  
  
"They find the Princess of Mirkwood rather pretty in pink." He said in Sindarin, knowing the Dwarves couldn't understand him.  
  
A wicked grin flashed across the older Elf's face. Thranduil would get a kick out of this. Or perhaps he would regret that he had made his youngest son dress in such a manner. If he laughed or admitted that he had gone too far with this himself it wouldn't matter. Either way it would be fun to tell him.  
  
The Dwarves knew that something amused the Elves as they all burst out laughing and singing songs.  
  
: They must be singing about the maiden. For she blushes so prettily. Ah, : he smiled, feeling his heart swell even more. : She is modest as well as beautiful. :  
  
  
  
  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
  
  
Ranger – As you can see not only Gloin is somewhat confused now. And Thorin is eating, just not happy about cooling his heels in a dungeon. Bilbo is quite an extraordinary person alright. Like Gandalf I always knew that. *smirks slightly* Papa was very cruel, but one upmanship often gets brutal. Btw have you fixed the warning labels on the water bottles yet? I forgot what you told me.  
  
Jan – Sorry, can't manage 3 in one day. I think it would kill me! Poor prince got his new robes as you see. Too bad he didn't like them. He is sooo hard to please. As you saw, poor Gloin is all the more smitten. And he isn't the only one. Maybe the Dwarves need glasses.  
  
Indigo – Legolas will never live this down. Never - never. His brothers are going have the best time! As you saw their spider came back. But a pair of them would be wonderful, don't you think?? All the little baby spiders running around!  
  
shirebound - Glad you like the weaving I am creating here.  
  
S – I do rely heavily on the canon. I assume that everyone has read the Hobbit, but I don't know for certain. And perhaps for some it has been a while since they last perused its pages. And at this point I can't change it. Though now the weeks that Tolkien doesn't describe are here and it will have to be all me! I am glad that the fun stuff makes you smile and Thran had his revenge, but it never seems to stop in Mirkwood. Someone is always up to something.  
  
ziggy – chapter 7 – I was so tickled when I read your review! Pure Whitehall farce! I had to show my husband that! He says you know what that means?? I said –you bet I do! Don't you love it! He said Benny Hill! I said I know! I love Benny Hill! Thanks so much!! I admit to having a food litany at times as well. And am also a Hobbit with Elvish leanings! I do have a wonderful fun time writing this zany stuff!  
  
Erin-21 – You must be as malicious in your humor as Thranduil. Pink, indeed! What else could it have been! How very wicked!  
  
Horus – First let me say - "I am so sorry! I am so sorry!" Putting poor Legolas in that pink tunic was a terrible thing to do! Who am I kidding. Sorry, I was sounding like Brethil there for a minute! I know it was mean, but I couldn't help myself. It'll get better for him. I promise!  
  
queenie - I update as quickly as I can, trust me. And you can join the ff.net club for disgruntled users. I totally agree about Chap. 5. Even I thought it was funny. That is the one my husband is supposed to read next, so we will see what he thinks. (author groans and shakes her head) I may not want to know what he thinks!  
  
Crawler – You are too kind to me. And I will have to come and visit Tawaruesta at some point. But I don't know. I prefer Mirkwood!  
  
t - Ff.net is screwy though it seemed to work fine for me most of yesterday when I checked. Hopefully it is better now. You make me sound like I am writing serials. That is what a certain Ranger told me before! Well, some of your questions have been answered and now on to the others!  
  
Rings of the Cosmos – Amusing! Very good! I like amusing! I can actually be amusing, now that is amusing. Sorry. Got a bit carried away there.  
  
Mari – Yes. I, too, can understand Legolas wanting to get out of Mirkwood at the first chance. Though he seems to enjoy himself most of the time. And the chaos theory is my way of writing. Just sit down and stare at the screen and think "Okay, what can happen now??" And my muse usually tells me these funny things! It is rather a wonderful muse, not like the last one who tended to sulk in the corner. This one definitely likes chaos!  
  
Karina – chapter 7 – Aww. Celebross and Aralith aren't all that bad. They are just older brothers. That is how they get sometimes. As for Tanglinna, he lives for this! Watching everyone trying to outdo the other just makes his day! The three Bad Boy Elves do get into lot of stuff! Very bodacious dudes, indeed! And Bilbo is truly excellent!  
  
Lakergurl13 - Yep. Legolas had the necklace the entire time! He can be sneaky. And Tanglinna is very cool! Give him a chance. And I think that Thorin is the only Dwarf that doesn't need glasses. Of course, he saw him in his normal clothes. So maybe that was it. Glad you liked Thorin and Leggy!  
  
phoenixfeather - Ff.net had a lot of us fuming there for a while. I am glad you find this tale so laughter worthy. I love it when people laugh at my stuff. Now if only I can get my hubby to laugh, even once…  
  
Irena - Write…write…write…That is about all I do now. Or think about writing when I am not writing. I think it is too quickly, but I can't seem to stop!  
  
Nancing Elf – I cannot keep up with me at times, nin mellon! Hobbits are a brave and resourceful lot. Gotta love them. And I was glad that Tavor got nailed. That doesn't happen often, so it is a victory when it does. Poor Gloin doesn't get it yet, though it wasn't his fault that he didn't know this time. And Thorin and Thrandruil make quite a lovely pair of old goats when it comes to stubbornness! As for the quick writing, it is very hard and taxing. Exhausting. But I try! For Mirkwood!  
  
IceAngel – chapter 7 – ff.net got you too, I see. I'm glad that you like Legolas' brothers, I will have to find more for them to do. It is a pity I couldn't have written all this fun stuff into my old fics. Shouldn't write prequels after the fact. I will remember that. Maybe. When Legolas said "Father…I…I don't know anything about those Dwarves." He must have been having a Brethil moment there or something. But I guess we all tend to tell a little too much when we have a slightly guilty conscience. Glad you liked the dead spiders. But there is that one that the three Bad Boy Elves have. I think I'll keep it around for a while!  
  
Gabrielle Lawson – I'm glad that you are enjoying this lighthearted fare. It was a great change for me and I am enjoying it myself. Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Karina againa – Lots of people seem to dislike spiders. Got over that little fear a while back (mostly) I'm glad that you liked Legolas' little revenge. I was something of a surprise to me. And nope, those brats don't ever stop! They are having way too much fun! And whoa! You are so right! I didn't think of Bill and Ted when I wrote that, but whoa! Excellent! Pipe weed is coming soon. They are almost there now! 


	12. Chapter 11 - Fair as a Rose in May (the...

Okay, this is the real Chapter 11. Looks like TreeHugger is having her own adventures in zany land now! Poetic justice I guess. Or something. Actually I think it was the third son of Elrond's fault, since it was during a conversation with him that this happened. (Aralas stares pointedly at Silvarn who is still in a tree in Mirkwood hiding with good reason now!) Okay. I will try very hard not to put this up more than once, I swear. I am so sorry.I am so sorry.I am so sorry!  
Also, I leave tomorrow morning and won't be back until Wednesday evening. So.maybe by then Ff.net will have fixed it little quirks. I hope to have something to post when I return. And for those of you who have stories that I am currently reading, I will read whatever you put up when I return.  
  
Chapter 11 - Fair as a Rose in May (Or: The Real Chapter 11)  
  
Thranduil was wondering where Cuil and Calenthar had taken the spider as he waited for the hunters to return with the dwarves. The silly beast had started chattering about its new acquisition, which it refused to yield to the king.  
  
"It is mine!" the spider had hissed at him. "It is mine, not yours. I am sure that the three masters gave it to me, though I cannot remember their doing it. I have others much like it that they gave to me, though not as sparkly and pretty."  
  
~Others?~ Thranduil thought wearily. ~ How many others have you given to the spider, Little Greenleaf? ~ He had not had the heart to kill it, as it looked so pitiful, so he had sent it with Cuil and Calenthar to find it a place to stay out of the way until his son and his friends returned.  
  
~What a wearying day, ~ he thought, pressing his hand to his head. He crossed the room and poured himself a cup of tea. He sipped it thoughtfully, sinking into a chair. ~Vandal Root, ~he thought with satisfaction. ~ That should help me relax. ~ He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, covering them with a cool damp cloth, allowing the calming herbs to do their work.  
  
By the time the pot was drained he was feeling quite mellow and content. He allowed himself a small smile and hummed to himself. He heard the door open and two people enter, but he didn't open his eyes or look up.  
  
"Whatever it is, it can wait," he said. "I am in too good a mood to hear anything you have to say. So come back later." He swung his hands slightly in time to the music in his head.  
  
He heard feet shuffling and whispered voices.  
  
"Um. . . your Majesty? This is important. The spider has . . . ."  
  
"No, no, no. I am not listening."  
  
"Sire, please. The spider is . . . !"  
  
"No, not now." Thranduil could feel his good mood dissipating as they lingered.  
  
The two Elves looked at one another. One shrugged and dared to continue.  
  
"The spider is in your room, Majesty. Going through your jewelry."  
  
Thranduil sat up, the cloth dropping to his lap.  
  
"What did you say?!"  
  
Cuil and Calenthar glanced at one another, and slowly backed toward the door.  
  
"The spider is in your room . . . !"  
  
"I heard you!" Thranduil sprang from the chair and pushed passed the two Elves, muttering curses and invectives as he went. He strode down the corridor scattering anyone in his way with merely the look on his face and his flashing eyes. Several people were standing outside his room, peering into it with looks of amazement, fear, and amusement. When they heard the king coming though they quickly gave way.  
  
Thranduil stopped in the doorway and stared at what he saw. Several of his robes were scattered about on the floor and the bed; his boxes of jewels and stones lay open on the tables and before the large mirror was the spider, holding up a particularly bright necklace with a large white stone dangling from it, his favorite robe of indigo draped over the spiders' large back.  
  
"What a pretty thing," the spider creaked. "Pretty white stone that glows nicely."  
  
Thranduil trembled with rage.  
  
"What is that thing doing in here?!" He turned to glare at Cuil and Calenthar.  
  
"It . . . um . . . we . . . um. . . that is. . . ."  
  
Thranduil growled, his headache returning.  
  
"Get it out of here now!" he roared. "Get it out of here and take it and put it . . . ." He grimaced, clenching at his temples. "Put it in Legolas' room. Lock it in there. He can take care of it when he returns." The king whirled about and stormed down the hallway. "And clean up that mess!"  
  
Cuil and Calenthar exchanged slightly relieved glances.  
  
"I fear for those dwarves when they do arrive," Cuil said quietly as they moved into the room to try and convince the spider to leave. "I would not want to be in their place."  
  
"Hmph. I would not want to be in Prince Legolas' place."  
  
Cuil smiled, tapping the spider gingerly on its back to get its attention.  
  
"I would not want to be in his place now either. Did you see his new outfit?"  
  
Calenthar smiled.  
  
"Aye. Very becoming if I do say so."  
  
The two laughed and coaxed the spider away, allowing it to keep its bauble as it wouldn't leave without it.  
  
"Come, Gwibess. It is time to go and visit the master's room," Calenthar said, hooking a leash to the necklace about its neck. The leash had been found in Legolas' room, and it glittered with tiny blue gems.  
  
Gwibess creaked and hissed happily to herself as they lead her down the hall.  
  
"Wait until the masters see this one. It is very pretty. They will like it on me, I am sure."  
  
Several Elves watched as Cuil and Calenthar lead the spider down the hall. It was quite docile. Celebross and Aralith had joined them. They stood shaking their heads, Aralith struggling to look calm. His greatest fear was of the giant spiders.  
  
"I fear for the three masters," Aralith whispered with a laugh, managing to keep from shuddering with fear and disgust.  
  
"I don't think our youngest prince will ever get to wear anything but pink ever again," Thuio said.  
  
"I think that it would be a good night to go sleep beneath the stars in one of the far clearings. Far enough away to not hear the shrieking," Celebross commented, glancing at his brother.  
  
Aralith nodded.  
  
"That is an excellent idea, brother. Though I would dearly love to see the look on Legolas' face when father tells him he may not change his clothes." He smirked. "But I do not wish to hear the fireworks. Let us go." ~Or remain in the palace with a spider creeping about! ~  
  
The two brothers and several others hurried from the palace, talking delightedly about what might happen in their absence.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Bilbo trotted quickly behind the elves that lead the dwarves across a bridge toward the Hall of the Wood Elf King. The hobbit glanced down at the black rushing water and hurried across. He was a bit surprised to see the elves taking the dwarves into a large cave, the entrance behind two massive stone doors. He had thought that the Elves would live in the trees. Then he noticed in the distance, faint lights and glimmers and torches burning. Delicate houses were nestled beneath the towering beeches and oaks as well as in the branches over head. But he didn't have time to think about it now as he rushed behind the others, quiet as a mouse.  
  
As he had traveled through the woods he had been grateful for the bright pink tunic that the one Elf wore. It had been much easier to see than the browns and greens worn by the others. He could hear snatches of conversation among the three young elves that lagged slightly behind. He couldn't understand all the words they said, but he could tell by the tone of their voices and the looks on their fair faces that they were not happy, especially the one in pink.  
  
~ I wouldn't be happy either, dressed like that, ~ he thought sympathetically.  
  
"It is just the outfit, isn't it?" Legolas was saying, plucking at the soft material in disgust. "I don't really look like a girl. Do I? Please, tell me it is the outfit!"  
  
"Of course it is the outfit," Tavor assured him. "It is pink and well, that is a girl's color." He had never seen Legolas so distressed before.  
  
Brethil, who had been rather quiet, looked up at them.  
  
"I don't know," he began quietly, studying Legolas' face. "You are very beautiful."  
  
Legolas turned to him, regarding him with despair.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, you are. Even Tavor has said so."  
  
"What?! I said no such thing." Tavor's face reddened. "I didn't Legolas. Honestly! Brethil, what are you playing at?"  
  
Legolas looked at Tavor, blue eyes filled with suspicion.  
  
"I didn't! Brethil is making this up! Tell him, Brethil!"  
  
But the younger Elf merely gazed at them with innocent grey eyes.  
  
"Tavor!" Legolas gasped. "No! Don't touch me! Stay back. First the dwarves, and now you. I thought you were my friend. Just stay away from me!" He hurried away from the two, joining Meren and Ryn, glancing back accusingly at Tavor.  
  
Tavor turned on Brethil.  
  
"Why did you tell him that?! You know it wasn't true!"  
  
Brethil grinned.  
  
"I know. How was that for retaliation? I think I am getting the hang of this after all. I fooled you both!" He laughed merrily and moved to join Legolas and the others, leaving Tavor staring after him open- mouthed.  
  
Bilbo watched carefully as they entered Thranduil's palace, but soon became lost in the labyrinth of passageways and corridors twisting and turning in every direction.  
  
~ Oh, dear! ~ he thought in despair. ~How will I ever find the way out? ~  
  
The doors had shut behind them as if by magic, nearly catching him as he slipped through. And such a dreadful feeling it was to be shut up in here with no idea of where he was going or how he would get out again.  
  
~ Keep your wits about you, Baggins! ~ he told himself sternly. ~ You're going to need them. ~  
  
The elves escorted the dwarves into a large room with gracefully carved pillars. Seated on a chair delicately carved with vines, leaves, and flowers was Thranduil. He was dressed in dark green robes that shimmered in the light of the many torches and scented candles. On his golden head was a crown of berries and bright red leaves. He held a staff of oak skillfully carved, its end resting on the floor at his feet.  
  
~Good heavens! What a magnificent creature! ~ Bilbo thought with a moment of panic. ~ But he does not look happy. The poor dwarves! I wonder what he will do to them? ~  
  
Thranduil's eyes swept over the string of Dwarves waiting as the blindfolds were removed. His eyes moved to his son, whom he noticed was not standing with Tavor at his side. He raised one eyebrow at that and then scowled deeply at his youngest.  
  
~ What did I do now? ~ Legolas wondered. ~ I haven't even been here. What could possibly have happened now? ~  
  
The dwarves blinked in the sudden light and looked about.  
  
"Good stone," Balin commented, admiring the room. "Looks like it was carved by dwarves."  
  
"Silence!" Thranduil barked. His head was pounding, there was spider hair on his robe, the necklace that matched this outfit was missing, and he was not in a good mood. He glared at Legolas and gestured sharply for him to stand at his side. Celebross and Aralith seemed to have disappeared which had not pleased the king either. "Unbind the dwarves," he said, "and bring them closer. They aren't going anywhere." He stared down at them imperiously. "There is no escape from my magic doors for those who are once brought inside."  
  
~ Oh, dear! ~ the hobbit thought with dismay. ~ Now even if I can find them again, which I doubt, I won't be able to get out of them! ~  
  
Then the interrogation began, and a long and arduous one it was. Thranduil was stubborn, but the Dwarves were angry and surly, and stubborn as well.  
  
"What have we done, O king?" Balin asked, feeling that as the eldest, now that Thorin had gone missing, it was his place to speak for them all. "Is it a crime to be lost in the forest, to be hungry and thirsty, to be trapped by spiders? Are the spiders your tame beasts or your pets, if killing them makes you angry?"  
  
Thranduil's face darkened and he turned to glare at his son once more. ~ Pet spiders indeed, ~ he thought, recalling how his room looked and the robes covered with spider hair and the missing jewelry.  
  
~What did I do? ~ Legolas wondered, amazed at the shade of red that his father's face had turned.  
  
Thranduil growled in his throat, and turned back to the Dwarves. He listed their numerous crimes since entering his realm, his blue eyes narrowed as he surveyed each dwarf in turn. Something was not quite as it should be. He noted their sideways glances and found that it was Legolas they kept looking at.  
  
"Why are you staring at my son in that way?!" he barked at last, quite disgusted by the entire thing.  
  
Gloin, Balin, Fili, Nori and Dori jumped, hardly realizing that they were indeed staring at Legolas.  
  
"Son?" Dori whispered. "Son?!"  
  
"Yes, my son" Thranduil said, turning to look at Legolas. He studied his son in his pink outfit, then frowned. "Who is about to change out of that ridiculous thing he is wearing. Yes. He is my son. And you are not to look at him thus!"  
  
"Son?" Balin said, staring even harder. "But she is as fair as a rose in May."  
  
Legolas mouth fell open in horror.  
  
Tanglinna stifled a laugh, his eyes bright as they met Thranduil's. The king shook his head and clutched his temples, which were pounding mercilessly.  
  
"Take them to the dungeons," he said. "Give them something to eat and drink. But not one of them is to pass out of their cells until they tell me what I want to know. Now get them out of here!"  
  
The Dwarves were marched away. Gloin, Balin, Fili, Nori and Dori glancing back at Legolas.  
  
"Son," Balin whispered, in disbelief. "His son."  
  
Gloin shook his head, his hand on his tunic over his treasured spun gold hairs.  
  
"He is only saying that because we are dwarves, and he does not want us to look at her so. She is much too fair to be a son."  
  
After they had left, the four dwarves still gazing behind them, Thranduil turned to Legolas.  
  
"Do you see this, Little Greenleaf?" he asked, holding up the corner of his robe.  
  
Legolas stared at it.  
  
"I don't see . . . ?" Then he did see the small silvery hairs. Very familiar hairs. He swallowed.  
  
"Do you know what they are?" Thranduil continued.  
  
Legolas nodded slightly.  
  
"Spider hairs?"  
  
"Yes. Spider hairs." Thranduil's voice was very quiet and very calm. It scared his son immensely. "And how do you suppose they got there?"  
  
Legolas turned to look at Brethil and Tavor.  
  
"I . . . I can't imagine."  
  
"Well, I will tell you."  
  
Tanglinna covered his ears, and all but he, Legolas, Brethil and Tavor fled the room.  
  
"BECAUSE THERE WAS A SPIDER IN MY ROOM, WEARING ONE OF MY NECKLACES AND MY ROBE! THAT IS WHY!!"  
  
Legolas squeezed his eyes shut and shuddered. Across the room Brethil's eyes suddenly brightened.  
  
"Oh! Did Gwibess come home? How wonderful! You didn't have to worry after all, Legolas. Everything is fine now."  
  
TBC  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
Ithilien - You are too kind to me! And yes, Legolas is truly enchanting! Poor Dwarves. They'll have to go through withdrawal or something.  
  
Irena - Yeah, I posted it 3 times. How did I do that?! (rolls her eyes) Don't you just love ff.net??!!  
  
queenie - ff.net just keeps me rolling on the floor. Glad you liked my spider. She's quite interesting. I'll let you know what my hubby thinks. I will make him read it on vacation.  
  
Erin-21 - Thank you for getting onto ff.net and reviewing! I had so much fun with them this afternoon as I am sure you have seen! And it was mean of me to put poor Lego in a pink outfit. But hey! You thought of it too!  
  
Oboist/'s Apprentice - Thanks for reviewing! Glad ff.net let you on! You are quite welcome for the elvish translations. It is the least I can do for you guys!  
  
Katharine the Great - Thanks for all the yummies! Glad you are enjoying this romp! I know I am. And the yummies help immensely! 


	13. Ignore this please, pipeweed does this t...

Chapter 10 – Pretty in Pink  
  
Tanglinna had organized a group of Elves to hunt down the remaining Dwarves. They had gathered outside the large stone entrance doors and were awaiting the last member of their party. Tanglinna glanced at Tavor and Brethil who shrugged. They didn't know what was holding him up either. Suddenly a loud cry of distress rang through the air.  
  
"No, Father! Please! Don't make me wear that! I can't wear that!"  
  
The softer voice of the king was muffled and they couldn't hear his words, but they could hear his son's.  
  
"I swear I will never do anything like that again. Please, Ada! Please!"  
  
The hunters glanced at one another wondering what was happening now. Silence fell and they looked toward the palace. A few minutes later they could hear voices again.  
  
"You seem to enjoy sparkly things, nin ion. [my son] I felt it appropriate to give you some of your own."  
  
"Please, Ada. Please don't make me –"  
  
"Ah ah ah." Thranduil was shaking his finger back and forth. "You better get used to it, unless you can stop some of these pranks."  
  
"But –"  
  
"No, Legolas. You carry things too far and must be stopped. I think this will do it nicely."  
  
"Father, I won't – "  
  
"Yes. I am certain that you won't."  
  
The two rounded the corner and the hunters gasped, then fell into convulsions of laughter.  
  
Their prince stood at his father's side, face red and scowling. Instead of his hunting leathers, so gratefully donned when they had returned to the palace, he wore a flowing tunic with billowing sleeves a slender belt of silver encircled his waist. Small glittery gems sparked on belt and on the high collar that fastened about his throat. It seemed to be strangling him. The shirt was a brilliant shade of pink. On his head was an ornate silver circlet shaped into flowers and leaves, gems sparkling there as well in shades of green and red and pink.  
  
Tanglinna smirked and bowed to the king.  
  
"Your Majesty," he began. "I believe the Dwarves will see us coming many a mile off."  
  
Thranduil surveyed his handiwork, knowing he couldn't have thought of a more brilliant revenge.  
  
"Yes. He is rather a striking figure. Quite pretty really."  
  
Legolas' hand clenched on his bow, but he said nothing.  
  
: Perhaps he is learning. : Thranduil thought with a wry smile.  
  
"I thought that you found that particular circlet in questionable taste, your Majesty." Aradoltha, one of the hunters said, with a smile.  
  
"I do. In questionable taste, like some of my son's pranks."  
  
" He can't get much redder." Brethil whispered to Tavor.  
  
"No. I just hope that – "  
  
Thranduil turned to them.  
  
"And you may thank Tavor for the choice of color, Legolas." He said, surveying the young Elf usually so sure of himself.  
  
Legolas rounded on his friend, eyes narrowed.  
  
"I…I never…Legolas, you know I wouldn't…."  
  
"I do believe," Tanglinna drawled. "that I heard words to the effect that "It could be pink." Or am I mistaken."  
  
Tavor stared at him open mouthed.  
  
"He said that the green outfit could be worse if it were pink." Brethil said, nudging his friend. "Don't you remember?"  
  
"Worse? Didn't you like the green one?" Thranduil asked.  
  
Legolas swallowed. Why was he being tortured like this?  
  
"Yes."  
  
"What? I didn't hear you."  
  
"Yes. I…I liked the green outfit."  
  
"Oh?" Thranduil said with a grin. "Then you want a pink outfit just like the green one?"  
  
Legolas turned to him and hastily wiped the grimace from his face and swallowed the words that rose in his throat.  
  
"No, father. I don't…Thank you."  
  
"Truly? Too bad, I think it could be quite fetching."  
  
Tanglinna snorted.  
  
"Where is that, er, enchanting outfit, Prince Legolas?" he asked, enjoying this very much. "I was hoping to see it on you again."  
  
Legolas' eyes widened, and he glanced at Tavor and Brethil before he could stop himself.  
  
"He – uh – he gave it to my sister." Tavor said hastily. "Yes. That is it. My sister. She really, uh, appreciates it. Quite…er…enchanted really."  
  
Thranduil raised one eyebrow, but one look at his suffering son stopped him from saying anything further.  
  
"I see…Well, go hunt some Dwarves, why don't you. How many did you say there were, Brethil?"  
  
"Fourt-uh-I…I don't recall." He looked up at Tavor who smiled tightly.  
  
: Ah, dear. He is learning as well. : Thranduil thought. : We shall have to remedy that at some point. Can't have that one learning to be discreet. Not after all the work I have put into him. :  
  
He watched as they strode away, Tavor and Brethil immediately moving along side his son. He smiled imagining what they three were saying. He saw Legolas turn and glance backwards with a guilty expression on his face. Thranduil shook his head.  
  
: You should at least wait until you are out of sight before you talk about me. :  
  
"I can be rather a mean fellow." He said, grinning as he walked down a path lined with ferns.  
  
There was a sudden shriek from the kitchen garden and he hurried down the path to see a maiden with a basket of spilled herbs and late vegetables at her feet. A large spider was weaving slightly before her, a rather blank expression on its face.  
  
But what caught Thranduil's attention was the sparkling necklace around its furry neck. His eyes widened as he stared at the rather benign looking spider.  
  
"Where are the three masters?" it hissed, bowing awkwardly on its long hairy legs. "I wanted to show them this pretty sparkly thing. Though I don't remember where I got it."  
  
"Little Greenleaf!!" He yelled, causing the maiden and the spider to jump in surprise. He whirled about hurrying away to count his necklaces.  
  
  
  
  
  
The small band of hunters walked lightly through the forest, laughing and singing merrily. All except the three at the back: the youngest one looking worried and tugging on his braids while darting glances at the other two; the eldest, usually so smooth and glib, was silent, his brow furrowed as he fought to think of something to say; and the last, his face looking so like his father's when in high dudgeon that Tanglinna could barely control his own hoot of laughter.  
  
"Legolas, I am so sorry." Brethil began. "I knew we shouldn't have gone so far with these…uh…pranks. But the two of you just won't stop."  
  
Tavor turned to sneer at him.  
  
"It is your mouth that got us into trouble this time, Brethil. And those Dwarves-"  
  
"You should have let me give them some food."  
  
"Brethil, sometimes you really –"  
  
"You never listen to me and now look at him! This is all your fault!"  
  
"It is not. If you could have –"  
  
"Will you both shut up." Legolas hissed at them. "You are not making this any easier."  
  
They both turned to look at him, his blue eyes sparkling darkly, his face no longer red but the fair cheeks still flushed above the glittering gem encrusted collar.  
  
Tavor raised one eyebrow, eyes widening in assessment and looked at Brethil, who suddenly felt his lips twitch.  
  
"Well, if it is any consolation, Legolas," Tavor began seeing Brethil's face contort as he tried to control his own laughter. "You look very pretty in pink."  
  
The two burst out laughing and sprinted away. Legolas lips pulled back in a snarl, and with a quick glance at Tanglinna, he thrust his bow at Aradoltha, and ran after them.  
  
"Here we go again." Ryn said with a shake of his fair head, green eyes alight with amusement.  
  
"They will never learn." Aradoltha commented, with a grin.  
  
"Then I suspect that we will be seeing that rather fetching ensemble quite a bit on our prince." Sern laughed.  
  
"It is a good color on him." Amdir said with a slight smirk.  
  
"Perhaps all the Dwarves will fall in love with him and come along quietly." A young Elf named Meren said.  
  
Tanglinna said nothing, staring after the three, his eyes bright. He was enjoying these little games quite a lot and hoped they would continue for some time. There were very few that had ever managed to ruffle his king's feathers the way those three did. And Thranduil the wise and good needed his feathers ruffled on occasion.  
  
"Come." He murmured at last. "We need to stop them before they scare the Dwarves away before we can catch them. The king would not be pleased if they escaped us. And I don't think we would look nearly so good in pink as our prince."  
  
The hunters trotted through the silent trees, which rang with their mirth and laughter.  
  
  
  
Bilbo and the Dwarves trudged heavily through the forest each lost in his own thoughts of hunger and thirst and weariness. The muted shadows of evening were falling and they had been walking – :Staggering. : Bilbo thought with a sigh. – through the woods in their last attempt to be free of it.  
  
"I don't think we shall ever see the end of this forest." Ori moaned. "We'll die here forgotten by everyone."  
  
"I wonder what Gandalf will think when we don't come out." Bifur said quietly.  
  
"I suspect he will feel guilty for not coming with us. Why did he send us through here alone?" Bofur countered. "He's a Wizard, didn't he know what would befall us?"  
  
"Maybe he thought the Elves would help us if we needed it. Dratted Elves." Dwalin muttered.  
  
"This is all their fault. They should have fed us." Nori said, scratching his yellow beard.  
  
"The Elf maiden would have helped us if they hadn't whisked her away so quickly." Gloin said, his hand going to touch the spot above his heart where lay the Elf maiden's hair and crushed flowers.  
  
The others turned to stare at him.  
  
"You are quite pathetic." Dori said, with as much of a grin as he could muster.  
  
As they moved along following Bilbo who was lost deep in his food litany, Balin moved to join Gloin.  
  
"I have been thinking." He began hesitantly with a glance at the others. "The Elf maiden in sparkly green was rather wondrous to behold." His eyes gleamed with a soft light as he remembered the maiden. "Fair as a rose in May." He sighed.  
  
Gloin gazed at him in wonder, thinking perhaps he should share his few treasured strands of golden hair. But, no, he decided. He couldn't bear to part with them.  
  
The others turned to look at the two.  
  
Kili laughed at them and turned to Fili.  
  
"Can you believe them? In love with an Elf."  
  
Fili stared at him and blinked.  
  
"She was rather pretty." He stammered. "In an Elvish sort of way." He added hastily.  
  
The others laughed, momentarily forgetting their woes, which were manifold and overwhelming. It felt good to think of something other than parched throats, pinched stomachs, being lost, and without Thorin.  
  
"Her hair was rather beautiful." Dori admitted reluctantly. "Rather like spun gold."  
  
"Just as I said." Gloin declared with a smile, warming to this subject readily.  
  
"I am sure she smelled rather nice. Unlike us." Nori grimaced as he lifted his arm. "Probably sweet as honeysuckle."  
  
"Roses." Balin said. "She must smell of fresh pink roses kissed with dew."  
  
Again they all turned to him. He was becoming quite a poet.  
  
"That was a really nice outfit. I should rather like one like it."  
  
Now they all turned to stare at Oin who had a dreamy expression on his face.  
  
"Or not." He said quietly, quailing beneath their scrutiny.  
  
Bilbo kept his thoughts to himself, for his sharp eyes had detected something the Dwarves hadn't noticed. Their Elf maiden was an Elf male. The manner of dress was masculine, though somewhat frilly and fluffy. But they were Elves after all. He didn't wish to ruin their fantasy though, so he let them jabber on about the fair as a rose maiden in sparkly green and smiled to himself. At least they weren't complaining. And it didn't matter, since they would probably never see "her" again.  
  
It was then that torches suddenly flared around them, just as they had in the clearings before during the Elves' feasts. Elves jumped out before them, spears leveled at the Dwarves, bows held ready, arrow points gleaming in the firelight. Bilbo gasped and slipped on his ring and silently moved to one side away from the others, who had plopped to the ground.  
  
"You are coming with us, Dwarves." Tanglinna told them, eyes narrowed. "The king would have a word with you."  
  
The Dwarves stared wordless up at him. He looked so fierce that they wouldn't have tried to fight even if they weren't so starved and tired. Bright Elvish eyes glittered all about them, their muted brown and green clothing blending with the surroundings. All but one.  
  
Gloin gasped and clutched his heart. Ah! The fair one was here! But why did she travel with such savage warriors? Were they her protectors?  
  
Balin's eyes had traveled to her as well. He smiled and sighed.  
  
"A fair pink rose kissed by the dew." He murmured.  
  
All the Dwarves had noticed her, it was impossible not to dressed in such a bright color and looking so fetching standing there with a bow.  
  
"A Warrior Maiden." Dori whispered, feeling a thrill of excitement.  
  
"Silence, Dwarves." Tanglinna hissed at them, motioning for Aradoltha and Ryn to bind their wrists and put them into a long straggling line.  
  
"Twelve of them, Tanglinna." Meren said, after counting them.  
  
"Twelve?" He shot a glance at Tavor, Legolas, and Brethil. He knew one sat in the dungeons already, but Brethil had said –or almost said – fourteen. He gazed about the clearing, causing Bilbo to quake with apprehension. But his eyes passed over the Hobbit. The Master Archer shook his head. "Let's get them back."  
  
"That was awfully easy." Brethil said quietly, as they walked beside the line of Dwarves.  
  
"Almost too easy." Tavor commented staring at the Dwarves in wonder. "I at least expected some resistance."  
  
"They are tired and hungry. That is all." Legolas said, his eyes on the Dwarves. Were they staring at him? He felt a flush creep up his neck. : You shouldn't embarrass me in front of the Dwarves this way. : he thought angrily at his father. He looked hastily away.  
  
Tavor had noticed the undue amount of attention that Legolas was receiving from the small captives. But then he realized they were not looking at him in amusement. Could it be…admiration? He scrutinized their faces and saw that yes, indeed, it was admiration and - he nearly laughed out loud – infatuation.  
  
"Legolas, those Dwarves are staring at you." Brethil said, his face puzzled.  
  
"It's this stupid outfit. I can't wait to throw it to the spiders."  
  
"'Tis not the outfit, my prince. But the one in the outfit that draws their attention."  
  
"What are you talking about, Tavor?"  
  
"Look again at them. They are…how shall I put this…The Dwarves appear to be in love with you."  
  
Legolas wheeled on him, gazing at him, waiting to see the jest in his eyes. But then he looked to the Dwarves. Several of them were staring unabashedly at him, dark eyes filled with – He gulped. Then one with a dirty white hood bowed his head, touching his hand to his heart and smiled. Another one, somewhat larger than the others with a purple hood trailing down his back, grinned and flexed his muscles as well as he could in his bonds. Yet another seemed to be whispering something about pink roses.  
  
Legolas' mouth fell open and he staggered backwards, nearly bowling poor old Bilbo over as he followed them as silently as a mouse.  
  
Brethil started to giggle, which only drew the attention of the others.  
  
Tanglinna glanced sharply at Tavor who raised one eyebrow.  
  
"They find the Princess of Mirkwood rather pretty in pink." He said in Sindarin, knowing the Dwarves couldn't understand him.  
  
A wicked grin flashed across the older Elf's face. Thranduil would get a kick out of this. Or perhaps he would regret that he had made his youngest son dress in such a manner. If he laughed or admitted that he had gone too far with this himself it wouldn't matter. Either way it would be fun to tell him.  
  
The Dwarves knew that something amused the Elves as they all burst out laughing and singing songs.  
  
: They must be singing about the maiden. For she blushes so prettily. Ah, : he smiled, feeling his heart swell even more. : She is modest as well as beautiful. :  
  
  
  
  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
  
  
Ranger – As you can see not only Gloin is somewhat confused now. And Thorin is eating, just not happy about cooling his heels in a dungeon. Bilbo is quite an extraordinary person alright. Like Gandalf I always knew that. *smirks slightly* Papa was very cruel, but one upmanship often gets brutal. Btw have you fixed the warning labels on the water bottles yet? I forgot what you told me.  
  
Jan – Sorry, can't manage 3 in one day. I think it would kill me! Poor prince got his new robes as you see. Too bad he didn't like them. He is sooo hard to please. As you saw, poor Gloin is all the more smitten. And he isn't the only one. Maybe the Dwarves need glasses.  
  
Indigo – Legolas will never live this down. Never - never. His brothers are going have the best time! As you saw their spider came back. But a pair of them would be wonderful, don't you think?? All the little baby spiders running around!  
  
shirebound - Glad you like the weaving I am creating here.  
  
S – I do rely heavily on the canon. I assume that everyone has read the Hobbit, but I don't know for certain. And perhaps for some it has been a while since they last perused its pages. And at this point I can't change it. Though now the weeks that Tolkien doesn't describe are here and it will have to be all me! I am glad that the fun stuff makes you smile and Thran had his revenge, but it never seems to stop in Mirkwood. Someone is always up to something.  
  
ziggy – chapter 7 – I was so tickled when I read your review! Pure Whitehall farce! I had to show my husband that! He says you know what that means?? I said –you bet I do! Don't you love it! He said Benny Hill! I said I know! I love Benny Hill! Thanks so much!! I admit to having a food litany at times as well. And am also a Hobbit with Elvish leanings! I do have a wonderful fun time writing this zany stuff!  
  
Erin-21 – You must be as malicious in your humor as Thranduil. Pink, indeed! What else could it have been! How very wicked!  
  
Horus – First let me say - "I am so sorry! I am so sorry!" Putting poor Legolas in that pink tunic was a terrible thing to do! Who am I kidding. Sorry, I was sounding like Brethil there for a minute! I know it was mean, but I couldn't help myself. It'll get better for him. I promise!  
  
queenie - I update as quickly as I can, trust me. And you can join the ff.net club for disgruntled users. I totally agree about Chap. 5. Even I thought it was funny. That is the one my husband is supposed to read next, so we will see what he thinks. (author groans and shakes her head) I may not want to know what he thinks!  
  
Crawler – You are too kind to me. And I will have to come and visit Tawaruesta at some point. But I don't know. I prefer Mirkwood!  
  
t - Ff.net is screwy though it seemed to work fine for me most of yesterday when I checked. Hopefully it is better now. You make me sound like I am writing serials. That is what a certain Ranger told me before! Well, some of your questions have been answered and now on to the others!  
  
Rings of the Cosmos – Amusing! Very good! I like amusing! I can actually be amusing, now that is amusing. Sorry. Got a bit carried away there.  
  
Mari – Yes. I, too, can understand Legolas wanting to get out of Mirkwood at the first chance. Though he seems to enjoy himself most of the time. And the chaos theory is my way of writing. Just sit down and stare at the screen and think "Okay, what can happen now??" And my muse usually tells me these funny things! It is rather a wonderful muse, not like the last one who tended to sulk in the corner. This one definitely likes chaos!  
  
Karina – chapter 7 – Aww. Celebross and Aralith aren't all that bad. They are just older brothers. That is how they get sometimes. As for Tanglinna, he lives for this! Watching everyone trying to outdo the other just makes his day! The three Bad Boy Elves do get into lot of stuff! Very bodacious dudes, indeed! And Bilbo is truly excellent!  
  
Lakergurl13 - Yep. Legolas had the necklace the entire time! He can be sneaky. And Tanglinna is very cool! Give him a chance. And I think that Thorin is the only Dwarf that doesn't need glasses. Of course, he saw him in his normal clothes. So maybe that was it. Glad you liked Thorin and Leggy!  
  
phoenixfeather - Ff.net had a lot of us fuming there for a while. I am glad you find this tale so laughter worthy. I love it when people laugh at my stuff. Now if only I can get my hubby to laugh, even once…  
  
Irena - Write…write…write…That is about all I do now. Or think about writing when I am not writing. I think it is too quickly, but I can't seem to stop!  
  
Nancing Elf – I cannot keep up with me at times, nin mellon! Hobbits are a brave and resourceful lot. Gotta love them. And I was glad that Tavor got nailed. That doesn't happen often, so it is a victory when it does. Poor Gloin doesn't get it yet, though it wasn't his fault that he didn't know this time. And Thorin and Thrandruil make quite a lovely pair of old goats when it comes to stubbornness! As for the quick writing, it is very hard and taxing. Exhausting. But I try! For Mirkwood!  
  
IceAngel – chapter 7 – ff.net got you too, I see. I'm glad that you like Legolas' brothers, I will have to find more for them to do. It is a pity I couldn't have written all this fun stuff into my old fics. Shouldn't write prequels after the fact. I will remember that. Maybe. When Legolas said "Father…I…I don't know anything about those Dwarves." He must have been having a Brethil moment there or something. But I guess we all tend to tell a little too much when we have a slightly guilty conscience. Glad you liked the dead spiders. But there is that one that the three Bad Boy Elves have. I think I'll keep it around for a while!  
  
Gabrielle Lawson – I'm glad that you are enjoying this lighthearted fare. It was a great change for me and I am enjoying it myself. Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Karina againa – Lots of people seem to dislike spiders. Got over that little fear a while back (mostly) I'm glad that you liked Legolas' little revenge. I was something of a surprise to me. And nope, those brats don't ever stop! They are having way too much fun! And whoa! You are so right! I didn't think of Bill and Ted when I wrote that, but whoa! Excellent! Pipe weed is coming soon. They are almost there now! 


	14. OopS! I did it again! Ignore it

Hi… One day there will be an actual chapter 11 here. But since I cannot find out how to delete or remove 1 chapter at a time to fix this little mishap this is what you see. A blank page that will one day be chapter 11. Maybe even tomorrow! What can I say? Pushed something I shouldn't have I guess. 


	15. Chapter 12 - Magic Bubble Pipes, Spider ...

Chapter 12 - Of Magic Bubble Pipes, Spider Spray, and Goblin Dolls  
  
It all began when a certain hobbit named Bilbo Baggins got rather bored with hiding in dark corners and forgotten rooms. And as he grew bolder, he found out some interesting and helpful things.  
  
Bilbo had been inside Gladaran Thamas, hiding and sneaking food from the storerooms, for several days now. He wandered the corridors hoping to find his way to the dwarves' cells, but he had not had any success as yet. He knew he couldn't stay cowering in his dark corners forever, so he ventured forth more and more, becoming braver and bolder with each passing day. He found his way to King Thranduil's magic doors and watched as they opened for the hunting parties and anyone coming in or going out of the palace. The doors always closed quickly behind them, which gave the hobbit a slight feeling of apprehension. ~ What did it feel like to have stone doors close on one? ~ he wondered with a shudder. That had nearly happened when escaping from the goblins after fleeing the creature Gollum. He had lost many buttons in the process and did not want that to happen again! But he had to get out! Perhaps if he could get into the woods he could find the way out of Mirkwood and find Gandalf. He tried not to think of the endless sea of trees he had seen as he sat in the top of the giant oak tree so long ago. If he could just escape the walls of this prison he knew he could do it.  
  
One day he stood near the doors and watched as a hunting party approached. In the group were the two friends of the King's son. All the hunters carried their sturdy bows; their quivers filled with arrows fletched with pale brown feathers. They laughed and joked, but Bilbo heard their comments about the increase in the spider's activities since the dwarves had blundered though Mirkwood.  
  
~ I can do this! ~ Bilbo told himself as he fell into step behind the last hunter. ~ I can slip through before the doors close on me. ~  
  
The magic doors, one carved with a great beech tree and one with a great oak, slowly opened and the hunters filed out still speaking to one another in their soft musical voices. Bilbo stayed as close as he dared and approached the gaping gates.  
  
~Steady, Baggins, we are almost there. ~  
  
As the last hunter slipped through, the doors immediately began to close. Bilbo hustled through, the great stone gates nearly pinching and scrapping his middle as he turned sideways to avoid being crushed by them as they shut with a delicate musical chime.  
  
He breathed a sigh of relief then looked up. He was free! He was out of the Elf King's Palace! He wanted to jump and shout his triumph aloud, but knew the folly of that. Instead he stood for a moment breathing deeply of the fresh air and feeling quite good. He was about to run and join the hunting party as they headed for the great stone bridge that spanned the forest river, called the Celon o Tinnu, the River of Night, by the Elves, when the doors opened once more.  
  
Bilbo let out a woof of surprise as he was bowled over by another elf and fell to the ground. The elf fared no better as he crashed into an undignified heap. Bilbo hastily crawled to one side, wanting no more such mishaps, and sat catching his breath. The elf sat up, looking very stunned by what had just happened.  
  
The hunters had turned at his cry of surprise and were now laughing and smiling with amusement at his chagrin.  
  
"What happened, Legolas?" Tavor called, his grey eyes shining. "Tripping over your own feet now?"  
  
Legolas stood and turned, wondering what he had tripped over. There was nothing in the path that he could see, and his dark brows knit as he turned slowly toward the others.  
  
"I . . . I don't know," he answered, glancing behind him once more. There was something glinting on the paved stones, so he bent and picked it up. It was a tiny brass button with a daisy etched on it. None of the elves wore brass buttons. Perhaps one of the Dwarves had lost it on the way in. He shrugged and tucked it into his tunic. As he turned away, brushing off his leggings, he thought he heard a voice mutter, "Oh bother! My button!"  
  
He spun toward the sound, but saw no one and nothing.  
  
"Come, Prince Legolas. The spiders await," Aradoltha called.  
  
"Surely it is not Silivren Hithlain Man (White Mist Spirit) again," Tavor asked with a malicious grin. He turned glancing into the trees beyond. "It is day and there is no mist, but does it now seek you in some other guise?"  
  
"No," Legolas said, glaring at his friend. "Don't be ridiculous. Let us go." He moved to join the others, brushing past the laughing Tavor.  
  
"You still don't believe in that, do you Legolas?" Brethil asked quietly, his own eyes betraying unseemly fear. He too recalled all to well the tale of Silivren Hithlain Man told by many during his childhood.  
  
"No. Didn't I just say that?" The Prince of Mirkwood shook his head and moved across the bridge. "Spirits don't wear brass buttons."  
  
Brethil hastened after him.  
  
"Silivren Hithlain Man," he whispered, bumping into Legolas as he looked behind at the palace entrance.  
  
Bilbo hurried behind, brushing at his jacket and breeches, staring at the empty place on his vest.  
  
"My poor button. Bother that! I shall have to get it back." His fingers plucked at the fabric with tiny threads still poking through. He moved silently over Iant or i Celon o Tinnu - the Bridge over the River of Night. Then he ran to catch up with the hunters, two of whom were feeling somewhat uneasy now.  
  
"We . . . We aren't going near any willow groves, are we?" Brethil asked, clutching his bow tightly.  
  
Tavor grinned at Aradoltha and Cuil, who grinned back shaking their heads.  
  
"Well, actually Brethil, we were. The Dwarves seem to have stirred up the spiders that live near this unusual grove of ancient willows," the older hunter said.  
  
Brethil gasped and glanced at Legolas.  
  
"You . . . you're making that up, Cuil," he stammered. "He is, isn't he? I mean if Silivren Hithlain Man sees you it would . . . !"  
  
"He is making this up, Brethil," Legolas stated sharply, glaring at Cuil and Aradoltha.  
  
Bilbo, who only understood part of the words - though each day he learned more and more - had understood the words Silivren Hithlain Man. He had heard two young elves discussing it one night as the mist crept ever closer to the palace.  
  
~ White Mist Spirit, hm? Those two seem afraid of it, whatever it is. ~  
  
But a hobbit is not easily frightened, and certainly not a hobbit who had battled trolls, spiders, and overcome any number of terrifying things. Little did he know that in Silivren Hithlain Man would be a big help to him over the next few days. After all hobbits are very inventive when needs strikes.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Silivren Hithlain Man was the name of a ghostly spirit that was said to live in a fabled willow grove somewhere in Mirkwood Forest. It was a tale passed down from the early ages and as a small child Legolas had heard it, while sitting before a great bonfire at one of the many feasts held by the Wood Elves in the autumn. His brothers sensing his fear had taken advantage of it and woven a great tale about the legend, that Silivren Hithlain Man was ever seeking entrance to the palace to steal away the youngest male royal child. It took the form of a dense mist that crept through the trees and across Celon o Tinnu to the very gates themselves. Both Celebross and Aralith had enjoyed terrorizing their younger brother, finding his childish fear a source of great delight.  
  
Many a night Thranduil had a small child huddled in his bed, shaking with fear.  
  
"Oh, Ada! I heard it! Silivren Hithlain Man! It is under my window! It was coming to get me! Please let me stay with you, Ada!"  
  
It was Mithrandir who finally found a solution to the problem that did not lessen as quickly as Thranduil thought it should. The Istari had blown his "Magic Smoke Rings" in a protective circle about the room, much to the delight of the small elven child.  
  
"Nothing bad can get passed them," he had promised solemnly. "Not a spider; not an Orc or Goblin; not a White Mist Spirit. You need fear nothing now, my young prince." He tousled the blonde hair, his blue eyes twinkling kindly.  
  
Legolas hadn't thought of Mithrandir's Angol Osp Echor [Magic Smoke Rings] in many years, but he thought of them now. He was seated at the table with his father and two brothers that night. They were outside, beneath the glittering stars of autumn in a secluded family garden that overlooked the river. Legolas' eyes were looking worriedly at the dark trees beyond the River of Night. Mist was wending its way along the ground curling and pale, misty fingers creeping and grasping; slowly nearing the river's edge.  
  
~ This is ridiculous! ~ he thought sternly. ~ I am not a child to be scared by mists and shadows. ~ He deliberately looked away from the white shrouded trees and reached for his bread, but his fingers closed on nothing. He turned to stare at the small white plate, the edges painted with delicate twining ivy leaves. He looked up in surprise, then at the ground and on his lap. But the bread was gone.  
  
He glanced over at Celebross, whom, though he could taunt and tease, would not have played this sort of childish prank. But Aralith . . . . Legolas scowled over at his other brother. He was speaking quietly to their father, his blue violet eyes innocent. Aralith was not one to hide his glee when he had pulled a particularly good trick.  
  
Legolas shook his head and reached for another piece of bread and put it on his plate.  
  
An owl hooted deep in the forest and he started, turning suddenly to stare across the River. He swallowed, noting how much closer the mist had crept in such a short space of time. Soon it would be spreading its skeletal white fingers across that black water and . . . !  
  
He turned away, reaching for his bread. But once again the plate was empty. He looked to Aralith who was now speaking with Celebross.  
  
Thranduil looked over at his youngest son and smiled. Legolas forced his lips to twist into what he hoped was a smile, then lifted the white tablecloth to peer beneath it. There was nothing under the table.  
  
"What are you doing, Little Greenleaf?"  
  
He dropped the cloth into place and straightened, looking at his father.  
  
"Nothing. I. . . um. . . I. . .'tis nothing." He reached for yet another piece of bread.  
  
"You don't have that spider under there, do you?" Celebross asked, peering beneath the cloth himself.  
  
"Of course not. I took her back to her nest."  
  
"All sparkly green and pink no doubt." Aralith smirked, though he had the strongest urge to leap onto his chair.  
  
Legolas glared at him, barely resisting the urge to stick out his tongue. Aralith struggled with the same old urge and Thranduil cleared his throat, eyebrows raised. The two brothers scowled fiercely at one another then turned away. Celebross shook his head and began to speak to his father once more.  
  
Legolas, still scowling, reached for his bread, now convinced that it was Aralith who had taken the other pieces. But once again, the bread was gone.  
  
He felt a shudder go through him. It hadn't been Aralith that time, or Celebross either. Then who was it?  
  
Silivren Hithlain Man.  
  
He gasped slightly, feeling foolish, but unable to control the wave of unreasoning fear that shot through his body.  
  
"Adar?" His eyes strayed to the mist, which was moving out over the water even as he watched.  
  
"Yes, Legolas?"  
  
"Do you . . . . Do you remember that . . . that pipe that Mithrandir gave me so long ago?"  
  
Thranduil frowned in thought.  
  
"Why, yes. I have not thought of it in years. What has made you think of it?"  
  
Celebross and Aralith exchanged glances, both turning to peer out over the water; Aralith's chair squealing noisily as it scrapped across the flags.  
  
"Silivren Hithlain Man!" they both exclaimed, looking over at their brother with wicked delight.  
  
"That is not why!" Legolas said, hoping that he hadn't sounded too petulant. "I was . . . I was merely wondering what had happened to it."  
  
"Yours only blew bubbles, Lego," Celebross said. "Not Magic Smoke Rings."  
  
"They were Magic Bubbles, Celebross!" Legolas countered. "Mithrandir said so."  
  
Aralith stared at his younger brother in amazement.  
  
"You didn't really believe that, did you? You did!" He burst into peals of delight.  
  
Legolas pushed to his feet.  
  
"What about your Magic Spider Spray, Aralith? Or your Magic Goblin Doll, Celebross."  
  
Aralith sputtered, his face reddening.  
  
"How did you know about the Magic Spider Spray?" he asked.  
  
"Was that why your room always smelled so funny?" Celebross asked with a grin.  
  
"Oh! At least I didn't sleep with a Goblin Doll. I suppose that you were just . . . !"  
  
"Silence!" Thranduil bellowed. "That is enough from you three!" He banged the table with his fist, causing the dishes and utensils to jump noisily. "You still act like children! I cannot believe this! Honestly, I don't know where you get this lack of maturity!"  
  
Celebross looked to Aralith, who glanced at Legolas. Each could hear a voice shrieking when someone had thought that one of his necklaces was lost in Morn Nen. And Legolas could still see his father's red face as he had yelled about poor Gwibess trying on his robes and necklaces, leaving spider hair on everything.  
  
When his three sons turned to look at him once more - Celebross' eyebrows cocked in an exact imitation of his sire, Aralith smirking like Tavor in top form, and Legolas looking somewhat uneasily at him _ ~ Please, no more pink tunics! ~ Thranduil's brows furrowed dangerously, his mouth turning down in a frown.  
  
"What are you implying?" he asked quietly.  
  
"Oh, nothing, Adar," Celebross said smoothly. "What makes you think we are implying anything?"  
  
Thranduil turned to Aralith, who swallowed a tell tale laugh.  
  
"Did Lego get all of the spider hairs from your indigo robe?" he snorted. He and Celebross had been informed of that little episode after their return.  
  
Thranduil studied them closely.  
  
"And is all of your jewelry accounted for now?" Aralith continued heedlessly.  
  
Legolas stared at him in wonder. Aralith could not be unaware of the danger he was in!  
  
~ At least I will not be the one to get yelled at this time, ~ he thought seeing his father's face darkening.  
  
Thranduil opened his mouth, then amazingly he seemed to realize what he was about to do. Screaming at one's children was really rather . . . well. . . immature. He closed his mouth, blinked a few times and turned to Legolas.  
  
"Your Magic Bubble Pipe is in the chest in your mother's room along with Celebross' doll. Though I do not know where Aralith's Spider Spray is," he said calmly. Then he slowly stood. "Excuse me. Good night, nin ionnath." And he walked sedately away.  
  
"Great Valar!" Celebross breathed. "I have never seen him do that before. I thought you were in for it, Aralith. Perhaps there is hope for us yet."  
  
Aralith stared after their father, looking quite bewildered, but filled with relief.  
  
Celebross grinned suddenly.  
  
"Where *is* your Magic Spider Spray, Aralith?"  
  
His brother flushed and glared at him.  
  
"I am certain that I do not know!"  
  
Celebross laughed and reached for a piece of bread, but the basket was empty.  
  
"Who ate all the bread?" he asked.  
  
Legolas turned to stare at his own plate. It was also empty; and the mist was now half way across Celon o Tinnu.  
  
"Uh . . . ! Excuse me." he said hastily and hurried to get his Magic Bubble Pipe.  
  
TBC  
  
Response to my Reviewers  
  
JastaElf - Sorry I missed getting this in the last chapter. I guess that you see the outfits have stopped - at least for now. Having the Dwarves think his son is a girl seemed to kill that one for the wise and good King of Mirkwood. But we shall see what happens.  
  
Ithilien - I think we have all been smitten by the lovely prince of Mirkwood, so I really can't say that I blame the Dwarves.  
  
Nienna Vala - Wow! Thanks so much for you vote of confidence! Poor Leggy indeed. I think he can handle pretty much anything that happens and laugh about it later. I hope so anyway.  
  
t - Girly Legolas; mellow Thranduil; deluded Dwarves! Yep! That about sums it up! And Brethil is most definitely blonde! No offense to blondes, but he is!  
  
phoenixfeather - You weren't the only one confuzzled. There was some definite confusion and shrieking going on in my house about that wonderful peat and repeat and repeat!  
  
Nancing Elf - You sure can have a cute pet spider like Gwibess! They seem to have good fashion sense and can help you accessorize quite nicely! Perhaps you should open a pet shop and keep plenty in stock for those who need fashion help!  
  
Jan - I don't think this will scar Legolas too much. I'm sure he will laugh it off in time. And I think you are right about Elrohir being jealous of Legolas' pet spider. Maybe they should send him one. That could be interesting: A Spider in Rivendell. I'm glad that you find this one fun. I am, too. Thanks for complimenting my Thranduil. I like him quite a bit myself!  
  
Kookaburra - Gosh! You make me blush! Wow! Now the pressure is really on. I hope that I can continue to make you laugh!  
  
Elwen - Hope that you have had time to catch your breath. I think ff.net gave us all a breather whether we wanted it or not!  
  
Ebony Kain - Well, the pipeweed is rounding the bend there somewhere. It has taken me longer to get there than anticipated. I will write as quickly as my muse will allow, which is not as fast as before my vacation and Ff.net went wonky! But I am trying to coax it along! I am enjoying writing Legolas, Tavor and Brethil. They are quite a fun group!  
  
Tamsin FlameArrow - No tea either, huh?? Well, you are hard to please. I'll see what else I can offer you. You sure you don't want the water?? (grin) I am glad that you found the real chapter 10 so amusing! And as for the Dwarves touching a nerve in chapter 11, Tolkien wrote what the Dwarves said about the spiders being their tame beasts or pets. It just worked out perfectly! Did my own happy dance about that one!  
  
Eliza - I'm glad you are enjoying this so much. I have enjoyed writing Legolas' lighter side myself since my others were somewhat dark. This has been a blast and I am so happy that everyone seems to like this! And are laughing at it, too!  
  
Jay - I am glad that I am not the only one who has posted things multiple times. That makes me feel so much better. Though it was rather funny after I stopped shrieking like Thranduil myself! Now that Ff.net is behaving- YAY! - I will go and read your version of the Dwarves' imprisonment! I am sure it is great!  
  
annakas - Are you sure that I really had 9 chapters up??!! I promise to try and do things properly in future! Laughter makes me type this faster, it is too true! So keep laughing!  
  
queenie - Earrings?? Hmmm?? I will have to think about that, it definitely has possibilities!! Gwibess loves to accessorize!  
  
SimmerZ - Wow! I'm glad you are enjoying this so much! I will try to write more humorous stories, there are several brightly colored plot bunnies running around my living room with inane grins on their faces so I will have to catch one and go with it when this is done! Yep, there are chunks of Master Tolkien, but it is his stories with small, humorous asides inserted by me! I can't do it better than he does and some of his words just fit in so well with what I want to do that it meshes nicely!  
  
Estel - I think you are right. I will rewrite the Council of Elrond (everyone just ignore what was written in An Orc in Rivendell please for obvious reasons!) now that I know the back-story! Thanks for giving birth to another plot bunny -pink of course!  
  
Elf Who Walks Alone - Gosh! You are so kind to me! (author weeps with happiness over such wonderful reviews and the fact that Ff.net is working sooooo well!!) I hope your exams went well! I have basically gotten over my fear of spiders - mostly - but Gwibess would be a cool pet to have! I love your Sindarin as well! I am working on making it my second language! How typical of me, but how FUN!  
  
ziggy - We have all had past - I repeat past - problems with getting onto Ff.net, but they seem to have fixed it!! I'm glad you love so much about this story, it makes me very happy! I think I have said that before, so it must be very true!  
  
Indigo - It must be very interesting to be Thranduil. Much Vandal Root Tea must pass his lips in the course of a day! And arachnids can be cool - even if they shed!  
  
Jessica - Actually in the Complete Guide to Middle Earth it says that few Dwarf women were born, and many of them did not marry, so these guys must be rather desperate, and Legolas is quite a beauty as we all know quite well! Thranduil with a makeover??!! Yet another brightly colored plot bunny! Thanks so much for the idea!! As for Gwibess serving drinks ala R2D2 style that is what Elrohir said in my other fic when he wanted a spider! So maybe that would be a common usage for pet spiders! I enjoy your ramblings, so ramble any time!  
  
aurora - I am working my way to the end as quickly as my muse will allow! These great reviews certainly seem to have woken her up again! Thanks for saying that you like my descriptive language! I will try to make the rest of it just as good! 


	16. Chapter 13 - Dwarven Love Poems and Pipe...

Chapter 13 - Dwarven Love Poems and Pipeweed  
  
"A Rose among thorns is she. Her golden beauty is too sweet to behold. My heart will melt for love of her."  
  
Cuil and Calenthar, who had the duty of checking on the Dwarves this day, stood outside Gloin's cell snickering helplessly. They had heard him reciting what sounded vaguely like poetry and had crept nearer to listen. But now they were having trouble keeping their mirth within.  
  
"Fairest elven princess, what could I give thee to be worthy of beholding thy beauty? The stars themselves do not compare to you, O fair one of Mirkwood."  
  
Finally the two Elves moved away and collapsed into giggling heaps on the stone floor.  
  
"Fairest elven princess!" Cuil gasped. "'The stars themselves do not compare to you!'"  
  
Calenthar sat up, his eyes sparkling brightly.  
  
"'A Rose among thorns is she.' I don't think "her" father would like to hear himself compared to a thorn, regardless that it is quite apropos at times."  
  
"I think he would be quite, uh. . . prickly if he heard it!" Cuil laughed. "Perhaps we should send her highness down here to speak to the poor love smitten thing."  
  
"In her pink tunic!"  
  
The two were still laughing when there were quiet footsteps in the hall behind them.  
  
"What is going on here?"  
  
The two turned to see Tanglinna approaching. They stood hastily, straightening their tunics.  
  
"We . . . um . . .we were just listening to some Dwarven love poetry," Cuil managed, with a quick grin at Calenthar.  
  
"Dwarven love poetry?"  
  
Tanglinna narrowed his eyes and moved silently to stand outside Gloin's cell.  
  
The dwarf sat in a shaft of light that fell from the torches in the corridor. Dangling from his fingers was a slim braid of golden hair.  
  
"You are the fairest creature that walks the earth and none dare gainsay me, my lovely one."  
  
Tanglinna moved from the cell door, his eyes filled with glee.  
  
"Mayhap we should send Prince Legolas down to serenade him," he said quietly.  
  
" *Princess* Legolas," Calenthar choked. "The poor dwarf would probably die in raptures of joy!"  
  
"Where did he get the hair?" Tanglinna queried curiously.  
  
Cuil and Calenthar both shrugged, and the Master Archer's eyes suddenly lit with wicked delight.  
  
"I feel rather sorry for this poor deluded dwarf. Perhaps a present would cheer him. Where exactly does Prince Legolas keep his hair brush?"  
  
Calenthar laughed loudly, startling the dwarves, and ran down the corridor toward the prince's room.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Bilbo, who was picking Elvish up rather quickly as he heard it everyday, had come up with a plan. He knew he could wander tunnels, corridors, rooms and dead ends forever and still not free the dwarves. As for finding a way out of Mirkwood Forest he now knew that was quite hopeless. He had become lost once - he was no fool - when he had become separated from the hunting party that he was following. So when the plan presented itself so nicely he began to act upon it.  
  
Bilbo spent many a day and night silently trailing the youngest prince, playing any number of tricks on him: taking food from his plate; moving objects from one place to another in his room. He had found the Magic Bubble Pipe that someone named Mithrandir had given to Legolas when he was a child to protect him from the White Mist Spirit. The pipe was really rather clever looking: the stem was long and curved, not unlike Bilbo's own pipe; the bowl was carved to resemble a Dragon's head, the hole where the bubbles erupted was its open mouth. Great slanted eyes were painted blue, spiraled horns twined up the stem. The rest of the bowl was tinged a paler blue.  
  
~ Perhaps this is what old Smaug looks like, ~ he thought. ~ I have never seen a dragon before. I wonder how big he is? ~  
  
Bilbo blew on the pipe and watched as the bubbles floated about the room. He flicked one with his finger and was amazed as it popped into many tiny bubbles with a musical chime, which flew about the room quickly, bouncing off the walls and ceiling.  
  
~This is rather nice. ~  
  
He blew more bubbles, popping them and making a grand concert in the process.  
  
~ I wonder who this Mithrandir is. He and old Gandalf should get together and sees who's cleverer. ~  
  
"Amlug o i Angol Osp Echor," Bilbo whispered, holding the delicate thing in his hands. "Dragon of the Magic Smoke Rings." He crossed the room and pushed aside the gauzy hanging that fell over the window. It was pale green decorated with leaves: darker green ferns, copper oak, and golden beech. It seemed the prince preferred a room with an escape route. It was a pleasant and airy room and Bilbo quite liked it. He was immensely pleased to see an autumn mist beginning to drift over the River of Night. Good. This would be the night to put his plan into action. He dropped the hanging and tucked the pipe into to his waistcoat, fingers plucking at the missing button, then crossed the room and climbed into a chair that was tucked into a dark corner.  
  
While he waited he hummed to himself, he pulled the pipe from his pocket and looked once more at it once more.  
  
~ I wonder if it is only good for bubbles? ~  
  
He blew it experimentally watching the beautiful iridescent bubbles issue from the dragon's mouth. He shrugged, tucked the pipe away once more and took out his own pipe.  
  
Later that night as the mist pooled outside Gladaran Thamas, the door opened and Legolas entered. He closed the door quietly and moved to look out his window. He hastily dropped the hanging and moved across the room to fetch his pipe.  
  
~ I am glad that no one can see me, ~ the prince thought with a wry smile. But then he realized the pipe was not where he had left it the night before. He frantically glanced about the room, then moved to light a candle and hunt in the dark corners. He dropped to his knees by the bed, lifting the soft covers and peering beneath it. He threw open his clothes chest and drawers; then moved to look beneath the wall hangings and the chair Bilbo was seated in, his feet tucked carefully under him.  
  
Bilbo watched with amusement and a slight twinge of regret when worry creased the young Elf's face, but the dwarves needed him, so he drew deeply on his pipe, watching the bowl flare red, then blew a thin stream of smoke into the air.  
  
Legolas smelled the smoke before he saw it. He turned, brows furrowed, frowning. Then he saw a thin white wreath of smoke issue out of thin air from the chair in the corner. He stared at it in disbelief. He glanced uneasily at the window.  
  
"Who is there?" he called, wishing he had his weapons.  
  
More smoke curled toward the ceiling, and Legolas swallowed nervously.  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"I am Silivren Hithlain Man," Bilbo said in a high-pitched squeaky voice that he hoped sounded ghostly enough. "I have come for you, O Youngest Royal Male Child."  
  
The elf gasped and staggered a few steps back.  
  
"You . . . you are nothing but a child's story! You are not real!"  
  
More fragrant smoke filled the air followed by a high laugh.  
  
"I have come for you, Prince Legolas Greenleaf."  
  
Bilbo watched as Legolas stared through him, and he nearly laughed with delight at his trick.  
  
~ If only he could see the expression on his face! ~ the hobbit thought with a silent chuckle. But this was his undoing. He had been hiding his pipe behind his arm and when he had laughed his arm had slipped and the pipe became visible for just a second, but Legolas had seen it.  
  
"You are the last dwarf!" he exclaimed angrily. "The fourteenth! The furry footed one! What dwarf magic is this?" He advanced on the chair, his blue eyes flashing fiercely.  
  
"Wait! Wait!" Bilbo cried, hopping up, his pipe now clearly visible as he tried to evade the Elf. "Please, just wait, Prince Legolas! Please! I will tell you everything. One moment! Ouch!"  
  
Legolas had managed to grab Bilbo's arm, the one with the pipe clenched in its fist.  
  
"Who are you? And what are you doing in my room?"  
  
Bilbo was caught and he knew it, so he carefully slipped his magic ring from his finger into the pocket of his waistcoat.  
  
"Oh, bother. Very well then."  
  
Legolas started at his sudden appearance, but did not loosen his grip. He studied the short curly haired being he held.  
  
"You are not a dwarf." he said astutely. "What are you? And why are you with those dwarves? Why are you here in Mirkwood?"  
  
"Good heavens!" Bilbo said with a faint smile. "You sounded very like your father just then. Very impressive, I must say."  
  
Legolas frowned slightly and shook his head.  
  
"Who are you?" he repeated. "How do you know what my father sounds like anyway?"  
  
"I guess you won't believe me if I said I was Silivren Hithlain Man." Bilbo asked, blue eyes twinkling. "I didn't think so."  
  
Legolas' frown deepened, his blue eyes narrowing.  
  
"How do you know about Silivren Hithlain Man?"  
  
"My, but you ask a lot of questions! I always thought that you Wood Elves were a rather reserved, quiet lot."  
  
Legolas sighed, his patience such as it was, was wearing away.  
  
"Who are you?" he asked, returning to the original question.  
  
Bilbo smiled once more.  
  
"If you will release my arm this would be so much easier to explain. I do believe you are cutting off my circulation."  
  
The grip on his arm loosened, but he was not released entirely.  
  
"You must give me your word that you won't try to escape or I will take you to my father."  
  
"Oh, very well," the hobbit sighed. "You have my word that I won't try to escape, but you must promise me that you won't take me to your father. He rather scares me, you know."  
  
Legolas actually smiled at this statement.  
  
"He rather scares me at times, too. Very well." He released his hold on Bilbo's arm and backed away a couple of steps. "Now, who are you?"  
  
Bilbo rubbed his arm slightly.  
  
"You don't have anything to eat, do you?" he asked with a smile. "I am rather hungry!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Some time later, a plate lay on the table with only a few crumbs attesting to the food that had once been piled on it. Bilbo had taken up his pipe once more and was smoking contentedly in the chair. Legolas was seated on the floor cross -legged, staring up at him.  
  
"The Shire sounds like a wondrous place," he said. "I should like to visit it one day."  
  
"I would love to have you anytime. It is a rather nice place and I do miss it. This adventure has been something else altogether. I never thought I would leave the Shire myself, but when old Gandalf came along -"  
  
"Gandalf? Then you know Mithrandir!"  
  
"Well, no. Can't say that I do. I know that he made this little bubble pipe of yours - oh yes! Here. I forgot I had it. Rather an interesting little thing really. Quite fun. So I guess it works? The Silivren Hithlain Man has never crept into your room?"  
  
Legolas laughed, taking his pipe.  
  
"Not yet. Mithrandir used Magic Smoke Rings, but mine only makes bubbles. Mithrandir *is* Gandalf."  
  
"Really? I never would have known. Fancy that! Well, well. He does get around. Wonder why he didn't come with us through your forest then." Bilbo shrugged. "He does make marvelous smoke rings. I can make some rather nice ones myself." He puffed his pipe then blew a nice large undulating ring.  
  
"That is very nice. I wish I could do that, but . . . ." Legolas smiled wryly, blowing a bubble out of the dragon's mouth and popping it.  
  
"Here." Bilbo held out his pipe. "Give it a try on mine."  
  
"I . . . I don't know . . . ."  
  
"Come on. It is really quite fun. Very relaxing."  
  
"Perhaps adar should have one then." He took the pipe, studying its smooth surface before raising it to his lips.  
  
"Don't . . . !"  
  
But it was too late; the smoke burned down the Elf prince's throat causing him to cough loudly.  
  
"Oh, bother. Don't try to swallow it. Just . . . just blow it back out."  
  
After the coughing fit had passed, Legolas eyed the hobbit suspiciously, then carefully took another puff.  
  
"Blow it out. That is right." Bilbo instructed.  
  
After a few more tries, Legolas seemed to have gotten the hang of it, though he didn't understand why the hobbit, not to mention Mithrandir, found this so enjoyable.  
  
"Try a smoke ring," Bilbo suggested, not seeing the slightly dazed expression on the Elf's face, nor how dilated his pupil's had become, the eyes now more black than blue. "Well, that was almost right. Just a bit . . .um . . . lopsided."  
  
Legolas tried again, concentrating all his effort into the shape of the ring.  
  
"Oh! Look! I did it! I did it!" He took a deep pull on the pipe, and in his enthusiasm gulped it down his throat.  
  
Another coughing fit ensued, Bilbo thumping him heartily on the back. Between the choking coughs the hHobbit could discern gasps of laughter. He shook his head wondering how the elf could find this amusing.  
  
"Are you alright, Prince Legolas?" he asked as the elf righted himself, his fair face red, but split with a wide grin.  
  
"Yes. Thank you for your concern, Mr. Baggins." Legolas bowed, as gracefully as he could from a sitting position, then giggled again.  
  
Bilbo felt a twinge of unease. The elf seemed to be acting strangely, or was this how elves acted when they loosened up somewhat?  
  
Legolas was puffing out another smoke ring, and admired it as it drifted away.  
  
~ He does look a bit odd, ~ Bilbo thought curiously. ~ I wonder why. ~  
  
He couldn't help but smile as Legolas blew more and more rings into the air, his proficiency growing with each puff.  
  
"Silivren Hithlain Man wouldn't dare to come into your room now," he commented. "It is quite full of smoke."  
  
Legolas wriggled happily.  
  
"I think I do this as well as Mithrandir himself," he giggled. "Legolas' Magic Smoke Rings! Maybe I should have kept my sparkly green outfit. Then I could be the. . . um . . . Legolas the Sparkly Green Wizard!" He threw his arms up, scattering ash on the floor.  
  
"Oh! Do be careful, Legolas the Sparkly Green," Bilbo cautioned, stamping on the ashes that landed on the thick green rug nearby. "Um, here. Let me take that." He snagged the pipe just as the Elf flopped back onto the floor, an inane grin on his face.  
"I think you had better stop for a time. My goodness! I have never seen anyone affected by pipeweed in quite this manner."  
  
There was a discreet knock at the door. Bilbo gulped, slipping on his ring and diving with the pipe beneath the bed.  
  
"Come in, come in," Mirkwood's prince sang, waving his fingers in the air.  
  
Calenthar peered around the door.  
  
"Oh! Prince Legolas. I didn't know you were here."  
  
"Greetings, Calenthar. Aren't my smoke rings wondrous to behold?"  
  
Calenthar's eyes widened as he caught sight of the prince sprawled happily on the cool stone floor staring up at the ceiling.  
  
"Um, Prince Legolas? What is that smell? You didn't steal Aralith's Spider Spray, did you?"  
  
"Of course not. I am not afraid of spiders. They are my Magic Smoke Rings. Mithrandir couldn't do them better. Legolas the Sparkly Green Wizard and his Magic Smoke Rings."  
  
Calenthar stared at him in amazement.  
  
"I thought your pipe only blew bubbles, my prince," he said after a moment.  
  
"What? Oh! This!" He picked up the dragon pipe. Maneuvering himself to a sitting position, he blew into it. Several colorful bubbles erupted from the dragon's mouth. "Oh! They are so pretty! Look at all the colors!"  
  
He popped one, watching it burst into smaller bubbles that shot about like shooting stars. He giggled and clapped his hands in delight, dropping the pipe to the floor.  
  
"Look at them! Look at them! This is so fun!" He fumbled for the pipe and blew several more bubbles. "Look! Bilbo, look!"  
  
"Who is Bilbo, my prince?"  
  
"The dwarf with furry feet. Only he is not really a dwarf, he is only disguised as one. He must be a Wizard as well. He makes marvelous smoke rings, too. Though not nearly as good as mine. But. . . ." Legolas the Sparkly Green Wizard collapsed to the floor in a giggling fit.  
  
"Dwarf?" Calenthar frowned. "Aren't they all in their cells? You have not let them out, have you?"  
  
"Poor dwarves. They must be very sad, all locked up in the dark like that . . . . I know! I shall visit them and blow some smoke rings . . . and bubbles!" He brandished his pipe. "They would like that, wouldn't they, Calenthar?" The son of Thranduil climbed awkwardly to his feet and stood swaying slightly, one hand grasping Calenthar's shoulder. "Legolas the Sparkly Green Wizard." He staggered through the door humming, his bubble pipe in one hand.  
  
Calenthar wasn't certain how alarmed he should be.  
  
"What have you been drinking, my prince?"  
  
"Nothing. Nothing. Aralith was supposed to drink the Morn Nen water, but I think we sent it to Elrond instead. I would love to have seen his face . . . ."  
  
Calenthar shook his head as Legolas stared back at him with a beautiful smile on his face.  
  
"I am sure he looked very funny. Adar must have loved that! Only. . . . Oh, Calenthar! This clothes will never do!" His face fell as he gazed down at his subdued leathers. "It's not sparkly at all, and Gwibess has my pretty ones." He frowned, but then a sly smile touched his lips. "I'll just borrow some of adar's. He has more sparkly clothes than anyone I know."  
  
Now Calenthar did become alarmed.  
  
"No! That . . . that would not be a good idea, Prince Legolas. You know how your adar feels about his clothes -"  
  
Legolas waved a negligent hand.  
  
"He won't mind. He likes to dress us in fancy clothes. He'll be very happy! And to know I have entertained his guests as well, looking beautiful, of course," he smiled rougishly. "He will be quite pleased."  
  
Calenthar wasn't quite as certain.  
  
"My prince, I don't think . . . ."  
  
"It is best if you let me do the thinking." Legolas moved down the hall, humming and blowing bubbles.  
  
Bilbo crept from under the bed and carefully placed his pipe in a corner on the stone floor, after puffing on it a couple times.  
  
"Well, at least I shall find the dwarves much more easily than I thought," he whispered. ~Well! Thank Elbereth for pipeweed! ~ he thought gleefully, skipping down the hall after the two Elves.  
  
TBC  
  
Response to Reviews  
  
annakas - I was so happy to see your review as it was the only one for quite some time and you thought that that last chapter was hilarious. It was somewhat sedate compared to this one. But thanks for saying that any way!  
  
queenie - I am so glad you enjoyed that. It was not easy to write on vacation. And that was all I wrote. Somewhat subdued, but if you liked it then that is good enough for me!  
  
phoenixfeather - I'm glad that Ff.net is almost okay, though I have had some frustrating moments with it these last two days! I will try to keep the pace up! (looks at the blank paper in front of her and cringes. Where is my pipeweed when I need it!)  
  
t - So you're Silivren Hithlain Man! The Rabid Fangirl of Mirkwood Mist! Hi, yourself! We had a great time and thank you for asking. Don't worry that poor Elf too much, 'kay?  
  
Indigo - I'm glad it reminded you of your childhood fears. Had a few of my own and I guess that is where the White Mist Spirit sprang from. Hmm. Spider reactions to Gwibess nice new clothes. Oh, look! Another pretty plot bunny - all sparkly green and pink! Thanks!  
  
I hope that this one goes through all right and someone finds it. I don't think that Ff.net has solved all of its problems, but it is trying. 


	17. Chapter 14 - Like Father, Like Son

Chapter 14 - Like Father, Like Son  
  
Earlier that day Gwibess the spider had visitors.  
  
"What is that?" they had queried jealously, seeing the beautiful clothing and the sparkling necklace that still hung about her neck.  
  
"The masters gave them to me. Aren't they pretty?"  
  
The three other spiders nodded enviously, one reaching out a long furry leg to touch the sparkly green robe. Never had he seen anything so soft and lovely.  
  
"Who are your masters? We have no masters."  
  
"Let Go Lass, Ta Worm, and Breathe Ill."  
  
"Do they always give you presents? They don't try to hurt you?"  
  
"No. They are nice masters. They have never hurt me. The masters are very kind. Look."  
  
She pulled down one tightly wrapped ball of webbing and tore it open. Inside were several necklaces and gems.  
  
The others gaped at the treasure and looked at one another.  
  
"Perhaps we should have masters," they agreed enviously.  
  
"We can't be nice to the elves. They are mean to us," one of them hissed. "They hurt us and kill us!"  
  
"They are nice masters. Come I will show you how to be nice. Come, come. I know where they keep the Magic Water!"  
  
The three spiders started after Gwibess, looking quite uncertain about the whole thing.  
  
"They will give us beautiful things, will they?"  
  
"Yes. The masters are very kind and good."  
  
The three looked at one another.  
  
"If we drink their Magic Water, then they will be kind to us as well?"  
  
"Yes. The Magic Water is good. Come with me. I know where they hide it."  
  
The three spiders looked at one another again. They shrugged and followed Gwibess toward Gladaran Thamas.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Calenthar watched as Prince Legolas dug through his father's clothing, and carelessly discarding any he felt were not suitable on the floor behind him. He was humming quite happily, holding up soft shimmering robes and admiring himself in the mirror, then tossing them over his shoulder onto the ever growing pile.  
  
"My prince? Do you really think this is wise?" he managed to ask, as he hastily bent and began to lay the clothing on the bed.  
  
"The king is good and wise," Legolas sang, and then laughed. "Good, wise and very, very sparkly." He held up a particularly shimmery green robe and shook it to watch the light dance off it. "Actually, I think the dwarves would like this one. They like sparkling, glittering things like gold and gems. They should be quite impressed with this one! And it is green, Calenthar! Green! Legolas the Sparkly Green! This is the one!" He held it against himself and spun around, then landed unceremoniously on the floor in a laughing heap. "Whoops! The king has slippery clothes!" Giggling he stood, brushing his hair from his face. "Where is Bilbo? I would really like his opinion on this. He knows the dwarves so much better than I do. Bilbo? Are you here?" He hunted about the room unaware of the alarm that Calenthar was experiencing.  
  
"St. . . stay right there, Prince Legolas. I . . . I will be right back." He fled the room and hurried to fetch Tanglinna, he would know what to do. Legolas scarcely heard him as he turned to rummage in another chest, this one containing his father's crowns and circlets. Bilbo was tucked into a corner behind a rather ornately carved chair with a cushioned seat embroidered with tiny red flowers on a dark blue background. He couldn't stop the grin that spread over his face.  
  
~ Reminds me of Little Pip playing at dress up! ~ he thought, covering his mouth so his mirth wouldn't be heard. ~ Though she is a young girl-hobbit and he is a grown elf! ~  
  
Calenthar ran swiftly down the corridor on silent feet.  
  
~ I wonder where the king is? ~he thought frantically. ~ Please, Elbereth! Don't let him go to his room! I am begging you! ~ He knew well how Thranduil would react if he found his son in such a condition. Whatever that condition was!  
  
He ran to the dungeons where Cuil and Tanglinna were awaiting his coming, supposedly with the hairbrush. He skidded to a halt before them.  
  
"Did you find it?" Cuil asked with a smile.  
  
Calenthar shook his head, catching his breath.  
  
"Tanglinna . . . Prince Legolas . . . he . . . !"  
  
Tanglinna's eyes narrowed.  
  
"What is it now? He didn't tie any squirrels to the giant bats so he could see them fly again, did he?"  
  
"No. I . . . I don't know what is wrong with him. He is acting . . . strangely."  
  
Tanglinna scowled deeply and moved away. Now what had that youngling gotten into?  
  
Cuil turned to Calenthar.  
  
"What happened?" he asked.  
  
"I know not. He was behaving . . . oddly when I found him."  
  
"Well. . . Tanglinna will know what to do. Were Tavor and Brethil with him?"  
  
"No. He was alone. Though he said something about someone named Bilbo."  
  
"Bilbo?!" A voice chimed from within the cell. "Where is Bilbo? Have you seen him?"  
  
The two elves glanced uneasily at one another.  
  
"He did say he was a dwarf. That is . . . not a Dwarf. And he had furry feet." Calenthar murmured to Cuil, great fear over his prince's mental state growing with each passing moment.  
  
"Furry footed dwarf?" Cuil shook his head. "The king will not be pleased when he hears of this."  
  
"I'm not telling him," Calenthar snorted, folding his arms over his chest.  
  
Cuil raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Well, I haven't seen this dwarf or the prince. So I know nothing of the matter."  
  
The two stared at one another and nodded conspiratorially at one another.  
  
"There is nothing to tell," Cuil concluded. "Nothing at all."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The moment the older elf with a spill of silver hair entered the room, Bilbo knew that he was not one to cross or try to fool. The hobbit remained completely motionless behind the chair, not even aware that he was holding his breath. At that moment it wouldn't have mattered. Tanglinna's sharp eyes went to Legolas who was lying on the floor, one foot wriggling in the air as he struggled to pull on the tight green boots that just matched the robe. The Master Archer studied him for some time saying nothing, his arms folded across his chest, a smirk on his face. He sniffed the air like a wolf scenting his prey and shook his head. Where had the lad gotten pipeweed? He watched as his prince grunted and tugged at the boot, his foot finally slid in and dropped to the floor with a thunk.  
  
"Ouch." Legolas lay with his arms thrown over his head for a moment and Tanglinna could hear a low humming coming from his throat.  
  
"Ahem!" Tanglinna moved farther into the room. "What are you doing this fine evening, Prince Legolas?"  
  
Legolas rolled his head to stare at the archer. He smiled woozily.  
  
"Greetings, Tanglinna! Oof!" He pushed himself to a sitting position. "My but your hair looks beautiful in this light. All shiny and . . . silver! I am doing very well this fine evening. And yourself?"  
  
Tanglinna's lips twitched as he reached down one hand and pulled the younger Elf to his feet. "I will just bet you are doing very well," he said quietly. "Does your father know you are in here playing dress-up?"  
  
"I am not playing dress-up," Legolas said in an offended voice. "I am just . . . dressing up. I am Legolas the Sparkly Green. And - oh! Look! Don't I sparkle nicely!" He spun about, his head thrown back, hair fanning out behind him. "Oh! And look! Isn't it just divine!" He staggered across to the bed somewhat dizzily and plucked up an ornate circlet of silver, shaped like oak leaves and dripping with emeralds. He jammed it onto his blonde locks and grinned happily. He sashayed over to the mirror and stared dreamily at his reflection.  
  
"What have you been doing this fine evening, my prince?" Tanglinna repeated.  
  
"I look so pretty, Tanglinna. The dwarves will be so happy to see me!"  
  
Tanglinna had a choice to make. He could either escort the prince down to his room and tuck him into bed with a strong cup of Vandal Root tea or . . . . He smiled mischievously.  
  
"Come, my prince. The dwarves await."  
  
"Wait! Wait! My pipe! I can't forget my pipe!"  
  
"Your pipe?" Tanglinna's eyebrows rose.  
  
Legolas dug through the pile of clothing on the bed until he had located his pipe.  
  
"Amlug o i Angol Osp Echor." He smiled, turning shining blue eyes on the Master Archer. "They are going to love me," he said, blowing a bubble.  
  
"They already do, my prince. They already do."  
  
He took Legolas' arm and steered him toward the doorway. In his mind's eye Tanglinna could see another elf twirling dizzily about a clearing in a new kingdom founded in Greenwood the Great, blue eyes dazed and happy as he tried to dance with a rather surprised captive goblin, the smell of an unusual leaf from the west drifting on the air. Then there was the time that Oropher and he had . . . . Tanglinna's grey eyes shone.  
  
"Like father, like son," he murmured and laughed.  
  
Legolas joined him completely oblivious as to why they were laughing.  
  
"Like father, like son," he repeated, then blew some bubbles into the air.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Thranduil, who had been feeling rather badly about imprisoning the dwarves for no truly good reason, had been heading down the hallway, thinking that perhaps he should just let the dwarves go. Have them escorted to the edge of Mirkwood - blindfolded of course - and let them travel on their merry way to where ever it was they were headed. He had drunk several glasses of rather nice wine made by Men in distant lands and felt rather magnanimous. Yes, it would look very good to let them go. After all, what had they truly done, other than stir up the spiders? Everyone knew that it didn't take much to get the spiders started. Dreadful, horrid beasts! And as for those few that thought that his son was a girl - well, it was the fault of that awful pink tunic. Who could blame the Dwarves? Surely none of their women could rival any elf, male or female. He had even heard a rumor that Dwarven ladies had beards to rival their men's. Yes, he should let them go. It was irritating to feed them any way. He sang quietly under his breath as he neared his room. He was only mildly surprised to see his door standing open. He eased into the room and stopped dead in his tracks, the words of his song dying in his throat.  
  
Four spiders were in his room, trying on his clothing, which lay scattered about in great disarray. They were chattering at one another happily, fondling the silky materials, rubbing it against their faces and . . . purring?  
  
Thranduil stared at them, his eyes widening in shock that was swiftly turning to anger. His face reddened and his fists clenched.  
  
"Get out!" he hissed, advancing on them, looking about for his sword. "GET OUT!!"  
  
The spiders jumped surprised at the loud voice so close behind them.  
  
"Who is that?" one asked, dropping a scarlet robe in surprise.  
  
"Is that one of the Masters?"  
  
"No," Gwibess hissed, hastily snatching a violet robe that she favored. "It is the loud one, Thrumb Dumb. Hurry, we must go. Hurry!"  
  
The four spiders, snatching at garments, ran hastily past the Elven King, who stood sputtering impotently at them. He glared after them, then turned to his room. His beautiful clothing was thrown about carelessly, his chests and trunks standing open. He breathed harshly through his mouth, preparing himself for a shout that would shake the very foundations of the palace and everyone in it.  
  
"LEGOLAS!!!"  
  
In the secret corridor that Gwibess had shown the others, the spiders cowered down, throwing their garments over their heads in fear.  
  
"He is a bad one, he is," Gwibess whispered. "Very noisy!"  
  
In the dungeons the dwarves shook and wondered what had befallen now. Surely Smaug himself must be attacking! Bilbo jumped in spite of himself, holding tightly to the finger that his ring encircled. ~Here we go again,~ he thought. And the elves of Mirkwood cringed wondering what the prince had done this time. Tanglinna smiled, eagerly looking forward to the fireworks that would were coming. And Legolas merely blew a bubble.  
  
"Uh oh," he sang. "I'm in trouble." He reached up and popped his bubble, giggling happily.  
  
TBC  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
flame - Don't worry about ff.net not letting you sign in. It has some really amusing problems at times. I am just happy that it let you review! As for Legolas knowing about the spider spray, I think that most siblings know quite a lot about each other especially things that they maybe don't want you to know. I also was once scared of spiders and the bogey - man, so I seem to be pushing all my fears onto the Elves. As for my names I keep my handy-dandy Sindarin dictionary by the computer and breeze through it for something that is appropriate.  
  
Ithilien - Shame indeed. I remember a certain Elf acting a little bit -er - shall we say strange in your new story so you are not one to talk. But it is fun, isn't it! As for the effects of the pipeweed, it will last as long as it takes to logically wrap it up. And as you know Thranduil doesn't know that Legolas has even been playing in his clothes yet. There are some fireworks yet to come! It isn't the fourth of July yet!  
  
queenie - I don't know why Legolas is reacting this way to pipeweed, but as you see it is something that runs in his family. And oh yes! He is going to be one very embarrassed Elf dude when this is over! Don't think he will get anywhere near pipeweed ever again!  
  
t - Poor Gloin! I think he will be just as embarrassed as Legolas when this is all over! And yes, poor thing is about to get what he wished for. Whether he wants it or not!  
  
Indigo - Yeah, Bilbo's carefully laid plans went amiss, but he is quite a resourceful Hobbit and knows how to take advantage of whatever happens to come up. I don't think that Bilbo's opinion of the Elves will be lowered. I think he will just see them as more -er I hesitate to say human, but I think you know what I mean!  
  
Artanis - Yep! It is best to avoid anything that makes us look like idiots! He has learned that when someone offers you a smoke you should Run Away! Run Away!  
  
Karina - chap.10, 10,12 - You reviewed 10 twice! Sounds like me posting 10 - well, I don't know how many times! Yes, four. Whoa! Bogus, dude! I hope to have learned that lesson. Yep. Legolas went through quite a torture session with his little pink tunic, but I think that Thranduil even had enough of that one! And Bilbo is quite on the ball, not much gets past him - not even the pretty Elven maid! And I am glad that you like Gwibess. Rather a cool spider. But you know me- take something most people don't like and change it into something they do. First Orcs, now spiders! What next! Gotta get away from that! And Brethil does put his foot in his mouth without knowing that he is doing it! He needs to learn to control that!  
  
Maria - Wow! All in one night! I am impressed and very honored! This is much longer than I envisioned and am glad that people are sticking with it! Yeah, Legolas does have a funny side! Who would have thought it!  
  
Gabrielle Lawson - Thank you for the nice email. And thanks for mentioning my typos! I don't like them, but I don't always catch them. I will go back and read my other stuff and hunt for them. It gets to the point when I read my writing that I no longer "see" it, if that makes any sense at all. As for my colored plot bunnies, I honestly don't know where some of them come from, but some come from things that some of my reviewers have said in reviews. And I don't condone getting high or drunk, but this was a rather unexpected side affect of pipeweed on Elves (in my own little piece of Tolkien's landscape) and he will definitely never do it in the future. Though it is quite funny! And ff.net is certainly having some fun at our expense, aren't they!! You never know what will happen! But just try to find it amusing, as I do now. I stopped shrieking at it a few days ago. Reminded me too much of Thranduil in a bad mood! Scary P.S. - After I typed my responses I tried to get on Ff.net and it worked fine until I reached Document Manager. Well.I did growl slightly, but then I started chanting "It's cool.It's cool.it's cool." Maybe I am not as amused as I thought!  
  
Okay. Some thanks to a couple of my reviewers for their plot bunnies!  
  
Karina - She was the one who gave me the idea for Legolas the Sparkly Green in one of her reviews!  
  
Indigo - She was the one who gave me the idea for more spiders to get involved when she mentioned that she wondered how the other spiders would react to Gwibess robe et al.  
  
Jessica - I have not used this one yet, but there is a pretty little plot bunny running around with a perfectly made up face! 


	18. Chapter 15 - Golden Locks of a Warrior

Chapter 15 - Golden locks of a Warrior  
  
The four spiders crouched in the tunnel listening as Thrumb Dumb stormed down the hall muttering about Let Go Lass.  
  
"He is not nice to my masters," Gwibess said with a hiss of dislike. "He is always yelling at them. He doesn't like them to give me presents. He likes to keep all the pretty things for himself."  
  
"What have you done about him?"  
  
"Done? What do you mean?" the rather innocent Gwibess asked.  
  
"If you don't like him, why don't you do something to show him how you feel?"  
  
"Let Go Lass is his ion! He wouldn't like that!"  
  
"Ion? What is that?" Remmith asked.  
  
"Someone he can do mean things to, just for fun," Gwibess hissed seriously.  
  
"He is not nice," Cablas said, his eyes flashing. "We should do something. If he is not nice to the masters then we should protect them." He waved his long front legs about menacingly, his pincers flashing.  
  
Gwibess looked worried and wondered if she had made a mistake in bringing these wild spiders here.  
  
"No. . . .no . . . ." she began, her crimson eyes glowing. "They would not like that. He is their Aran."  
  
"What is that?" Remmith asked, eyeing her sparkly necklace and wondering when he would get one himself.  
  
"He is the one who yells the loudest, so he is their leader."  
  
Cablas glanced at Hiwdil and grinned. Hiwdil winked four of his eyes.  
  
"Don't worry, Gwibess. We will take care of him" The two spiders disappeared down the tunnel, hissing quietly at one another.  
  
Gwibess watched them go with a feeling of dread apprehension.  
  
"Where are they going?" she hissed at Remmith.  
  
Remmith shrugged, reaching out to fondle the sparkling stones at Gwibess' throat.  
  
"So, Gwibess. Where are my new masters?" he asked, his eyes filled with the light of avarice.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Brethil and Tavor had been at their homes when Thranduil had roared for his son, but word of it soon reached them. They met at a tall beech tree where the three had once built their own tree house. They stared at one another in silence for a moment before Brethil finally spoke.  
  
"What has he done do you suppose?" His eyes were wide. "We didn't have anything to do with it. Did we?"  
  
"Of course not," Tavor retorted, though he found himself going over everything that had happened that day. He could think of nothing that should call the king's wrath down on them. Again. "Of course not," he repeated. "He has done this by himself." He snorted. "I wonder what outfit he will have to wear this time."  
  
Brethil was feeling rather sorry for his friend and frowned.  
  
"We had better go see what happened," he said, turning toward the palace. "He may need our help. Or at least some moral support."  
  
Tavor hesitated, his brows knitting.  
  
"Um . . . perhaps we should wait a few moments. Let things die down a bit."  
  
"Tavor! He may need our help." Brethil repeated his eyes narrowed in unaccustomed anger. "He needs us!" He turned abruptly and walked away.  
  
Tavor stared after him in amazement, then shrugged.  
  
"I will be so glad when those dwarves leave. There has been nothing but trouble since they arrived," he muttered and moved reluctantly after Brethil.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Gloin felt rather hopeful after hearing the name Bilbo spoken by the Elves outside his cell. Was Bilbo here as well then? Was he a prisoner, too? That would not be so good, but the hobbit had proved to be quite resourceful in the past and the Dwarf knew he would probably be able to do something about their predicament. Gloin had picked up some Elvish, not much, but more than he thought he would ever learn.  
  
~ Perhaps, ~ he thought with a happy sigh, ~if I learned enough Elvish I could compose a song for the maiden. ~  
  
It would, after all, give him something to do during his captivity. He wondered how the others were faring and he wondered about Thorin. He hoped their leader was here and not still wandering about the woods, starved and lost. Or inside a spider's belly. He shuddered. No, best not to think that at all.  
  
He sat humming in the darkness. It was a song that he had heard elves singing as they passed by his cell on their way to another part of the palace. It had a rather jolly tune and though he didn't understand the words much he could mimic them rather nicely.  
  
"Roll - roll - roll - roll  
roll-roll-rolling down the hole!  
Heave ho! Splash plump!  
Down they go, down they bump!"  
  
He sang it a little louder, liking the feel of the strange words on his tongue.  
  
The two elves outside the cells looked up startled.  
  
"What is that one singing?" Calenthar said, turning to Cuil.  
  
The older elf smiled.  
  
"The barrel song!" he exclaimed. "Where did he learn that?"  
  
Calenthar laughed merrily.  
  
"This has been one rather strange night, has it not?"  
  
"And will get stranger still."  
  
They both turned to see Tanglinna coming down the torch lit hall toward them. The tall silver haired archer was grinning like a cat that had eaten all the cream, and Cuil and Calenthar wondered what this boded. A couple seconds later Prince Legolas came tripping lightly to join them.  
  
"Greetings, Cuil! Greetings, Calenthar! Oops!" He slipped on the end of the long robe - Thranduil was slightly taller than his son - and grinned, sweeping a graceful bow at them. The ornate circlet slid on his locks and he grabbed at it, giggling. "Oopsies!"  
  
Cuil's eyes widened in rather horrified surprise at this unexpected sight.  
  
"Tanglinna?"  
  
The Master Archer gazed at him, eyes bright.  
  
"He has come to serenade the dwarves."  
  
Cuil's brows rose.  
  
"Is that wise?"  
  
"The king is wise and good," Legolas sang. "Or is it good and wise? Where are they? My admirers." He moved passed the two guards and peered into Gloin's cell. "Oh! It is you!" he gasped in Westron. " 'Fair as a rose in May'."  
  
Gloin looked up and stared in amazement at the vision outside his cell. He had not been the one to liken the fair elf maiden to a rose in May - that had been Balin, but he cared not. She was here talking to him.  
  
"Greetings, Master Dwarf."  
  
The voice was deeper than Gloin had expected and for a moment doubt assailed him. He had imagined elf maidens as having fair high voices, but perhaps he was wrong. It was a very pleasant voice, fair in its own way. What cared he if it wasn't exactly what he had expected. Dwarf maidens had rather gruff voices after all.  
  
~Nay, ~ he thought. ~They were mistaken. This is a maiden. ~  
  
"I have come to sing to you," Legolas continued, smiling sweetly. "Oh! And this!" He blew a few bubbles into the cell. "Aren't they very nice?"  
  
Gloin watched with growing puzzlement at the shining orbs of soap. One popped on his nose and a small chime sounded. His eyes widened and he reached a stubby, calloused finger to pop another. He smiled and Legolas laughed with delight. Gloin turned to him and tugged off his rather forlorn white hood. His heart was playing a merry tune in his chest and he felt so happy and honored that he smiled widely.  
  
"You came to sing to me?"  
  
"How are you faring, Master Dwarf?" Blue eyes sparkled and shone in the dim light, showing concern for the prisoner held so cruelly by his father.  
  
It touched Gloin's heart as not much else had - or would - in his life.  
  
"Your father has been very gracious, my lady,' he answered, bowing, his hood in his hands.  
  
"My lady!" Legolas snorted and fell to giggling once more.  
  
Gloin was enchanted with the fair laughter. She was smiling at him - at him a Dwarf! - eyes lovely and bright. He bowed once more.  
  
"Gloin at your service."  
  
"Legolas the Sparkly Green at yours." He bowed, banging his head on the cell door. "Ouch!" He pushed the wayward circlet back into place.  
  
Calenthar and Cuil exchanged worried glances.  
  
"Tanglinna," Cuil began.  
  
"Let him get it out of his system, Cuil." The Master Archer grinned, leaning negligently against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. "I'll put him to bed in a bit."  
  
Calenthar glanced nervously at his companion.  
  
"Where is the king?" he whispered.  
  
Cuil shrugged and wondered the same thing remembering the muffled echoes of a shout heard earlier.  
  
"I know not, but as long as he is not where we are we will be fine."  
  
"Legolas," Gloin breathed. "The Sparkly Green." Elves did have rather strange names. "I am pleased to meet you, Princess Legolas."  
  
"Princess Legolas!" the "princess" snorted with delight and turned to look at Tanglinna. "He called me "princess"." He broke into a fit of laughter, dropping to the floor in a green heap, his heavy circlet askew once more, the emeralds tinkling against one another musically.  
  
Bilbo crept into this hall clinging to the shadows. He noted the doors of the cells and felt a moment's elation. He wondered how many of the Dwarves were here. The corridor continued down into darkness, a place the hobbit had not explored before. He moved quietly to the darkest corner and sat down to wait. He had learned patience if nothing else here.  
  
~Poor Prince Legolas! ~ he thought, shaking his head. ~ If I had known pipeweed would do this to him, I would never have offered it! Wood Elves are very strange indeed. ~  
  
His eyes went to the tall silver-haired elf, who seemed more amused than he should be.  
  
"You had better sing to the Dwarves, nin caun. It grows late."  
  
Legolas pushed himself up and straightened his green robes, then smiled beatifically.  
  
"Of course." He turned to Gloin once more. "Do you have any requests?"  
  
"Anything that comes from your silver throat will be glorious to my ears."  
  
Legolas stared at him in wonder.  
  
"Isn't that just the sweetest thing he could say? You have a golden tongue yourself, Master Gloin."  
  
Gloin flushed with pleasure and lowered his eyes, smiling.  
  
~ She said my name! ~ he thought with deepest wonder and honor.  
  
"Do you know a song we could sing together perchance?" Legolas asked. "Let him out!" He told Calenthar and Cuil. "Now." He glared imperiously at them when they hesitated.  
  
They looked to Tanglinna who shrugged, still smiling. What could one dwarf do after all.  
  
Cuil shook his head and pulled out the keys, unlocking Gloin's cell.  
  
The dwarf couldn't believe this was happening, and stepped shyly into the hall to stand gazing up at his maiden. Her eyes were so bright, unnaturally bright he thought, but her beauty was overwhelming to him. He flushed again and dropped his eyes to the grey stone of the floor, wringing his hood in his hands.  
  
"Are there any of our songs that you know, Master Gloin?"  
  
"There . . . there is only one," he stammered. "Though I know not exactly what it might mean."  
  
"What is it?" Legolas blew more bubbles, popping them and filling the air with music.  
  
Gloin cleared his throat and sang the first part of the one song he knew from Mirkwood.  
  
"The barrel song!" Legolas exclaimed. "I like that one! Let's sing it."  
  
Two rather diverse voices filled the air beneath Gladaran Thamas: one deep and gruff, one fair and clear.  
  
"Roll - roll - roll - roll -  
roll - roll - rolling down the hole!  
Heave ho! Splash plump!  
Down they go, down they bump!"  
  
Tanglinna laughed soundlessly as he watched the impromptu duet. Even Calenthar and Cuil were trying not to burst into helpless mirth. Bilbo sat in his corner and clamped one hand over his own mouth, his eyes twinkling with amusement. This was something he would never forget!  
  
At the end of the refrain, which they sang many times, Legolas turned glowing eyes to the dwarf.  
  
"That was wonderful."  
  
The applause of the watching elves and the listening dwarves who were still trying to figure out what was going on, filled the hallway and echoed off the stone ceiling.  
  
Legolas made a graceful bow. Gloin turned red and managed to bend at his waist.  
  
"Thank you," the Elf prince said. "Thank you." He turned back to the dwarf. "You have a very nice voice, rather like stone singing. If stone sings. Does it?"  
  
Gloin stared up at him in some confusion. What was she speaking of? Stones singing?  
  
But then Legolas bent and threw his arms about the stunned dwarf.  
  
"You are rather a sweet thing," he said straightening. "Is there anything that I can do for you, Master Gloin?"  
  
The dwarf was still reeling from the embrace. She did smell good, though both Balin and Nori were wrong. It wasn't roses or honeysuckle as they supposed. It was something more elusive than that. More like lilacs. Being emboldened by her graciousness, he bowed, and dared to kiss her slim pale hand.  
  
"Nothing, my lady, unless it might be . . . unless it is permitted to ask, nay to name a single lock of your fair hair, which surpasses the gold of the earth as the stars surpass the gems of the mine."  
  
Bilbo started suddenly.  
  
~ Oh, poor Gloin! ~ he thought. ~He will never learn. Though that was rather poetic. ~  
  
Legolas stared at the Dwarf.  
  
"Have you ever heard anything asked so beautifully?" he said, drawing a slender ornamental dagger from the belt at his waist. It was encrusted with small white stones and the end set with a single emerald.  
  
"Prince Legolas! What are you doing?" Cuil said, suddenly straightening, his eyes worried.  
  
"He asked a lock of my hair which surpasses the gold of the earth. Isn't that so lovely?" He grasped the warrior braid dangling at his left ear.  
  
"No! Prince Legolas not that!"  
  
"Why not it is my hair!"  
  
"My prince." Tanglinna finally stepped forward, one hand raised to stop him.  
  
It was then that Thranduil entered, his face still full of anger. He halted abruptly, his eyes taking in the scene before him: Cuil and Calenthar looking stricken; Tanglinna moving toward Legolas, who stood with one braid clasped in slender fingers, a dagger held to slice it off; and a dwarf looking positively love sick!  
  
"What is this!?" he demanded. "Someone had better . . . !"  
  
Just then Brethil and Tavor came round the corner at a dead run and Brethil bumped into the king sending him flying forward. Tanglinna gasped and moved to break his fall, bumping Legolas' arm.  
  
Thranduil grunted as Tanglinna caught him, and prevented a rather embarrassing spill to the floor. He stood, eyes blazing as he turned to look at Brethil and Tavor.  
  
Tavor knew he was dying this time, for his heart had stopped.  
  
Brethil just stood staring at Thranduil his mouth hanging open.  
  
"I am so sorry," he began to stammer when they heard Legolas say:  
  
"Here is your lock of hair, Master Gloin. With my compliments." And he handed the dazed dwarf his warrior braid.  
  
TBC  
  
Author's Notes  
  
The Barrel Song is in the Hobbit and is sung by the Wood Elves of Mirkwood. I thought it a rather silly song for Thranduil's Elves to sing, but since Master Tolkien himself said they did, then they did!  
  
When Gloin asks for a lock of Legolas' hair this is almost a direct quote from FOTR. I think you know when!! Gimli's skilled tongue had to come from somewhere!  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
First: If I have missed someone I apologize. Some of the reviews have mysteriously vanished. Well, you know Ff.net.  
  
JastaElf - High as a kite and flying free for a time! This is not where I saw this one going, but there it is. Stories have a way of writing themselves. I am afraid that my spiders are a bit OOC in this fic - well, A LOT OOC! But hey, *grins* I like them being cute, and doing that to a Mirkwood spider is not easy let me tell you! Tanglinna is with him for better or worse, after all even he needs a laugh now and then.  
  
Jan - I am glad you are enjoying Gwibess, she was too fun to pass up on. I have a rather large spider living in the animal feed container in our back yard and I guess it inspired me! The cuteness is not in this one though! It was rather quite a startling experience! Tanglinna is a pretty cool guy and I really enjoy him. I am really thrilled by everyone's response to this. I wanted something lighthearted and fun! We all need a laugh now and then!  
  
Blueberry Pancakes - Thanks for reviewing! And oh, yes! Thranduil has a part! I am afraid that too many of us have Elf fetishes! Let's see: Legolas; Thranduil; Elrond; Glorfindel; Elrohir; Elladan; Celeborn; Haldir; Rumil; Orophin; Erestor.. Uh, yeah! We have a definite fixation. Ain't it fun!!  
  
Rings of the Cosmos - Yep, you spelled hilarious right! And thank you for thinking it was hilarious! That makes me delirious! Did I spell that right?? BTW - Thanks for reviewing my last chapter of An Orc in Rivendell!!  
  
Artanis - Thanks for emailing and reviewing! You know I love it! Spiders do seem to have weak spots for sparkly jewels and glimmery clothes. Wonder what they would have thought about the Silmarils!!  
  
Tamsin FlameArrow - I am glad that you found something herein to tickle you funny bone! Still don't want any water or tea?? *grins*  
  
Nancing Elf - High as a kite and flying free..Wait a minute! I already said that. Hey! Were you and JastaElf flying kites without me! Hmph! *Thranduil glare* How is your new spider doing? Still messing with you jewelry? And as for Tanglinna, he enjoys seeing his charges brought down a peg occasionally. After all, he needs some chuckles now and then. Oh, yes. In response to your review for Chap. 16 - Yes, Legolas is rather pretty!  
  
Jay - Another hilarious! And you spelled it correctly, too! Well, the spiders kind of surprised me, but I guess they can't resist a little glitter and sparkle. Well, we will find out Thranduil's reaction and what the Dwarves do.and do not..find out. I am working on it!  
  
queenie - Funny is good! Hope the rest of it makes you laugh too!  
  
Crawler - You needn't apologize about ff.net's woes. They have plagued us all! And you are certainly welcome to any spiders you want! There is one in my back yard you can have! I can see you have a soft spot for the little critters!  
  
t - I am afraid you are quite correct in your thinking Let Go Lass will regret ever smoking that western weed! And as for Thrumb Dumb - well, I honestly don't know if he will ever get a break!  
  
Irena - Incredible is good. It is very good! *looks at this specific muse and points to Irena's review . Muse looks abashed at having abandoned TreeHugger for a while! * And Thrumb Dumb is definitely the loud one! Glad you are laughing!  
  
hildestohl - You told your grandmother about this story?? That is cool!! And yes, poor Tavor did fall in - er - Brethil did push him in (but that is another story for another time!!) And don't worry about how often you review, just as long as you occasionally let me know you still enjoy it! Well, as you see Gloin got to see his beautiful princess close up and still is rather clueless! And Tavor and Brethil are back in it up to their pointy ears! And 15 is a great age!!  
  
Miriloth Aglarelen - Would you tell him?? Hmmm. Might make a good joke on him if they don't tell him for a while and kind of mention things to each other in his hearing. Hmmmm..And I actually thought about having him jump into Morn Nen. We shall see. And a shovel?? You wicked thing! I love it! And yes, I suspect that there will be more fics with Elu (as he is standing behind me with a shovel poised at the back of my head threatening me if I don't!!)  
  
Estel - Oh, Estel!! You read "Hearts of Darkness"!! I am so sorry! I know what I did in that one was quite horrible and unforgivable especially in the light of this fic!! If I had written this one first I never would have done it!! I am so sorry! (sobs into her red hanky)  
  
Miki the Insane - Thanks for the email! I am glad that you have enjoyed all my fics and Elu thinks you are great! Watch for another one with him in it. And Legolas of course. Can't write one without the other!  
  
D45 - Wow! Thanks! And you read it all at once! I am thrilled and impressed! Thanks so much!! 


	19. Chapter 16 - The Morning After

Chapter 16 - The Morning After  
  
Prince Legolas Greenleaf was having the strangest dreams. There had been Dwarves; dragons blowing bubbles; a dwarf with furry feet smoking like a fiend; his father falling ungracefully to the floor; Tanglinna with a look of alarm on his normally emotionless face; Tavor looking as though he were dying; Brethil muttering over and over "I am so sorry"; a knife slicing off his hair. Not to mention a large spider also apologizing about something: "Master, I am so sorry! I tried to stop them!" He groaned, his eyes focusing with difficulty as he fought off sleep. He blinked blearily and stared at his ceiling. He felt rather unusual. Odd. Well, wondrous strange really. He swallowed in a dry throat and grimaced. Had he been ill? He couldn't remember being ill. Lethargy held him in its grip and it was with a heaving groan and a push that he managed to sit up. He sat staring at the thick carpet beneath his bare feet, his eyes having trouble focusing. He ran a hand over his face and shook his head. It almost felt as if he had drunk rather too strong a cup of Vandal Root tea. Maybe he had been ill. He sighed and pushed off the bed. It was then that he saw Tavor and Brethil staring at him from across the room.  
  
"What are you two doing here?" he grumped, scowling as he staggered slightly to pour cool water from a silver pitcher into a large bowl on the dresser.  
  
The two exchanged cautious glances.  
  
"How . . .how are you feeling?" Brethil asked, his pale grey eyes wide with concern.  
  
"Horrible," Mirkwood's prince growled and splashed water on his face.  
  
"We should have taken out the mirror!" Brethil hissed, suddenly aware of the silvered glass on the dresser.  
  
"Shut up, Brethil," Tavor hissed back, thumping him on the arm.  
  
"But . . . ."  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
Legolas turned to them, his eyes narrowed in anger.  
  
"Will you *both* shut up!" he snapped and reached for the soft towel.  
  
His friends glanced at one another again, both looking rather distressed.  
  
"I told you that you made it too strong!" Brethil accused a little too loudly.  
  
"Brethil!"  
  
Legolas turned to glare at Tavor.  
  
"What did you do to me?" His voice was low and full of menace. He dropped the towel back to the dresser.  
  
Tavor's eyes widened and he took a step back.  
  
"Well, you see, it wasn't really my idea. Actually Tanglinna rather suggested it."  
  
Legolas advanced on him slowly, teeth bared in a feral snarl.  
  
"Legolas! Wait! It was for your own good! Please, I was just doing it to help you!" Tavor backed away, hands held imploringly in front of him.  
  
"What did you do to me?"  
  
"It was just Vandal Root tea. Truly. To help you sleep! Please!"  
  
Legolas hands loosened and he frowned. He sighed and ran a hand over his hair.  
  
"Why did you give me Vandal Root tea? I wasn't ill, was I?"  
  
Tavor glanced at Brethil.  
  
"Well, not exactly. You see . . . ."  
  
"Shut up, Brethil." Tavor interjected quickly. "You weren't sick, Legolas. The effects should wear off soon. Why don't you come with us to breakfast?"  
  
Legolas blinked and grimaced again. He hated the way it felt when Vandal Root wore off. He was hungry, so he moved back to the dresser.  
  
"That sounds good." He began to rummage through his clothing.  
  
"You see, Tavor. He didn't even notice."  
  
"Brethil!"  
  
Legolas turned back to them, a shirt dangling from one hand.  
  
"Notice what?" The dangerous note was back in his voice.  
  
Tavor shut his eyes and shook his head. Would this never end?!  
  
Brethil stood with his mouth slack, blinking rapidly.  
  
"Um . . . that is . . . . You look fine really. You can hardly tell! Truly, it is hardly noticeable at all! And you don't look so much like a pretty princess."  
  
"Brethil! Will you never shut up!" Tavor rounded on him and stared at him in stunned disbelief. "You just don't know when to stop, do you!"  
  
"What are you talking about?" Legolas demanded, his anger rising once again. "What do you mean it is hardly noticeable? *What* is hardly noticeable? And I *don't* look like a princess!" He spun and went to the mirror and stared at his reflection to see what was amiss. His face seemed a bit peaked, but that was the tea. His eyes seemed a bit vacant, but again, the tea. He shook his head. There were no marks of any kind marring his fair face, so what did they mean? He was about to turn back to them, certain they were playing some sort of trick on him, when he saw it.  
  
On the left side of his head, hair stuck out at an odd angle. His eyes widened in horror and he leaned against the dresser, his face almost touching the mirror's cold surface. He was breathing harshly through his mouth, trembling fingers reaching up to touch the shorn hairs.  
  
"No. . . no . . . !" he murmured, looking in shock at what he saw. His left warrior braid was gone! "Nonononononono. . . !"  
  
"He's seen it." Brethil said quietly, a look of concerned distress on his fair face.  
  
"He wouldn't have if you had kept quiet!"  
  
"It isn't my fault he cut it off!"  
  
Legolas turned to regard them, eyes huge.  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"Don't you remember, Legolas?" Brethil said. "You cut it off and gave it to that dwarf."  
  
As many shrieks and bellows as had rung in the Hall of King Thranduil over the ages, very few ever impressed his subjects any longer. But for many years to come they would remember the cries this day. As Legolas yelled in disbelief and mortification at one end of the Hall, King Thranduil looked in his own mirror and his own scream shook the very foundations of Gladaran Thamas.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Legolas was staring into the mirror trying not to cry. His fingers were tangled in the short, mutilated strands of blonde hair, his eyes forlorn.  
  
"I would not have done this," he repeated for the hundredth time. "I would not do this. I would not cut off my braid. I would not cut off my *braid*!"  
  
Tavor felt highly uncomfortable with the entire situation and didn't know what to do. Brethil had joined Legolas at the dresser, a comforting hand laid on his shoulder.  
  
"It will grow out in time, Legolas. It is hair after all. You look fine. No one will notice. Or not very much. They will pretend they don't notice anyway. They may stare at first, but then they will pretend not to see it."  
  
"Shut up, Brethil!" Tavor exclaimed, staring at him in sheer disbelief.  
  
"What is the problem, Tavor? I am trying to comfort him. He was very stupid last night and needs a friend who understands."  
  
Tavor snorted.  
  
"You understand being stupid very well, Brethil. Of that I am certain."  
  
Legolas raised stricken eyes to his friends.  
  
"What else did I do?" he asked, distress biting through him once more. "It can't be worse than this!" He turned to the mirror once more, praying to Elbereth that his reflection would have changed from what it was just seconds ago. "My braid," he moaned. "My Warrior Braid. What have I done!" He had been so proud the day he had received his Warrior's braids and had felt his child's intricate braid being loosed for the last time. "I would not have done this."  
  
"Well, you can think of it this way, Legolas," Brethil said, comfortingly patting his shoulder, "you made that dwarf very happy."  
  
Legolas turned to look at him.  
  
"What? The dwarf?" Then slowly Brethil's earlier words surfaced: "Don't you remember, Legolas? You cut it off and gave it to that Dwarf." The elf prince felt all the air squeeze from his lungs. "I . . . I gave it to a Dwarf?"  
  
"Yes. Don't you recall? The one who thought you were a princess. You thought it was rather funny at the time." Brethil smiled, remembering what Cuil and Calenthar had told them of the strange night below the Hall. "Cuil said you laughed quite a lot and thought the Dwarf had a golden tongue and was quite a sweet thing. You even sang together. I wish I had heard you. It must have been very lovely."  
  
With every word that passed from Brethil's lips Legolas felt himself loosing touch with reality. This was impossible.  
  
"That cannot be true," he murmured, trying to convince himself of that. But the snatches from his 'dreams' kept trickling into his memory. "Legolas the Sparkly Green," he whispered, the words catching in his throat. He shook his head, denying what he now knew was not dream stuff, but memories. "No. It cannot be true. It cannot."  
  
"Are you remembering it now? Well, we were coming to aid you when we heard that your father yelled at you. But I . . . um . . . guess . . . " He glanced at Tavor as he remembered uncomfortably their part in this. "We should have stayed home. When I ran into your father and he nearly fell, well . . . Tavor nearly died. He said his heart stopped. And well, the look on your father's face nearly killed me as well. He was so angry and when you sliced off your braid. . . " He shook his head and laughed slightly. "I wonder what your father is going to do to us."  
  
Legolas barely heard him as he stared at his forlorn reflection.  
  
As if on cue the door slammed open and Thranduil entered. His magnificent eyes were bright with great anger and indignation. His fists were clenched tightly at his side, his golden hair in glorious disarray.  
  
~I will die this time, ~ Tavor thought, his eyes wide. ~I will really die this time. I wonder what that feels like? It can't be any worse than what I am feeling now. I have never felt worse than this, never in my life. It must be rather nice in the Halls of Mandos. Nice and quiet. Not like here at all. Perhaps it will be nice to die. ~  
  
"Stop looking in that mirror, little Greenleaf!" Thranduil ordered.  
  
"But Adar, I look . . . ."  
  
"AND HOW DO *I* LOOK??!!" the king roared.  
  
Legolas turned to look at his father. His mouth dropped open and he blinked rapidly several times. Thranduil's handsome face had been rather skillfully made up, his cheeks touched with red, the eyelids a rich blue. His lips were painted a deep crimson. He looked rather beautiful in an overdone sort of way.  
  
"You . . . you. . . ," Legolas began, his hair forgotten for the moment.  
  
"I WHAT?!" Thranduil growled loudly.  
  
Legolas' voice when it finally dislodged from his throat was small and tremulous.  
  
"You look like a princess?"  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
JastaElf - Duct-tape?? Duct-tape!! You are soooooooo wicked!! Please, woman! Do you think of nothing else!! Ai, Valar! (TreeHugger smacks her forehead) Ouch. Well anyway. His braid is even now tucked close to a Dwarvish heart. That was mean of me I know, but I had to do it. It seems the spiders want to open a salon in Mirkwood, though they have a bit to learn about proper application of makeup first. So where is Chapter 12? I only ask since you mentioned it first!  
  
Ithilien - I see you are another spider fan! Never knew there were so many of them. They have been great fun in this fic and I have enjoyed them immensely. As for Tanglinna, who was not in this chapter, don't worry he will get his comeuppance. (TreeHugger grins wickedly) That wasn't very nice of him, was it. They all will. Heh heh.  
  
Nancing Elf - I always thought the barrel song was a bit ridiculous, but since I didn't want to write one for this I used it and it seemed appropriate. Who knows. Maybe a certain Hobbit will get an idea from it! And as I told Ithilien, Tanglinna will not get away with his impertinence unscathed. After all the king is good and wise. And very angry!! I am glad that you and little Gwibess Jr. are getting along so famously. Sounds like fun!  
  
Rings of the Cosmos - Gloin does have a way with words. Gimli must have inherited his own golden tongue from his father. And a weakness for golden haired Elves!! I am not done with him yet!  
  
Irena - Sorry that I was off my rather fast paced posting schedule. My muse was offended when I went on vacation and then at Ff.net. But don't worry, she spilled the beans this morning on the rest of the story!! YAY! Except for the very end. Well, that will come as well. So any way I hope to be back in the groove now! So be on the look out. I will try to keep everything right with the world!  
  
t - Well, you see what the spiders did. That wasn't very nice of them. Bad things! Really. But what do you expect from Mirkwood spiders. Legolas cut off his entire braid, poor little thing! Well, it will grow out.eventually. And Gloin.well.we shall see.  
  
Kookaburra - I hope you regained your senses to read this chapter. How are you feeling? Do you want some water thrown on your face? (wicked grin as she looks at a bottle of water marked Morn Nen)  
  
annakas - jipikajeeee ? That is a really cool word! Love it!! Hilarious?? Yay! Another hilarious! That makes me so happy! So.uh..why were you growling at the end?  
  
Lady M - Hilarious and cute! I love this!! Thank you for telling me! And I hope that maybe by the end of this Thranduil will have warmed your heart toward him a little. He really is a rather cool guy!  
  
Elvensong - Poor Legolas. No twinkies for him after his fun! Just Vandal Root tea. As for Gloin.(grins)  
  
Artanis - I guess it is a good thing that the Silmarils are lost, or there could be real trouble! Now the spiders would want them, too! Bilbo actually isn't doing too badly, though some others are in BIG BIG trouble!!  
  
Pyper - You really know how to butter people up to get what you want, don't you. You will have to talk to the three Masters about adopting Gwibess. I don't know if they want to give her up or not. Now if you asked Thranduil - really nice mind you - he would be glad to give her to you!  
  
Hoo-ah - Giggling is good! And again with the high as a kite. I think some of you are sneaking out on me and having fun without me!! And poor Gloin, everyone worries over him. He does have a Warrior's braid of golden hair after all! Shoot, I wish I had it!!  
  
Karina - Family reunion, huh? Sounds like you must have an interesting family! So you don't think you want to know what happened next? Well, I guess you know now. But it is not over yet! And yes, Thranduil is definitely the loudest!! As for Legolas' brothers..they will reappear soon. They don't want to miss this! 


	20. Chapter 17 - Polishing Gems and Remmith'...

Chapter 17 - Polishing Gems and Remmith's New Master  
  
Tavor and Brethil followed Legolas down the hallway. The three were unusually subdued and they hadn't spoken for some time. Thranduil had pronounced his punishment and had gone to try and get the berry juice the spiders had used off his face.  
  
"This . . . this really isn't going to be all that bad," Brethil finally said, a half hopeful smile on his lips. "How long could it possibly take to polish your father's jewels? Even he can't have that many."  
  
Legolas shot a disbelieving glance at him and shook his head. Fingers reached to touch the short hair, which he had tried to tame into place with water.  
  
"Where did you get the pipeweed, Legolas? Your room positively reeks of it." Tavor commented, somewhat relieved that he was still alive and not in the Halls of Mandos.  
  
Legolas wondered where the hobbit was. He had already decided that it would be in his own best interest to keep quiet. He was in enough trouble already and telling his father that yet another unwanted visitor was freely roaming the halls of Gladaran Thamas would only serve to get him into even more of a tangle than he was already in.  
  
"Ai, Valar," he moaned as they came to the huge oaken door set with iron locks and hinges. "It will take us an Age to do this."  
  
Iavas stood outside the door swinging the large key ring around his finger. He smiled when he saw them.  
  
"Welcome to King Thranduil's Gem Room," he greeted them with a grin, and unlocked the great door.  
  
"You are being silly, Legolas. How long could it possibly take?" Brethil repeated. "How many sparkly gems could your father possibly have?"  
  
Iavas smirked and shoved open the door.  
  
"The cloths for polishing are in a chest just inside the door." He grinned again, patted Tavor's shoulder and moved down the corridor. "Oh! And Prince Legolas. I love what you have done with your hair." He laughed merrily and moved away, singing the barrel song.  
  
Legolas stared after him in dismay, fingers straying once more to his shorn hair. He groaned.  
  
"Does everyone know what happened?"  
  
"If they don't by now, I am sure they will soon," Tavor said dismally. "Let's get started. This will probably take all day. Your father has more gems than . . . ! May the Valar save us!"  
  
The three stood staring wide eyed into the Gem Room. It was vast. Boxes of every size and description littered the stone floor. Shelves had been hewn into the walls and boxes resided on them as well. Everything seemed well ordered, not thrown into a messy heap like a Dragon's Hoard would be, but the room was so huge that they could not discern the far wall in the dimness. At least they assumed there was a far wall.  
  
"Ai," Legolas breathed. "It will take us *three* Ages to do this! And to think he collects more and more because he fears he has the smallest hoard of all the Elven Lords."  
  
Even Brethil looked daunted.  
  
"He must have more jewels than anyone," he gasped. "How many boxes do you suppose there are? There must be thousands of them! How many gems are in each box I wonder. I would bet that no one has ever counted them all. I would guess. . . ."  
  
"Shut up, Brethil!" Tavor and Legolas both snapped.  
  
"What? I was merely commenting that . . . ."  
  
We know, Brethil." Legolas sighed and shook his head. "We had better get started. Ai, ai."  
  
The three were soon seated on the chill floor, boxes of sparkling stones - some set in of silver or gold, some not - polishing away as quickly as they could. When they had first begun they had exclaimed and joked over some of the more spectacular stones, but even that soon grew wearisome. They did their work in near silence.  
  
Brethil began to hum, low and quiet at first as he polished a rather large amethyst. Then he began to sing to himself, his voice fair and merry.  
  
"Down the swift dark stream you go  
Back to lands you once did know!  
Leave the halls and caverns deep,  
Leave the northern mountains steep,  
Where the forest wide and dim  
Stoops in shadow grey and grim!"  
  
"I wish the dwarves would leave the halls and caverns deep and the northern mountains steep." Tavor snorted. "All of this is their fault."  
  
Legolas glanced at him and shrugged.  
  
"Things have certainly been - interesting - since they showed up. I think we are cursed." His fingers strayed to where his braid should have been. "I look ridiculous. It will take years for this to grow out. Are you sure I gave it to that dwarf?"  
  
"Oh, yes. We saw that part!" Brethil said, his eyes shining as he remembered. "It was so sweet really, now that I think about it. Of course at the time I was so terrified because I had run into your father. My, his eyes flashed with fury then! He scares me, Legolas."  
  
"Well, he doesn't scare me." Tavor stated boldly, holding up a sapphire necklace to see if it were sparkling enough. "He is just as bad as we are, truly. He is immature as well, yelling like a spoiled child when things don't go his way. And punishing us like this for things that weren't really our fault. He. . . !"  
  
"I what, Tavor?"  
  
Tavor gave a strangled cry at the voice behind them in the doorway and he dropped the necklace to the floor, his fingers suddenly numb.  
  
Legolas turned to his father, fearing for his friend. Usually it was Brethil who spoke without thinking, though Brethil's comments were harmless and not snide as Tavor's had been.  
  
Thranduil had scrubbed his face free of the "spider stuff" on his face, though his lips and cheeks seemed a bit too pink and blue still clung on his lids in a line just above his eyelashes.  
  
Brethil's eyes were huge as he stared up at the king. The three hastily stood.  
  
"Sire, I am so sorry," Tavor began, his heart thumping uncomfortably in his chest. "I truly did not know you were there. If I had . . . ."  
  
Thranduil merely stared at him with narrowed eyes.  
  
"You wouldn't have insulted me by calling me immature and spoiled? No. I think not."  
  
Tavor squirmed uncomfortably, knowing that those in the Halls of Mandos were expecting him at any moment.  
  
"I am so sorry," he repeated. "I don't know what to say. I . . . ."  
  
"Then don't say anything! Learn to keep your mouth shut! And pick up my necklace!"  
  
Tavor nodded and hastily bent to retrieve the abused sapphire.  
  
Thranduil stared at the three of them, his eyes resting on Legolas last. If he hadn't been feeling so angry this morning he would have felt sorry for him. Legolas stared at his father forlornly, and then dropped his gaze to the floor, biting at his lips. His fingers twitched, but he didn't reach for his hair. The king shook his head in absolute frustration at this situation that had seemed to escalate to such a dizzying height that he was still reeling from all that had happened since those Dwarves had appeared at his front door as it were.  
  
"Tanglinna!" he snapped and turned as the Master Archer entered the room.  
  
Legolas had never seen such a carefully schooled, stony expression on the older elf's face before. He was still rather angry with him for what had happened last night. He hoped that his father had really let him have it. He glared at Tanglinna who merely shrugged slightly, the grey eyes full of cool nonchalance.  
  
"Tanglinna is going to be joining you in your little task. We shall see who is "amused" by it when you are finished," Thranduil said with a harsh glance at Tanglinna.  
  
The silver-haired cringed slightly, remembering his no so carefully chosen words of explanation the night before. It had to have been the smell of the pipe smoke that had made him speak with such honesty.  
  
Thranduil narrowed his eyes.  
  
"And if even one gem, one necklace, trinket or bauble is missing when you are finished here, you will be stripped of your Warrior braids and made to wear your hair in a child's braid until whatever is missing has been found!"  
  
"But how would you know if something was missing?" Brethil asked. "Truly your Majesty," he glanced about him at the boxes. "Even you can't know everything that you have."  
  
Thranduil studied him, a sneer marring his lips.  
  
"I know every last piece of jewelry and every last gemstone that I own. I can tell you where they are in here and where I got them; and when I got them. If anything is missing . . . ." he glared at them sternly and with that he whirled about and stalked away.  
  
The four elves stood in silence for a moment.  
  
"Well, how was I to know that," Brethil said in exasperation as the others' gazes rested on him.  
  
"So you are part of our punishment, are you, Master Tanglinna?" Tavor asked, feeling relief well in him. Thranduil hadn't killed him and hadn't said anything about killing him. Perhaps he would live after all.  
  
"Perhaps you are my punishment," the Master Archer commented snidely. "Having to spend interminable hours in here with the three of you for company is torture indeed, and well his Majesty knows it."  
  
"The king is good and wise," Legolas murmured, then he burst into helpless laughter.  
  
The others stared at him in amazement, but then they all realized how silly this whole thing was and joined him.  
  
A while later as all four sat on the floor polishing, Brethil looked up and wiped his brow.  
  
"I have just had a thought," he said brightly. "The spiders should come and help us. They have all those legs after all, they could get this done quite quickly."  
  
All three of the others turned to him and stared. Spiders in here? With Thranduil's gems? And not the smallest trinket was to be missing at the end of it? The spiders?  
  
"Shut up, Brethil!" they all said and threw their polishing rags at him.  
  
"What did I say?" he queried in annoyance. "It was just a thought! Honestly, I don't understand any of you at times. You would think that I said something stupid."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Remmith had been wandering the corridors, skillfully avoiding any of the inhabitants. He had slipped into one darkened room to wait as several Elves walked past, laughing merrily and speaking of the night before. They stopped outside the room and suddenly the door opened. Remmith tried to squeeze his rather large body behind the bed to hide.  
  
Aralith laughed with his friends before bidding them good-bye and entering his room. He was still chuckling over the antics of his brother when he saw the huge, furry shape filling the space by his bed.  
  
"Spider!" he gasped, his voice barely audible. "Spider!"  
  
Remmith stared at the elf who was staggering backwards toward the door.  
  
"No! No!" he hissed and leapt out from his hiding place to jump between the terrified elf and the door.  
  
Aralith's heart jumped as he skidded to a halt, fear coursing through him as he realized he was trapped by the giant arachnid.  
  
"I will do whatever you want!" he gasped, his eyes searching frantically for his Magic Spider Spray bottle. "Just please! Leave me alone!"  
  
Remmith knew that he had found his new master. "I will give you anything you want." What could be better than that? So Remmith began to tell his new master just what it was he wanted.  
  
TBC  
  
Author's Notes - The snippet of song was from the Hobbit. It is another barrel song sung by the Wood Elves. Again I was too lazy to write one myself.  
  
In the last chapter King Thranduil's makeover is courtesy of Jessica who gave birth to a pretty little plot bunny in an earlier review. Thanks, Jessica! That was a lot of fun!  
  
Also, there were several reviews for chapter 15 that came in after I posted chapter 16. So I will respond to you right here and now. Sorry, but when the chapter is finished it is hard for me to wait to post it! I will try and do better!  
  
Also Undomiel Greenleaf mention that Thranduil was proud, strong and crabby and that Legolas was strong, proud and quiet. Well, this evening it hit me rather hard much to my chagrin and wicked delight. My hubby it Thranduil and I am Legolas. That pretty much sums us up. Oh, dear! How fun!  
  
Ebony Kain (15) - Worrisome?? Well, don't worry too much. As you have seen "All are punished" to quote Shakespeare if I may. The punishment was not too bad, just tiresome. Though it reminded me a little too much of altar guild work! Polishing .Polishing. Though I think Brethil was right. It would go much faster with the spiders!  
  
Anonymous (15) - I am so glad that you love my story and all the fun elements that have entered into it. I like Elves, too. LOL! *grins* and I was trying to stay near the spirit of the Hobbit if not exactly in it completely! (if that makes sense) And I am glad that you like Tanglinna. He is a pretty cool Elf. He has really come into his own in this fic and I like him a lot, too.  
  
annakas - I was feeling rather sorry for Legolas too. And he thanks you for the hugs and the red hanky! I am sure he will get over it eventually. I hope, that is!!  
  
Lakergurl13 (15) - I am glad that you liked my singing stone and Tavor and Brethil's confusion and poor Gloin thinking he could compose a song. Thanks so much for telling me what you liked! I like that! Thanks for the Hugs and Cookies, too!  
  
seafoamgreen- That was quite an image wasn't it!! That was rather wicked of me!!  
  
Crawler (15) - You know, I hope Gloin never tells his lady wife about this. I think it would be too humiliating for him and it might hurt her feelings. Though if she were cleaning one day and found a long golden braid hidden among his things there might be a problem! I am glad that your spiders are happy! I have lots more if you want them!  
  
Jessica (15) I hope you had a great vacation! Zany and bizarre, huh? Great words and very appropriate. And I think that you are probably right about the rehab in Lorien. Haldir, Rumil, and Orophin would never let him live it down!! And your idea was fantastic and funny!! Thankee so much!  
  
Rings of the Cosmos- Well, Thranduil wasn't too hard on them. I think he feels some sympathy for his son's current plight and is trying to be lenient. If that is possible for him!!  
  
Undomiel Greenleaf- Thranduil doesn't get much of a break in this one. Though he may, but not in the way that might be expected!! And well, I have never pictured Thranduil as a fat guy. I see him as slightly taller than Legolas, slender but strong, with long golden locks and dark blue eyes bright as stars! *smiles and sighs *, but that is just me! Everyone has their own interpretation I guess!  
  
Hildestohl - Since you love Thranduil, I was curious as to how you see him since Undomiel Greenleaf's comment got me thinking. What does he look like to you?? Legolas' brothers will be in this before it is over, as you can see poor Aralith has a bit of a problem of his own right about now!!  
  
JastaElf- Hanging people upside-down from Willow trees might very well run in this family! But as you did it so masterfully in your fic (and a strange harvest it was indeed!! *snicker*) I guess Tavor and Brethil will be spared that humiliation! I don't think that Thranduil was thinking very clearly when he stormed off without washing his face! And you know I never thought about the Jedi look when I was writing that! Shame on me!  
  
Karina- I don't honestly think Brethil knows to shut up. The poor child of the running tongue! But I think Brethil is a pretty cool dude in his own right! He would have fit in quite well with some dudes in another time! Most Excellent!! I have cried when I have had my hair cut. Stupid I know, but there it is! Those spiders are kind of fun though I think Thranduil might be willing to pay someone to take them all away! Want any spiders??  
  
Ithilien- Some times I think I post too quickly. This one is winding down - yes, I can see the end of it! Yikes!! So I am typing it rather quickly. Well, it was definitely those renegade spiders with their berries that did Thranduil over. And you know, I guess it was Poetic Justice. He should definitely think twice before putting Legolas in a girly outfit again!! I think there are times when we all agree with Tavor. "Shut up, Brethil!!" I enjoy the three masters' dialogue myself. They are so fun together!  
  
Jan- That was a great review! I love that I can make people laugh so much. I honestly never thought that I could. So laughter is the highest praise for this one!! Thank you!!  
  
Elarin - I believe that I had to warn Tamsin FlameArrow about sodas and computer screens when reading this fic, so now I must warn you, too!! Thanks for calling it amazing! Another word to add to my list of great things people have said about it! I do know the ending and well...you will have to wait and see!! *wicked grin*  
  
Nancing Elf - Tanglinna is facing the music and no it is not the barrel song!! (haha.that was funny! Who knew you could be funny!! *smirk) And now you have renowned Hobbits stealing book titles from you! Woohoo?? Now where have I heard that before? Hmmm.Could it be in Lorien?? *grins  
  
Kookaburra - That was rather an unforgettable image of King Thranduil. He will probably never forgive me.  
  
Jessica - You seem to have gotten the point! You are too clever! With all this going on, Bilbo should be able to round up those Dwarves and get them out sight unseen. And the Rocky Horror escapee! I never thought of that, but it is too perfect! Exactly so! And Legolas thanks you for the turkey(??). Okay, turkey. And Gwibess is rather thrilled to be sitting in his lap! Maybe she is a fangirl at heart!!  
  
kuja - Thank you for reviewing my fic and telling me how much you enjoy it! I enjoy being told! I feel rather sorry for Thranduil as well.well not enough to stop tormenting him!!  
  
Hoo-ah - Cliffhanger?? I didn't even think in those terms in this fic, but you are right! I guess I did! And "Ravishing" doesn't begin to describe Princess Thranduil! *giggles* I am glad that you told me that I don't carry it overboard, because at times I think I do!! And yes, Tavor does seem to think about death and dying and the Halls of Mandos quite a bit, poor guy!  
  
Anonymous - Do I detect another Brethil - type person out there?? Sometimes it is hard to keep quiet, isn't it? I guess I have departed a bit from the standard Legolas of movie and book. But, hey , he was young once, too and some kind of life other than looking solemn and shooting at orcs! And you are so right! Thranduil is too grumpy! Maybe we could...you will have to wait!!  
  
Noone - Ai, Valar! You stayed up until you read it all the way through!?!? Wow! I am impressed and humbled! I hope your eyes have recovered! I am glad that you like my writing style! Thanks so much for saying that. And thank you for reviewing "Whisper.", too! You are too kind to me!! 


	21. Chapter 18 - Here We Go Again!

Chapter 18 - Here We Go Again!  
  
"I really should tell him. Really, I ought to just tell him. How much treasure could he possibly want? Greedy Elf King!"  
  
Thorin Oakenshield sat in the dimness of his prison cell muttering to himself. It had been a dismal time for the proud dwarf, the son of Thrain. Sitting in the dark brooding and bored was beginning to eat away at even his hardy, stubborn spirit. He would rather be out fighting Orcs as he had in the Battle of Azanulbizar, though that battle had been costly indeed. But what was this costing him? He moaned, feeling very sorry for himself. Yes, the elves feed him, gave him wine to drink, and attended to his needs, but sitting here day after day, not knowing what had befallen his companions -grieving for them and cursing them in turn - was slowly driving him mad.  
  
"Such a simple thing!" he hissed. "Just tell that blasted Thranduil what he wants to know. How hard can that be! Such a simple thing. A simple thing."  
  
But it was not so simple. To tell the elf what he wanted would be to admit that an elf had defeated him. And that would never happen! No elf would ever defeat a dwarf! Never! He pouted, now sitting with his arms folded over his chest. But, oh! He had never thought to be so tired of sitting in a stone room. He stood and began to pace.  
  
"I really should just tell him!"  
  
Outside his cell, two elves shook their heads.  
  
"What is he saying now?"  
  
"I know not. The same thing he has been saying for days now. The dwarf's language is so coarse and uncouth it begins to hurt my ears."  
  
Laughing lightly at their poor prisoner they continued up the hall.  
  
"How fares he?" the guard who sat outside one of the other dwarf's cells asked, as they came into sight. "Still grumbling to himself?"  
  
"Aye! It never ceases now. I wish King Thranduil would just let them go! They are quite a nuisance."  
  
The guard laughed merrily.  
  
"I think our good and wise King has had other things on his mind of late!"  
  
The others laughed as well.  
  
"It certainly has been entertaining! Were you here the night that . . . !" He snorted with delight. "That Legolas the Sparkly Green made his appearance?"  
  
"Nay! I wish I had been. Cuil and Calenthar told me all about it. I was down with that other one. I always seem to miss the fun! I could have been here watching the performance, but no, I was down in the "deep dark" with the growling Dwarf."  
  
"He is still growling in the "deep dark". I almost feel sorry for him. I feel sorry for myself anyway, having to listen to his moaning and cursing. At least I think it is cursing. It is hard to tell."  
  
Hidden in a shadowy corner, Bilbo felt a jolt of excitement. Was it possible that Thorin was indeed here? He had managed to locate the other eleven cells containing the remaining dwarves since the night that Gloin had sung his duet and received a rather priceless gift from an elven prince, but he had despaired of ever seeing Thorin. Now a glimmer of hope shone through. Perhaps his luck wasn't going to let him down after all! Silently he crept past the guards and headed down the torch lit corridor.  
  
He heard Thorin's low muttering ere he saw the great oak and iron barred door. The leader of Thorin and Company was growling in Dwarvish so Bilbo couldn't understand what he was saying, thought the Dwarf's voice seemed despondent and defiant by turns. He moved to the door and whispered in the keyhole.  
  
"Thorin! Thorin! Can you hear me?"  
  
The Dwarf's voice faltered and he paused in his pacing. He stared wide-eyed at the door.  
  
"Who is there?" he called. "Who is out there?"  
  
"It is me! Bilbo Baggins! Thorin, are you well?"  
  
The dwarf stared at the door.  
  
"Bilbo? The Burglar? No. That cannot be. Bilbo is far from here with the others. They have left me suffer this misery alone. Mahal curse them!"  
  
"Thorin! Bother! Of course it is Bilbo! The others are here as well. We have been for quite some time, you know." The hobbit glanced about, making certain that the guards weren't returning yet.  
  
"Bilbo? Is it really you?" Thorin ran to the door wishing that he were tall enough to see out the bars near the top. He spoke into the keyhole. "You are all really here! All of you!"  
  
His voice sounded so jubilant and pitiful that Bilbo felt quite sorry for the rather proud Dwarf.  
  
"We are all here. Never fear. We had quite an adventure, too, I can tell you." And he did. Thorin stood at the other side of the door, ear pressed to the keyhole listening in stunned amazement at the things that had befallen his companions after he had been taken by the elves.  
  
"You are quite a clever and resourceful fellow, Burglar Baggins." he said when Bilbo's tale - a rather longer one than Thorin thought was necessary - was finally finished. "I have a message that I need for you to deliver to the others. You must tell them that they are not - under any circumstances - to tell that Elf king anything about our errand here and they will be sorry if they even contemplate telling him about it!" He felt a flush rise to his cheeks as he said this, but no one would ever know of his own wavering.  
  
"They wouldn't do that. They are doing quite well, actually. All except poor Gloin, that is." Bilbo shook his head remembering his last whispered conversation with that dwarf. All that concerned Gloin was the fear that the elven maiden would be in trouble for giving away a lock of her spun gold hair. "I fear he will never be the same."  
  
"Well, tell them that we are not going to give that King Thranduil one small jewel if we can manage to help it. You will figure some way to get us out of this. I know you will. Then we won't have to share our treasure with him."  
  
Bilbo sighed.  
  
"It would be so much easier if you would just tell him and promise him a share," he said, knowing that it would fall on deaf ears.  
  
"Never!" Thorin muttered. "He will never get anything from me, not after this shameful treatment."  
  
"Very well," Bilbo sighed, in a rather resigned voice. "I will think of something, and I will tell the others what you have said." As he moved away, back up the corridor, he said quietly to himself, "I would be glad to give him *my* share of the treasure if only it would free us from this place." But well he knew that Thorin would never agree to that either.  
  
So it was that the dwarves agreed with the message Thorin had sent to them, and very relieved they were to learn that he was alive and well, and here with them. Their spirits rose and they began to be hopeful.  
  
"Gandalf always said that there was more about you than we knew," Balin told Bilbo happily. "And that we would find that out before long. And well, by Aule, we have! Soon we will be sitting in our own halls of stone beneath the mountain, surrounded by our treasures from ages past. It will be wonderful . . . . " He paused deep in thought. "Who knows," he continued quietly, "perhaps one day Khazad-dum will be ours again as well."  
  
Bilbo shook his head as he thought on this. It seemed that was all these dwarves thought of: reclaiming their lost treasures and glories of old.  
  
"I will be content to be in my own chair in my own hole again, with a full pantry and the kettle singing merrily about tea time. And a pipe of Old Toby or Longbottom Leaf." At this thought the Hobbit laughed silently. "Poor old Legolas. I doubt he will ever forget any of this and will be quite glad to see us gone! But I, for one, shall miss that merry prince." He shook his head and returned to his little storeroom where he had spent the majority of his time in the Gladaran Thamas.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
On the fifth day the penitents were released from their punishment. They managed to look quite repentant while Thranduil inspected box after box of glittering gems and jewelry. Finally he pronounced himself satisfied with their work and dismissed them, telling them to go and prepare for the feast the following night. The king had decided to throw another one, since the last ones had been interrupted by the dwarves.  
  
"And Legolas," he called after their departing forms, Tanglinna standing at his side. "See if you can find your brother, Aralith. He seems to be nowhere about."  
  
Legolas nodded and went in search of his brother. When he, Tavor, and Brethil inspected his room, he was not to be found. It was Tavor who noted the spider hairs on the bed cover.  
  
"You don't suppose . . . ?" he began with a glance at Legolas. "I mean, you had mentioned that Gwibess had said something about other spiders wanting masters."  
  
Legolas shook his head.  
  
"I know not. I was not myself at that time," he added wryly. "She said that she had tried to stop them, but I don't know who they are." He shrugged. "He will show up.  
  
"We should go and check on poor Gwibess. She must be quite distraught by all this," Brethil said, shaking his blonde head. "I still say you should at least have let her help us. She would rather have enjoyed it I think."  
  
"Undoubtedly," Tavor snorted as they left Aralith's room. "Only she would have pocketed a few things on the way out and we would be wearing child's braids. That would be too humiliating, especially since your father is so graciously throwing another party. He probably would have made us sit with the children at their little table away from the adults. I couldn't survive that."  
  
Brethil and Legolas looked at one another and grinned. Tavor took himself and his position in Mirkwood society much too seriously.  
  
"Perhaps we should let Gwibess chose something from the Gem room. She did try to warn me after all," Legolas said, moving swiftly down the hall. "Adar was surely exaggerating when he said he knew exactly how many jewels he has."  
  
"And where he got them and when," Brethil added, trotting at his side.  
  
"And in which box," Legolas finished.  
  
"No!" Tavor called, hurrying to catch up to them. "You are not serious, are you Legolas? Please tell me you are not serious! Ai, ai! Legolas! No!"  
  
Brethil and Legolas broke into a run, laughing. Tavor stared after them, a look of horror on his fair face.  
  
"Your father is going to kill us! Truly, kill us! Legolas! No!" He ran after them, dread welling in him. "I wish I was in Mandos Halls," he muttered. "At least you can't get into trouble there . . . at least I don't think so . . . not if you two aren't there . . . . Wait!"  
  
At that moment Aralith crept down the dim hall to the Gem room, a giant spider trailing him, hissing happily. The Elf prince trembled with fear, shuddering with horror. His life was shattered. The spider trailed him everywhere and his Magic Spider Spray was missing.  
  
"I will get them for this!" he whispered. "I know Legolas, Tavor, and Brethil took it and set this spider on me! I will get them for this!"  
  
Remmith stayed practically on his heels until they arrived at the room, occasionally reaching out a long let or two to stroke the elf prince's long golden hair, causing Aralith to shudder and moan. The prince unlocked the door with the keys he had stealthily borrowed and opened the door. The spider took one look inside and began to dance with joy as Aralith opened box after box of newly polished gems. Remmith had never seen so many sparkly things in his life. More even than Gwibess had!  
  
Aralith moaned and backed out of the room.  
  
"P. . . Please, put them back when you are done," he told the spider. "And. . . and trouble me no more! Take what you want and leave! Please!" He fled down the hallway, leaving the spider happily pawing through the jewels looking for the perfect ones.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Later that day King Thranduil, accompanied by Tanglinna who had been ordered not to leave his side for some time to come, came to the Gem Room to pick some appropriate things for the feast. The king shoved open the door, only mildly surprised that it wasn't locked. When he glanced inside though he stopped dead in his tracks. Several of the boxes lay open on the floor, their contents spilling across the stone floor.  
  
"What is this?!" he yelled, stamping into the room. "Who has been here?!"  
  
Tanglinna felt his brave heart quail.  
  
"Oh, no," he breathed. "This cannot be happening. This cannot be happening!"  
  
Once more the foundations of the grand hall of Thranduil shook.  
  
"LEGOLAS! ! ! !"  
  
TBC  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
Lakergurl13 (16) - Scared your dog, did you?? Poor dog! Our pets have to put up with quite a bit of craziness from us, don't they!! As far as Legolas' braids go, he had only 3 to begin with and I doubt that he will be willing to part with any more of them. He already feels bad enough. You had better talk to Gloin about the one he has! But I don't think he will surrender it just yet! Tavor does seem to have an obsession with the Halls of Mandos, doesn't he!  
  
Karina - I am glad you enjoyed the punishment. It seemed very appropriate to me, too. The king is definitely wise and good! I like Brethil, too. And his running tongue seems to have affected Tavor. Too much prolonged exposure over the years I guess. Though you think he would know better!! And Karina! Why did you have to mention my other stories! Ai, Valar. They are too depressing for me to contemplate! That is probably why this one is so lighthearted, to counteract what I did before! Who knows! I really do like Brethil!!  
  
Lady M - Thranduil is learning some control at this point, and he does feel for Legolas! What parent wouldn't. Tavor, Brethil, and Legolas are great, true friends and have had many "adventures" together. They are indeed, the best of friends because as you said, this sort of thing happens quite a lot!! Only in Mirkwood!!  
  
annakas - Wow! I am sorry to say this, but this story is just about over! "I am so sorry," to quote Brethil. But I am sure there will be more "Zany Adventures in Mirkwood".  
  
Rings of the cosmos - I would hate to be in their shoes, too!! I prefer to just watch from a distance!  
  
Katharine the Great - 5 reviews!! Woohoo! (to quote Nancing Elf) Queen of Funny, huh? I can live with that! Thranduil as Tammy Faye Bakker?? (screams with laughter) I hadn't thought of it that way, but it definitely works!! And he has to be loud to keep his throne! (heehee) Kisses my feet.well.okay. Thanks for your own gush!  
  
Silvarn Vilya - You reviewed, you Rivendell Elf you?? I can't believe it! Well, if Aralas were there he would be in trouble, too. But not as much as Silvarn I am sure!! And hey! Back off Aralith!! He isn't that bad in this one!! (grins) I am just commenting.  
  
Irena - I love you too, Irena! But , Ai, Valar!! What are you leading up to!? You are scaring me mightily!!  
  
Nancing Elf - Polishing is tedious work indeed. And yes, Bilbo and the Dwarves have some barrel riding to do yet. I thought it was time for Tavor to do something absolutely stupid and boy! He did! Sorry about not posting yesterday. My schedule got messed up slightly. Was feeling mopey about what I did in my other fics, too. It has been great fun to see them this way. I will have to write some more of their fun stories!  
  
Anonymous - Wow! What a long review!! I loved it!! I am glad what I said made sense. Sometimes I wonder about myself!! So.you have a wicked sense of humor like Tanglinna and a mouth like Brethil's! You must be something else!! I don't approve of what Tanglinna did either - it was mean!! - but it was sure fun! (grins) Maybe I have a wicked sense of humor, too! Brethil is really a rather likeable Elf! He is a lot of fun to work with! You have really put a lot of thought into this, I see. That is really very cool!! The Wood Elves in the Hobbit are quite different from LOTR (though I admit the zaniness is mine) I don't know what Master Tolkien would think of me!! And be Brethil all you like!! I loved your review!  
  
JastaElf - Polishing gems seemed like rather poetic justice for all that had transpired. And Brethil doesn't get a break, poor thing. (looks mopey again) Tavor definitely thinks of the Halls of Mandos too much (looks really mopey and groans) Tanglinna certainly deserved his punishment. He was not playing nice at all! (moans again, because I didn't play nice with them!) Sorry. I actually thought that the spiders would be a big help, too. But (grins) I wouldn't want to be the one to explain that one to the king!! Would you?? And poor Aralith must learn to conquer his fears! (laughs at herself for shrieking at a really large spider this morning!) It is too bad that Mithrandir isn't around, but then maybe he is off enjoying a good laugh at all this! And I love all your ideas for him to come up with! They made me laugh!!  
  
Artanis - Yes! I know what that means! Thank you ! Spiders and roaches!! Eughhhh! Is too right!! Especially if they are way too big!!! 


	22. Chapter 19 - The Wild Berry War

Chapter 19 - The Wild Berry War  
  
King Thranduil of Mirkwood gave his people one of the greatest woodland feasts they had ever seen. There was food and wine in abundance, much laughter, singing, and dancing. The king was dressed in a magnificent robe of shifting autumnal colors that showed his tall, lean body to perfection, a crown of berries and russet colored leaves crowned his long golden locks. His midnight blue eyes sparkled with merriment. Nothing would ruin this feast.  
  
But even as this thought crossed his mind, his eyes strayed to the children's table across the clearing. Seated at the shorter tables covered with green cloths embroidered with grape vines and butterflies were the children of Mirkwood. Seated in their midst were his youngest son, his two friends, and the Master Archer, their long hair hanging down their backs in a single intricate braid worn by the children. Tanglinna seemed very disconcerted as he sat with the giggling, laughing elf children, and Tavor looked rather unsure of what to make of his present situation. But the looks of delight and great amusement on Legolas' and Brethil's faces gave the elf king pause. They actually seemed to be enjoying themselves. He shook his head and reached for his wine, refusing to worry overmuch about anything this night.  
  
Legolas was smiling at the antics of a small boy seated across from him. The child, one Celuon by name, was carefully sorting through the pile of berries on his plate, expecting each one carefully before eating them. His green gaze fixed on the elf prince every few moments. Legolas smiled at him and picked up a plump berry from his own plate. He held it out to the child who inspected it then nodded. Legolas popped the berry into his mouth and grinned. The child grinned back.  
  
"Legolas, what are you doing?" Tavor asked, feeling rather ridiculous seated at the much too small table in a much too small chair, knowing that he looked as silly as he felt. "One would think you were enjoying this."  
  
Mirkwood's prince shrugged eating another berry deemed acceptable by his tablemate.  
  
"Actually, I am. I always rather resented sitting here when I was a child, wanting to sit at the big tables with the grown-ups, but now it is rather enjoyable.'  
  
Brethil was enjoying himself also, singing a rather silly duet with a golden haired girl child who was giggling helplessly before the song was done, her bright eyes watching him with undisguised admiration.  
  
"I think Aralith would be happier here," he commented, looking to where Legolas' older brother sat beside Thranduil. "He doesn't look very festive."  
  
Aralith wasn't feeling very festive. The spider Remmith wouldn't leave him alone. The giant beast haunted the young prince's room at night, demanding more and more sparkly things. His every waking moment was fraught with dread, fearing to see the lumbering arachnid bearing down on him at any moment. He sat now, surrounded by his family and friends, glancing about wondering where Remmith was. He had taken to trailing his father everywhere, knowing that the spider wouldn't dare to approach him if he were with Thrumb Dumb, the name the spider insisted was the king's.  
  
"Where is my Magic Spider Spray?" he muttered quietly, his fingers tangling in his napkin. "Where is it? If only I could find it he would go away! Where is Mithrandir? He hasn't visited in so long. Why doesn't he come?!"  
  
Celebross glanced at his brother.  
  
"What are you talking about, Aralith?" he asked, shaking his silvery head in disbelief at his younger sibling. "Spider spray!" He snorted. "I thought you had outgrown that nonsense."  
  
Tavor looked at Aralith and shook his head, but then he saw the gazes of some of the elf maidens on him, the laughter quite evident on their fair faces. His own face flushed with red and he turned miserably away.  
  
"Will this never end?" he moaned, picking morosely at his food. "Will we ever stopped being punished for this? It wasn't even our fault. I mean, it wasn't Gwibess was it?" He looked to Legolas.  
  
"I told you it wasn't. It was one of those other spiders." The prince deftly picked up one of his own berries and threw it at the child, hitting him on the top of his blonde head. He totally ignored Tanglinna's rather exasperated look. "Gwibess said that there are three of them around here somewhere. They want masters." He laughed at the expression on the child's face. "It had to be one of them. But I am not telling adar that there are now four spiders running loose here. You tell him."  
  
Celuon picked up a berry, inspected it, then tossed it at Legolas who looked at him with mock surprise.  
  
Tavor widened his eyes and snorted.  
  
"I think not. Thank you all the same. But it really isn't fair. It wasn't our spider. We really need to do something with Gwibess. She just can't come into the palace whenever she pleases." He shifted uncomfortably in his small seat. "I don't like this, Legolas. Baranri and Colmaidh are staring at us." His eyes wandered to the young maidens once more, their hands over their mouths as they whispered back and forth to one another, their eyes dancing with amusement as they stared at the children's tables.  
  
Celaer, Brethil's little admirer had thrown a plump blueberry at him, and was giggling wildly as he threw one back.  
  
"They are staring at *you* , Tavor. You look so grumpy. Rather like the king on a bad day." He threw another berry at the child, smiling at her.  
  
"Don't start that again, young one!" Tanglinna snapped, his gaze going to his king, fearing that Thranduil's sharp ears would pick up on their words and bring even more anger down on them. "No more talk about spiders either!"  
  
"Start what, Old Sourpuss." Legolas said, launching a berry at the Master Archer. It hit him squarely on the nose.  
  
Calaer squealed with laughter at the look on Tanglinna's long- suffering dignified face. Celuon's eyes widened uncertainly then he made a careful inspection of a berry and threw it at Tanglinna as well.  
  
Legolas glanced at Brethil, who grinned as his eyes slide to Tavor.  
  
"Oh, no. I am not getting involved in this," Tavor stated, folding his arms over his chest and managing to overbalance himself in the tiny chair. He fell backwards with a woof of surprise. Suddenly Legolas and Brethil were pelting his prone form with berries, laughing like the children who had soon followed suit.  
  
Tanglinna couldn't prevent his smile as he unfolded from his own chair, his fingers curling about some berries as well, but they didn't fly at Tavor. They landed solidly on Legolas and Brethil.  
  
Soon bread and berries flew about the children's tables, amidst their shrieks of joy.  
  
The grown-ups stared at them from their own tables and Thranduil shook his head and stood. Aralith looked panicked as his father moved away across the grass, and he leapt up and followed.  
  
"Wait for me, Adar!"  
  
Thranduil threw an exasperated glance at his middle son - he was really becoming quite tiresome - and headed to where the food fight was in progress.  
  
"What is this?" he asked, glaring at them.  
  
The children instantly subsided, eyes wide as the king stared down at them from his impressive height, arms folded over his chest.  
  
"Get up, Tavor," Thranduil said, looking down at the younger Elf, who rolled rather ungracefully to his feet, wiping at the berry juice stains on his festive tunic. Tavor glanced once at the king and looked at the ground.  
  
"Ai, Valar," he whispered. "Not again!"  
  
Brethil had dropped the last of his berries onto the ground, and stood looking anywhere but at Thranduil. Tanglinna stood with his eyes wide and blank. Completely innocent looking, or so he thought. But Legolas still held a handful of the berries, his blue eyes dancing.  
  
"What is this?" Thranduil repeated, his eyes turned to each in turn.  
  
"Nothing, Sire. Merely children being . . . children." Tanglinna answered, keeping his gaze straight ahead of him, which unfortunately was now on Legolas. ~ Don't even think it, nin caun! ~ he thought at the prince who was looking decidedly mischievous.  
  
For once Brethil managed to keep quiet though the words crowded in the area of his throat, begging for release. Tavor refused to look at anyone, though he could feel Tanglinna's great discomfort.  
  
Thranduil gazed at his son, who was struggling to control what looked suspiciously like a smile of delight.  
  
"Legolas. What is this behavior? You are too old to be acting in such a childish manner. Throwing your food. Honestly, will you never grow up?"  
  
Legolas shrugged.  
  
"I doubt it, adar." He tugged on his long pale child's braid that lay over his shoulder with the hand not cupped about the berries. "'Twould seem I will always be a child."  
  
Tanglinna groaned and shook his head imperceptibly.  
  
"Don't!" he hissed, drawing the king's gaze to himself.  
  
"Did you have something to add, Tanglinna?"  
  
"No, Sire. Not I. You know I never say anything."  
  
"Oh really?" The elf king's blue gaze returned to Legolas. "After all that has happened, how can you behave like this? Surely the pipeweed has worn off."  
  
Legolas raised one dark brow as if say "perhaps it has, but who is to say."  
  
Thranduil stared at him and narrowed his eyes. Before he could say or do anything in answer a berry bounced off his dignified brow and caught in his autumn crown.  
  
Legolas couldn't prevent the laugh from bursting forth and he looked at the berry thrower, young Celuon, who was smiling rather proudly at his handiwork.  
  
Thranduil stared down at the imp whose eyes sparkled with laughter.  
  
"And who, my I ask, taught you that trick, Celuon?" he asked plucking the berry from his crown and holding it between his fingers.  
  
The child giggled and pointed to Legolas. Thranduil raised one brow and tossed the berry at his son. Legolas gasped and then smiled wickedly at his father and threw his handful of berries all at once.  
  
Tanglinna gasped in shock and stared at the two royal elves before him. They would never any of them grow up, he thought with something akin to amusement. Sometimes he felt that Thranduil was entirely too serious. Tavor groaned, wondering how much more undignified things could get when Brethil launched an attack on him. Tavor growled and picked up his own neat plate of berries and proceeded to throw them at his friends.  
  
The children were all laughing and shrieking, clapping their hands with joy and throwing any thing that came to hand. Their parents and the other elves began to laugh as they watched the wild berry war continue until all the combatants were laughing too hard to continue. Thranduil moved around the table to embrace his son, chuckling with delight.  
  
"Mayhap I should wear a child's braid as well," he said, staring down into his son's shining blue eyes. "At times I fear I am too serious."  
  
Legolas shrugged.  
  
"That is not what I have heard," the prince said as his eyes traveled to Tanglinna, who suddenly shook his head rather violently, recalling just what he had told the prince that he shouldn't have. Truly, he had only done it to help soften the blow the youngling had over losing his braid. "I heard that you once danced with a Goblin," Legolas continued, grinned widely, "and seemed to enjoy it right much."  
  
Thranduil turned to stab Tanglinna with his eyes.  
  
"Just where did you hear that?" he asked, knowing quite well where that story had come from.  
  
Legolas shrugged again, feeling that he had gotten his revenge on Tanglinna whose eyes were huge, rimmed with uncertainty.  
  
"Oh, I don't recall. Though it was rather a funny story. I shall have to tell Bilbo."  
  
"Bilbo?" Thranduil asked, straightening his robes as he glared at the Master Archer, who shrugged suddenly, his mouth quirking. "Who is Bilbo?"  
  
Legolas choked, his mouth opening and closing like a fish.  
  
"Did I . . . did I say Bilbo? I . . . I . . . " He grimaced and looked at the ground.  
  
"Yes, you did say it. Who or what is Bilbo?" Thranduil stared at him.  
  
Legolas swallowed.  
  
~ I am turning into Brethil, ~ he thought miserably.  
  
"Haven't you told him, Legolas? It is really a rather interesting tale, your Majesty," Brethil began, his eyes bright as he warmed to the tale that Legolas had told them during their time of punishment in the Gem Room. "You see, Bilbo is . . . ."  
  
"Shut up, Brethil!"  
  
They all turned to Thranduil who had uttered the words. The king shook his head and adjusted his crown.  
  
"Truly, shut up. I do not wish to know. Now, may we finish our feast in peace?" He turned to the four. "If you wish you may join us at the grown ups table, and . . . you may fix your hair if you wish."  
  
Legolas grinned, relieved that Thranduil put an end to Brethil's story ere it began.  
  
"If you don't mind, adar, I think I will finish the feast here." He winked at Celuon, who grinned.  
  
"And I as well, Sire," Brethil said, taking Celaer's hand and leading her into the clearing as the music began once again.  
  
Tanglinna looked at Tavor who shrugged, but was pulling on his braid to free it.  
  
"We will abide here as well, your Majesty. If it pleases you."  
  
Thranduil shook his head in amusement, chuckling slightly, and then nodded. Slowly he moved back to his seat to watch the dancers, Aralith on his heels. Legolas had carried small Celuon out to join the others who were dancing happily. He perched the youngster on his hip and spun him about, both laughing happily. Tavor was delighted and surprised when Baranri and Colmaidh came up to him, running slender fingers through his loosened hair and invited him to join them in the dance as well. He smiled, quite pleased with himself and followed them across the grass. Tanglinna had just reseated himself when a solemn eyed girl with tiny flowers braided into her long dark locks came and sat on his lap. She stared up at him with shining eyes and, tugging one of the flower chains from her own hair, adorned him with it. He smiled widely and carried her out to the dance.  
  
Thranduil watched it all with amused eyes. This was indeed a feast that they would never forget.  
  
TBC  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
Sake - Legolas should try sake, huh? (grins) Sounds fun to me!! And funny!!  
  
JastaElf - Remmith is definitely a spider that knows how to take advantage of a situation, yes, indeed. He is not nice like Gwibess, but what do expect from a Mirkwood spider?? And as far as Thranduil knowing it was Aralith, he definitely doesn't. Legolas is the only son that tames spiders! And how do you come up with this stuff??!! Sprays for the spiders to send Thrumb Dumb away!! (giggles) I don't know that Bilbo will forget the mess he is leaving, though he does have a dragon to contend with!! And not one named Thrumb Dumb!  
  
Karina - I don't know how good Aralith will be feeling since he still has an eight-legged buddy attached to him! And no Legolas has a pretty good sense of humor! He has to in order to survive in Mirkwood!! Aralith is probably going to be scarred for life!! So don't be too hard on him. And I apologize for gripping about my other fics. I was in a bad, mopey mood I guess. It happens to the best of us. So to quote Brethil "I am so sorry!" And yes, we are here to laugh at their misfortune. It is just to fun to ignore. And I am sure they will be excellent to one another! And Thranduil will party on, dude! Most definitely!  
  
Rings of the Cosmos - I have heard of "Eight-legged Freaks" and want to go see it! Heh heh! I seem a bit obsessed with giant spiders lately! Too bad Shelob won't make an appearance in The Two Towers, but we have to wait for Return of the King for her! And I would guess that the Mirkwood spiders probably do rather resemble them, only I pictured them with much more bloated bodies, like black widows!  
  
hildestohl - You want me to tell you what I think Thranduil looks like?? Well, I will tell you. And yes, I have seen 13th Warrior. Cool movie. I love Vikings! But, no, I don't see Thranduil quite like that. And as I sit here looking at a very lovely picture of Legolas from FOTR (sighs happily) I don't quite see him like that either. I know JastaElf sees him as a young Rutger Hauer (Ladyhawke days), but I don't see him that way either. So I am trying to pin him down. The way I see him is more like Daniel Day- Lewis in Last of the Mohicans, except his hair is golden blonde, a little longer, and his eyes are dark blue. (sighs happily again! What is it about male Elves??) I think when we don't see on the characters on the silver screen we all get our own ideas and no one is wrong and no one is right. Choose the one that does it for you and go with it. I am trying to pin down my thoughts on Glorfindel right now. Don't have him just yet, but I will. (wriggles with excitement)!! So how was that? It made me happy! Legolas, Glorfindel, and Thranduil - three of my favorite Elves!! (grins)  
  
Crawler - You like Remmith, do you?? He is something else and I imagine he will cause more trouble in the future!  
  
D45 - You can hug Brethil all you want! He is a cute guy, and a male Elf!! (grin) I am glad you like my quick posting, I will try to keep it up! So how do you see Thranduil, since we are discussing him here? Let me know!  
  
Lakergurl 13 - I don't feel too sorry for Tanglinna. He wasn't very nice to Legolas letting him act so silly in front of the others and a Dwarf!! But I am sure it was hardest on him to listen to those three for days! Thranduil knows his jewels too well for them to hide any. You are right there. Lots of people don't like spiders. I try to, but I am not always successful. And yes, sorry no braid. I think we all would want them and then he would be bald!!! And I too would fear for Thorin if he got caught lying to Thranduil!!  
  
NiennaVala - Thank Eru! I am glad the Valar are pleased! And yes, I fear Legolas is surrounded by crazy people! Or just a crazy fanfic author! (grin)  
  
Irena - Well, now that you mention it..I will, thanks to you, hear Ralph Kramden's voice any time Thranduil starts yelling! (giggles) And I am afraid to contemplate what you are doing! I am afraid.very afraid!  
  
alliwantisanelfforchristmas - I am so sorry if this has scared Little Pip! Don't worry though. I think Bilbo will have something to give to her before this fic is over that might make her feel better! I know there is a spider in our bedroom as I saw it last night. Not too big, but not small enough either. Unfortunately he got away from me! I remember sitting at the child's table in the kitchen corner on holidays while the grown-ups sat in the dining room with the fancy dishes with pretty pics on them with gold edges. So I know all about the kid's table! But you are right, now it is a privilege to sit there, not a punishment! Strange how things change as we age! I think Tanglinna needed to suffer a little since he seems to enjoy seeing other suffer in like manner. And what did that bad Elf boy leave at your house??  
  
annakas - It's fun to be a kid again, isn't it!! I enjoy being a kid here in my "old" age! Hehehe. I am sorry that it is coming to its end, too! It has been great fun!  
  
Angaloth - Wow! You make me blush! And I love my trio of Bad Boy Elves, too! They are such fun to work with!! And I am so glad that you are looking forward to Bells of Silver! That makes my day! And hey, Glorfindel is second in my book only to Legolas!!  
  
Nancing Elf - I don't think that Ff.net is completely healed, but they are close. Sometimes everything works, sometimes not. Oh, well. At least something is working! I am sure Legolas wishes you would whip out your brush and restore his magnificent Warrior braids! Or have JastaElf's super fast braid re-growing tonic. Well, and as you saw Legolas isn't the only one at the child's table in a child's braid.  
  
queenie - After the Dwarves and Bilbo leave and the spiders are chased out of the palace things should calm down to normal. (grins) Whatever that is!! Don't worry overmuch. I am sure they will all survive this!  
  
amlugwen - I am making this last as long as I can. I don't want it to end either! It has been so much fun!!  
  
And No one who just finished reading "Hearts of Darkness". (author groans and can hear Nancing Elf and Karina and others saying "Oh no, here she goes again!) I am sorry about what I did in "Hearts"! If I had written this one first I probably would not have done it! Honestly! But that was written long before this story was a story or even an idea in my head. Brethil and Tanglinna ( I really do like them!! ) weren't quite the personalities they have become through this fic. And I wanted that part of "Hearts" to have an impact and it certainly does. Even more so now than it did when I wrote it. I haven't reread that part since I started this story because it bothers me. So don't let that ruin the fun of this fic, please. Again I apologize for my meanness in that story. I am indeed sorry!! 


	23. Chapter 20 - Brethilitis Strikes Again

Chapter 20 - Brethilitis Strikes Again  
  
"I know you will think of something, Mr. Invisible Baggins!" Thorin whispered into the keyhole when Bilbo next visited him. "I have only the greatest faith in your abilities! You are nearly as much use to us as the Wizard now. Drat him for disappearing when we needed him."  
  
Bilbo grimaced slightly and bid farewell to the Dwarf.  
  
~Bother! ~ he thought as he crept back up the passage way and into the more inhabited part of the palace. ~ Those Dwarves are more trouble than they are worth! No amount of treasure will make up for this! I only have one ring and there are thirteen of them! How am I to get them out of here? Those blasted doors seem to be the only way out of this confusing place. What am I to do? ~  
  
His furry feet carried him to Legolas' room. The activity about the palace was rather subdued that day as the feast of the night before had been very festive indeed. Legolas was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling; his blue eyes somewhat blank. Bilbo slipped his ring into his pocket and climbed onto the bed, smiling.  
  
"Rather late in the day to be lazing in bed," he said cheerfully. When he received no response, he frowned and bent over the prince. "Prince Legolas?" The elf remained motionless and unaware. The poor hobbit felt a stab of fear pass through him. What if he was dead? What if the pipeweed had at last killed him? "Legolas! Legolas!" He shook the prince looking into those staring blue eyes.  
  
Legolas' eyes focused and he blinked, rather startled by Bilbo seated on his knees beside him shaking him rather forcefully.  
  
"What is it?" he said, sitting up. "What is wrong? Bilbo?"  
  
Bilbo stared at him.  
  
"I . . . I thought you were. . . ." He shook his head. "Your eyes were open and you weren't responding."  
  
Legolas stretched catlike and stared at the hobbit.  
  
"I was asleep, Bilbo. I had a rather late night."  
  
"Asleep? But your eyes were open. How could you be sleeping?"  
  
The elven prince laughed merrily. He felt in quite a good mood and smiled down at the hobbit, whose blue eyes were filled with confusion and concern.  
  
"All elves sleep with their eyes open, Bilbo. Unless we are ill or hurt. What are you doing in here anyway? Where have you been these past days?" Even as he said this he thought ~ Do I really want to know? ~ He knew that his father was not one to let anything slip by him, and he had mentioned the hobbit's name the night before. Then Brethil had started to blurt out everything he knew in typical Brethil fashion before Thranduil had stopped him. His father may not have wanted to know whom Bilbo was last night, but Legolas feared that Thranduil might want to know today. Truly, his father never forgot anything. "Never mind," he muttered, looking down at the cover on his bed. It was best not to know. And he couldn't get in trouble for something he didn't know. Well, maybe not.  
  
"I have been visiting the dwarves."  
  
Legolas raised his dark brows and got out of the bed.  
  
"How are they faring?" he asked politely, moving to wash his face, which had suddenly reddened as he recalled what had happened the Dreadful Night of the Pipeweed Incident as he had come to think of it. He stared into his mirror and pushed distractedly at the hair sticking up on the left side of his head. "They are all well, aren't they? We have been feeding them, you know. They are no longer starving." He still felt somewhat guilty about not feeding them when they had happened on them in the woods. Perhaps Brethil had been right after all.  
  
"Oh, no, they are no longer starving. They are all doing quite well actually." The hobbit laughed and slipped from the bed and moved to the chair he had inhabited when portraying Silivren Hithlain Man. "Bombur doesn't want to leave."  
  
"Oh? And why is that?" Legolas splashed water on his face and dried it.  
  
Bilbo chuckled remembering his conversation with the Dwarf. Bombur was rather enjoying his time of imprisonment. His guards had soon found him to be something of a connoisseur of foodstuffs and had delighted in bringing him delicacies from the kitchens that were meant for the king's table. They enjoyed his critiques, thought he never seemed to have anything bad to say about anything placed before him.  
  
Legolas smiled at this, having heard much the same thing from some of the elven guards. He frowned once more at his hair muttering again as his slender fingers tried once more to weave it - unsuccessfully - into a longer braid somewhat further back on his head then it normally would have been.  
  
Bilbo smiled over at him, and shook his head.  
  
"I really am rather sorry about the pipeweed, Prince Legolas. If I had known how you would react to it I never would have given it to you."  
  
"If I had known how I would react I never would have taken it," the elf rejoined, pushing yet again at his wet hair with his fingers. "I can't believe I cut my Warrior braid off," he said, glaring at his reflection, "and gave it to a dwarf!"  
  
"Gloin is quite thrilled with it," the hobbit continued, looking amused. "He keeps it near his heart. He was all concern for your welfare after it happened."  
  
"I am pleased to hear it," Legolas said sarcastically, then a worried frown creased his brow. "He doesn't still think that I am a female, does he?"  
  
"Well. . . ." Bilbo shrugged. "I am afraid he does, though he mentioned that your voice was deeper than he imagined."  
  
"My voice?" Legolas snorted, then paused. "Bilbo, did I really sing with the dwarf?"  
  
"You did, and a very nice song it was, too. Something about rolling down a hole." The hobbit laughed remembering that night. "Your voices complimented one another nicely. Though I was rather surprised that Gloin knew any songs in Elvish."  
  
"The barrel song," Legolas groaned, leaning forward to rest his hands on the dresser and shaking his head. "I hate that song."  
  
"What is the barrel song?" Bilbo asked curiously.  
  
"It is a song that we sing about the empty barrels that we float out of the palace and down the river. We import many of our things from other places. Especially the wines. They come from our kin in the south or from the Men. Ai!" he sighed, looking at his mutilated hair once more.  
  
"You float the barrels down the river? The one that runs in front of the castle?" Bilbo sat forward, suddenly feeling a dim ray of hope.  
  
"Yes. Celon o Tinnu - the River of Night."  
  
"Do you roll the barrels out of the magic doors then?" Bilbo asked excitedly.  
  
"No. They are pushed into the water and go out the water-gate. Some of them go to Long Lake. There is a settlement of Men there living on an island. The only way to reach it is by crossing one of their many bridges." He snorted, twisting at his hair and giving himself a headache. "They fear the Dragon of course."  
  
Bilbo started.  
  
"Dragon? Did you say Dragon?" ~ Perhaps, ~he thought gleefully, ~ I am useful!~  
  
He listened to the prince rattle on and on about Smaug the great Dragon that inhabited Erebor, and how it hoarded all the dwarves' treasures that were supposedly in the mountain. But while he continued to speak Bilbo heard something that the prince did not: footsteps approaching the room. He hastily shoved his ring onto his finger and slid out of the chair and under the bed.  
  
"I have always wanted to see a Dragon," Legolas was saying, pleased with himself now that the hair had at last been forced into a tight braid that he continued to weave it in with some longer strands. "I know that is foolish, but I am sure Dragons are quite impressive. That is why I like my bubble pipe so much. It has a Dragon's head on it, remember? They must be quite enormous. Don't you think so, Bilbo?" He turned to the hobbit, but Bilbo was gone.  
  
"Who are you talking to, Little Greenleaf?"  
  
He spun and found his father standing in the doorway, one brow raised.  
  
Blue eyes frantically searched his room for any sign of the hobbit, but he was nowhere to be seen. He gulped slightly and turned to his father.  
  
"I . . . um. . . that is. . . I was just. . . ." His eyes widened as they met Thranduil's. His father did not look amused as he had the night before.  
  
"Little Greenleaf, I believe that there are some things we need to discuss," the king said, his own eyes roaming about the room for the elusive Bilbo.  
  
"Oh? I can't imagine what. Wasn't . . . wasn't the feast last night wonderful?" He smiled tremulously. "And . . . and the children were so sweet and cute and . . . ."  
  
Thranduil's brow rose further.  
  
"And did you see Tanglinna dancing with Lendlaes? She is so small and cute and he looked rather. . . large. Almost like you must have looked dancing with the goblin when you smoked . . . pipeweed . . . in. . . the forest. . . ." He faltered and swallowed. Then he groaned. ~ There must be magic afoot here! ~ he thought desperately. ~ Because I have turned into Brethil! ~  
  
Thranduil's face reddened and his eyes narrowed. He had not had an amusing night after the feast. Aralith had trailed him to his room, insisting that he wanted to spend the remainder of the night there and not in his own room. And when at last he had wrested the reason for his son's great fear from him - more spiders in the palace!! - he had lost his mellow mood and spent the rest of the night brooding and growling. And now his son mentioned that time with the Goblin!! No one was supposed to remember that! He had specifically told all those who had been with him at the time to forget about it! But it seemed someone had not. ~ I should have made them drink water from Morn Nen ! ~ he thought angrily, wondering what revenge he would get on his Master Archer.  
  
"What did you say?" he asked in a low dangerous voice.  
  
"Nothing?"  
  
Thranduil breathed slowly several times through his nose, feeling the heat in his face cool a bit.  
  
"It seems we have more to discuss than I first thought," he managed in a normal voice. "You had better come with me now."  
  
Legolas' shoulders slumped and he grimaced. He glanced once more in the mirror only to find that his braid had come loose and his short hair was free once more.  
  
"This is not going to be a good day," he said morosely.  
  
"What are you saying now, Little Greenleaf?" Thranduil called back from the hallway.  
  
"Nothing. I am saying nothing. Ai, Valar. When will I learn to keep my mouth shut. I *am* turning into Brethil. This is not going to be a good day." He followed his father down the hallway, kicking at the floor.  
  
Bilbo waited until they were gone before slipping from under the bed.  
  
"Water-gate, eh?" He smiled. "I will have to find out about this water-gate." He left the room, quietly and on invisible feet. "Thank you again, Prince Legolas. This has turned out to be a rather good day for me!" He hurried down the corridors toward the cellars.  
  
TBC  
  
Author's Note  
  
Yes. I know that Bilbo learned about the water-gate by lurking in corners and listening to the king's servants talking about it. But I changed it a little. Canon people I apologize, but hey! It is more fun this way.  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
Anonymous - It is irritating when someone is standing over your shoulder telling you they need the computer, isn't it. That happens here all the time! Thank you for your comments on Master Tolkien. I love "The Hobbit" and have for more than couple of decades now. It was the first Tolkien that I had ever read and it got me royally hooked! I think that I, too, would have trouble living down all the "fun" Legolas has gotten himself into. And I am glad that you like the image of the proud Thorin as a petulant child pouting in the dark! That was rather fun!! As you have seen Legolas was blamed for Aralith's spider's mischief! After all how many spiders can there be in the palace?? (wicked grin) Cleaning anything for a prolonged amount of time can be boring!! And I serious doubt Legolas will every "play" with pipeweed ever again. As for playing with Gwibess..well, we shall see! And now for your next review! I liked the sourpuss part, too! He sure looked like one to me, hence the name! And yes, poor Aralith is having a rather hard time of it! Rather like myself when I am out of Raid and have a wasp fly into the house!! I am glad that some of Thranduil's reactions surprised you. I need to keep everyone guessing. Especially telling Brethil to shut up! Gotta love that! LOL means laughs out loud, lots of love, lots of luck. Rather a catchall phrase.  
  
annakas - That chapter was cute and sweet! Everyone seems to think so! And yes, poor Aralith will be scarred for life because of that big bad spider dude! Or at least until Mithrandir shows up with more of his Magic Spider Spray!!  
  
Nancing Elf - That was cute! And I'll just bet you want to sit on Legolas' hip and get spun around!! (smirks back at you though the same thought had crossed the author's mind!) I was glad Thranduil didn't pitch a fit either. He has had a few too many of late and it is time for him to relax and enjoy life a little! And yes, their punishment is over. Finally!! And you are right; with Brethil it is never a slip of the tongue! It is a way of life. And I swear on my copy of the Hobbit that I will not apologize again for "Hearts of Darkness"! I have done that too many times already. And yes, unfortunately life is tragic, nin mellon. But it is also fun!  
  
queenie - I am glad that you enjoyed that chapter. I did, too! It was time for some fun in a lighthearted-no one-gets-in-trouble kind of way. And Thranduil would have had health problems if he didn't lighten up a little. He has been way to tense in this one!! I wish we could all have been at the party!!  
  
Maria - It is strange isn't it how much we all love that Elf prince!! He has never had so many admirers before! And kids are always fun and Legolas is fun with kids! And Thranduil knows how to have fun, too. After all Legolas has to have gotten it from somewhere! I don't want this to end either. We shall see what I can come up with though I only see two or three more chapters ahead! Of course if I can prolong it I will!! We'll see. And as I read along in the Hobbit I see there are some things that need attending to, so maybe there will be a few more than two or three. And thank you for reviewing my other fics! Two in one night!! Wow! And you like Egla Ash's poetry!! Thanks again, you made his day!! And I think you have a life about like a lot of us here on Ff.net! We are strange and weird and loving it!! And don't worry. Unless my fingers fall off I won't stop writing!  
  
Irena - Better than a sitcom?? Well, I hope so! Just joking.maybe. Some sitcoms are horrible! And yes, things can and probably will still happen! And oh, no!! You are not being reassuring about your story at all!! (gulps nervously waiting for the Author Alert to tell her that Irena has written another chapter!)  
  
Rings of the cosmos - I find that spiders with big bloated bodies are so much creepier than the others! Though the big one in our back yard is like the ones in "8-legged freaks". I am not as afraid of them as I once was, but they still startle me especially when they are larger than they should be! We are going to see that movie next weekend! And I am weird and proud of it too!!!!!!!  
  
Mitheithel - I do indeed know how hard it is to restrain laughter! Very very!! And I have found the harder I try to restrain it the worse it gets! I am glad that you are finding this so humorous! It has been a delightful romp in all! I know my family thinks I am nuts when I get so happy with my own ideas that I laugh about it.  
  
JastaElf - Yes, it is nice to see Thranduil in action and having fun doing it! And I suspect that the spiders will be back! After all they are getting what they want! And I do promise not to apologize again!! I went a bit wacko with the apologizes! But Ai, Valar! That is life. I guess I need to take a couple lessons from the Berethath ned Faeg! (Queens of Mean) meaning you and Irena of course. (looks innocent "Who said that?? Me?? YGBK (you've got to be kidding!) I think you are mistaken!) *smirks* As to how far this story will go only Eru knows that! (grins)  
  
Sake - So now you want Legolas and Thranduil to drink sake and get drunk! You are so wicked!! (grins) And seeing Gloin's reaction to his "princess" fighting with Orcs would be - dare I say - preciousssss.  
  
CD - Thank you for reviewing!! And I am so glad that you find this so funny! I hope I can continue to keep you laughing.  
  
Karina - That chapter was such bodacious fun to write!! I wanted a fun-no- shrieking-beast chapter and I got one. Only poor Aralith remained uptight! I guess I will have to do something about that wicked Remmith following him around! And t'would appear that I am not quite done. Just how far I will take it I do not know at present. I could take it through the Battle of Five Armies, but that involves some sad stuff and not so funny, so I don't know about that yet. We shall see.  
  
Angaloth - Glorfindel is definitely my second!! And thanks for reviewing "Bells of Silver". I am slow in updating it I know as I am up to my neck in researching about Glorfindel and his past. I am not a First Age person, so I have to do a lot of reading because I want it to be right. It is so sweet that Brethil is on your list! He is thrilled! And I loved King Thranduil joining in on the fun, too!  
  
No one - As you saw they did get "stuck" at the kids' table and a good time was had by all!! As to my spelling, I actually spell rather well, but I type terribly!! Some day I will actually reread my old stuff and fix all those typos! As to your forgiveness for my meanness, well I hope you will forgive me, but I won't apologize any more. I think some of my readers are tired of me apologizing for it again and again. And I am tired of apologizing. So please see fit to forgive me anyway!! BTW - I didn't know that 17 exclamation points were magic! Very cool!! And thank you for the nice email. Surprised me because that is not the email address I usually use!  
  
Lakergurl 13 - The last chapter for me was the most fun to write thus far! Throwing berries is great fun and even Thranduil himself must admit that! (grin) Well, you can try to pay Thranduil for one of Legolas' remaining braids, but be warned!! He likes sparkly, expensive things!!  
  
PuterPatty - First let me thank you for r/r - ing my old fics! I always check them for reviews even though at this point they are buried in the Ff.net archives and I am always amazed when people find them and like them! Of course now my review alert is working again, so that is nice! It sounds like you are OD ing on my stuff!! Valar, but I am honored! I did enjoy my cliffhangers quite a lot in them! (grins) And I could do with a bonus and a raise!! My imagination is on overdrive and in overtime at this point! It gets rather wearying!! I know that Legolas is rather OOC in this one, but it is too much fun!! I love him even more now, too, though how that is possible I do not know! And I can see where your mind is wandering!! Elf butts indeed! (shakes her head and grins again) And thanks! You Rock, too, nin mellon!!  
  
LOTR lover - It was a refreshing break in that last chapter. But I am afraid things will be starting up again. (grin) And those kids are pretty sweet! All kids are! Well, all kids can be. (looking at her two little hellions who can be so sweet and so not sweet by turns)  
  
Also to the person sent me the nice email - thank you! Since you didn't sign it I don't know what to call you ~ I guess I could call you and your friends the "Lord of the Rings Freaks" (grinz)~and I doubt you want your email address plastered all over ff.net, so I won't use it here. Any help with my Sindarin is much appreciated. I have so much to learn in that area! I am glad that you and your friends are enjoying this little tale of mine so much! I have a Legolas action figure, too, though he lives on the shelf by my bed!! And your report for your Spanish class sounds great! You should post it on Ff.net!! Thanks so much for your great compliments!!  
  
BTW - Is anyone a member of the fan club?? And if so did you read in the third issue of the LOTR Fan Club Official Movie Magazine about the inscription on Arwen's sword?? I did and my first reaction was Wow!! Very cool! But then I actually thought about it. Her sword was Idril's (the mother of Earendil). And Idril was, of course, one of the survivors of the fall of Gondolin who accompanied the other survivors out of the city, which included Glorfindel whose place Arwen took in the movie!! Glorfindel was slain on Cirith Thoronath while fighting a Balrog when the survivors were ambushed on their trek through the mountains. Is that a slap in Glorfindel's face or what??!! Where is my shovel?! And the Shovel Brigade!! 


	24. Chapter 21 - Shrieking Spiders

Chapter 21 - Shrieking Spiders  
  
Legolas followed Thranduil into his bedroom and was somewhat startled to see Aralith standing there, fretting in the corner. The two brothers stared at one another - Aralith glaring and Legolas frowning - as Thranduil moved to seat himself in a comfortable chair. He sat straight, his arms resting lightly on the chairs, his eyes unreadable.  
  
"It is his fault, father," Aralith began. "I know it is. Who else lets spiders into the palace!"  
  
~Spiders? ~ Legolas thought with confusion. "What spiders?" he asked feeling slight exasperation rise in him. What had he said about spiders lately? He thought he was here because of Bilbo.  
  
"It seems," Thranduil interrupted before Aralith could give vent to his own ire, "that Aralith is being . . . uh, followed by a spider. Here in the palace. Do you know anything about this, Legolas?"  
  
"Of course not. Gwibess wouldn't follow *him* around."  
  
Aralith glared at him.  
  
"You are the only one who seems to want them in the palace. How many of them are there?" he asked in an accusing tone. He truly didn't like having his fear ever before him and wanted the stalking to end. He shuddered involuntarily, eyes darting about the room wondering where the spider was right now.  
  
Legolas frowned again. He had no idea how many of them there were or for that matter where they were. He didn't even know where Gwibess was. Then he thought back to his father's face the morning after the "Dread Pipeweed Incident", perfectly made up. The other spiders . . . .He swallowed. Were they still here?  
  
"Are we remembering now, Little Greenleaf?" Thranduil asked, a rather too bland expression on his face. He, too, was wondering if Aralith's spider was one of the ones that had decorated his face with berry juice.  
  
The youngest Mirkwood prince grimaced.  
  
"I . . . I really don't know how many there are. But I didn't let them in! Father, you know I wouldn't do that!"  
  
"Do I?" Thranduil raised one elegant eyebrow. "Well, you are going to let them out. Today! Go find Tavor and Brethil, and get those spiders out of here."  
  
Legolas sighed and nodded. At least his father hadn't mentioned Bilbo. Perhaps Thranduil would forget about Bilbo if they could make the spider chase an interesting enough tale.  
  
Aralith scowled at him, folding his arms over his chest.  
  
"Made sure they take them far from here, Adar." he said smugly, trying to recover some of his lost dignity.  
  
"Make sure *they* take them far from here?" Thranduil said, turning to his middle son. "But *you* are going with them, Aralith."  
  
A strangled cry emitted from his throat and Aralith turned imploringly to his father.  
  
"But . . but you can't send me with them!" he began.  
  
"I can, and I am. It is time you faced up to your fears and conquered them. This seems a good place to start. A prince of Mirkwood afraid of spiders indeed." Thranduil looked quite pleased with his solution to the spider problem and watched his sons complacently.  
  
Legolas tried to hide his own satisfied smile as he whispered, "The king is wise and good." Unfortunately Thranduil noted it and turned to him.  
  
"Little Greenleaf, when the spiders have been taken care of, you are to come find me. By then you had better have a good answer to this question, who is Bilbo?"  
  
Stifling a groan Legolas left the room, followed by a muttering Aralith.  
  
"This is all your fault, little brother," Aralith hissed. "We had better find that monster fast!" He shuddered and glanced down the torch lit hall. "I can't take this any more. I hate spiders!"  
  
Legolas shook his head.  
  
"Go get your bow and meet us by our old tree house."  
  
"My bow?!" He gasped. "Alone? You want me to go to my room alone?!"  
  
Mirkwood's youngest prince turned to look at his brother. He could see the dread and fear in the dark blue eyes. He almost felt sorry for him, but not quite sorry enough. How many times had the roles been reversed? How many times had Aralith tormented him about Silivren Hithlain Man? He laughed.  
  
"Yes. Alone. Unless, of course, you are afraid the Big Bad Spider it going to get you first. Where is your Magic Spider Spray, big brother?""  
  
Aralith narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Very well, Legolas the Sparkly Green! At least I still have all my hair!" With that he spun away toward his room, ignoring the fear that hammered in his heart.  
  
Legolas' fingers strayed to his hair.  
  
"Ai, Valar," he moaned. "When will all this end? Why did we ever think taming Gwibess was a good thing! Wild spiders loose in the palace! Taking father's jewelry and robes. . . and then I will have to make up something about Bilbo." He shook his head. "I wish those dwarves had never come to Mirkwood. I wonder why they did. And to think Bombur doesn't want to leave . . . ." His eyes widened. What could that mean? He frowned trying to remember exactly what he and Bilbo had been discussing. It had been about the dwarves. Bombur didn't want to leave, and Gloin was thrilled with the Warrior braid that resided by his heart. And the song they had sung: the barrel song. "I hate that song." He whispered, walking down the hallway toward the magic doors. And then they had spoken of the empty barrels floating down the river. And the water- gate. Bilbo had seemed to be particularly interested in that part of the conversation. And then the island of the Men. And the Dragon in Erebor. Piece by slow piece the puzzle fell into place in his mind. "Oh, no!" he groaned. "Bilbo is going to free the Dwarves! Oh, no. And I know about it! Ai, Valar! I know about it!! I don't want to know. I don't want to know.I don't want to know! No! That can't be it! That can't! It.It is something else! Yes. He isn't going to free the Dwarves.he really isn't.he really." he groaned. "He really is. He is.and Father is going to ask me all about it.Elbereth help me! I can't afford another attack of Brethilitis!" Then slowly a twisted grin crossed his face. "Maybe a spider will get me first. Yes. That would solve everything. A spider bite! Yes! I will have to get one of them to bite me. Yes! That is the solution!"  
  
Several Elves glanced in concern at their prince as he passed out the magic doors, muttering to himself about spider bites.  
  
Remmith, Hiwdil, and Cablas had found an unused storage room that they had made their own. Since Remmith had acquired Aralith as a Master, the other two felt they didn't need one, since this one gave them anything they asked for. Many sparkling things adorned their room and several soft, glowing robes adorned their large bloated bodies.  
  
"Who needs Masters?" They creaked happily, fondling their treasures.  
  
"I think Gwibess is foolish to have Masters." Hiwdil said, stroking his long violet robe, his many eyes riveted on the silver, gold, and green stitching on the hem and the sleeves. "I look very nice. Perhaps I should be the Aran. [king] I wonder how loud I can be."  
  
Cablas and Remmith exchanged skeptical glances.  
  
"Why would you want to be the Aran of the shining ones?" Cablas asked, holding up a mithril chain with a smooth white stone dangling from it.  
  
"THEN I COULD HAVE ALL THE SPARKLY THINGS AND SOFT ROBES FOR MYSELF! How was that?" He looked at his two fellow arachnids, grinning, fangs flashing.  
  
They winced at the unexpected shriek and stopped their ears with their front legs.  
  
"You have a lot now." Cablas said. "Remmith's new Master brings us everything we want. And I don't think the shining ones would like one of us as their Aran. They hate us!"  
  
"And besides that," Remmith commented, lowering his legs. "You weren't nearly as loud as Thrumb Dumb."  
  
"I wasn't?" He cleared his throat. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I WASN'T AS LOUD AS THRUMB DUMB!!?? Was that better?" He smiled hopefully.  
  
Remmith shook his furry head and put on an emerald necklace.  
  
"Not nearly as loud."  
  
"HOW ABOUT NOW!!!"  
  
"Not yet." Cablas commented dryly wondering how long they would have to listen to Hiwdil trying to out-shriek Mirkwood's Aran.  
  
"What is that?" Tavor asked, hearing a rather high pitched sound bounce down the corridor they were walking in as they hunted for the wayward spiders.  
  
"Spiders!" Aralith shrieked and jumped forward to grab Tavor's arm, his dark blue eyes wide with terror.  
  
Tavor grimaced and shook his hand off.  
  
"Really, Prince Aralith." He said, shaking his head with disbelief. "You should learn to control yourself. Honestly."  
  
"Just as you controlled yourself when you called my father immature and a spoiled child? Or when you tamed a spider? A spider?!" Aralith shot back.  
  
Tavor turned to stare at him.  
  
"How do you know what I said?" He asked, his face reddening.  
  
"I know a lot of things. The three of you never control yourselves! You always do things without thinking. That is why we are here hunting spiders! In the palace!"  
  
Brethil stared at him and shook his head.  
  
"We are really sorry about that spider, Prince Aralith. Honestly, we don't know where it came from. Gwibess is a harmless spider. She would never hurt anyone. She is really rather sweet for a spider. And she looks so cute in Legolas sparkly green robes from the feasts. And when she puts on the jewelry we gave her - well, your father doesn't look as pretty as she does! And well, it is true that we were going to use her to scare you, but-"  
  
"Shut up, Brethil!" Tavor and Aralith hissed.  
  
Only Legolas remained silent. He was still wondering how he could manage to get a spider to bite him.  
  
TBC  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
Lakergurl 13 - Oopsie indeed! That is such a fun word, isn't it! The peace and fun of the night before didn't last very long. And well, I think Thranduil would know that your one Ring is a fake. Mine is fake, too, to he knows what they look like! Gold dollars huh? Well, you can try. Better polish them first though! As for my names I blend Elvish words together for most of them or just a single Elvish word. They all do mean something. If you want to know what let me know.  
  
Ithilien - Well, this story will go on for a little while anyway. So until the Dwarves and Bilbo go sailing away, which I guess is rather imminent, there is a story to tell. And thanks for allowing the slight bend in the rules there. You can use Brethilitis anytime you want. It is not trademarked in any way shape or form. It came about from desperation for a chapter title. Everything was ready to go except the title for that chapter and that is all I could come up with. I am lousy with titles! So I am glad this one seemed to tickle everyone.  
  
PuterPatty - First if you need to check into rehab there are many of us that should probably join you! None of us would ever be cured then! Because then we would all sit around talking about the fan fic stories! And yes, good angst is good angst. And there is plenty of angst in JastaElf's stories!! BTW - How is your head?? Enthusiastic jumping will do you in every time! (  
  
t - You don't have to worry about sparing me from commenting. I can do the commenting while trying to figure the chapter out as I am now. When I am not sure what to write I comment to my reviewers! You guys take the time to comment and make me feel good, so it is the least I can do! And the Wild Berry War was rather fun. Everyone needs to be childlike on occasion. It keeps you young!  
  
Anonymous - I was wondering, do you still sing and chant the songs from the Hobbit? I go around singing The Road Goes Ever Ever On. I was singing it one day when I got out of my truck to get the trash can from the road and my neighbor was standing there (I honestly did not see him) and needless to say he gave me a rather strange look! I just grinned and continued my song. Ah, life can be fun! ( And I like Bombur a lot and he is good fodder for the back-stories. As is Gloin! And yes, it will be a while yet before the "Dreadful Night of the Pipeweed Incident" is forgotten to any extent. As for Bilbo not warning Legolas about the footsteps of approaching doom well, I think the Hobbit is more concerned with staying hidden from that doom than warning an obsessing Elf who probably would not hear him anyway. And since I have children I know all about kids wanting to sleep with you when they are scared! Though by the time they are Aralith's age I hope they will have outgrown that habit! And well Thranduil is the King and when the King tells you to forget something he expects you to forget it! (giggles) As if!! And well, yes, I suspect that Legolas will get blamed for the departure of the Dwarves. (big grin) We shall see!  
  
phoenixfeather - Poor thing! Your face needs a break! But I am very glad that you are laughing still and as for the insane grin, it probably matches my own. When something strikes me as particularly funny I have to get up and move around! My own Silly Dance! Takes some of the stress off my face! You should try it!  
  
annakas - We all know Legolas is a very strong Elf. He can take it. How do you suppose he got so strong?? ( And thank you so much for the silver shovel with Elvish lettering!! It is perfect for whacking anyone who takes Glorfindel's place in anyway! (grabs beautiful shovel and calls "Oh, Arwen!") Thank you!!  
  
JastaElf - Thank you for that wonderful logic of how it could have been Legolas the king's servant who tells Bilbo what he needs to know! Slightly bent and twisted canon there, but I can live with it. Well, and of course it had to Thranduil that caught him talking to himself, since poor Aralith spilled the beans on the spiders and who else has a pet spider at the palace! And that is indeed what he gets for obsessing with his long golden locks. And there are some out there who want him to cut off more just for them or they want to fix it for him so it lays right. I think he is not the only one thinking a lot about his wondrous hair.  
  
Irena - Yuppers. Leggy's gonna get it. He doesn't stand a chance in this story. At least I know it will all end well, which I can't say about other fics. Keep smiling! I usually end up groaning with distress at yours! Gotta love it though!  
  
Nancing Elf - Brethilitis can strike us all at anytime I expect. I have suffered from that on occasion myself. ^_^ I liked Bilbo finding out about the water-gate from Legolas, too. But I will try to stay as close to the canon as is possible in this rather silly story which really isn't' that close to the canon any more. Hmmm..does that make sense?? (shrugs) I am sure Legolas would be deeply indebted to you for fixing his hair! He is having quite a time with it. And it would be so utterly cool if Legolas Greenleaf of the house of the Tree of Gondolin who can see in the dark like a cat was our dear Legolas Greenleaf of Mirkwood. And he would be very very old then!! And they both wore green, too! Tolkien is so very cool, don't you think!!?? You can tell I just read The Fall of Gondolin, can't you! (  
  
Angaloth - My research is coming along just fine and I am learning many interesting things so expect a chapter in my Glorfindel fic soon! I guess Bilbo owes Legolas an apology for not telling him that someone was coming. That rude little Hobbit! And don't worry too much about his hair. It will grow back! I promise!  
  
Karina - I think they will need many joint sessions at the Clinic of Mental Health of Middle Earth. And yes, Legolas really needs to pay attention to other things than his hair! Obsession is not a good thing. ( (looks slightly askance at this as she is obsessed with a certain Ff.net thingie) ( Brethilitis seems to be quite catching! Legolas really needs to get over his hair!  
  
NiennaVala - I like Thranduil and Legolas together. They rather feed off each other. Makes writing them easier!! And much more fun!  
  
alliwantisanelfforchristmas - I see the child's braid as more of an intricate French braid, keeps it out of the way!! Tavor does hold the ladies' opinion quite highly, and of course they hold him in rather high opinion as well, even when he is being punished. They find it quite amusing. The wild berry fight was immense fun! And yes, the moral of this is just say "NO!!" unless you want to look like an idiot in front of everyone! It took me awhile to get used to the Elves sleeping with their eyes open, and now it really seems quite natural. Well, the Battle of the Five Armies is really not funny, so if I write that story it probably won't be a silly one and I don't know that I will write it. There are other plot bunnies here begging for attention. We shall see! And I am so glad that I have finally hooked yes dear! I will try to keep it close to book verse for him! And what did he leave at your house!!?? Some one had better get Brethilitis and tell me! You don't want to see me turn into the shrieking blonde beast!! And yes the shovel brigade needs to reform I fear! And thanks to annakas I have a new silver shovel with Elvish writing on it!  
  
Lady M - I knew the barrel song was going to be an inspiration quite a while ago, I was just waiting for the right time! Such a silly song it is! And the berry fight was fun fun fun!!! (  
  
shirebound - I hope you are enjoying your vacation! So thank you big time for taking the time to read and review! That was sweet of you!!  
  
Sake - Looks like Legolas isn't the only one obsessed with something! ( And yes, I can see it. So how does sake make you feel??  
  
Aurora - You know I love it when people laugh at my fic! And like the spiders!!( Poor Leoglas is always up to his neck in this one!! Gotta love it!  
  
Gabrielle Lawson - I wanted to thank you for reviewing my older fics! It means a lot to me that you would take the time to do that! And thank you for your honest opinions of them. I appreciate that greatly! And thanks for following this one, too!!  
  
amlugwen - Thank you for reading my older ones, too! It is nice to know that people may be thinking differently about the Orcs and discussing whether they can be good or not! Very cool! And yes, at some point there will be a new story with Elu in it!  
  
Jessica - Unfortunately Thrumb Dumb doesn't stay chilled out for very long. You may certainly have a pet spider from Mirkwood, as some are about to be chased from the palace and will be looking for new Masters. I am sure they will love your shiny things! And I see you are up on your history of Middle Earth! I applaud you!! (  
  
Kerttu - Thank you so much for the email and the lovely, lovely picture of Legolas! ( I absolutely loved it! And yes, if he ever got high in Lorien that is what he would look like! I ran it off on my printer and it is hanging on the wall by my computer. I showed my husband and he said it was no wonder the Dwarves fell in love with him!! I like the spiders, too. I never really gave much thought to the Mirkwood spiders before this fic, but some of them are rather fun! And the plot bunny was utterly fantastic, he has been nibbling at my toes since I first saw him!! Thank you for him, too!!  
  
Crystal Galadriel - Thank you for the nice email! ( I think Legolas basically stays in trouble!! That is what makes it so fun! And you kinda just did review this!! Thanks again! 


	25. Chapter 22 - To Bite or Not to Bite

Chapter 22 - To Bite or Not to Bite  
  
While the four Elves were searching for the spiders, Bilbo had gone in search of the water-gate. He made his way down the corridors that led past several of the dwarves' cells, but he didn't stop to chat, even though he paused in front of Bombur's. The door was standing open and Bilbo could see the two guards inside, the air rang with their merry laughter.  
  
"That was quite good," he heard Bombur say. "Very light and fluffy. And very sweet!"  
  
Bilbo could hear smacking noises as the dwarf licked his fingers in delight.  
  
"And what is that?" he exclaimed as his guards presented him with yet another dainty.  
  
Bilbo shook his head in dismay.  
  
~ He will never want to leave! ~he thought in despair and moved quietly on his way. What were they to do if the dwarves refused to go? He knew that Thorin was chomping at the bit as it were and they couldn't leave fast enough! But Bombur and possibly Gloin were going to be problems. ~Oh, bother those Dwarves! ~  
  
Parts of the hallway were not lit and the Hobbit had to feel his way along the wall with his hand. He could tell he was traveling downward, the floor sloping slightly beneath his feet. Presently he heard voices and soon entered a large cave like room where the ceiling had been cut away and covered with huge oaken trapdoors. Many, many barrels stood in this room and he crept to hide behind a rather large one. Several Elves were there talking and laughing together. It seemed that Legolas the Sparkly Green was still worthy of tales as they were discussing the youngest prince. Bilbo shook his head, feeling rather guilty about that night. But soon the talk turned to the party of the night before and the great fun they all had.  
  
"Lots of empty barrels will be floating out today," one commented. "The men of Lake-town will know that we have had a party!"  
  
The others laughed with him.  
  
"Do you remember the time that the Tricksy Trio decided to float one of the barrel rafts to Lake-town themselves?" a tall elf asked the others, his eyes alight with humor.  
  
"Yea! And their poles got stuck in the river's bottom and Brethil wouldn't let go of his and he was stuck in the middle of the river clinging to his pole as the raft bearing Prince Legolas and Tavor floated away!"  
  
Bilbo smiled as the elves laughed at the exploits of the Tricksy Trio. Truly, they seemed a fun bunch. So perhaps things like this happened all the time here in Gladaran Thamas. He felt a little better, as though perhaps it wasn't entirely his fault about Legolas the Sparkly Green's nocturnal adventure. Then as he watched quietly, the elves pushed several barrels into the water and opened the water-gate. Slowly they drifted out and were caught by the current and bobbed away.  
  
~I wonder, ~ he mused as he watched this operation for several moments. Then they came for the barrel he was crouched behind and he slipped silently away. ~ Perhaps Mr. Invisible Baggins has an idea after all! ~  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Another shriek split the air as the Tricksy Trio and Aralith neared an area reserved for storage.  
  
"They are in there!" Aralith gasped, clutching his bow, his long fingers reaching for an arrow.  
  
"Obviously," Tavor commented dryly. "What are they doing do you suppose?" he asked Legolas. "Are we going to shoot them?" He glanced at Aralith whom he didn't trust not to shoot one of *them* in his current state of fear and anxiety.  
  
"Shoot them?" Legolas looked at him. He hadn't thought about how they would get the spiders out of the palace in his own current state of worry about The Question. "No. We cannot shoot them. I need them to bite me," he added to himself.  
  
Another loud shriek shook the hall, followed by what had to be spider laughter.  
  
"What are they doing?" Brethil asked, with a smile on his face. He grabbed a torch from the lily shaped iron sconce on the wall. "They sound rather like the king in one of his moods."  
  
"Don't let him hear you say that!" Legolas gulped. "We are in enough trouble. You . . . you don't suppose one would bite me, do you?" he asked hopefully, blue eyes wide with scant hope.  
  
Tavor and Brethil turned to stare at him.  
  
"Why are you worrying about that? You haven't been bitten in years." Tavor said, his eyes watching his friend with suspicious concern.  
  
"He is just being silly and trying to help Aralith to get over his fear," Brethil said, smiling at Legolas for his supposed kindness to his brother. "You are so nice, Legolas."  
  
Legolas frowned over at him, his dark brows knit in consternation. ~ No, ~ he thought rather desperately. ~I really want one to bite me! ~  
  
Tavor moved forward, took the torch from Brethil and pushed the door open. He wondering how many were in the room. He hoped it wasn't too many. That could get rather awkward, not to mention that it would draw entirely too much attention to them; he was getting very tired of all the attention that had been lavished on them of late.  
  
When the spiders saw the elves they glanced at one another, and then they all shrieked as loudly as they could. They had talked themselves into believing that if they impressed any elves with their loud shrieks then just perhaps one of them could be the Aran. Hiwdil was no longer the only one wishing to rule over the Shining Ones. They turned bright expectant eyes to the elves, who were staring at them in astonishment.  
  
"Who was louder, Shining Ones?" Remmith hissed, moving toward them. "It was I, wasn't it?" Then he caught sight of his own master. "Oh, Master Air Lip! Did you hear me? I was as loud as your Adar. I just know that I was!" He leapt toward Aralith in excitement, crimson eyes alit with great pleasure.  
  
The frightened prince gave a strangled cry and fled down the hall, his bow clattering onto the floor.  
  
"Ai, Valar," Tavor muttered. "Come on, spiders. Let's go." He motioned with his hand and turned to lead them from the room, fully expecting them to obey him instantly.  
  
But the spiders didn't follow. Remmith was staring sadly down the hall after his master. He had come to like the cowardly prince during their time together and was rather distressed that the elf ran every time he came into sight, or shrieked himself with fright. Hiwdil and Cablas were watching the other three, hoping that they would drop to their knees before the spider that had shrieked the loudest and name him their leader. Two of the elves had turned to stare at the departing form of Remmith's master, then turned and spoke to one another in low musical voices, exchanging pitying yet irritated glances. But the other one was staring at the spiders with such a strange expression on his face that the spiders quaked slightly with apprehension. What was wrong with him?  
  
Legolas took several deep breaths and edged closer to the arachnids.  
  
"Please," he whispered in a fevered voice. "Bite me."  
  
Cablas and Hiwdil shot confused glances at one another. Surely they had misunderstood what he had said.  
  
"Please! Bite me! I need you to bite me!"  
  
"What is he saying?" Cablas whispered hastily to his comrade.  
  
"He . . .he wants us to bite him," Hiwdil whispered back, torn between wanting to flee the obviously insane elf and oblige him. He had never bitten an elf in his short life and he sincerely wanted to. But he knew that his shriek had been the loudest and he feared that biting this one might damage his chances of becoming the Aran. My, but the slim Elf did look tasty! He inched forward, wondering which desire was stronger.  
  
Suddenly Brethil stepped forward and whapped the indecisive spider on the head with Aralith's discarded bow.  
  
"None of that now. Come along. King Thranduil wants you to leave today and we are here to escort you out. Uh . . . may they take their . . .their sparkly things?" he asked quietly.  
  
Tavor frowned, staring at the many jewels that flickered in the light of the torch. He looked to Legolas, uncertain as to what they should do. It would probably be easier to let the spiders take their loot and go than try to get them to leave without it. But the look of desperation on the other's face gave him pause.  
  
"Legolas? What is it? Do we let them take the jewels or not? Does your father know how many they have . . . uh . . . accumulated? What did he tell you about it? What did your father say?"  
  
Legolas moaned. "He said that I had better have an answer for The Question . . . and I don't! Please bite me!" He held his arm out to Hiwdil.  
  
"Legolas what are you doing?" Brethil asked. "Why do you want that spider to bite you?"  
  
"I told you! I don't have an answer to The Question!"  
  
"What question?" Brethil asked, truly curious.  
  
"The Question! Ai, Valar! The Question! Just bite me!"  
  
Cablas stared at him in horror. There were many stories that the spiders told one another about the Shining Ones that hunted them so ruthlessly. For the first time fear shot through the young spider as he stared at the one standing before him, the white teeth bared, blues eyes flashing and one arm outstretched.  
  
"They are mad!" he hissed. "Mad!" He shrieked in fear and leapt over the Elves, skittering across the ceiling to the door and fled down the hall, some of his jewels slipping to the floor in his haste.  
  
Brethil and Tavor shot panicked looks at one another.  
  
"It's getting away!" Brethil stated, watching it clamber over the stone ceiling, moving much faster than should have been possible.  
  
"I see that, Brethil!" Tavor snorted in disgust. "Go after it!"  
  
"Oh! Yes." Brethil ran lightly down the hall in pursuit of Cablas.  
  
Remmith watched his fleeing companion disappear into the darkness followed by the elf, who was calling after him. He turned to look at the two remaining Shining Ones and Hiwdil. Hiwdil was staring fixedly at the one that was Remmith's master's gwador. [brother] The two were bound by blood to suffer under the Aran who was their Adar as well. He knew the look in his fellow spider's eyes only too well. He was going to bite someone!  
  
"Elbereth help us!" he creaked and leapt from the room, hurrying down the hallway after Brethil and Cablas as fast as his long, slender legs could carry him.  
  
Tavor gasped and turned to stare after the spider.  
  
"What did it just say?" he said to no one in particular. "Did he just say 'Elbereth help us'? Did a spider just call on Elbereth?!"  
  
But Legolas was not listening to him and neither was the spider whose red gaze was fixed on Mirkwood's prince.  
  
"He wants me to bite him!" he hissed. "He wants me to bite him!!" He bared his fangs and darted forward.  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
Hah! I got a cliff-hanger out of this one! (grin)  
  
Furius - Hereditary traits can be very amusing, can't they!! (  
  
Rings of the cosmos - I wouldn't be thrilled either! It is bad enough sometimes avoiding the little ones that live in our trees outside and have the disconcerting habit of dropping onto you or in front of you, let alone the huge ones!!  
  
Nancing Elf - I feel a little sorry for poor Aralith myself. I would be horrified if my fears personified followed me around! But he does rather deserve this 'tis true! (smirk) Do you think that Gwibess would bite her beloved master?? Would your little Gwibess Jr. bite you?? ( And I was wondering if she did bite him would she possibly revert to wicked spider mode?? Hmmmm.  
  
Lady M - I am thrilled you are reading my humble story! And I hope the rest of it is fun! I will certainly try to make it so!  
  
Artanis - Poor Aralith and poor Legolas: one runs away from the spiders; one runs toward the spiders! Go figure! All if fun fun fun in Mirkwood!  
  
annakas - I think Legolas will be brave.or not. If he is I am sure it is due to your hugs! ( I will have to rewrite the Council of Elrond just for the fun of it! Obviously an AU from my other Council, which was not fun! (grins wickedly) That should be great, grand fun! (pictures Legolas, Gloin and Gimli meeting up at the Council and laughs)  
  
Mitheithel - Well, as Fanfic writers I think we are all a little.odd..strange?? ( Well, I know that I am! And I laugh at my thoughts, too and talk to myself! As to how big those spiders are.well, big! Bigger than a horse! I have a Tolkien Bestiary in our unfinished downstairs, but I don't know where. I will look later today then I will let you know if it says anything about their size.  
  
Anonymous - It is very fun to sing Tolkien though my kids are getting rather tired of it. My daughter will say "Not Tolkien again, Mom!" and my son, who is usually very nice to me said just yesterday "Please don't use any Elvish today." Valar! Can you believe that! ( I would definitely have freaked if a huge spider were on my bed! (shudders) That I would not like! And there is a lot more trouble coming for them, thus fun for us!! And I discovered a time discrepancy in my story and realized that I have 2 more week's time to fill before the Dwarves and Bilbo actually escape. So the Road goes ever ever on!  
  
Karina - Well, Legolas had to be the youngest for some reason. I am the middle child and have a younger brother so I know this! And Aralith is pretty good with hurtful comebacks! He can be a Meanie, though! (grins) And Yes, Legolas' suffering in this one has been quite fun, no bad Orcs or anything! You had probably volunteer at the Middle Earth Mental Health Clinic. There will many, many clients before this is over. (  
  
Irena - You blew me away with the length of your review! And well, obviously thank you for the grand plot bunny that fueled the last half of that chapter! And well, (looks guilty) your seven year old isn't the only one who has used illness to try and avoid trouble! I used to do that myself! ( And yes, I am sorry. I am married, too.  
  
alliwantisanelfforchristmas - Sounds like you need to confront your lizard fears! I'll bet Little Pip would like one for a pet! ( I am sure you and your brother have exchanged insults while you were growing up, I know I did with mine. And now my kids are starting to. Vicious cycle that! And of course the spider bite will work.won't it?? And yes, you Elven ears can hear that poor spider's shrieks. And no, I don't think he stands a chance at the kingship. At least not yet!  
  
flame - I write as quickly as my muse allows! Poor Legolas! Thranduil is rather harsh, but as you know the King is wise and good. (  
  
Puterpatty - I am glad that my story helped you out of your depression! But they are great stories, aren't they! Elves can be quite useful indeed. I know someone who gets them to wash dishes! And well, if I were afraid of spiders like Aralith is (looks somewhat disconcerted remember some creeping bug exploits of her own) sometimes running away is best! And would you shoot Remmith as he looks at you with his big shining eyes, wearing sparkly jewels and shimmering robes?? ( I may not be done with the Morn Nen enchanted water yet. We shall see! Plan A is a good one.or is it??  
  
angaloth - Poor Princes of Mirkwood! Those guys just stay in trouble and turmoil! I haven't found any cool bubble pipes either. Someone should make some in very cool shapes (like dragons). And there would be at least two of us lined up to buy them! (  
  
~And a special thanks to alliwantisanelfforchristmas for the revelations, confessions, and silliness that ensues at 2 in the a.m. And for the plot bunnies from you and Little Pip! Keep looking for them. ~ 


	26. Chapter 23 Who's Afraid of the Big Bad A...

Chapter 23 - Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Aran  
  
Thranduil had seated himself in the pleasant family garden admiring the profusion of colorful chrysanthemums blooming about him. The tall stalks of golden rod and wild asters swayed in the cool breeze of early Ivanneth [September]. He took a deep breath of the autumn laden air and poured himself a fragrant cup of tea. Muffins stuffed with plump berries and chopped apples lay atop a plate edged in silver. The sky above was a crisp blue and fluffy white clouds drifted overhead.  
  
Soon the spiders would be out of the palace; he would have his bed to himself once more; and they would have a great feast to celebrate this return to normalcy. Perhaps a hunt was in order as well. It had been quite some time since the last one when their quarry had escaped toward Morn Nen.  
  
He sighed happily, sipping his tea and allowing his thoughts to wander pleasantly.  
  
Suddenly the peace of the morning was shattered as a grunting, hissing noise assailed his ears. He turned, frowning to see a spider trying to squeeze its way out of a window that opened in the hillside at ground level. He watched as it scrabbled with its four front legs at the wall, twisting itself and pushing to get free.  
  
"It is mad!" he hissed frantically. "It is mad!"  
  
With a final great contortion of its body it plopped to the ground. It shook itself and started to run, but then it saw Thranduil staring at it in amazement and shock.  
  
"Thrumb Dumb!" he muttered, just as amazed and shocked.  
  
"Did *you* address *me*?!" Thranduil asked feeling rather affronted.  
  
Cablas stared at the Aran. Perhaps now was the time to test his shriek. If he was louder than Thrumb Dumb then he could order that made one to be locked safely away. Not to mention all the jewels and robes he would receive. He stared at the beautiful one that the King of the Shining Ones was wearing enviously. He rose to his full height and moved toward Thranduil, challenge sparkling in his eyes.  
  
The king of Mirkwood stood, his own eyes flashing fire.  
  
"I am warning you, spawn of Ungoliant," he began in a fierce voice.  
  
Before he could continue the spider rose onto its four back legs and shrieked for all it was worth, after all the kingship of Mirkwood was at stake. It's four front legs waved wildly in the air in a manner that he hoped Thrumb Dumb would find menacing.  
  
Thranduil had started at the sudden noise, but then he scowled fiercely.  
  
"GET OUT OF MY PALACE!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Cablas froze, his mouth hanging open, his shriek dying in his throat. He stared down at the elf king in shock, then he turned and fled thinking, ~I will never be that loud! They are all mad! Who wants to be the Aran of a race of insane pointy -eared beasts! ~  
  
Thranduil stood panting with rage, his fists clenched. It was then that he saw Brethil climb gracefully through the same window, bow in hand. The young elf saw the king and froze, his mouth falling open.  
  
"Uh. . . your Majesty. . . ! Mae Govannen! I was just . . that is *we* were just chasing the spiders out of the palace like you asked us to. Though Aralith ran away before we could really start. He truly is afraid of them, isn't he? And well, Legolas was acting very strangely, too. Not that he was afraid, mind you. No, just the opposite actually. He wanted the spiders to bite him. Honestly," Brethil shook his head, scarcely pausing for breath, "I don't know why 'The Question' would disturb him so much. Do you know what 'Question' he is talking about? Oh, I am sure you do. You are the king." He bowed. "And the king is wise and good, or is it good and wise? So what 'Question' was it? Was that you screaming? Oh, yes. I thought that it must be . . . ."  
  
"Shut up, Brethil!!" Thranduil barked, his hands moving to clench his temples. He suddenly had a very bad headache. "Just. . . tell me what is going on. In as few words as is possible for you," he managed to say, fingers gripping in his hair.  
  
"I thought I was," Brethil answered, quite unaware of the affect he was having on the king. "Shall I continue or should I start over? We were just chasing the spiders out of the . . . ."  
  
At that moment Remmith struggled through the window and fell into an ungainly heap on the ground. He too hesitated as he jumped up when he saw Thranduil. He seemed to consider something then he moved to face the king. And then he shrieked.  
  
Thranduil's eyes widened and his head throbbed unmercifully. He glared at the arachnid and bellowed as only he could.  
  
Brethil stared at them in shock, wincing and covering his ears.  
  
Remmith's voice died first in utter surprise at the volume the slender elf could emit. His bid for the kingship was over. He shrugged. He had not truly wanted to be the Aran of the Shining Ones anyway. He clasped his jewels tightly against his chest and ran into the trees.  
  
Thranduil turned to Brethil.  
  
"Were those spiders wearing my jewels?" he asked in a soft deadly, somewhat hoarse voice. "And my clothes?!"  
  
Brethil stared after the spiders.  
  
"Well, yes. Actually I think they were. They seem to prefer your clothing for some reason. I guess they are much nicer than anyone else's. They do look rather lovely in them, don't you think? Not as nice as yourself, of course. But rather nice for spiders. Now Gwibess looks rather stunning in . . .in . . . ." Brethil's voice faltered as Thranduil advanced on him, fists clenched at his sides, handsome face contorted and red with anger. "I know . . . . Shut up, Brethil." With that he bowed and hastily followed after the spiders leaving the king glaring at nothing but the chrysanthemums.  
  
Anger simmered in Thranduil's brain turning all the bright colors of the sky, trees, and flowers a strange shade of scarlet that matched his countenance.  
  
"LEGOLAS!!!" he shrieked, and even Hiwdil knew that he had just lost the kingship that he was certain he had just acquired since the mad elf was kneeling before him, clasping his bitten arm to his chest and crying, "Thank you! Thank you!"  
  
Tavor stared at Legolas a look of mystified distress on his face, the grey eyes wide. What had just happened?!  
  
Hiwdil, upon hearing the Aran's last roar, which sounded suspiciously like "Let Go Lass" the one he feared he had just bitten, jumped into the air in fright. He then threw off his jewels and robes and bolted from the room, moaning in terror.  
  
Tavor stared after him for a moment then turned back to Legolas who was bent double, rocking back and forth. He moved to place the torch in a wall sconce by the door and hastily knelt by his friend.  
  
"Legolas, are you alright? Legolas!"  
  
The prince raised his head and Tavor didn't know if he should be relieved or more alarmed. A smile graced his face, the blue eyes bright with triumph.  
  
"It bit me!" he exclaimed happily. "It bit me! Do you see? It bit me!" He held out his arm for Tavor's inspection.  
  
Tavor swallowed down his fear and took the proffered arm. He pushed aside the torn tunic and stared at the skin beneath. He looked back at Legolas who was nodding his head back and forth in delight. He let out a great sigh.  
  
"Oh, thank Elbereth! It didn't break the skin," Tavor laughed, feeling somewhat better, though Legolas' current behavior troubled him. "That silly spider didn't bite anything but your tunic sleeve. You're fine. Truly, stop worrying."  
  
"What!?" Legolas snatched his arm back and contorted it to look at the torn sleeve and the untouched skin of his arm. "No. No! He was supposed to bite me! Valar!" He leapt up. "What am I to do now?" He hunted about the room for his bow. "Where did it go? I will shoot it if it doesn't bite me properly this time!"  
  
Tavor stood staring at him aghast.  
  
"Legolas . . .um . . . I think you had better sit down. You seem a bit . . . overwrought." He took Legolas' arm, wondering how he could get word to someone begging for help. Where was Brethil when he needed him?  
  
"No, I can't do that. I have to find that spider!" Legolas bow lay on the floor a few feet away. He scooped it up, pushing past Tavor.  
  
"No! Legolas! Wait!" The other elf moved after his friend, grabbing his arm tightly to halt him.  
  
The prince stared at him impatiently.  
  
"Let me go, Tavor. I have to catch that spider before it gets away!"  
  
"It . . .it is long gone, I am sure. It was running very fast. You will never catch it and besides," he added for good measure. "You don't know which way it ran."  
  
Legolas stared at him, his shoulders slumping in defeat.  
  
"What am I to do then?" He stared down the empty hall, his brows knit in thought. Suddenly his face brightened. "Where is Gwibess?" he asked suddenly.  
  
"Gwibess?" Tavor didn't like the turn this was taking. "I am sure I do not know. Come with me, Legolas. Perhaps Nestadren should take a look at you. You . . . you don't look well." ~ I wonder where the Healer is! ~ he thought, trying to push aside his fear, which returned threefold.  
  
But little Greenleaf would not be deterred from his determined course.  
  
"I have to find Gwibess." He pulled away, trotting down the hall.  
  
Tavor shook his head and started after him. Where was everyone?!  
  
"At least tell me what is going on. If I am to get in trouble yet again, I at least deserve to know what I am going to be punished for."  
  
Legolas sighed, anxiety biting through him.  
  
"Where is Brethil?" he asked. If he were going to tell someone it was not going to be Brethil.  
  
"He went after the other two spiders. What is going on, Legolas?" Suddenly Tavor paled. "Your . . .your father was yelling for you. Ai, Valar! What have we done now! Oh, Brethil! What have you done!?"  
  
Legolas gulped.  
  
"Oh, no. Brethil knows about Bilbo, doesn't he? Ai! He has told father about Bilbo and then father will know the Dwarves are going to escape and the I knew it and didn't tell him!" He stared at Tavor in horror. "We have got to get out of here!"  
  
Tavor blinked several times and shook his head. Then he nodded.  
  
"Quickly."  
  
The two stared at one another, then trotted swiftly up the corridor.  
  
But just as they neared the main hall and escape they heard something that stopped their hearts.  
  
"LEGOLAS! WHERE ARE YOU?!"  
  
The young Elves skidded to a halt, panting with fright. Thranduil would have them cornered unless they escaped now. It was then that Tanglinna appeared, his face full of consternation. A screaming elf king this early in the morning was not a good sign. His eyes lit immediately on the two.  
  
Legolas shook his head and threw a pleading glance in his direction.  
  
But it was Thranduil next shout that decided the Master Archer's course. He scowled at his prince and his friend and turned away deliberately and disappeared, moving perhaps more quickly than was necessary, away from them and away from the approaching king.  
  
"Hurry! We'll go out my window!" Legolas decided and they turned and hurried as soundlessly as possible toward the living quarters.  
  
They met Celebross in the hall, and the elder prince frowned at them.  
  
"What are you two up to now? I thought you were supposed to be chasing the spiders. And why is father yelling at you again, Legolas? And why is Aralith cowering under his bed?"  
  
Legolas shook his head.  
  
"I don't have time to talk now, Celebross. Tell adar . . . tell adar that we . . . that we are still chasing after the spiders." He grimaced as yet another piercing roar filled the air, much too close. "Please!"  
  
Celebross sighed and nodded, remembering when he and Aralith had fled the castle to escape the earlier fireworks.  
  
"Elbereth help you. Hurry! I will try and stall him, though that may be nigh impossible. He sounds very angry."  
  
Legolas smiled in relief and then grabbed Tavor's arm and rushed to his room.  
  
Gwibess was there, prancing about in one of Legolas sheer green robes that were worn for the spring feasts. She looked up at them excitedly.  
  
"Don't I look beautiful?" she crooned at them, waiting for the praise that was usually forth coming from the masters.  
  
"Oh, Gwibess!" Legolas groaned. "We can't leave her here. Come one, Gwibby. We have to go. Quickly!"  
  
"What is wrong, Master Let Go Lass?" she asked as they pushed her toward the window, which had never seemed so small before.  
  
"We need to . . . to . . .we are going camping for a while," Tavor improvised, and then shrugged as Legolas gave him an odd look. "And what would you have said?" he countered.  
  
"Fine. We are going camping, Gwibess. But we have to leave right now."  
  
"Is that the Aran shrieking? Oh, dear Elbereth. He gets louder and louder. Is that why we are hurrying? Doesn't he want the nice Masters to go camping?"  
  
The two shoved her into the window.  
  
"Oh! Masters, the window is too small!" she grunted, feeling her body wedge tightly.  
  
Tavor and Legolas leaned with their backs against her and pushed with all their might, their boots sliding on the floor with the effort.  
  
"Oh, Masters! I can't move! Help me! I am stuck!" Her legs that remained in the room thrashed about in fear. "Help me, Masters!"  
  
The two turned and pushed again, but she didn't budge.  
  
"What . . . are . . . we. . . to . . . do?" Tavor panted, straining against the spiders bloated, hairy body.  
  
"Keep pushing! We . . .have to . . . get . . .her out of here! Push Gwibess! Push!"  
  
The spider grunted and pushed with all her might against the outside wall, trying to wriggle free.  
  
Just then the bedroom door flew open and Thranduil stood there, his face suffused with red, his eyes narrowed blue chips of ice. He stood staring at them, his mouth twisted in anger. Celebross stood behind him, his face apologetic.  
  
"Ai, Valar. . . !" Tavor moaned, trying not to think of Mandos Halls, and failing miserably. "Now I know how Glorfindel felt when he faced the Balrog. Only he was much braver than I. Ai, Elbereth, please let it be quick. Don't let me suffer, I beg you!"  
  
"Shut up, Tavor," Legolas said as he continued to strain against the spider, which squealed slightly, kicking even more frantically. His eyes never left his father's face, but he couldn't give up now. They were too close to escape.  
  
"Legolas, what are you doing?" Thranduil asked, controlling his voice. His throat was feeling rather raw at present.  
  
"Um . . . Getting the spiders out of the palace?" His feet slipped and he nearly fell.  
  
"Why are they using the windows? And why are they shrieking at me!?"  
  
"I. . . I. . .I don't know. You know how spiders are." He grinned weakly, but Thranduil's frown merely deepened. "We've fed her entirely too much," he moaned to Tavor, renewing his efforts.  
  
"Is that spider wearing my robe?" Thranduil asked advancing on them.  
  
"No. It is mine. You know I wouldn't let her wear yours. . . not any more." Legolas could feel panic rising in him and what he feared was an attack of Brethilitis coming on. He knew the symptoms well: the tightness in his chest; the ache on his tongue; his brain feeling very hot and squeezed. "Ai, Valar! Not now!"  
  
Thranduil was nearly upon them and Legolas felt everything that he didn't want to tell his father rise in his throat when Gwibess popped free and fell out of the window. Tavor and Legolas fell against the wall and then with a quick panicked look at one another, they launched themselves after the spider. They scrambled to their feet, urging Gwibess to run. She scrambled to her feet, throwing a look of disgust at Thrumb Dumb who stood in the window and shot after them.  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
Ithilien - Yes, I got back on the canon track there. Just a minor derailment at most. And yes, Legolas got his wish and lots of people would love to "bite" him! ( It seems that the palace is an insane asylum at present.  
  
Little Pip - Okay, no lizards. My daughter wanted one for her birthday, but since she came home from Chincoteague Island with a Hermit Crab there will be no lizard here either. ( And I am sorry about leaving him hanging there. I don't write many cliffhangers in this story and that was rather mean of me! I am so sorry, if I may quote Brethil!  
  
alliwantisanelfforchristmas - Well, I hope Bombur isn't too large for his barrel, but since those Wood Elves seem to like their wine they will probably have some big barrels. And yes, I think they cut way too many lines from the book when they made the movie. And all the wonderful songs! Perhaps it was a spider bite that made your Legolas fall out of the movie screen. But that was a good thing, right? (  
  
annakas - I love Hamlet! Obviously. Shakespeare in general actually. And yes, I will be rewriting the Council of Elrond! I have to now and I can't wait to do it! Lots of my ideas come from reviewers' comments. They just start me thinking. And then some of them just pop up from nowhere! The mind is a strange and mysterious thing! (  
  
JastaElf - This tale has taken an interesting, unexpected turn. I was sure it would be over by chapter 23, but it just goes on and on.( I am honestly not sure when Gloin will wake up to the truth. And he had better not throw away the braid or he will be very, very sorry! There are many, many stories in the Tricksy Trio file, don't worry. Some of them may even make their way to here.  
  
amlugwen - I am sorry about that cliffhanger..no, I am not. ( You should know I love them and there aren't many opportunities for them in this story. And well, I am sorry that the spider bit him..well, not really. That is what he wanted after all. But then as you see I changed my mind about that. And yes, Elu still has some stories to tell, too!  
  
seafoamgreen - So King Thranduil didn't listen to you? I am not surprised. He is a rather stubborn person. But the king is wise and good.or good and wise.whatever. ( Mirkwood is a great place and you should visit sometime! I am sorry to hear about your spider bite. I hope you are all right. I haven't see the Crocodile Hunter toys at Subway so I guess a trip is in order. My daughter loves Steve Irwin and I like spiders..or well.maybe I like spiders. And that is great that you named yours Gwibess! That makes her very happy and she is dressing even now in her purple robe!  
  
Lakergurl13 - Well, the spiders' names are as follows: Gwibess means Web Wife; Remmith means Mesh Mist (I was thinking of words to describe spiders' webs); Hiwdil means Sticky Stuffing; and Cablas means Leap Leaf; Brethil means beech-tree or birch tree; Tavor means woodpecker (don't ask because I don't know why I chose it (); Tanglinna means singing bowstring (Tang -bowstring and linna - to sing). As for where there are several sites on line just type in a search for Sindarin dictionary. I also use Ruth S. Noel's "The Languages of Middle Earth". WHOA! You shriek very well! Maybe you should try to out shriek Thranduil. And I guess you should feel a certain sympathy for poor Aralith. Arachnophobia isn't a laughing matter! (hee hee) And tell Charlie that there will be more Orc stories at some point.  
  
PuterPatty - I did notice that you reviewed twice, but as I posted chapter 10 three or maybe four times I am the last person to say anything! ( I chose to ignore it. I haven't see "Go", but I will go rent it, just to hear the scream! And yet another volunteer to bite Legolas! You guys will have to start a club or something!  
  
Katharine the Great - I know you have been busy with Gimli and the Elves, so that is fine! You know I am stunned by that story! Keep up the excellent work! But I fear that Thranduil won't be having fun in your story. ( Maybe at the happy ending?? (Looks imploringly at Katharine) As you saw Legolas did not get his wish and maybe he will get a well -deserved rest.or not. And btw he is always cute! (  
  
Jessica - Do I sense another biter here?? ( I am glad you liked my cliffie. I don't get enough of them in this tale so I enjoyed it immensely. And being a Tolkien dictionary is a good thing. My mother-in- law saw all my Tolkien books, maps, and papers scattered about my computer corner. She said "Oh, you look like you are researching something." Then I launch into my Tolkien fanfic writer mode. So this is my life, too! You gotta love it!  
  
Rings of the cosmos - Oh, yes! I have had them drop on me! Rather a disconcerting feeling. Had one drop on my hand yesterday. But it was the big one that was crawling toward my hand one day the freaked me out! You ought to come visit me! You'd become so much better acquainted with our eight-legged friends! (  
  
Anonymous - I am glad you liked that last one. I did, too. Bombur is probably going to be a bit of a problem later on. Poor thing. I don't blame him in the least! I decided that Remmith really wasn't that bad either. It is too bad that Aralith doesn't like him. As for Legolas confessing and getting it over with, well, I admit that I have problems in that area myself. Prolong the agony! Though it always came out in the end. And as you saw Brethil spilled it already. He just can't control his tongue! Legolas going with Bilbo? Hmmmm...Do you think he would fit in a barrel? ( I am glad to know some minors appreciate the Great master. Perhaps when mine are older. (sigh) Good luck on your Quenya. I haven't tackled that one yet! And yes, this story just got longer. As for it never ending.well, I don't think I am that good. Love your quote by the way. How is this one: "So comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their ending." Pretty good, huh. That was Bilbo. And it appears Brethilitis catches the best of us. (looks at the rather long response)( And now I see that you know how I felt with my chapter 10 again and again!  
  
angaloth - The poor princes of Mirkwood are both having some problems! And Brethil is always good for a laugh. I guess that is why I like him so much! (  
  
Irena - Ff.net is still having little twitches on occasion 'twould seem. Shrieking contests are always lots of fun, just hard on your throat! (  
  
hildestohl - Are you a biter, too?? (  
  
Nancing Elf - Sorry to upset Gwibess Jr. It is good to know that you don't have to worry about being bitten though. ( And I am sure the Tricksy Trio will live down their youthful exploits. We all do. At least most of them. And yes. Gwibess is a problem that I haven't quite solved yet. MTR (more thought required)!  
  
seventeens stalker - Wow! You are thinking ahead, aren't you! I do know when Gloin will finally discover the Elven maiden is not a maiden. But I won't tell you right now. ( I am impressed that you stayed up so late reading this fic! And great Valar! I am so honored! Does this mean if the Queen does die, I am next in line for the throne?? You aren't going to make me see if I can shriek louder than anyone else though are you??(  
  
Laura - This story has gotten so much longer than I had anticipated when I started it! It just keeps going and going and going; rather like the Energizer Plot Bunny! ( And about my oft repeated Chapter 10 - Pretty in Pink (Sheepish grin) well, FF.net was playing some rather mean tricks on me that day and telling me that I should try again later to post that chapter. Little did I know that it had actually taken it. And unfortunately you can't remove just one chapter. It is all or nothing. So my repetition of chapter 10 chapter 10 chapter 10 chapter 10 stays. ( And it would appear that you are quite a linguist! Kudos to you!! 


	27. Chapter 24 - The Problem With Dwarves

Chapter 24 - The Problem with Dwarves  
  
Author's Note - I am so sorry for the delay. I must have done something to offend this muse and it took quite a while for it to speak to me again. Thanks to alliwantisanelfforchristmas for brainstorming with me and for getting me back on this track! It is actually almost entirely worked out in my head now. (I hope) Thank you for your patience with me, and this rather irritating muse! Now, shall we begin?  
  
Over the next few days Bilbo had several conversations with Thorin. He didn't tell the Dwarf of his plan as he was still working out the details, but he assured him that soon they would be on their way.  
  
"It had better be soon, Mr. Invisible Baggins," Thorin had said. "It is still some way yet to our . . . destination." He ended in a whisper, ever fearful that sharp elven ears might hear any carelessly chosen word he uttered.  
  
"I am working on it, Thorin," Bilbo assured him. His plan was fairly simple and should - he hoped - work quite well. It was the Dwarves' willingness to leave that troubled him. He sighed as he crept away from Thorin's cell. Most were more than ready to be rid of this place, but Bombur and Gloin were reluctant to depart. He decided to visit them first and perhaps persuade them that it was indeed time to flee the hospitality of King Thranduil.  
  
Bombur was alone for once, humming happily to himself.  
  
"Bombur! Bombur! Can you hear me?"  
  
The Dwarf turned then stood, a smile lighting his face.  
  
"How are you, Bilbo?" he asked politely.  
  
"I am quite well, thank you. How are you?"  
  
"Oh, I am very well," Bombur said sounding very pleased and excited as he came top whisper at the keyhole. "You will never guess what is going to happen!"  
  
"Well, no. I don't suppose that I could." A feeling of apprehension filled the Hobbit. He was certain that it would mean the Dwarf would be even more reluctant to go.  
  
"Then I will tell you! Oh, Bilbo," he gasped, clapping his hands together in glee. "The Elves have asked me to make something for the King's feast!"  
  
"What? The king's feast? But, Bombur," he spluttered, blinking rapidly in surprise. "When is the king's feast? My goodness! Those Elves certainly do like their feasts! Not that I blame them, but Bombur.we will be leaving soon!"  
  
"Oh, yes. I know that. You don't suppose the others could be convinced to stay? Just a little longer," he said hopefully.  
  
~Oh, bother! Here we go again! ~ Bilbo thought wearily.  
  
"No, Bombur. I can't see them wanting to stay locked in their cells any longer than is absolutely necessary."  
  
"That is too bad. I have rather enjoyed it here." The Dwarf heaved a great sigh. "We will be here for the feast, won't we? It will be in just a few days." That wasn't entirely true, but Bilbo wouldn't know that.  
  
"Well, I suppose we will," Bilbo conceded, frowning slightly. "Bombur, is this to be a big feast?"  
  
"Oh, yes! A wondrous feats! With lots of singing and music and dancing! And food!" He sighed, clasping his hands together in delight. "Oh, I am so excited! The Elves have promised me that I may sample everything!"  
  
Bilbo was only half listening to the raptures of the Dwarf. He knew that if it were a large feast then there would be plenty of empty barrels to float down the river; plenty of barrels for the Dwarves to ride all the way to Lake Town in. He felt a swell of excitement himself.  
  
"I am very happy for you, Bombur. I am sure the king will be quite thrilled with whatever it is you will prepare for him."  
  
"Oh, yes! I am quite adept in the kitchen, you know. You must excuse me, Bilbo. I must decide what to fix. Oh! Please tell the others about it. I am sure they will feel honored that I was chosen to do this!"  
  
Being dismissed Bilbo moved on to speak with each of the Dwarves, bearing messages from one to the other.  
  
Balin was pleased to hear of their imminent release. He spoke at some length on what he would do once they had rid themselves of the Dragon.  
  
" . . . and then I should like to reclaim Khazad-dum," he finished with a wistful sigh. Ever his thoughts seemed to turn to the other lost kingdom.  
  
~I only hope I won't have to help you reclaim that one! ~ Bilbo thought wryly.  
  
Just as he was turning to leave the white bearded Dwarf called softly to him.  
  
"Are you quite sure, Bilbo, that the fair maiden is really the king's *son*?"  
  
Bilbo grimaced at the slight quaver in the other's voice. Really! Perhaps their privations in the forest had affected their eyesight.  
  
"I am quite certain, Balin. I am so sorry, but he is the King's son."  
  
Balin sighed deeply and shuffled away from the door.  
  
"That is really too bad. He is quite pretty though, isn't he?"  
  
Bilbo shook his head in amusement. These Dwarves were really rather funny at times.  
  
"Yes, Balin. I suppose he is." Shaking his head in dismayed amusement Bilbo moved off down the corridor and back to his storeroom to consider his plan more carefully.  
  
Gwibess studied her three masters, trying to keep the rather bored expression from her face. Since they had run away three days earlier they had camped out under the stars enjoying the peace and quiet of the forest. Camping was fine, she had decided, if one didn't have to do it for more than a few hours at a time. There were no sparkly things to amuse here out here at all! She had not been very pleased to flee the palace at such great speed either, with Thrumb Dumb shrieking after them and the other Elves looking at them with strange expressions on their faces. She had become rather fond of her quiet life as a tame spider and even this small departure from it was wearying.  
  
"Masters? When are we going home?"  
  
But the three Masters were engrossed in their own worries. Tavor was looking rather dejected and throwing bits of grass and dead leaves into their small fire; Brethil for once, was quiet, staring into the woods beyond them; Legolas was scowling at nothing. Things had not worked out well. They had brought no food with them, or water. And only Brethil had a bow. The three sighed simultaneously.  
  
"Can we go home yet?" Brethil asked. "I really don't want to stay out here anymore." He glanced at their spider. "Gwibess wants to go as well." He smiled over at her and she moved to stand beside him gratefully.  
  
Tavor looked hopefully to Legolas. He didn't want to be the first to broach the subject, but since Brethil had he was ready to agree.  
  
Legolas gazed at his two friends and the spider, amazed at the pitiful looks on their faces. He sighed again, digging in the ground before him with a stick.  
  
"Yes. We will go home. But first," he interrupted their cries of happiness. "We have to go and get the jewels the other spiders took. Perhaps that will lessen the punishment we are going to get."  
  
Tavor grimaced. Not again. How many times could they be punished in such a short amount of time? In one lifetime?  
  
"Your father must surely be out of punishments by now," he muttered, rising gracefully to his feet. "Even he cannot possibly think of any more ways to humiliate us."  
  
"Oh, I am sure he could, Tavor," Brethil began, standing also and stretching then scratching Gwibess on the head. He drew a breath and opened his mouth.  
  
"Shut up, Brethil," Legolas and Tavor moaned.  
  
"Come on. We need to find the spiders. Do you have any idea where they are?" Legolas asked, looking at the others.  
  
Gwibess raised one spindly leg.  
  
"I do, Master." She said reluctantly.  
  
"Really? Where are they?"  
  
"They are near the Magic Water. Where your boat floated away and I fell in."  
  
"Good! That is not too far . . . ." Legolas stopped and looked at her. "You remember that?" His eyes slide to his friends. He wasn't certain what would happen when the effects of Morn Nen wore off.  
  
Tavor frowned, brows knit.  
  
"How can she remember? The effects can't wear off."  
  
"Yes, they do eventually." Legolas stared at the spider. She looked abashed and regretful about having spoken out. She feared they would send her away now.  
  
"They do not! Brethil pushed me in and I still don't remember it."  
  
Legolas smiled for the first time in days. Brethil giggled, covering his mouth with his hand.  
  
"What are you two laughing at?"  
  
The two grinned at one another. Having decided that the little trick had served several purposes they decided the game was up.  
  
"You never fell in. We just made that up. We had that game planned for some time. When Brethil called me a Prince of Singing Orcs I decided to start it. He took the blame and the fun began!" Legolas said, then he began to laugh.  
  
"What?! What?!!" Tavor spluttered glaring at them. "You made it up! Why I ought to. . . !" He leapt at Brethil who was the slower of the two, but Gwibess blocked his way and Brethil managed to escape into the trees, trailing after Legolas. Tavor growled at Gwibess. "Get out of my way, Gwibess!"  
  
"May I go home now, Master Ta Worm?" she asked, ready to pin him to the ground if he refused her. Though she feared that he would then tell her not to return home. Ever. That she could not bear.  
  
"Yes. Go home. Just . . .just stay out of trouble!" He danced around the spider and sprinted into the trees.  
  
Gwibess gleefully headed in the opposite direction, glad to be on her way back to her sparkling nest at last. She hissed and creaked merrily as she trotted along, then took to the trees. She failed to see the small group of Orcs that were hunting for a place to rest for the day as the dawn approached.  
  
"Are you sure this is where she is?" one asked, looking about him. "It was quite a while ago when she was heard."  
  
"It was here somewhere. I thought I heard voices earlier, but no one was singing."  
  
"Won't it be wonderful when we find her," a third one sighed happily.  
  
"Yes," the fourth and fifth agreed. "We have been hunting her for quite some time now."  
  
"She has the most beautiful voice. She really scared those stupid Dwarves away! Fools! How could they not like her singing? Though they should throw themselves at her feet and thank her for saving their miserable lives. To think we had tracked them all the way from the Misty Mountains to here only to let them go." The Orc smiled recalling the eerie voice they had heard singing in the woods. "I will throw myself at her feet when we find her."  
  
"I wonder what she looks like?" the sixth and final one said, a silly grin on its ugly face.  
  
"Let's go," the leader called "Hopefully this night we will find our Singing Orc Princess!"  
  
Well, I guess you know what is coming!  
  
Plug for my beta reader on "Bells of Silver"! Please go read a couple very humorous little chapters by alliwantisanelfforchristmas entitled "Elvish Lessons". It will tickle you mightily as it did me! 'Tis great fun! Plus you owe it to her for getting this fic started again!  
  
Plug for my favorite fic, too! The last few chapters have really wowed me, though the entire story is glorious! Katharine the Great's "The Weeping Wraith" is well worth the time it takes to read it all. I have read it twice at present! So please go and read this wondrous tale as well!  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
JastaElf - Ohhh! I would love to meet your kitten named Thranduil! Well, I am sure know how it goes when you sit down for a relaxing cup of tea. Chaos ensues! Kids and their friends run in screaming, the dog starts barking, telemarketers on the phone, even cute kittens jumping on your lap or in your tea!! (Grin) Dodge is definitely a good place to get out of as quickly as possible!  
  
t - Wow! You really summarized that last chapter quite succinctly! That is indeed about the size of it: insanity and payback!  
  
annakas - I am glad you liked that one so much! It started out quietly enough, but definitely didn't stay that way. Thank goodness! (Grin) For some reason while I was writing about Gwibess being stuck fast in the window I kept seeing Winnie the Pooh stuck in Rabbit's hole! As to Gwibess' prayer, I guess that spiders have to pray too.  
  
No one - Well, I stopped there because I ran out of steam! That chapter wore me out and gave me a headache! Yes. I get the idea. I will crank chapters out as long as I can!  
  
Irena - Well, I guess you liked that chapter. But how does your husband feel about that??  
  
Angaloth - I am not sure just what Thranduil will do to them when they return from the camping trip with Gwibess. MTR (more thought required)  
  
Rings of the cosmos - If you go into the woods in your back yard the spiders will find you! Trust me. I know this! (Grin) Some day you may conquer your fear. I have nearly.almost..well..I am working on mine, too! But you know what really freaks me?? Cave crickets! Those brown ones with the really long back legs! (Shudders) Now they scare me!  
  
Nancing Elf - Do not fear. Gwibess is fine and going camping with the Masters so she is quite happy. I think they need a good case of clampupyourmouthosis at Mirkwood. I'll bet your hair is quite beautiful! Spiders are so talented!  
  
Puterpatty - Oh, thank you so much! You're so nice to me!! (author hugs herself in happiness) Well, I don't think that Brethil will ever learn, too much a way of life at this point. I enjoyed the shrieking contest myself. My friends and I used to do that when we were kids, just scream to see who was the loudest. Very rough on your throat though. I can just hear you singing "Legolas and Gloin sitting in a tree." (LOL) But please do not bite him too hard. There are many other people lined up to do it too!  
  
Katharine the Great - First- don't kill Legolas!!!!!! Well.I thought you already had! Does this mean that you know of a way to fix it?? (TreeHugger prays to Elbereth that it may be so!) I liked the shrieking for the kingship contest pretty well myself. 'Twas quite fun! Yes, the poor hurt semi-conscious cute guys will get you every time!  
  
Karina - My Legolas action figure is covered with cobwebs, too. I killed a long skinny spider the other night near it. Bad spiders! I love the name for your Mental Health Clinic - Mirkwood Health Clinic for the Elvishly Insane. We can call it MHCEI for short (just like hospitals on our own world!) They really, really need you! Desperately! By the time this tale is done I think I will need to check in myself!! Spiders with Warrior braids?? Hmmm.. That's an idea! Yes! I can be the Queen of Quick on occasion!  
  
Lakergurl13 - Sorry about the bitten/not bitten confusion. I rather changed my mind at the last minute. The Dwarves are tucked safely in their cells, probably overhearing strange conversations in Elvish spiced with much laughter that they don't understand. Though since Gloin is learning that language slowly, he may be able to piece some of it together. I must say that is unfortunate that you are probably right about Legolas getting his hair cut once every age. Too bad!!! Otherwise you would have a thriving business, selling strands of his hair to his obsessed fans and making a fortuned greater than Thranduil's himself. Hmm. I wonder if Thranduil has thought of that? (Grin)  
  
Taraacaiel - Wow! Thank you for that glowing review! I made my morning when I read it! Legolas is my favorite character, too. I think there are many of us Lego-lovers out there! I am really enjoying this portrayal of him even as OC as it has gotten and I am glad that you are as well! Thank you so much for reviewing!!  
  
alliwantisanelfforchristmas - The Tricksy Trio does not need to be together to get into trouble, which is why they get into so much trouble when they are together! As for Hiwdil's bite, he had bitten him right up to the last second when my muse said "Nuh uh. He missed." Ah, the whims of our muses. (grin) I never realized that stressed spelled backwards was desserts. Kudos to your mother!  
  
Anonymous - I don't think anyone's mouth is as big as Brethil's! He is the King of the Big Mouths and has made quite an extensive study of it. I agree that Legolas is overdue for an extended vacation somewhere as far away from Mirkwood as possible. We all do silly things to get out of trouble, little realizing that it only gets us into more trouble. When we realize that we just learn, as you said, to stay out of trouble. Older brothers must be nice. Mine is younger than me and I thought he was a royal pain most of the time! Luckily we outgrow that, too! I really like Bombur, too. He has a lot of likable personality traits. Very cool Dwarf! I think it is great that your mom likes the Hobbit and LOTR. Perhaps your dad will come around in time. I thought that the battle scenes in the movie were really great, though I never thought of them in terms of bloodiness. The scene in Moria was out of this world!! Mimicry is so much easier than reading and using the pronunciation guides. Someone should make a sight with all the Elvish words spoken. That would be very neat! And helpful. I am glad you are enjoying this story and I love your loquacious reviews!!!  
  
phoenixfeather - You complimented my quick updates and look at how long it took me to get this chapter written! I am so sorry!! But I think it is going to cooperate now and updates will come a bit more quickly than this one.  
  
Lirenel - I hope you have seen my new story "Once Upon a Time in Hollin", which deals with the Fellowship finding out about the craziness when the Dwarves "visited" the Elf King's Hall. That secret doesn't stay secret for long!  
  
Blueberry Pancakes - Legolas wanted to get bitten because he thought it might delay his being in trouble - again! Not exactly sound reasoning perhaps, but he was rather desperate!   
  
seventeens stalker - You may not have as many names as Aragorn, but you are getting close. I don't have any names yet! Shoot! I am sure you have become very impatient with me over the long, long, long delay. I hope this doesn't mean that I won't be the queen when you die! I am so sorry! Please forgive me O Queen of the White Fox, The Loudest in the Land, 17's_stalker, One with the Elves Behind her Foot! (bows in apology to the Queen  
  
The Sadistic Cow - Love the name! Thran can bellow greatly!! Thank you for reviewing even one chapter! I love it!  
  
ziggy - I hope you had a great holiday! As you see I too had a holiday from this fic. Unplanned and overlong! It was not fun on Writer's Block Island in the Middle of Nowhere! And yes. The king is wise and good and very, very loud!  
  
black fey - Thank-u 4 the wonderful review! Making you laugh makes me laugh - with joy! 


	28. Chapter 25 - Finding the Singing Orc Pri...

Chapter 25 - Finding the Singing Orc Princess  
  
Thranduil of Mirkwood was rather annoyed. He had been troubled by Dwarves, troubled by his sons, troubled by spiders, troubled by his Master Archer, and . . . the list seemed to go on and on. Just a couple days before he had witnessed his youngest son squeeze a spider through the bedroom window and dive after it, disappearing into the woods. He shook his head in consternation.  
  
"This madness has to stop," he hissed pacing back and forth in the Hall.  
  
Tanglinna stood in a far corner, arms folded over his chest, a carefully blank expression on his face. The rest of the Hall was conspicuously empty. King Thranduil's subjects were no fools.  
  
"This madness has to stop," the Elf king repeated. "I will not tolerate any more spiders, pipeweed, Dwarves, sparkly pink . . .or green . . .or . . .whatever in my Hall again! This has to stop, Tanglinna!"  
  
The Master Archer raised one silver brow.  
  
"Yes, Your Majesty," he murmured softly, wondering if he should have kept quiet when Thranduil suddenly spun toward him, piercing him with the intensity of his blue gaze.  
  
"Get the horses. You and I are going after them. Now. Meet me at the front of the palace."  
  
Tanglinna bowed and hurried out of the Hall and toward the stables. He knew they would ride until they found them. He shook his head as he ordered two horses to be brought from the stalls.  
  
~At least I am not involved in this latest escapade of theirs, ~ he thought grimly. ~I only hope that all this "madness" can stop! Ai, but I tire of it! ~  
  
Thranduil had gone to change into his riding leathers, choosing ones of a rich green embroidered with golden leaves.  
  
"Things will change," he told his scowling reflection. "Beginning today, nay, beginning now - this very moment - things will be different!" He nodded in agreement with himself as he smoothed the butter soft leather over his chest. "There will be no more Dwarves traipsing in my forest; no more spider hairs on my clothing; no more missing jewels; no more pipeweed that makes people act . . .strangely and chop off their hair; no more shrieking beasts! No more anything unless I order it!" He reached for a rather plain circlet, one not often worn, with good reason. He studied the beaten silver in his hands, his thumb running over the simple design of tightly interconnected swirls. There were no jewels or embellishments to adorn it. Legolas would most definitely recognize this headgear. "He will tremble with fear," Thranduil said with a wicked grin. His sons had learned to dread the appearance of Celeb Baudh - the Silver Judgment. It didn't appear on their father's head very often, but when it did they knew that they were doomed.  
  
Thranduil wondered if he should have donned it earlier, before things had gotten so far out of hand. Well, he was wearing it now! Little Greenleaf would be trembling like a leaf in the wind when he caught sight of his father. He adjusted it, studying his reflection once more. He scowled even more fiercely at himself, baring his even white teeth. Yes, it would end today. He turned and strode out of the room.  
  
Anyone who caught sight of the king that morning slipped away unnoticed, not wanting to draw his attention. His blue eyes flashed with dark purpose and Celeb Baudh glittered on his brow. Two words were whispered about the realm that day:  
  
"Poor Legolas!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Do you believe this?" Tavor asked as they pulled open sticky little webs filled with glittering gems, necklaces, bracelets, rings, and other sparkly things. "Those silly spiders. Why do they have to put these webs on everything?"  
  
The full moon shone above, setting the gems on fire with its light  
  
"Because they are spiders," Brethil answered with a shrug, wiping his slender fingers on his leggings. "It is what they do, Tavor."  
  
Tavor glared over at him in exasperation.  
  
"I *know* that, Brethil. It wasn't necessary for you to answer that. It was a rhetorical question. Why can't you just shut up! Honestly, at times I think you are incapable of it. All I did was comment on these silly webs and you have to say, "Because they are spiders. It is what they do, Tavor." Really, sometimes I think you must talk in your sleep. Does your mouth ever rest? I don't think that it does. I think - "  
  
Legolas and Brethil glanced at one another then smiled and looked at Tavor.  
  
"Shut up, Tavor," they said loudly to get his attention as he rattled on and on about Brethil's rattling on and on.  
  
He turned to stare at them.  
  
"What? Why did you tell *me* to shut up? I am not the one that won't be quiet when I should be. That is clearly Brethil. I think -"  
  
"You sounded like me," Brethil giggled, covering his mouth with his hand. "Your mouth isrunning on and on and on."  
  
Tavor glared at them, grey eyes full of indignation. Then he realized that he had indeed been babbling as badly as Brethil. He grimaced, pulling a necklace from the webs.  
  
"I have spent entirely too much time with the two of you. Look at me. Is this how I should be spending the day? I knew we should never have tried to tame a spider. How ridiculous -"  
  
"You're doing it again, Tavor!" Brethil gasped, laughing.  
  
"I am not. I am merely stating that the two of you have been a rather bad influence on me. You always have been. I would never have gotten myself into this sort of mess with anyone else."  
  
"Shut up, Tavor!" Legolas and Brethil laughed as they glanced from their friend to one another.  
  
"At least he isn't talking about the Halls of Mandos," Brethil commented quietly as Tavor continued his list of all the things that they had gotten themselves into since their very first prank when Brethil was a mere toddler.  
  
"Not yet, at any rate." Legolas had taken off his outer leather tunic and they were piling the gems and jewelry into to it so they might transport them back to Gladaran Thamas. "I suspect he will get to that in a moment."  
  
Tavor continued to voice all his complaints about what had happened since they had seen the Dwarves stealing their boat here at Morn Nen. Legolas and Brethil ignored him letting him air his supposed grievances against them, his best friends since earliest childhood.  
  
"And you Legolas, singing to the Dwarves! Prince of the Singing Orcs! That is what they called you."  
  
"We all sang, Tavor. They call us Singing Orcs. Don't you remember?" Legolas grinned. "Or perhaps you really did fall into Morn Nen!"  
  
Tavor sneered at him, continuing to pluck things from the webs and toss them into the tunic on the ground.  
  
"Prince of the Singing Orcs!" Brethil added. "You called Legolas that! Not the Dwarves."  
  
"I don't think we sounded like Orcs. Did you, Brethil?" Legolas asked with a grin, wiping his sticky fingers on his slightly iridescent pale blue inner tunic.  
  
"No. I thought we sounded very nice myself. What do Dwarves know?" he added with a sly grin.  
  
Legolas narrowed his eyes in warning and Brethil laughed merrily. The younger elf stretched, throwing the last jewel onto the pile.  
  
"May we go home now?" Tavor asked staring at his fingers in disgust. "I should have gone with Gwibess and left the two of you to contend with this."  
  
"Then you would have faced the King's wrath alone." Brethil said with a sigh.  
  
"Oh, no. We aren't going to think of that now. By the time we get back home we will have come up with some way to lessen our punishment . . .whatever it may be." Legolas frowned slightly and then shook his head. Then suddenly he grinned at Brethil and Tavor and began to sing. It was the slightly eerie song the three had made up to sing to the Dwarves.  
  
Brethil grinned widely and joined him, moving to drape his arm about the prince's shoulder. They sang louder and advanced on Tavor who was staring at them in dismayed disbelief. They grabbed him up in their embrace until he was laughing and singing with them. Everything would be fine now. The spiders were out of the palace; they had the jewels back, and they were clever enough to find a way out of this trouble. Yes, everything would be fine now.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Do you hear that?"  
  
"Yes! She is near!"  
  
"She is not alone! There is more than one!"  
  
"Hurry! Don't let them escape us!"  
  
The six Orcs trotted hurriedly through the trees. They had been searching the area around Morn Nen ever since they had first heard the enchanting voice that had frightened their prey away, for they had never heard anything so beautiful, its siren call enflaming their hearts. Now at last their long vigilance would be rewarded.  
  
Garluk the leader jogged ahead of the others, a grin on his swarthy features. There would be a fight as well this night, to see who would claim the Singing Princess and her maidens as his own. His hand tightened on his weapon, his heart swelling. He had no doubt that he would be the victor. He flexed his muscles, looking back at his punier companions.  
  
The other five felt the same way, each confident that at the night's end they would be with the Princess and her companions. Each Orc smiled into the darkness, flexing muscles and stroking weapon handles as they ran on swift, eager feet toward the voices.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The Tricksy Trio had collapsed onto the ground in a fit of laughter near the jewel filled tunic. They lay on their backs staring up at the glory of Elbereth's stars enjoying this outing for the first time since they had fled the palace with such an ignominious exit.  
  
"It has been a most strange time," Tavor commented with a laugh. "One I don't think I would care to repeat."  
  
"Nay. But it will all be over soon," Legolas said, rolling onto his side and looking at the pile sparkling beside them. "This should help to lessen the blow my father will strike at us when we return." He reached over and plucked up a circlet studded with diamonds. He sat up and placed it on his head. Grinning he stood and bowed comically at them. "I guess I can see why the spiders had such fun with them."  
  
Tavor and Brethil laughed and each chose gaudy collars of silver studded with fat pale gems and flashing emeralds.  
  
"Let us adorn you, O Prince of Singing Orcs."  
  
They stood adorning Legolas and themselves with bracelets and necklaces. As Tavor and Legolas laughingly compared their jewelry, Brethil bent to pick up a large ring set with a sapphire. As he straightened he noticed that they were not alone.  
  
"Uh, Legolas. Tavor," he began quietly, his grey eyes widening. "Legolas! Tavor!"  
  
"What is it, Brethil?" Tavor asked, turning from admiring his prince to look at the other Elf.  
  
"Orcs!"  
  
"What? What are you talking about? We don't look like Orcs," Tavor joked. "We just sound like Orcs when we sing."  
  
Legolas chuckled in delight and turned to see Brethil staring with such a stricken look that it alarmed the prince. His face fell in dismay.  
  
"Tavor," he hissed. "There *are* Orcs!"  
  
"Oh, no. Don't start that again. I am tired of being teased. Really, you two, I don't think it is -" He turned then and saw what the others did. "Ai, Valar. They *are* Orcs!"  
  
TBC  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
There is a great story started out there by the name of "Dance for Life " by Noone. You should go check it out. It is going to be quite an action adventure story starring Legolas, Gimli, and - get this (squirms happily) Glorfindel! You have to love that!  
  
The Sadistic Cow - Oh, dear! Why did you give me another plot bunny??!! I really thought I could just wrap this up nice and tight, now I may have to rethink again! I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you!! I didn't think I wanted Legolas captured by Orcs again. You know, been there done that! But GRRRRRR! Now I have to think some more! Thank you so much, Sadistic Cow!! It could be very funny though, couldn't it!! Thanks for reading my old stuff, though I did warn you!  
  
alliwantisanelfforchristmas - Thank you for the brainstorm session, and as you can see the Sadistic Cow has thrown me another plot bunny! Will the madness never end!!??!! I am beginning to feel like Thranduil! Such fun if I don't go mad first! I guess writer's block has been blown away! I am sure Bombur will fit in the barrel, he has to . Someday they will actually leave. I think! Singing Princess better beware! I may have to be mean to her.uh.him again!  
  
Angaloth - Everyone is in love with Legolas! I am, you are, they are. Yep. Everyone!  
  
Karina - I promise that no spiders will be hurt in this fiction. Only the ones Bilbo killed. Gwibess will be fine. Strange isn't it. I don't want them hurt either. Uh, oh. I guess you and I had better check into your Mental Health Clinic for the Elvishly Insane! Um, let's not go into the joke on Tavor. I didn't know it either! (grimace) Wake- up call for Balin not yet for Gloin, he is sleeping in. For quite a while yet actually! (wink wink) I think that Gwibess would look quite lovely with braids! Don't fret your muse. He will return with lots of plot bunnies I hope!  
  
Lakergurl13 - Gwibess went to her nest, which is not in that palace, thank Eru! Yes, I think Eru will need to help them out of this one. That is if he is not having too much fun watching their antics like we are! They are definitely not prepared. I hope that Bombur makes something interesting for the feast. We shall see! As for selling Legolas' hair, Thran does like his treasure, so who knows! The whole Egla Ash thing took place about 29 - 30 years before the Fellowship formed, so it would be approximately 77 years or so after Bilbo's adventures. Not for a while yet. Tell Charlie I think he is right. He wouldn't make a very good Orc princess. I just hope the Orcs think that, too!  
  
Puterpatty - My goodness. Can't you tell that I planned the whole Tavor joke from the beginning?? Uh, well, no, actually I didn't. It just wrote itself in that last chapter with no prior warning. I am so unorganized! Brethil is a good follower indeed! Legolas didn't complain about "you know what" at all. I think he rather enjoyed it!!   
  
queenie - Be apprehensive. Be very apprehensive! Buhahahahahahhahahahahaha! Sorry. Got carried away there. I think I have a couple screws loose right about now.   
  
Lady M - They might be in much trouble! Poor dears! Morn Nen is still waiting in the wings, never fear! It has a role yet to play!  
  
annakas - As it nears the end here, I have to get in a few cliffhangers! I love them! If nothing happened to the trio there would be no story, so I am throwing everything that I can at them. Don't you love it!?!?  
  
Mitheithel - I am sure you sing much better than an Orc! Though I don't think that I do!   
  
JastaElf - yes, Orcs love him, too! I wasn't going to write any Orcs in this one, but they showed up any way! I hope Thrandy the kitten is doing well. Thranduil in this story is very, very annoyed and going to put an end to it soon! There has to be a feast to celebrate the end of this madness, doesn't there?? We do all like to torture the Elf, don't we! Poor Legolas! (copyright TreeHugger)  
  
Ithilien - I wonder what Bombur will fix for the feast! I haven't a clue yet! I think this will be the last one in this story. I need a celebration to finish this thing out! I couldn't help but think of your Spring Festival with Gimli joining in! LOL I think you must be right about Dwarf women! Hmmm. Another plot bunny! Oh, no! As to your questions they will all be answered in the Council of Elrond follow-up to this story! I do know those answers, believe it or not!  
  
Anonymous - Bombur is my kind of guy, too. Who wants to traipse into danger when you can live safely with plenty of food about! Balin does know the truth for certain, but Gloin will have to wait! I don't think they will be giving up Gwibess just yet. I like her too much to lose her. I doubt that Thranduil would ever run out of ways to humiliate them. Legolas has had quite an adventure in this story and must be exhausted. I am sure he will be quite relieved when it is all said and done. Uh, oh. Sounds like you did indeed have a case of Brethilitis. Over Boromir's death scene no less! I am impressed! Hope you have recovered sufficiently. Remember: breathe in, breathe out! There should be some sound sites out there for Elvish. That would be very cool! It is my pleasure to read your reviews! Believe me!   
  
Nancing Elf - They surely didn't learn anything at Elf Scouts of ME, did they! They are not prepared! It was a wicked joke on Tavor, but he needs to lighten up a little! He needs to laugh at himself some times! Yes, we are all in love with him, aren't we? We can't seem to help ourselves! How do I do it, juggling 3 stories?? Well, the only thing that comes to mind is the song by Queen: "I 'm Going Slightly Mad"!   
  
amlugwen - I will try not to make you wait as long as I did. The plot bunnies are flying all around my living room at present, never fear! I nearly died laughing when you told me that your friend wanted to know the name of the woman with the bow in LOTR! Oh, no! Did she really say that??!! LOL  
  
Rings of the cosmos - Cave crickets freak me out more than any other insect or arachnid in the world! I feel very foolish for shrieking and jumping away from them, but I can't help it! You poor thing! I am sorry that school has started already for you! 6:10 in the am is very early!  
  
elhwesta - This is definitely an AU, much more so than I envision or even started. I hope Tolkien would appreciate it, but I don't know. I am a wicked author! Whoa! You sounded like Gollum there for a moment! Ssssscary, my preciousssss!! I thought the Wild Berry War was quite cute myself!  
  
Lk - I am glad that you like this so much! It makes my day to hear it! Thranduil is about to get things in hand, I think anyway. So many plot bunnies want to be used I don't know what will happen exactly! Hopefully it will be fun all the way to the end!  
  
Noone - Sounds like you should have sent me that plot bunny earlier! You had it all worked out! I don't mind repetitious reviewers! I like them! Big Bad Aran, huh? Cool!!! I could do that!! I can be rather loud! Thank you for reading my old ones! But I know I warned you how wicked I was! (  
  
Opal Elf - No, that wasn't the end of the story. It keeps getting farther and farther away! I don't know why, but it does! I am glad you are enjoying this little romp through Mirkwood. My poor dear, didn't I warn you not to read a certain other fic that I wrote? Thank you for reading them and I am sorry I made you cry! :(  
  
Moonstone Tears - Love it when you laugh! Your description was just fine!  
  
une chat noire - It does tell why the Dwarves escaped so easily, doesn't it!! Makes perfect sense now! I don't mind your ramblings. Ramble on! I love the word hilarious! Thank you!  
  
Katharine the Great - Nope, no Mary Sues here! Can't write them for some reason! But you know saying that Legolas would DIE when he finds out about the Singing Orc Princess thing is a bit disconcerting coming from you, O Great Evil One! Blackest Evil from Morgoth's shriveled little heart????!!!! Oh, no! Please be nice!!! Too late! You weren't nice at all!!!! (TreeHugger buries her face in her hands and moans!)  
  
Sake - Poor Legolas! (copyright TreeHugger) He doesn't have a very easy time in this one does he!! 


	29. Chapter 26 - Never Push a Princess

Chapter 26 - Never Push a Princess  
  
"I tried to tell you that, Tavor," Brethil murmured as they stared at the six orcs, who were staring at them with puzzled looks on their faces.  
  
"Is that them?" one of the orcs whispered to Garluk, scratching his dark head. "They don't look like orcs."  
  
"Are they those elves, like we've heard about?" another hissed in fear.  
  
Garluk frowned. Neither he nor any of his companions had made forays into Mirkwood before and had never seen an elf in person. They had heard many tales with varied descriptions of them, none of which agreed except on the ferocity of those elusive beings.  
  
"They are rather strange looking," one said, taking in the long pale hair, fair faces, the slight glow that surrounded them in an ethereal haze.  
  
Garluk studied them closely. He wasn't certain what to do. Then he noticed the sparkling gems that adorned them and the iridescent clothing that one wore. Perhaps this is what female Singing Orcs looked like. They looked nothing like the few females he had encountered in his life, but none of them were of the Singing variety. It was a rare orc that would sing. He had heard rumors of a male Singing Orc, but he wasn't certain if he believed that tale. Singing male orcs would be a problem. Garluk frowned, studying the three beings in front of him.  
  
"Are you the Singing Orc Princess?" He asked Legolas in Common Speech, ready to bow at her feet or hack off its head, depending on the answer.  
  
"*What* did he say?" Tavor asked incredulously.  
  
"He asked if Legolas is a Singing Orc Princess," Brethil whispered, wishing that his bow wasn't propped against a fallen tree several feet away, several feet away behind the orcs. As was his quiver of arrows. "Are your ears bothering you today, Tavor? You don't seem to hear anything that is being said."  
  
"Shut up, Brethil! Singing Orc Princess?" Tavor stared at the Orc. "Singing Orc Princess??!!"  
  
Garluk didn't understand any of their words, but the voices were pleasant, though not quite what he had expected. He frowned. Perhaps he was mistaken. But then the one in the middle, with many jewels sparkling in the moonlight, looked him in the eyes. Who but a princess would be so adorned? The orc leader felt his face flush with excitement as the other's blue eyes flashed fiercely.  
  
"What did you say to me?" Legolas asked in a deadly quiet voice, his face reddening, hands clenching into fists.  
  
Tavor and Brethil glanced at one another. They recognized the tone, only it was usually issuing from the mouth of the King. They took a step back, distancing themselves from Legolas and from the orcs they suddenly felt sorry for.  
  
"Poor things," Brethil whispered, shaking his head. "Why did they have to mention the word "princess"?"  
  
"Just be ready, Brethil. Or he'll take them on all by himself!" Tavor hissed.  
  
"Are you the Singing Orc Princess that we heard earlier?" Garluk repeated, wishing he knew what an Orc Princess was supposed to look like. For surely this was not what he had expected.  
  
"I am NOT an ORC!! I am NOT a PRINCESS!! Why does everyone keep saying that??!!" Legolas snarled. "I am starting to get very annoyed by it!!"  
  
The Orcs edged closer, amazed and bewitched by the narrowed blue eyes, red face framed by moonlit hair, crowned with dazzling jewels, white teeth bared in a feral snarl.  
  
"It is," one of them moaned in ecstasy. "It *is* the Princess!"  
  
"I - AM - NOT - A - PRINCESS!!!"  
  
"Oh! Listen to her shriek! It is her voice! I recognize it! I - OOF!"  
  
The orc hit the ground as Legolas sprang nimbly onto it.  
  
"I - AM - NOT - A - PRINCESS!!" he shrieked again, banging the beast's head onto the ground to punctuate each word.  
  
The other orcs stared down in shock.  
  
"She is attacking him! She is very strong. She -!"  
  
That Orc found himself sprawled on the ground on his face, one arm twisted behind it, Legolas' knee jammed into its back.  
  
"I am not a girl!!" He spat, ruthlessly yanking on its arm until it yelped in pain. "Say it! "You are not a girl!!"!"  
  
"You are not a girl! You are not a girl!" the orc cried out. "You are not a girl!" He felt as he never had before. He was in ecstasy! He would die at the hands of the Singing Orc Princess!  
  
"Come on, Brethil. Choose one, or there won't be any left." Tavor muttered, springing onto one of the remaining orcs with a loud cry. Brethil grinned and leapt at another one, bearing it to the ground beneath him.  
  
Garluk watched as the elves managed to take out his burly companions one by one until he and one other were the only ones standing. The other orc was jumping up and down with excitement and clapping its clawed hands together. But then the "princess" growled and jumped at him. Soon he was lying on the ground moaning quite happily.  
  
Legolas stood panting slightly, the snarl still on his lips as he turned to Garluk. Brethil and Tavor moved to stand beside him.  
  
"Don't EVER call me "princess" again!" He told Garluk.  
  
The orc smiled, eyeing the 'princess' with great admiration and appreciation. 'She' was very strong, but he didn't doubt he could take 'her'. He grinned, throwing aside his weapon and flexing his large muscles. He was preparing to launch himself at Legolas when a voice shrieked:  
  
"WHAT IS GOING ON NOW??!!"  
  
Garluk was not a stupid orc, nor a foolish one. He knew the others were. He did not fear the strong "princess", but his admiration had gone up considerably when she had taken out his companions so easily. When the tall one on a horse came riding in, eyes flashing like blue fire, accompanied by a silver haired attendant with a bow, Garluk had no doubt that he could take them on as well. But when he saw the "princess" look up, her glorious eyes resting on the new comer and giving a choking cry and stagger backwards in horror, Garluk began to wonder. He thought he heard her whisper something that sounded like 'kelb bawd,' but he didn't know what that meant. It might be the name of the golden haired rider, but perhaps not.  
  
The other two 'maidens' had started as well and moved to stand behind their 'princess,' eyes filled with fear. It was then that Garluk truly began to wonder just what he had gotten himself into. His fellows were climbing to their feet, moaning and complaining, though their faces wore rather silly grins.  
  
"What is this?!" Thranduil repeated, taking in the Orcs and the Tricksy Trio. "Legolas, what have I told you about playing with my jewels?!"  
  
Legolas started and stared down at himself, suddenly recalling that he *had* been playing with his father's jewels. He raised a stricken face to this father then began to remove all the baubles, throwing them hastily onto those still piled on his tunic.  
  
"I . . . I . . . I . . . !" he spluttered, his eyes returning again and again to Celeb Baudh . "Ai, Valar! I am going to die!"  
  
Brethil and Tavor began to thrust their own ornaments away as though the jewels were poisonous snakes twining about their wrists and necks. Tavor's mind was in a whirl as he tried to contemplate how they would manage to survive this encounter with their King. His lips moved, but no sound emerged.  
  
Brethil bit at his lips to still them, hoping that if he stood behind Legolas *and* Tavor perhaps he would remain unseen and therefore he wouldn't be questioned about what had happened.  
  
~I won't tell him anything, this time,~ he told himself. ~Not about spiders, or orcs, or his jewels. Or about the water from Morn Nen that we were taking back with us because then he will want to know why and I can't tell him THAT! ~ His grey eyes moved to the dark rush of water that was not very far from where they stood. ~ I will say nothing. Nothing at all. I can do that! Just keep your mouth shut, Brethil!~  
  
Thranduil's eyes moved from his son to the orcs. A look of anger and disgust crossed his face.  
  
"You are to leave Mirkwood now! If ever I see you - or smell - you here again under my trees I will have you killed before you can draw a breath to ask my pardon! Leave now or Tanglinna will chase you down and you will fall this day. I am being merciful to you now, as I don't want my wood polluted by your foul blood! LEAVE!"  
  
Garluk would have challenged the rider on any other day, but the look on the 'princess's' face told him of the futility of the action. If 'she' had shown no fear when he and the other orcs had arrived to confront them, and leapt forward to attack them without a second's hesitation, was cowering in fear before the rider in dark green then perhaps it would be best to heed the words spoken. He glanced once more at the 'princess', regret and admiration filling him.  
  
"Get moving!" he barked at the others. "Now!"  
  
The battered orcs from the Misty Mountains moved away, throwing sorrowful glances at their 'princess'. They would return home defeated, but with many wondrous tales to tell. After all they had seen the Singing Orc Princess and her maidens. Not to mention the Queen of the Singing Orcs.  
  
Thranduil watched them go, and motioned for Tanglinna to follow them to make certain they did leave Mirkwood. The Master Archer spared a glance for the three younger Elves and shook his head in pity. Then he turned his mount after the orcs.  
  
Thranduil dismounted and advanced slowly on his youngest son. Legolas gulped and backed slowly away, Tavor and Brethil hastily moving away from them both. They needn't have worried, as Thranduil only had eyes for his son at the present moment.  
  
"Little Greenleaf," he began in a low voice, the moonlight reflecting off Celeb Baudh. "You are in a lot of trouble."  
  
Legolas felt laughter bubble up in his throat. A lot of trouble? That was such an understatement.  
  
"I am not in a lot of trouble," he murmured, glancing at Tavor and Brethil. "I am dead. I just don't realize it yet. This is my punishment," he told them in a conversational tone. "To live this over and over and always be in trouble, with my father advancing toward me to slay me with his lips; the Silver Judgment on his brow.""  
  
Tavor and Brethil looked at one another, concern filling their eyes.  
  
"He sounded almost like you there for a moment, Tavor." Brethil murmured. "Only he didn't mention the Halls of Mandos."  
  
Tavor turned to stare at him in disbelief.  
  
"He should throw himself in, as we had told him to," Brethil continued in a whisper. "He can't get in trouble for what he can't remember doing. Right? But then we would have to jump in as well, or we will be in trouble because we could remember. What would be best is if the King fell in and didn't remember, then . . . !"  
  
"Shut up, Brethil!" Tavor hissed through clenched teeth.  
  
Thranduil narrowed his eyes and glared at the two, effectively silencing them. Then he continued to walk toward his son who could hear the rushing water behind him.  
  
"Don't even think about it, Little Greenleaf. You have had entirely too much fun and mischief of late and it must stop. Now."  
  
Legolas could feel the edge of the bank at his heels and he had to halt his steps or he would fall in. Did he really want to forget everything? It sounded like such a simple solution. But when would he get his memory back? He gazed over his shoulder. Would his father not punish him because he threw himself into Morn Nen? Or would he merely wait for his memory to return? Or would he not wait at all and punish him anyway? He looked back at his father and the Silver Judgment.  
  
He moaned and turned deciding to throw himself in. Thranduil shot toward him, followed closely by Tavor and Brethil.  
  
"You will not escape me that easily, Little Greenleaf!" The King exclaimed grabbing for his son and -  
  
OOPS! Looks like that is the end of the chapter! I am so sorry! No, I am not!   
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
The Sadistic Cow - Now it is my turn to say "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! How's that! Legolas is going through a lot here at the end, but hey! It is almost the end and I have to throw all I can at him! Well, they didn't get a chance to fight over him, though they would have. But Legolas was itching for a fight after all the things he has been through, so the Orcs didn't get their fun! Oh, well. Such is life!  
  
None - Thanks so much for reading this one and "Once Upon a Time in Hollin"! I will continue them both. Don't worry. Though I think they may both end pretty soon. We shall see. Don't worry. Thranduil and Legolas together are just too much fun to pass up! More of that to come!  
  
angaloth - Myself, I would say the King! How old are they? Well, actually they are too old to act this way. But I myself am to old to act the way I do sometimes. Just ask my husband who thinks he is married to a teenager!  
  
EdnaTod - I am glad you have been enjoying this story. It has been a lot of fun to write! I see you comfort yourself with doses of the movie as I do. I was watching it while I was writing this chapter this afternoon! Well, I guess you will be screaming again at the end of this chapter. Pretty good cliffhanger if you ask me! I don't think I used the word "rather" at all in this chapter! See I do listen to advice from my readers. I have the tendency to use words too often and sometimes they slip by without my catching the many repetitions! So thank you for pointing that out to me! Rather nice of you really! Rather!   
  
JastaElf - Slash possibilities?? Well, maybe, but not in this one! So sorry! And, well, seeing as how you mentioned that AFTER you mentioned the Orcs...okay. Definitely not going there!!!! (shudders and screams "Chapter 3!!!!) Sorry lost it for a moment there! I have set things up nicely, and you may guess what is coming next, since I believe I told you what I might do. Or maybe I won't! I'm not telling yet!   
  
Galena - You are so right! Be afraid, be very afraid! We do love it when the Elf boys are in trouble. What is wrong with us? Powerpuff Boys of Mirkwood! I love it! ROFL! Too fun an image! Don't worry, Brethilitis strikes us all! You will recover. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out!  
  
Lk - Your mom used to have an outfit that she wore when you were in trouble?? Too cool! Then you can certainly sympathize with poor Legolas (copyright TreeHugger). The Orcs were definitely easier to handle. No one can handle Thranduil! Not even Legolas the Sparkly Green Wizard and his Magic Bubble Pipe!  
  
Puterpatty - First let me say! I don't want any angst in this either. I even let the Orcs go without being slashed to pieces! So please do not come after me with a skewer and a tone-deaf Orc! No torture in this one! I swear! Not physical torture anyway. Been there, done that! This is pure fun! I will leave the torture to the Masters you mentioned! You can read mine to calm you down after you have read theirs! That is why I am here. That is my mission in life: to help you survive the torture fics! You can count on me!  
  
Skye - Bizarre and funny? Cool! That just about sums up my own feelings on this story! The Tricksy Trio managed to hold their own against the Orcs. Don't rouse the wrath of the Tricksy Trio! They can be pushed only so far before someone is going to get it! But it looks like there moment of victory was just a tad short lived. Too bad!   
  
Aria - They didn't heed your advice to run! 'Tis too late now! I warned you, Vicky dear! I know I warned everyone to stay away from "Hearts of Darkness", but you didn't heed my advice either! See what happens when you don't listen to me? Uh, who is N-Saturn??   
  
annakas - I am a very, very, very evil woman, aren't I? Being evil has its strong points as you can see. Silly Orcs are as dumb as Dwarves can be, aren't they? And the King is still angry! Or is he??  
  
Nancing Elf - Loved the modified "Pulp Fiction" quote! Poor Legolas! (copyright TreeHugger) The Tricksy Trio didn't need the bow, they are that good! It helps that the Orcs were rather stupid, but still! Six Orcs don't stand a chance against three Elves! I am afraid it is madness in Mirkwood! But "Though this be madness, yet there is method in it."  
  
Irena - It is a very good thing that it isn't modern times in Middle Earth. There would be no fun at all! Legolas on Ritalin?? How horrible! Can you imagine it?! All three of the Tricksy Trio would be so calm and good. Yikes. That would be nightmarish! Very good thing it is not modern times there!  
  
Jessica - Well, there was yet another cliffhanger to scream over. As you saw they had no need for weapons, they are THAT good! I am not sure if I am done with Gwibess yet. She may yet have a part to play! I think that it is merely Legolas' fate that all this should happen to him. Poor Legolas! (copyright TreeHugger) You may ramble any time!  
  
Mitheithel - The citizens of Mirkwood do know how to sum things up! They have to live with it everyday!  
  
Rings of the cosmos - Everyone loves Legolas! That is only too true! Why else are we all here? Only cave crickets still freak me out! Just can't seem to lose that fear!  
  
Anonymous - The arrival of the King, who is wise and good, and his Master Archer, is definitely not a rescue! More of continued torture! Tavor is definitely not exempt from Brethilitis! To quote you "NO ONE is exempt from it." Okay, so maybe No one is exempt, but not anyone else! You are right. It will never stop. Not for long periods of time anyway! They have too much fun getting into trouble! I didn't feel sorry for the Orcs either, not until Legolas "broke bad" on them! They didn't know what hit them! I have heard of LOTR, Elvish, LOTR poems/songs, LOTR DVD, but I have never heard of anyone called TreeHugger.   
  
Sake - Chocolate chip cookies are always a help! Gloin would have been heartbroken and would never have been the same if something happened to his "maiden". I couldn't do that to him! You would have to feed him cookies, too!  
  
Karina - It is the fun that Legolas and his friends have that gets them into all the trouble that they have. Or nearly so. But to quote Thranduil, "This madness has to stop." Anyone would fare better against the Orcs than against the King, who is wise and good! But very, very annoyed! Sounds like your muse is enjoying himself mightily! So you are going to try something with his stick bunny, or are you going for the pipeweed? I recommend the stick bunny. Pipeweed is tricky!  
  
aurora - I am glad that you and your buddy are enjoying this story! I had a lot of fun getting Gwibess stuck in the window and having them shove her out, too! I will post as quickly as I can. But the faster I post the sooner this will be over!   
  
Laura - Thank you! Cool is a great word! One of my favorites! Thanks so much for reviewing!  
  
Leail - Thank you for the nice email! I am thrilled that you are laughing along with me over this story! It has been great fun and I hope to have more amusing tales to tell in future! 


	30. Chpater 27 - Here We Go Again!

Chapter 27 - Here We Go Again!  
  
"This is just wonderful. Absolutely wonderful."  
  
Tanglinna the Master Archer of Mirkwood stared down at the two sodden bodies at his feet. He, Brethil, and Tavor had pulled them from Morn Nen and they were sleeping quite peacefully, eyes dreamy, pleasant smiles on their lips. He shook his silver head and frowned.  
  
"This is just wonderful," he repeated.  
  
Tavor and Brethil looked warily from him to stare at one another. Then they looked down at the King and his son.  
  
"You shouldn't have told him to jump in, Tavor," Brethil began, shaking his head in imitation of the Master Archer. "Nothing good will come of it."  
  
Tavor gaped at him, brows knit, an incredulous look on his face.  
  
"Nothing good will come of it? Nothing good will come of it! I did NOT tell -"  
  
"Don't even start!" Tanglinna hissed, cutting them off effectively, his grey eyes narrowed dangerously. "I have enough to worry about without the two of you acting like idiots! Pick him up. I will carry the King."  
  
"I wonder what they will remember when they wake up," Brethil whispered as he helped Tavor drape Legolas over the horse's back.  
  
"I wouldn't know," Tavor said with a quick glare. "*I have never fallen in."  
  
Brethil merely smiled knowingly, but said nothing.  
  
"If we are lucky they will have forgotten about the Dwarves and everything that has happened since then," Tavor continued as he watched Tanglinna leap agilely onto the other horse behind Thranduil's body. "We can only hope so."  
  
"But won't he notice that there are Dwarves in his dungeons?" Brethil asked as he seated himself on the horse and helped put Legolas into a sitting position in front of him, the blonde head nestled on his shoulder. "Ugh! He is very wet!"  
  
Tavor snorted, mounting behind him. The horse whickered as if to say, "Three of you is asking a bit much". They followed after Tanglinna slowly, their horse whickering under its breath.  
  
Brethil gently stroked Legolas' cheek, and the elf prince smiled and murmured something.  
  
"Poor Legolas. What will we tell him about this?" His slim fingers toyed with the short hair where the left Warrior braid had hung.  
  
"We will worry about that when the time comes."  
  
"He will notice it again, you know. He was so upset the last time, that I am not sure what he will do this time! Then we will have to tell him about the Dwarves again, and the singing, the bubbles, the sparkly green, and the . . . !"  
  
"Shut up, Brethil!!"  
  
He turned to stare at the two others who had yelled at him.  
  
"What? I was merely saying that. . . ."  
  
"Keep your mouth shut, young Brethil Bronaduion," Tanglinna said sharply. "It is bad enough that you will tell Legolas everything you know, but you must avoid the king at all costs. If you *must* see him, and I can't imagine why you would, bring Tavor with you - No, don't." He shot a glance at Tavor appraising him critically. "You, too, seem to have a problem controlling your tongue of late. At least the prince will not recall anything to say." He shook his head, adjusting the king's body against his own. "We will need to put this away," he continued indicating Celeb Baudh. "Far away."  
  
"Perhaps we should throw it into Morn Nen," Brethil said with a grin. "Legolas would be eternally grateful if we did. It was rather terrifying to see the king riding toward us, his eyes flashing fiercely, Celeb Baudh glittering like cold fire on his noble brow. Ai! It was frightening!"  
  
"I think those orcs thought so as well," Tavor added, with a smile. "Did you see the look on the big one's face? I couldn't tell if he was afraid of him or admiring him."  
  
"The one that Legolas was bashing looked absolutely enraptured! Didn't you think so, Master Tanglinna? Master Tanglinna?" Brethil scowled. "Where has he gone?"  
  
Behind them they heard a small splash and then Tanglinna rejoined them. The king's 'noble brow' was now bereft of its ornamentation. The archer raised one brow and moved ahead of them.  
  
"This is going to be rather interesting," Brethil said quietly with a smile.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A few days later Legolas' eyes focused and he stared at the ceiling. He felt fine and he grinned, suddenly getting out of the bed.  
  
"He's awake!" Brethil exclaimed, scrambling from the chair he had been curled in.  
  
Tavor drew a deep, steadying breath and pushed off the wall where he had been leaning.  
  
"Are you ready?" Legolas asked, hurried splashing water on his face.  
  
"For . . . what?" Tavor asked, wondering what Legolas would remember. He glanced over at Brethil, who shrugged, biting at his lips.  
  
"Don't you remember? We are going to push Gwibess into Morn Nen to try and tame her. Where is she?"  
  
The two friends exchanged glances as they watched the prince dry his face.  
  
"Well, Legolas, you see . . . ," Brethil began.  
  
"No, Brethil!" Tavor interjected. "I will tell him!"  
  
"You will? Very well. I haven't been able to make up anything to tell him yet anyhow. I am no good at subterfuge."  
  
Legolas turned to him, drying his face.  
  
"What is going on?" he asked suspiciously. "Have you lost the spider?"  
  
"No," Tavor began slowly. He wasn't very good at subterfuge either it seemed, much to his dismay. "We haven't lost Gwibess. Er, have we?" He looked at Brethil who was staring pointed at Legolas as if he was trying to think of something he had forgotten. "Or perhaps we have," Tavor continued, his face brightening. "Yes . . . yes! We lost Gwibess! That is why we can't take her to Morn Nen today." He smiled, quite pleased with himself. Maybe he was good at subterfuge after all. "Exactly. That is it!" He gazed triumphantly at Brethil, expecting to see a gleam of appreciation that told of Tavor's genius, but Brethil's brows were knit and he looked troubled, his grey eyes fixed on the prince.  
  
Legolas scowled fiercely at them both.  
  
"What is going on?!" he demanded.  
  
"Nothing is going on. Nothing at all. Why do you ask?" Tavor sputtered, feeling panic well within him.  
  
Brethil shook his head slightly.  
  
"I will think of it later," he concluded quietly before turning to Legolas. "You must be very hungry."  
  
Thranduil's son frowned. He was feeling a bit hollow.  
  
"After all," Brethil continued, "you haven't eaten for days."  
  
"Days?" Mirkwood's prince gazed at him in bewilderment. "What are you talking about, Brethil?"  
  
"He didn't mean days!" Tavor choked. "He meant HOURS! Didn't you, Brethil?" He glared pointedly at his friend. "HOURS not DAYS!"  
  
"What? Oh! Yes! Days I meant DAYS! No? Oh! Hours! Yes, HOURS! I meant HOURS! I really did, Legolas. Hours! That is what I meant!" Brethil smiled in relief over at Tavor to reassure him that the slip had surely went unnoticed, but for some reason Tavor looked rather stricken.  
  
Legolas regarded his best friends with suspicion.  
  
"What is going on?" he asked, wondering if he truly wanted to know.  
  
"Nothing," Tavor said, cutting Brethil off even as he drew a breath to begin. "Nothing. We will go find Gwibess after you eat something."  
  
Mirkwood's youngest prince raised one brow, but decided not to pursue the matter.  
  
"Very well. I hope we can find her again. She seemed nice for a spider."  
  
"Here!" Tavor thrust clothing into his arms. "Get dressed, you need to be in the sun and the wind today."  
  
Legolas looked at his friend with concern. He looked rather panicked.  
  
"Breathe in, breathe out, Tavor. You look ready to faint. What have we done now? We haven't done anything, have we?" He searched his memory, but could think of nothing that should be sending Tavor into such a panic so early in the day. He slipped out of his nightshirt and into his leggings and tunic.  
  
"I am not going to faint!" Tavor protested, though he doubted the veracity of that statement. His heart was pounding unmercifully in his chest. ~This might just kill me~ he thought desperately. ~I need to calm down! If I don't then who will shut Brethil up? ~ He drew several deep breaths and closed his eyes, willing the anxiety to dissipate.  
  
"That was it!" Brethil exclaimed suddenly, his pale grey eyes bright. "Keep him away from the mirror!"  
  
Legolas turned toward him. Tavor's eyes widened and he wondered which desire was greater: to strangle Brethil with his own hair or to go instantly to the Hall of Mandos to escape this.  
  
"Why do you need to keep me away from the mirror? What is going on?!" Legolas, of course, turned to move back toward the mirror.  
  
"Masters?"  
  
They all turned toward the creaky voice that suddenly sounded behind them. Tavor gasped and clutched his heart.  
  
Gwibess' head appeared at the window, one long leg brushing aside the hanging.  
  
"Oh, no!" Tavor moaned. "Not now! Not now!"  
  
"You are awake, Master Let Go Lass! Oh! I was so worried!"  
  
Legolas stared at the spider in wonder and amazement.  
  
"What did she say?"  
  
"She said, 'You are awake, Master Let Go Lass. Oh! I was so worried!'."  
  
"Brethil!" Tavor wheezed.  
  
"What? I was just answering his question. It would be impolite to ignore him after all he has been through."  
  
Legolas felt his knees quake and he staggered toward the chair. He was about to collapse into it, his head feeling very funny and light, when a voice yelped,  
  
"No, Prince Legolas! Don't sit on me!"  
  
The prince gasped and staggered away from the chair, his blue eyes wide.  
  
"Who said that?!"  
  
Tavor stilled suddenly, thinking he had heard the sweet, quiet strain of music that must surely fill the Halls of Mandos.  
  
"Masters?" Gwibess watched them with worry in her great eyes.  
  
"Who did say that?" Brethil asked. "Was it the funny furry-footed Dwarf?" He grinned. "Don't worry Let Go Lass - uh, Legolas. He is not Silivren Hithlain Man. He has told me so himself. Bilbo and I have had some interesting conversations the last few days. He was worried about you, too! He has your Bubble Pipe though, if you need it."  
  
"No, Brethil. No, Brethil. No, Brethil," Tavor moaned again and again. For some odd reason no other words would form in his mind or his mouth.  
  
"Who is Bilbo?" Legolas gasped, staring at the empty chair.  
  
"Oh, dear," the disembodied voice said. "It is just like Bombur. Poor Prince Legolas. You don't remember a thing, do you?"  
  
"What?" Legolas gasped. "What?"  
  
"No, Bilbo. No, Bilbo. No, Bilbo." Tavor wondered what had happened to him. Why couldn't he speak?  
  
"Masters?" Gwibess felt so worried over them, that she had managed to wedge her body in the window once more and was flailing wildly trying to get free.  
  
Suddenly Bilbo pulled off his Ring and appeared right in front of Legolas who gasped and staggered backwards, landing on his rump by the bed.  
  
"It is alright, PrinceLegolas. Really. We do know one another, you just don't remember. I guess that means you have forgotten the pipeweed as well. But that is a good thing. Really! Poor Gloin. You have forgotten him too. That will break his heart! But at least he has a remembrance of you." Bilbo shook his head sadly at the distressed look on his friend's face. "I am sorry that all this has happened. It will all be over soon. I promise."  
  
Just then the door opened and Tanglinna stuck his head in.  
  
"The King is awake," he stated his eyes worried. Then he saw Legolas cowering by his bed, his eyes filled with dismay. The Master Archer noted Tavor's muttering, Brethil's smile, the strange furry-footed Dwarf, and the spider stuck in the window. "Ai!" he muttered. "Here we go again!"  
  
TBC  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
Elvensong - I know that was mean of me to end it so abruptly! I am so sorry! Not! I did enjoy it -perhaps a little too much. I won't do it again - unless the opportunity presents itself! ;)  
  
Meshelly - I liked Tavor's song, too. Singing Orcs. Who would have thought it possible! There is some twisted irony in this story and I am glad you appreciate it! Ah! So you are learning what Brethil is like! He is too much fun! He means well, he just can't keep his mouth shut!  
  
Anonymous - It is good and wise. Alphabetically is the way I remember it! G before W. No, poor Legolas (c. TreeHugger) is not having much fun in this fic. He deserves a break! He does need a smaller version of Celeb Baudh, perhaps Tithen Celeb Baudh (Little Silver Judgment). Legolas was itching for a fight, so the Orcs provided the fun. They were rather silly Orcs. I did not even catch onto the shrieking! You are paying more attention than I am. Thranduil is a very, very impressive king! That is partly why he is the king, that and his shrieking voice! Garluk is not a stupid or foolish Orc. He was very wise himself. You are also right in saying that Brethil cannot keep his mouth shut. Only Brethil believes that any more! (  
  
The Sadistic Cow - You have been very quick to jump on the new chapters. Quicker than I am to post them almost! It is rather a strange thing that we get so much amusement from picking on the Elf. He is a poor little thing, though we love him to death!  
  
al - You were actually dusting?? ;) Tavoritis must be an offshoot of Brethilitis. Not quite as severe though. Innuendo?? What innuendo? A male singing Orc? Okay, maybe that was going just a bit too far. That is unbelievable! Oh, well. I have never asked the Orcs why they take Elves for sport. YOU ask them! Yes, you may copyright Run Legolas, Run! (c. Al) So you think you can pull a Queen Cliffhanger on me?? I love cliffhangers, remember??!!  
  
queenie - You have loose screws, too, huh? Must have something to do with the LOTR section of FF.net! At least I am not alone! Poor Orcs! (c. TreeHugger) Hmmm. There aren't many Orcs I feel sorry for!  
  
Moonchild - I am mean?? Really?? Whatever makes you say that? I am quite a nice person! I just have an unnatural love of cliffhangers and tormenting my readers! I do apologize for the slowness of getting this next one out though. That was rather mean! ;)  
  
$!$! - Interesting name! How do you pronounce that?? You seem to like Orcs of the Singing Variety, too. Maybe there is a story in that somewhere! (  
  
Angaloth - Were you calling me evil?? I must look like Sauron or something since so many of you thought I was evil or mean! I better go look in the mirror! At least that chapter had the virtue of being funny! I won't be that evil again....perhaps! (wicked grin)  
  
None - Hi! You are so right: no one can resist Legolas. Not even twisted Orcs! We all love him way too much! Relaxation for the Tricksy Trio? Well, maybe...maybe not!   
  
Nancing Elf - Strange that I can't seem to write without Orcs either! Egla who?? I almost didn't use them in ecstasy over "her" prowess. Last minute addition! Glad it worked! Yes, no one was hurt in the writing of that last chapter. I was being nice! I do know how to be nice on occasion. Even to Orcs! Silver Judgment?? Well, you see what happened! ;) You are "so" right! I did so NOT feel sorry for that cliffhanger! I loved it!  
  
Lady M - Singing Orc Princess scenes in general are hilarious! The imagery is just too much fun to resist! Don't worry about falling behind! I love anyone who thinks this is hilarious!  
  
Nadra - "Delaware? TreeHugger? But that would lead you here!" Good thing I left for Bree immediately and am now on my way to Rivendell where I will be quite safe! Well, actually it is your fault and everyone else who wanted them both going in. I hadn't planned it that way, but then I changed my mind after the reviews came in. So some rethinking was due! I want a Giant Spider, too! That would be too kewl!  
  
annakas - Another EVIL! And a VICIOUS! Maybe I am really an Orc! Hmmm.. Better go check the mirror again! Poor Orcs! (c. TreeHugger) They had no idea what they got themselves into. Should have stayed out of Mad Mirkwood! ( Cliffhangers are good for you!   
  
Kerttu - A pot of Vandal Root Tea would be good and wise for all concerned. Better start brewing some right now! Don't worry I will be back in book verse very soon. But then the end will be in sight. Bye bye Dwarves, bye bye story! Oh, well. All good things must come to an end! Eventually!  
  
Irena - You don't need to worry about the length of the reviews. It is not the size that matters! ;) I love to get one word reviews! I had not really thought about "Say I'm not a girl" as being foreplay, but I guess you are right! It amazes me when you guys see things that I wrote that I am oblivious too. I need to pay more attention!  
  
Lady V - I am so sorry - to quote Brethil. Well, actually I am not, but I thought it would be nice to say it anyway. I am sorry I made you sad. But I had to get a cliffhanger in here! I just had to!!  
  
Aria - What?? Didn't you like my ending in that last chapter?? Oops. Sooo sorry! NOT! Greetings, N-Saturn! Even though you were absent in that last review! She made out fine without you!   
  
PuterPatty - I know the feeling! Angst and pain get to me too! I love it and hate it and can't stop reading it, but I can prevent it from being written into this story! Oh, yeah! He is NOT a girl!!! Poor Brethil is right. He tries so hard! Ah, I see you saw the problem with this chapter! Too many possibilities out there! Torturous! ROFL You are so naughty!!!! Is your mind out of the gutter now?? LOL  
  
Seaweed - Awesome chapter! Kewl! Like that much! I enjoyed your review very much and I didn't think it was dumb at all. And about the Orc Writer, it wasn't a flame, they merely meant I wrote my first stories about an Orc. A singing one no less. Go figure! Singing Orcs! Thank you for wanting to defend me though. You can always save me from the Ringwraith Nadra who was hunting me down!  
  
Ithilien - You caught up to me. I am not posting as fast as I was. Gotta slow down to a more normal speed. Tavor definitely needed to be the one to get told "Shut up, Tavor!" I think a grand case of Brethilitis is going to come due at sometime in this story. Legolas is glorious no doubt! What can I say about the Orcs here?? They are rather stupid! And funny! I didn't notice Garluk's name until you mentioned it! That was not intentional, but hey - cool! I like the way it smells, too. I will try and wait for your permission before I post the chapters........I will really, really try, but I don't know if I can! (looks desperate)  
  
Laura - Oooh! You are an evil one aren't you!! LOL What punishment would you suggest, o wicked one??   
  
amlugwen - Well, I LOVE/LOVE cliffhangers, but yes, I prefer your word: Morn-Nen-shore-hanger!(c. amlugwen) Poor Orcs (c. TreeHugger) Sorry I got that one first! I didn't want any deaths in this one, so they were spared. I can be merciful!   
  
phoenixfeather - Another EVIL! I kept you up all night wondering so maybe I am a Ringwraith! I better go look in the mirror again! Third time now! Wonder what I will see this time??!! ;)  
  
EdnaTod - My dear EdnaTod you seem to be rather over fond of the word "rather". So you rather gasped, choked, and gurgled? I feel rather sorry for you! Rather!! That was an extreme cliffhanger, wasn't it! It did the job it was written to do though! Here's to gasping, choking, gurgling, buggy eyed fans! Cheers!  
  
queenie - What?? Didn't you know there are a variety of Singing Orcs? I have heard of them, though never seen one yet! Though I guess Legolas is as close as we will ever come! Of course he is only a Princess. It takes the appearance of a formidable personage to be the Queen! Another one suggesting a vacation for poor Legolas (c. TreeHugger). Perhaps I will be nice and send him somewhere quiet for a change!  
  
Skye - I am infinitely satisfied that you found it satisfying! It was rather good to see him fighting the Orcs, even if the Orcs liked it! Silly Orcs! What do they know?   
  
Noone - "I told you" is revenge in Brethil's book. Whoa! Wouldn't Thranduil be mad if he did know about the Queen of the Singing Orcs!! King of all cliffhangers! WooHoo (c. Celeborn) Love it!   
  
Rings of the cosmos - Legolas was not going to fall in, but due to some reviewers' demands he did! I liked "Signs", too. It was very different than I had thought as well. But very good! It sounds like you better buy a big can of raid and a fly swatter. Just remember to apologize to them before you whack them to death! ;)  
  
jenjen - I am thrilled that you chose to leave a review! Thank you for that! I really like Thranduil and do not see him as he is usually portrayed in fics. Granted he is a bit..er..well...uptight in this one. But that is understandable. I really wavered over who exactly would fall in. I have been thinking about it for some time now. Yes, occasionally I plan ahead! But it wasn't until I read the reviews that I really decided how it would play out. Aha! Another story to be told! Elrond and the Morn Nen Wine! (  
  
Lakergurl13 - Charlie wanted the Orcs to eat Legolas and everyone else in Mirkwood?? (shrieks) CHARLIE!!!!! Oops.Thranduil moment there! So sorry! You really, really want his hair, don't you! LOL Yes, it is spaced a little more than 60 years. Just a little. WHOA!!!!!!!! Cliffhanger hatred moment! Very good shriek though! But hey! You have the breathing perfected I see! Heehee! Tell Charlie that the Orcs could never in their wildest dreams take on Legolas and win!! He makes a fine prince, but I do have to agree that he wouldn't make a very good princess! See, Charlie! I do agree with you on one thing!   
  
Karina - YEOW! Another grand shriek!!! And another EVIL! Maybe I really am Melko! No, I don't think I am that Evil! Maybe I am Ungoliant the wicked giant spider! Now that is an idea! Your shower for your friend sounded divine! I hope you all had a wonderful time! I am thrilled that your muse is fleshing out the stick bunny for you. Muses are quite...irritating!  
  
elhwesta - Drooling?!?! LOL Sorry, I had to laugh! Groveling?!?! I had to laugh! You know I will update. Never fear! I am not that evil!.....I don't think I am! Hmmm.maybe I am. Nope. I am not!   
  
midnightstarr - Well, sorry. You lost that bet! Only two fell in! Where's my $20??   
  
Tamsin FlameArrow - You are wicked! Truly you are! You want Thranduil to punish him!! What do you suggest! Two of you are supposed to be giving me suggestions in case I need them! Thank you, the Orcs love you too!   
  
Tynsin Nimue - Errrr.I hope this was fast enough. I know it wasn't NOW, but it was as close to it as I could get! (  
  
Hannah - Awww! That makes my day happy! Thank you so much!! (  
  
calenedhel - Thanks for the idea. They did! You were the one of the one who wanted them both in, and I went with it! Thank you so much!!!  
  
mitheithel - Poor Legolas! (c. TreeHugger) He does seem to get into problems because he is SOOOO PRETTY!!! Gotta love it!   
  
FifthHeir - Oh! Thank you so much!!! You are too kind! I am glad you are enjoying this! 


	31. Chapter 28 - What is Missing?

Chapter 28 - What is Missing?  
  
King Thranduil of Mirkwood paced his chamber, his mind happily going over the details of the Autumn Feast. For some reason he felt that he should be in a very bad mood, but he wasn't. He had already discussed food with the chefs and wine with Galion (after devouring some of the food - he had been rather hungry for some reason), and decorations and clothing. Everyone was so eager to please that it was rather gratifying. Only one thing troubled him: it seemed that Legolas' green outfit was missing. Ceredirhammad had already agreed to make another one, mentioning something about webs and hair that probably wouldn't come off anyway. This had confused the king, and he would have to speak with his son about it. He did not like being confused. Something was going on. The prince had never liked dressing in fancy clothing and had probably hidden it away somewhere that he shouldn't have. He chuckled slightly, nearly forgetting the seamstress' strange words. None of his sons liked the shining clothes they had to wear on occasions like these feasts, or the beautiful, cunningly woven wreaths of bright flowers. But they did look nice when all was said and done.  
  
There was a knock at the door and Thranduil turned to see Tanglinna peering around it cautiously.  
  
"Ah! There you are!" the king exclaimed. "Is Legolas with you?"  
  
"Yes, your Majesty. He is."  
  
The Master Archer pulled the rather reluctant younger Elf into the room with a stern glance and pushed him toward his father.  
  
"Legolas, what have you done now?" Thranduil asked, crossing his arms over his chest, and looking at his youngest with a frown.  
  
If the prince hadn't been so worried he might have noticed the amused twinkle in his father's eyes, but he didn't and he swallowed nervously. All the things that Tavor, Brethil, Tanglinna, Bilbo, and yes, even Gwibess had told him - they had finally managed to squeeze her in through the window - swirled in his head, which already felt very odd. Unfortunately they had told him all the things that he should NOT tell the king.  
  
"Why are you telling me this?" he had asked, a panicked note in his voice. "If you don't want me to tell him, then why tell ME?"  
  
They had tried to reassure him that all would be well, and Tanglinna had told Brethil to shut up several times, but Legolas knew it wouldn't be well. He was overloaded with information that he did not want, and he couldn't remember on his own. Thus it was that he stared up at his father, with a helpless, slightly dazed look on his face.  
  
"What have I been up to?" he asked, blinking several times. What hadn't he done now? From what they had told him, he had been doing entirely too much. He glanced nervously at Tanglinna hoping the Master Archer would rescue him, but Tanglinna looked pointedly away from him, effectively telling him he was on his own.  
  
"I . . . I . . . nothing. Why?"  
  
"It seems that something is missing," Thranduil said, lifting one brow.  
  
"Something is missing?" The prince looked again at the archer who seemed engrossed with the ceiling. Legolas blinked again and frowned. Surely it was something they had told him about. He searched his mind and found there were several things that could be considered 'missing.' The last one mentioned by Brethil came to mind. He cleared his throat, which sent sudden shudders down Tanglinna's spine. "Do you mean . . .Celeb Baudh?"  
  
"No!" Tanglinna hissed, glaring at him. Then the archer felt the king's gaze, and turned to see Thranduil's eyes fixed upon him. He smiled weakly and shrugged, looking up at the ceiling once again and began to offer supplications to Elbereth. Why had he thrown that circlet into Morn Nen in the first place? How could he possibly have thought it was a good idea? Ai, sweet Elbereth, none of them was going to survive this!  
  
"Celeb Baudh?" Thranduil repeated, his blue gaze moving to Legolas. "What do you mean?"  
  
Legolas' gaze shifted from one to the other. That had obviously not been the one to mention.  
  
"Nothing . . . ? Um . . . . Then you mean . . . ?" he glanced at Tanglinna once more.  
  
"Stop that!" Thranduil barked, feeling the bad mood coming on him in full force. "Answer my question and look at ME when you do it!"  
  
"Um . . . then you mean . . . ?" He turned back to his father, reaching back to one of the first things they had told him. "The boat?"  
  
Thranduil's eyes narrowed.  
  
"What boat?"  
  
"The boat on Morn Nen that Tavor, Brethil, and I use sometimes." Suddenly he gasped. "I didn't mean to say Morn Nen!" He choked, his eyes widening. "Forget I said Morn Nen! No! No! I don't mean, "forget", I mean . . . !"  
  
"Shut up, Prince Legolas!" Tanglinna hissed, his hands clenching on his tunic, his brows knit as though in pain.  
  
"What is going on?" the king demanded. His head felt very, very strange suddenly and he didn't like it. No, he didn't like it at all.  
  
Legolas frowned again, feeling panic rising in him. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he think of what his father meant and simply tell him what he wanted to hear?  
  
"I . . . I meant the spiders? They are missing? Right? The ones that . . .er . . . painted your face? Right?" He glanced at Tanglinna to verify this statement, but the archer was muttering something under his breath. "Or was it that they stole the jewels and . . . and . . . your . . . robes?" He finished, his voice dying away to a whisper. "No," he continued heedlessly as his father's eyes widened, his face suffused with color. "I can see that is not it. Then you mean . . . ?"  
  
"WHAT IS GOING ON??!!"  
  
"I . . . I . . . I don't know! Oh, Adar I am so sorry, but I *don't* know what is going on!" Legolas buried his head in his hands, fingers digging into his hair.  
  
Thranduil, placed his hands on his temples, willing himself to calmness. Something very strange was going on of that he was certain. He took a deep breath, determined to find out what it was. Then someone would pay for this.  
  
"I simply meant where is the green outfit?" he said, trying to be patient.  
  
"Green outfit?" Legolas drew a shaky breath and looked up. Green outfit. He could do this. He really could.  
  
"The green outfit?" He nodded. They had mentioned a green outfit. "The sparkly green one?" He smiled, feeling that he had finally gotten the answer right.  
  
"It wasn't sparkly green." Thranduil said, his eyes going to the archer, and Tanglinna knew his time on Arda was running short. "It was a shimmery green, not sparkly."  
  
"The green outfit," Legolas murmured. "But *not* the sparkly green one. Just the shimmery green one. Yes . . .well. . . ?" Something pricked in his mind, something one of them had said not to mention. "The one . . . the one I was wearing when . . . ." He shook his head, everything he had been told in such a rush earlier had jumbled all together.  
  
"You haven't worn it yet, Little Greenleaf," Thranduil said with a frown. "Or have you?"  
  
Tanglinna swallowed nervously, glancing from the king to his son.  
  
~This cannot be happening! This cannot be happening. Just when I thought everything would be better, it is getting worse! What is it with these Sindar elves?!~  
  
Legolas' eyes shot to the archer, full of trepidation.  
  
"Did I wear it?" he asked the archer. "Or didn't I?"  
  
Thranduil's eyes narrowed. Something was definitely going on. He knew it. He folded his arms about his chest and cocked his head on one side, his nostrils flared as he drew a deep breath.  
  
"You were going to say what, Tanglinna?" he growled.  
  
~Why did I have to be the one to escort him here? Why didn't I just send someone else - anyone else! ~ The Master Archer thought frantically, not liking the way his stomach was jumping nervously. Most distressing! He could picture himself polishing jewels for the next one thousand years in the kings gem room. It was not a pleasant thought. He frowned. He wished he *were* in the gem room polishing jewels right now actually!  
  
"I was not going to say anything, Your Majesty. Nothing at all."  
  
~Father isn't supposed to remember either! ~ Legolas told himself, trying to find any reassurance that he could. ~Why does he remember the green outfit - the "shimmery" green outfit if I cannot? If I can just keep from saying anything that I don't remember - that I am not supposed to say - ~ He cut the thought off as it didn't sound right and it made his head feel rather strange and light. He swallowed and glanced at Tanglinna, whose face had become inscrutable as always. The prince knew that he had already said too many things that he didn't remember and was not supposed to say.  
  
Thranduil looked down at him, a look of great annoyance on his face.  
  
"Where is your green outfit?" he repeated, trying to calm himself. He would not allow them to upset him any more. He was in control. He was the king! Tanglinna was probably enjoying this entirely too much, and that would have to be stopped!  
  
"Green outfit." Legolas gaze swept to Tanglinna. Suddenly he felt exhausted.  
  
"The one for the Autumn Feast, nin caun (my prince). The shimmery one," the archer prompted hastily, not looking at the king. No, not looking at the king at all.  
  
Legolas blinked. Why couldn't he remember the shimmery green outfit if his father did? All he could recall was the sparkly green one they had told him about, but his father didn't mean that one.  
  
"Oh? . . . . Yes! I . . . ? Where is it?" He looked from Thranduil to Tanglinna once more. His brows knit in concentration. ~I can do this. I can do this!~  
  
Thranduil glared at him and shook his head.  
  
"What have you done now, Little Greenleaf?" he asked again, repeating the original question that had started all this nonsense. He felt exhausted.  
  
"Done? Nothing that I can remember," the prince answered honestly and then grinned. ~What a clever answer! ~ he thought, perhaps he could get through this after all. Why hadn't he said this earlier and saved himself all this trouble? ~I can do this!~ he thought triumphantly. ~Yes, I can!~  
  
Thranduil shook his head. It really didn't matter where the green outfit was. It really didn't matter and besides, he needed to lie down.  
  
"A new one is being made for you. Just . . . just make certain that it doesn't disappear before tomorrow evening."  
  
"Tomorrow evening?"  
  
"The Feast, Little Greenleaf."  
  
"Oh, yes . . .the feast! Well . . . well . . .? I will be there? Again?" He glanced Tanglinna, who shook his head and sighed.  
  
~Again?~ Thranduil thought with a start. ~No . . .no. I will not even ask.~  
  
"Is there anything further that you need from him, Your Majesty?" the archer asked, wanting to hustle the prince from the room as quickly as possible before anything else could go awry, though the Valar knew there was not much left that hadn't already gone awry.  
  
Thranduil sighed.  
  
"Yes . . . just . . just go away, both of you." His hand moved to his temples. "To think I felt so good earlier. I need some tea. Strong tea."  
  
Tanglinna grabbed Legolas arm and was about to haul him from the room when Thranduil turned to them, his eyes weary.  
  
"Legolas, please do not . . . " the words died in his throat. His mouth fell open in surprise and he scowled, leaning forward. "What happened to your hair?!"  
  
"What?" Legolas frowned. "Nothing." His hands moved upward.  
  
"Oh, no," Tanglinna breathed and wondered if they would notice if he ran from the room, ears covered, shrieking like a certain blonde beast that he knew only too well.  
  
"Your left warrior's braid! Where is it!" Thranduil moved across the space between them and cupped his son's chin in his hand, tilting his head to the right. A braid had been made somewhat further back on his son's head than normal, but the short tufts of hair stuck out at angles from his face. He frowned. "What happened?! It looks as if it has been cut off!"  
  
Legolas fingers found their way to the spot and jerked the short hair. A look of horror spread over his face. Brethil's words flitted through his mind: "Keep him away from the mirror!" He gulped for breath and pulled away from his father and ran to stare into the silvered glass.  
  
"No.no." he murmured, looking in shock at what he saw. His left warrior braid was gone! "nonononononono.......!"  
  
Tanglinna sighed.  
  
"He has seen it," he muttered, reaching up to cover his ears as a shriek filled the air, shaking the palace to its very foundations. The young blonde beast was nearly as loud as the father.  
  
In Legolas' room Tavor, Brethil, Bilbo, and Gwibess looked at one another and shook their heads in pity and sympathy.  
  
"He has seen it," they all murmured. "Poor Legolas!"  
  
TBC  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
The Sadistic Cow - I updated finally??? Finally???!!! Well...granted it is now about once a week, but that is as quickly as I have been able lately. Yes, both Thranduil and Legolas fell in. Thank you for the song suggestion! I will use it as it goes along perfectly with what I had planned for the end. Did I say the END?? Yes, I did. (grin) At last it is in sight!  
  
annakas - I am glad you appreciated that last line "Here we go again". I knew when I typed it that was also the chapter title. It worked out nicely. Poor Legolas (c. TreeHugger) POOOOR POOOOR LEGOLAS! (c. annakas) But it will all be over soon. Then they can take a nice, long break. (  
  
phoenixfeather - Good. I am glad you didn't expect Thranduil to fall in. I like surprises. I have known for some time that he would take the plunge as it were. It was Legolas' dive that surprised me. Brethil does strike again, he can't help it! We shall see what can happen!  
  
Isabella - They will be getting a break in a bit. This story is winding down and then they can all go on a nice long, quiet vacation.which means Brethil will have to stay home! Poor Brethil! (c. TreeHugger)  
  
LOTR lover - Brethil's vacation is long overdue, and he does need to go as far from Mirkwood as he can get! Lothlorien sounds like a perfect place!  
  
amlugwen - I am happy that you are happy! Well..that sounds a bit redundant, but I am happy that you find such amusement in my story! Thank you for the use of Grimbimli. I will use it in one of my stories somewhere! Watch for it!  
  
Nadra - Do you really think that I would let you "borrow" Legolas and then go skipping merrily into Mordor with him, your black Nazgul robes billowing, pointy Nazgul boots clanging?? Though the picture of you in Morn Nen being blissfully ignorant of the overgrown Smurfs is rather hilarious! Well, and if you are heading for Rivendell then I had better hightail it to Moria! (shudders) To quote a certain Elf - "I do not wish to go to Moria."  
  
Anonymous - Celeb Baudh has a part yet to play. A rather interesting one actually. Yes, I do actually have that planned out, believe it or not! Tanglinna is a really fun, cool character even if I did create him. I have enjoyed him immensely. The Tricksy Trio does keep him entertained, partly why he likes them so much. Tavor is slowly loosing the upper hand in keeping his mouth shut. Poor Tavor (c. TreeHugger) I almost didn't use Bilbo in this chapter, but then he presented himself so nicely I had to let him in on the fun. Gwibess should have known better, but she was worried and not thinking too clearly. She is such a thoughtful spider! The Queen and the Princess of the Singing Orcs will be back for a repeat performance of some sort before the end. They have to do an encore!  
  
Lakergurl13 - Brethil and Tavor should have been banished from the prince's presence until he regained his memory on his own. As it is he has gone into overload and is quite..jumpy trying to remember what they told him he doesn't remember and remember what he shouldn't tell the king. You drooled all over Charlie because of Legolas?? Guess you owe Charlie a new shirt!  
  
angaloth - I think the beginning surprised several of you. It rather surprised me since I seesawed between who would and wouldn't go in. I got my name for Brethil from the Sindarin Dictionary. Brethil means beech-tree or silver birch. There was actually a place called the Forest of Brethil in Beleriand. Most of the names come from the dictionary, so they are Elvish in origin.  
  
PuterPatty - I am glad that you approve of my final choice of Morn Nen divers. I played with many ideas and that is what finally won out. The mini-reunion was fun and Gwibess did avert a look at his shorn lock. But yes, it has been noticed now! Bilbo should have kept his mouth shut, but he was so worried that I don't believe he was thinking properly. He does have the Dwarves' escape to worry about after all. I think pink is the best color for Brethil, it will go well with his fair coloring. Tavor definitely could use shrieking lessons. That would shut Brethil up..perhaps. If anything can.   
  
EdnaTod - Blue Meanie?? Love it! Should I break into the chorus of "Yellow Submarine"? Legolas will get his memory back in time for the Fellowship. Of course with everyone telling him what he doesn't remember he won't need to, he will already know all about it. The effects don't last that long. At least not in my story. 28/31 Yup that is this chapter alright.  
  
Ithilien - I hadn't even noticed the little check boxes until you mentioned it. Yes, they are there..don't know why exactly, perhaps it is easier than writing down all those numbers for authors and stories. (shrugs) I am not writing this as quickly as once I was, so you won't get too far behind. It is almost over anyhow. Time to wrap this one up!! Sparkly pink tunic again, huh? Well...now that you mention it...  
  
Europa - There is a little bit more, but not too much. This one has gotten much larger than I ever dreamed it would!  
  
None - Well, the king is mightily confused and not too happy at this point...though he remembers nothing yet. It should be interesting.  
  
Lirenel - You will perish?? Perish the thought! Eventually the effects of Morn Nen wear off, just not as yet. Of course with Brethil around who needs to remember anything at all??   
  
al - Pushing in Tavor and Brethil might just have solved the problem, but he didn't, just threw Celeb Baudh in instead. Brethilitis is catching, isn't it? Yes, all are there and accounted for. The more the merrier and all that! I think Thranduil knows better than to trust Tavor or Brethil with anything that needs to be kept secret or safe. You did very well remembering all those names I called you, O Daer Bereth Uruk, rin ah agar! Now you must put your other story somewhere so everyone else will know what we are talking about!   
  
Pasta-Head - Well, I am going to rewrite the Council of Elrond using this story as the launching board. So get ready for that one to begin after this one ends. This one is almost over. I swear! Then on to other things. I am glad you have laughed along with me at this nonsense!  
  
Hannah - Brilliance!! YAY!!! Thank you so much!! (dances happily around the room with Gwibess in her sparkling green and pink) Wow! You stun me! You are so nice to me I don't know what to say!! Thank you so much!!!! Yippee!! (dances some more)  
  
Katharine the Great - Clean socks are best! Asphyxiation is not! I am glad that you are not in Mandos Halls, you really had me worried there! The Singing Orc Queen may come back to haunt Thranduil at a later date...within the next 3-4 chapters as it will be done then! Tanglinna has quite a job ahead of him and he will catch it if it all falls apart around him, which it might! Poor Tanglinna! (c. TreeHugger)  
  
Lady M - It has been a fun story, though it is time for it to end very soon. I can only keep this madness going for so long without wanting to jump into Morn Nen myself!  
  
Nancing Elf - You do like a clueless Legolas, don't you??!! So do I!!  
Tis too fun that way as you know very, very well!! WooHoo! (c. Celeborn) Things will not settle down until this fic is finished, so yes! Here we go again! I love Gwibess, too, and had to bring her back for the fun at the end! (she throws spidey kisses back at you and Gwibess Jr.)  
  
Irena - Wow is a wonderful word! Memories will be back......hmm...I don't know when!  
  
t - Morn Nen forgetfulness does wear off eventually. Though with Tavor, Bilbo, Gwibess, and especially Brethil around, he won't need to remember anything on his own!  
  
Seaweed - First, thank you for reviewing An Orc in Rivendell! Uh, no, do not think of Legolas and Elu Heneb in THAT way. Please! Only friendship! Yes, he does sing like Goldilocks Glorfindel! His voice isn't as sexy though! (gets dazed expression on face thinking about Glory's voice) ( My, you do go on about Dwarves and their soft beards...but, hm...That does give me an idea! Thank you! I agree, Ents and Dwarves together.nah! Oh, well. It must be very cool to be the oldest creature on Middle Earth. Brethilitis may still have some small part to play...we shall see.  
  
Skye - Well, the never-ending story is about to END! But you are right, immortality probably never seemed so long! I think they should have brought many, many bottles of Morn Nen water back and had all the Elves forget everything! Gwibess, too! That might have helped! Orcs do seem to have good taste in men - er-women-er whatever!   
  
Karina - That was a rather scary way to wake up. Crowded, noisy room! Brethil is too much fun, he is just trying to be helpful after all! We could all use a friend like that...or not! Your shower sounded wonderful. Love Anne of Green Gables! You are a good friend, one without Brethilitis! The best kind! (  
  
Laure - Poor Legolas (c. TreeHugger) indeed. He did look nice though!  
  
Aria - Greetings to Aria, N-Saturn, and N-Nemesis! You three must have a wonderful time together! It sounds very...noisy and fun! I hope you have all recovered! No, that wasn't the end, not yet. The Dwarves do have to float away sometime soon though, then it will be the END! My muses don't have names! I guess this one should be Glavrol - means Babbling! She has certainly babbled a lot for such a tiny thing! Well, Glavrol sends her greetings to you three!  
  
midnightstarr - Well, there are a few more chapters left!   
  
FifthHeir - Another person afflicted with arachnophobia! There are many out there it seems! I have mostly conquered mine, and I have even gotten so I apologize to the spiders in my house before I kill them. Sheesh! What has Gwibess done to me!!  
  
Bronwyn - Yes, that one cliffhanger was incredibly evil and I enjoyed it SOOOO much!! You don't think that the Tricksy Trio is out of trouble yet?? You are probably right! Let the fun continue!  
  
Princess of sMirkwood - Mrs. ArWe - "smirkwood"?? Love it!! That is very funny! I am happy that you are enjoying this romp in Mirkwood! The singing Orc Princess was rather a fun thing. Poor Legolas! (c. TreeHugger) Things will get better for him...perhaps! ;) 


	32. Chapter 29 - Bubble Pipes and Red Handke...

Chapter 29 - Bubble Pipes and Red Handkerchiefs  
  
Prince Legolas was seated on the edge of his bed, dressed in a shimmery green outfit, a bright wreath of flowers lying on the bed beside him. His father had ordered him to be dosed with Vandal Root tea - very, very strong Vandal Root tea - so strong that he had slept both the day and the night away in pleasant dreams. He had awakened this morning feeling mildly groggy; Gwibess crouched by his bed dressed in the original shimmery green robes. He had started slightly, still not used to the fact that he was already 'Master Let Go Lass' and had been for some time now.  
  
"Oh, Master!" the spider had hissed, rising to her full height. "You're awake! You're awake!"  
  
He managed to grimace at her, hoping that it would pass for a smile, and was rewarded by a pat on the head by one long, furry leg. He wondered briefly where Tavor and Brethil were, but guessed that they had thought it best to leave him alone for a while. He had refused to look in the mirror, and had a battle with his fingers, yanking at the offending hand whenever it crept upward toward his hair.  
  
Earlier that day, Tanglinna had come to him bearing the shimmering green robes just finished by Ceredirhammad. The Master Archer couldn't decide if he was highly amused or greatly annoyed. Legolas had stared at them in horror, starting to his feet.  
  
"Tanglinna, I . . . !"  
  
"Your father commands it, my prince," he said with a slight grimace. ~Here we go again indeed! ~  
  
"But Tanglinna . . .!"  
  
"You had better dress. Your father is expecting you, nin caun (my prince)." He handed Legolas the soft clothing, then stood with his arms folded over his chest waiting for the prince to get dressed. The grumbling and growling started just as he had expected and Tanglinna had to suppress a grin.  
  
"You look most, uh, beautiful, nin caun (my prince)," he said, biting at his lips to keep from laughing in amusement at the look on the other's fair face. Amusement had won out over annoyance.  
  
"I look like a girl!" the prince spat, flapping his arms like an over large green butterfly. "This is ridiculous. I think father just does this to torture me." He frowned suddenly, his head feeling very strange. "Have we had this conversation before?" he asked, touching his forehead.  
  
Tanglinna merely smiled.  
  
"You are not quite ready, my prince. One more thing is required."  
  
"What else could this outfit possibly require?"  
  
Tanglinna moved into the hall and returned bearing a wreath much like the other one of small green leaves, and berries trailing strands of white flowers. Only this one bore large orange lilies as well.  
  
"For your hair," Tanglinna said handing it to him with a smirk. He had then turned and let the room, grinning widely.  
  
Legolas shook his head and sighed, staring at the wreath. The last day had been unbelievable and it would appear that the last few weeks had been as well. This wreath was unbelievable.  
  
While he was sitting on the bed, pointedly not looking at the floral creation, the door swung open and then closed. Bilbo suddenly appeared, causing him to jump slightly. The hobbit smiled as he slipped the Ring into his waistcoat pocket.  
  
"I didn't mean to startle you, Prince Legolas."  
  
The elf smiled wryly as the small figure clambered up onto the bed to sit beside him.  
  
"How are you feeling? Have you remembered anything yet?"  
  
"No," Legolas sighed, slim fingers tracing a pattern on the bed's embroidered cover. "Not yet. Not on my own anyway. Just that I really need to keep my mouth shut."  
  
Bilbo smiled.  
  
"That does seem to be a problem around here. Don't worry. You will remember it all in time, I am sure."  
  
"Has your friend Bumbury remembered yet?"  
  
Bilbo grinned and patted Legolas' arm.  
  
"No, uh, Bombur has not. You're an elf though so perhaps your memory will return more quickly."  
  
"Then my father's will as well," he grimaced, staring at the wall. "I hope to be far from here that day."  
  
The hobbit shifted slightly as he suddenly realized just how much he would miss this merry prince.  
  
"Speaking of far from here . . . ." He turned to look at the Elf. "The Dwarves and I are leaving. Very soon."  
  
Legolas turned to look at him. He was surprised that he would miss the Hobbit, whom he had just met - a few weeks ago truly, but met again for just one day.  
  
"Did I know that?" he asked wryly, with a smile.  
  
"Well, I suppose that you did. Did you think we would stay here forever?"  
  
The prince grinned down at him.  
  
"Nay, I suppose not. Where are you going? I don't think you ever told me." Suddenly he laughed. "Even if you had I would have forgotten!"  
  
Bilbo chuckled.  
  
"That is true enough. I don't believe I did tell you, but . . . well, I don't think Thorin wanted your father to know where we were going."  
  
"Then whatever you do DON'T tell me!" Mirkwood's prince continued to laugh. "That would be disastrous!"  
  
The two laughed together for some time and Bilbo knew he would indeed miss the prince. He had enjoyed spending time with him, though he still felt guilty about the pipeweed.  
  
"Thorin is in rather something of a hurry. He is getting rather impatient. Not that I can blame him. He has been shut in that cell for quite some time now. I am the only one having any fun," he grinned.  
  
"Is he . . . is he the one I gave my hair to?" Legolas grabbed at his hand as it reached slyly toward his hair.  
  
"No, that was Gloin. He on the other hand doesn't wish to leave. He is rather distressed by your dilemma."  
  
Legolas frowned. It was rather disconcerting that a Dwarf was so concerned about him.  
  
"But we are going. Though Bombur has created something for your feast and would love to know what your father thinks of it," Bilbo continued. "Oh, bother! I suppose it wasn't wise to share that with you either! It is meant to be a surprise."  
  
Legolas grinned.  
  
"Perhaps I can manage not to say anything about it. I will try my best. I promise! Father *would* be very surprised to learn that a Dwarf made something for him to eat."  
  
Bilbo smiled at him and patted his hand.  
  
"It has been wonderful getting to know you and I shall miss you. I won't forget my time here. I may even write all this down someday. It would make a most interesting book, don't you think?"  
  
"Uh, please don't write this part. I mean . . . uh, well . . .just skip the parts I have forgotten."  
  
Bilbo laughed at the fair face, so twisted with embarrassment.  
  
"Don't worry. I wouldn't do that to you. But it would make an interesting few chapters. Good heavens! So much has happened since entering Mirkwood, it would take nearly a whole book to record it all!"  
  
"I almost hope that I *don't* remember what happened. From what you have all told me it sounded as if I have acted rather . . . er, foolishly."  
  
"No, I wouldn't say that exactly. Though it has been rather amusing. But I do apologize about the pipeweed. I really didn't know how you would react. I guess that is why I have never seen an elf smoking before." The hobbit shook his head. "I wonder if Elrond would react that way."  
  
Legolas couldn't suppress the grin that toyed on his lips.  
  
"Perhaps some day you should ask him about the "Morn Nen" wine that we sent him. I wish I could have seen that! How long do you suppose he forgot things?"  
  
"You sent Elrond Morn Nen wine? I didn't know that. That was rather wicked of you, Prince Legolas," Bilbo said, though he grinned at the thought. "One day I will have to ask him all about it. Perhaps he knows a quick cure then! That was very . . . daring of you to send that to him."  
  
"Yes, I was young and foolish. What can I say?" He grinned widely at the hobbit, noticing that a button on his waistcoat was missing. "I have that button. Let me get it for you!"  
  
It wasn't until he had crossed the room and was rummaging in a box on the dresser that he realized what he had said.  
  
"I . . . I remembered that, didn't I?"  
  
"Wonderful! You are starting to get your memory back. I wonder why you are and poor Bombur hasn't yet."  
  
Legolas found the button lying beside the Angol Osp Echor, the dragon- headed bubble pipe. He stared down at it and then drew it out as well.  
  
"Bilbo, I want you to have this," he said handing him the pipe along with the button. "Something to remember me by," he continued with an amused look. "Not that *you* will forget it."  
  
Bilbo held the pipe in his hand and smiled gently.  
  
"Thank you, Prince Legolas. I will cherish it always. I may need it before my journey is over. Who knows?" He thought of the dragon that lay ahead in the Lonely Mountain. Perhaps he would need it. "Though if you don't mind I know a little Hobbit who will like it quite a lot and I should like to give it to her when my own adventure is over. Her mother will appreciate it since she is rather taken with elves herself. She will think it wonderful to touch something once owned by the Elf Prince of Mirkwood." He grinned thinking of Little Pip and her rather silly mother. "The child has this fear of spiders, imagine that. Perhaps she can use this to help her."  
  
"That would make me very happy. Tell her for me that spiders really aren't so bad," he laughed. Afraid of spiders! Imagine that indeed! Aralith should have a talk with the child! "Oh, and take her this wreath as well!" He ruffled the leaves with his fingers.  
  
"I don't think your father would like that very much. I don't want him angry with you again so soon. I would love to give you something to remember me by, though I don't suppose you want my pipe," Bilbo grinned. "That would indeed make the king very, very mad."  
  
Legolas laughed, wondering if he would laugh when he entirely recovered his memory of that night. Or more importantly when his father remembered.  
  
"Nay, that would probably not be a good thing."  
  
"How about this?" The hobbit pulled out a clean red handkerchief. "This is one of the ones Elrond gave to me."  
  
Legolas raised one eyebrow.  
  
"Red?"  
  
Bilbo grinned as the Elf took the square of red silk.  
  
"Rather a bright color for the Lord of Rivendell, isn't it?" He agreed. "I understand that he has an entire drawer filled with them. Elrond is a mysterious person." He shook his head, and then sighed. "I suppose I had better be going then. I must watch for my chance to free the Dwarves, after all." He solemnly extended a hand to the Prince of Mirkwood. Legolas took it, squeezing it in a friendly manner.  
  
"I hope that the rest of your adventure is as enjoyable as this one was . . .er is." Legolas shrugged. "Are you certain I can't interest you in this wreath? Perhaps Gloin would like it. Though I haven't worn it yet, and there are no stray hairs caught in it," he giggled, thrusting the wreath onto his blonde head. "That was rather silly of me . . . cutting off my warrior braid and giving it to a Dwarf."  
  
"You did make him very happy. Perhaps some day he will share it with his son, you know, the story of the fair Elf Maiden of Mirkwood and then his son will fall in love with Legolas the Sparkly Green as well."  
  
Legolas laughed, an image of himself in a sparkling robe of green and ridiculously tasteless circlet, blowing bubbles and singing the barrel song with a Dwarf.  
  
"Then I hope to meet his son someday," he said, knowing that it would never happen in all the Ages of Middle Earth. "I shall charm him myself and have another conquest. We shall be the greatest of friends and people will wonder at that. A Dwarf and an Elf best friends! All because of a warrior braid given to his father so long ago."  
  
Bilbo chuckled at the amusing, if impossible image.  
  
"That would be something indeed. I hope to see it!" He slid from the bed and stood looking up at the prince who rose to his wreath perched on his head. "Farewell, Prince Legolas of Mirkwood."  
  
"Farewell, Bilbo. Tell Gloin . . .er, and the others . . .that I wish them a safe and . . . profitable journey." He laughed. "They are Dwarves after all, there has to be a treasure to be had in it somewhere. A treasure not consisting of spun gold elf hair." He grinned and then said quietly, "I hope to meet you again some time."  
  
"That would be my fondest wish." The hobbit bowed low and gracefully.  
  
Legolas bowed, and smiled at the Hobbit.  
  
"Namarie, nin mellon."  
  
Bilbo nodded, and turned to leave clutching his bubble pipe in one hand. He would miss the prince very much. He slipped on his Ring and vanished.  
  
Legolas stared at the door as it opened and closed seemingly on its own.  
  
"Good bye, Bilbo Baggins of the Shire."  
  
TBC  
  
Response to Reviews  
  
That wasn't a very funny chapter, but necessary. Good byes are solemn things after all. Yes, it is nearly done! I envision (gasps) two more chapters??!! My goodness! Well, we shall see! I thought it would only be 6 chapters long at the start! What do I know??!! Before you ask, yes, there is a reason that Legolas is getting his memory back already. See if you can figure it out.  
  
shirebound - I? A genius? Well, I am glad you think so! Just dumb luck really. Dumb GREEN luck! Lucky green, like shamrocks! It seems to work!  
  
JastaElf - I think you enjoyed his Brethilitis too much - so did I so perhaps one more case is required here. I shall see what I can come up with for the next chapter - pull out all the stops and all that! "Shut up Legolas!" (c. Tanglinna) Did you think Thranduil would let him get away with not wearing shimmery/sparkly green for the feast? It is required attire! And, yes. He looks very, very lovely in it!  
  
annakas - Try to remember what he should remember?? Yes, that sounded weird, but it made perfect sense! You can't seem to decide if you like his being tortured or not. Poor Legolas! (c. TreeHugger) or POOOOR POOOR LEGOLAS! (c. annakas) It is too fun for me! Though there have been times when I think I am just plain mean and wicked! Love it!  
  
Undomiel Greenleaf - Poor Thranduil (c. Undomiel) You got it! No one had copyrighted it yet. Don't know how that one slipped by! Lucky you! Separate vacations for them sounds very nice! Where would you suggest they go? How about the Lonely Mountain or Lake Town? Sounds like that is next on the itinerary.  
  
The Sadistic Cow - It must be horrible to relive something that causes such discomfort and embarrassment. Once is enough, but to live through it twice! Gotta love it! Yes, I will use the song idea! It is a good idea and goes well with my epilogue. Yes, EPILOUGUE! That is coming up very soon! It would have been a very cool story for Gimli to meet Tanglinna, Tavor, and Brethil. Oh, the possibilities! So you want an AU wherein Tanglinna and Brethil are alive and not in Mandos Halls where all is peace and quiet?? I shall add it to the list! I would like to use Brethil again - and Tanglinna as well!  
  
PuterPatty - Eye candy - especially cute Legolas eye candy - is a very, very good thing! Glad you enjoyed him so much! I haven't seen the board game yet, but it would seem that I had better try and find it! Imagine drawing Legolas like a girl and in a sparkly green dress! Who does this dude think he is! Rather a rude thing to do to the Prince of Mirkwood! (grins widely) And Aragorn looks evil?? Poor Aragorn! (c. TreeHugger) or do you want that one?? Poor Aragorn! (c. PutterPatty) There will be more shrieking in the next chapter, never fear! Shrieking is fun!  
  
Nancing Elf - Yes, I fear all h*ll will be breaking loose in the next chapter. Just have to get Bilbo and the Dwarves out in the bottom of the palace, whilst things get rather loud and uncomfortable above stairs. I think a last grand case of Brethilitis is called for, don't you?? Poor Little Greenleaf! (c. Nancing Elf) Or do you want it to be Poor Little Greenleaf! (c. Gwibess Jr.)? Or Poor Little Greenleaf! (c. Nancing Elf and Gwibess Jr.)?? Copyright Heaven here!   
  
Lindelea - First of all, yes, I will be writing the story of the Morn Nen wine incident. I just have to think it through a little bit and I want to finish this story first. I like Thranduil myself and don't see him as a villain. I enjoy him quite a bit here! Can't you tell??!! ^_^ Celeb Baudh will make one more appearance ere this is done. I haven't forgotten it!  
  
Seaweed - How you'd love to what?? I think I know what. Awww, Gimli! (c. Seaweed) ^_^ I did mention him in this chapter, I hope you saw it! Legolas is sweet when he is confused and all! He is always cute! But so is the Dwarf!  
  
Opal Elf - Two more!!!! I promise!!  
  
None - Next chapter! Some more fireworks in store! Be ready for some father and son fun!  
  
ziggy - Yes, there is a distinction between sparkly and shimmery. And be prepared for some balrogged (c. ziggy) moments in the end.  
  
angaloth - It would be horrible to discover our foolishness twice! Very painful. But very funny anyway! Tanglinna is a good sport, and I secretly think he must have been very like the Tricksy Trio when he was younger!  
  
EdnaTod - ".who sailed to sea. And he told us of his life in the land of submarines." (snickers) Love it! As you saw Legolas is already on the road to full memory restoration for better or worse! Never fear! All will be well!! Depending on your definition of well!   
  
Jessica - Clueless Elves are quite fun and funny. Couldn't resist! I think that they can all claim temporary insanity! Myself included! Just a last couple of romps in the land of Mirkwood madness and mayhem! Should be FUN!  
  
Lakergurl13 - Legolas was good wasn't he! I don't know if he is loud enough to take the kingship away - not just yet! Lakers vs. Star Wars?? Hmmm! Personally I would take Star Wars! But that is just me! Right Charlie??!!  
  
Vanyear - I apologize if there was too much going on in this story. I myself have had to refer back to things to try and keep it all straight! I am so glad that you found it too funny! 10:55 PM?? I am usually asleep at that point! Poor me!   
  
Laura - I am glad that you love this story very x5 much! That makes me very x5 (at least) happy! ^_^ The first shimmery green outfit was given to Gwibess, who as you saw is still making use of it! She looks very nice in green too, though not as good as Legolas! I like Brethil, too. So expect some Tricksy Trio stories down the road. And yes. That last chapter was hard on the king, but the next one will be harder! (wicked grin)  
  
emma - I love your name, as it is my daughter's name, too! I asked her if she reviewed my story and she said "no, mom. I didn't." So thank you, emma, for reviewing! There will be more stories in this vein, since so many of you seem to enjoy it!  
  
Reviewer with no name or symbol - Thank you so much for telling me that it was good and very funny! I love to hear that! So does my muse!  
  
phoenixfeather - Ah! So you have shrieking Elves at your house, too?? Humiliating Legolas is a fun form of entertainment for many of us! We are such wicked fans! ;)  
  
Anonymous - I know I would shriek if a chunk of my hair was hacked off! I would shriek and cry, too I suspect! Tanglinna is much like us in that he derives entirely too much pleasure from Legolas' discomfort! Peter Jackson should make this fic into a flick??!! (shriek of happiness) You are too kind! ^_^ That would be heaven for me! Thank you! Tanglinna is too fun and too cool! I will use him again, do not worry. I like him a lot! Celeb Baudh will also be used again very, very soon!  
  
Bronwyn - Things will get worse before they get better! I hope the next chapter will be something else all together! Tanglinna should feel some discomfort! He deserves it! And it is not over for him yet either. He did throw Celeb Baudh into Morn Nen after all! He has some 'splainin' to do! If only the Tricksy Trio could learn to control the attacks of Brethilitis they would have a much easier time of it!  
  
blue eyed babe - You are right! Legolas is OOC in this one! He started out in character, but this story got to be humorous and I rather went insane on his personality. Though his personality in the movie was somewhat different than it is in the books. I sort of figure in my story he is like a teenager, though that is not accurate either! Please forgive me! It is all for the sake of fun! (  
  
Karina - I didn't want it to be too terrifying! Just funny! Tell everything you know that the other person isn't supposed to know! Very funny! Thranduil should probably have "What have you done now?" tattooed across his forehead! Celeb Baudh will be back. It didn't float away yet! Saving it for the very last! Now I have to reread AGG again! It has been years though I loved it! Questions questions questions!! All will be told in two more chapters!   
  
Sake - Twice is twice the fun, don't you think?? ;) Oreos are just fine! But tell Cecil that he should save some of the good ones for Legolas!  
  
Nadra - My daughter didn't get the cutout from B Dalton either. She was heartbroken because a store employee wanted it! She doesn't like to go in there any more she says! I didn't know that Balrogs and Cave Trolls had tea and crumpets! How nice of them! I liked the Hobbit movie, myself! Though I admit the Elves were not -er - Elvish in my opinion! That is just too strange! And no! You may not have the Elf! You are not yourself! It has taken Nadra! You are right! All those Moria Orcs did look like a roach colony! LOL Thank you for saying that I am talented. That makes me feel good! ( Hope you had a lovely ride on your black horse!  
  
Rings of the cosmos - Reliving it is nearly as fun the second time around. You really need to learn to like spiders! I saved one today from a yellow jacket that was attacking it! So it is possible. I also bought a toy one with a fluffy black body, red eyes, and long sparkly legs! My own Gwibess! ( she lives on my computer!  
  
Irena - Guessing games with Ada are quite fun! For us if not for Legolas! But soon they will both remember! And the game will be up!  
  
Ithilien - Morn Nen didn't help much, but it will all be over soon I promise! He didn't react to the outfit as badly as you thought he would, did he! He is resigned. Déjà vu is a very, very strange feeling, had it a few times myself. Time warp from Star Trek sounds good too! Legolas will survive this! But will he survive yours??  
  
Lady M - Don't sweat being late! I have tried to slow myself down. I am running much too quickly for my own sanity. Hope you had fun out of town!  
  
Skye - Well, my birthday is in July! But thank you anyway! ( Legolas is talented at trouble. Thank you so much for reading my other stuff! I am glad you enjoyed it! That makes my day! Thank you thank you for the wonderful compliments! You have really made my day today!!!! 


	33. Chapter 30 - Out of the Hall of the Wood...

Chapter 30 - Out of the Hall of the Wood Elf King  
  
Bilbo Baggins was indeed a lucky hobbit. He had hoped that an opportunity would present itself during yet another feast taking place in the Hall above. It would be easier to slip out undetected when the Elves were involved with other things. When he heard the King's butler telling the chief of guards goodnight after the evening meal had been served to the Dwarves - and then hear the two decide to scamper off to sample some excellent Dorwinion wine - he knew that his luck had served him well indeed this night.  
  
Tonight was the night that he and the Dwarves would leave the Hall of the Wood Elf King!  
  
He followed after the two on silent, invisible feet. The elves seated themselves at a small table, two great silver bowls and a pitcher of the fragrant, heady wine was soon before them. It was a potent wine, one meant for delicate glasses to be sipped with a delicious meal, not gulped by a soldier and a servant out of rather large drinking bowls. They were soon chattering away at one another about the spill the king and his son had taken into Morn Nen.  
  
"Here is to the wonderful water of Morn Nen!" Galion the butler chortled. "It has brought us yet another feast. At least until the king remembers."  
  
"It has brought us this wonderful wine as well," Ecthelhador laughed, clinking their bowls together.  
  
"Here is to the King's memory! May it stay lost - at least until this night is over!"  
  
Bilbo covered his mouth with his hand to stop the laughter from bubbling over his lips. Really, Wood Elves could be quite silly!  
  
Galion was deep in conversation about all that had happened since the Dwarves' arrival when Ecthelhador blinked slowly several times. He then lay his head down on the table and began to snore softly.  
  
Bilbo smiled again. Luck was indeed with him!  
  
Galion continued to talk for some time, unaware that his companion was no longer listening to him.  
  
"Do you suppose Legolas the Sparkly Green will make another appearance? I truly wish that I had been down here that night!" he exclaimed, slurring the words slightly. "He is dressed in green tonight - again!" He grinned suddenly. "With bright orange lilies in his hair!" He laughed out loud, taking another swallow of the excellent wine. "At least he isn't in that pink tunic tonight. Do you remember that one? It disappeared somewhat mysteriously from what I have heard." He yawned widely and blinked, staring somewhat blurrily at Ecthelhador . "Are you asleep?" he asked, stifling another yawn and hiccupping slightly. He was feeling somewhat sleepy himself. He passed a slim hand over his face, brushing aside a stray strand of dark hair. "I hope King Thranduil isn't upset with us all when he realizes what has happened. Letting him think that . . . this was the . . . Autumn Feast . . . and all." His head dipped lower. No one would notice if he took a quick nap. The dwarves were fed and locked up tight. He laid his heavy head on the table and was instantly asleep, eyes vacant and staring.  
  
Bilbo waited a moment before moving into action. It still unnerved him to see the elves sleeping with their eyes open. He crept across the hall, taking the heavy iron ring of keys from Ecthelhador's leather belt. He gritted his teeth and froze when they clanked together noisily, but the chief of the guards merely murmured something then turned his head to the wall, still sleeping soundly.  
  
The hobbit moved away from the two elves and hurried off to the dwarves' cells. He unlocked Balin's door first, startling the old dwarf who was settling down for the night. But he was very pleased when he saw Bilbo standing there carrying the keys.  
  
"Thank you, Bilbo," he said heartily. "I knew you would get us out of here at last! You are a very clever hobbit."  
  
Bilbo blushed under the praise and smiled.  
  
"What is your plan?" Balin continued. "How will you get us free of this place?"  
  
"I have no time to discuss it now, Balin. We must get the others out and be on our way as quickly as possible! This is our last chance! If we are caught who knows what the King will do to you next!" He shuddered to think of how angry Thranduil would be when his memory returned only to find that the dwarves had tried to escape on top of it! "He will probably chain you up somewhere, hands and feet!"  
  
They hustled down the hall to the other cells. Bombur, who had spent a great deal of time in the elves' kitchens lately was quite sorry to see it all ending.  
  
"How will I ever know if he liked what I prepared for him?" he asked morosely.  
  
"You can talk to him at some other time!" Bilbo exclaimed, hissing them all to silence as he unlocked Gloin's cell. "But we must make haste!" He lived in fear that the two elves would awaken and catch them. Or worse yet, that the king would regain his memory and come storming down to the cells to check on the prisoners.  
  
Gloin squinted at them, his hand over his heart.  
  
"Are you ready to go, Gloin?" Bilbo asked him tenderly as the dwarf joined them.  
  
He nodded, his head bent, fingers twined in his dirty hood.  
  
Balin sighed and patted his shoulder.  
  
"You will meet . . . er . . . 'her' again, I am sure, Gloin. But we must be going. The Dragon awaits," he reassured. He still wasn't positive himself about the Prince or Princess, but he was eager to be on his way just the same.  
  
Gloin merely nodded and as they traveled down the hall bumping and stumbling into one another in the dark, they could hear him softly singing,  
  
"Fair as a rose in May,  
Elven maiden with hair of gold."  
  
At last they arrived at Thorin's cell, which was closest to their destination. The dwarf leader was rather amazed at the sight of them all standing outside his cell, quite unharmed.  
  
"Upon my word!" he exclaimed. "Gandalf spoke true, as usual! A pretty fine burglar you make, it seems, when the time comes. I am sure we are all forever at your service, whatever happens after this. But what comes next?"  
  
Bilbo drew a deep breath and began to tell them of his plan. He knew that he would encounter opposition, after all, the dwarves had been trapped in their tiny cells for many weeks now and would not take kindly to being stuffed into barrels for an unknown amount of time, floating off down the river and out of the forest.  
  
"We shall be all bruised and battered to pieces!" Nori squeaked.  
  
"And drowned, too, for certain." Bifur muttered.  
  
"We thought you had some sensible notion, when you managed to get hold of the keys. This is madness!" Dwalin huffed.  
  
Bilbo sighed dejectedly.  
  
"Very well! Come along back to your nice cells, and I will lock you all in again, and you can sit there comfortably and think of a better plan - but I don't suppose I shall ever get hold of the keys again, even if I feel inclined to try."  
  
Bombur was nodding. He was all for staying, and then he would find out what the king thought of his food. Gloin looked hopefully at Thorin, but knew they would leave this night. As he trudged after Bilbo toward the lowest cellars he glanced back up the hall where they had come from.  
  
"Crowned with flowers bright as day.  
You've touched my heart once stony and cold."  
  
He knew a piece of his heart would always reside here in Mirkwood with a golden haired elf maiden named Legolas the Sparkly Green.  
  
~I should have brought him the wreath, ~ Bilbo thought with a sigh. ~Or at least one of the lilies! ~  
  
Bilbo had stuffed the dwarves into their barrels, padding them with some straw that he had found trying to make them as comfortable as possible. Bombur was delighted with his, as it still smelt of the apples that had been packed in it. The Hobbit had just finished shutting in a very grumbly, growly Thorin when he heard voices and saw the flicker of lights. Soon a number of elves entered the cellars talking and laughing. They began to hunt for old Galion whom, it seemed, was late bringing up the wine. They found him and Ecthelhador sleeping peacefully, faces contented and happy in their dreaming state. They soon woke the butler who was not at all pleased at having his slumber interrupted. They of course had to sample the excellent Dorwinion wine for themselves and soon found out why the butler had been somewhat remiss in his duties to the king.  
  
"Get on with the work!" Galion growled at them urging them to dump the empty barrels into the water and send them on their way. The younger elves complained that the barrels did not feel empty and that they would not take the blame if the king's butter tubs and best wine were pushed into the river by mistake. It seemed that the king was acting rather strangely just at present and they feared that his odd mood might turn onto them.  
  
Bilbo, invisible once again, watched as one by one the barrels were rolled down into the tunnel leading to the river to the accompaniment of the Barrel Song. He bit at his bottom lip hoping that the dwarves would be all right. But then he realized something he had not thought of. What was he to do with himself? He certainly didn't wish to stay here forever, creeping about the Halls with only Legolas and his friends for company. Besides, the dwarves wouldn't know what to do without him!  
  
As the very last barrel was rolled to the doors, he caught hold of it and felt it drop into the cold water below. He clung to it with all his strength feeling the barrel roll, sending him beneath the water and then righting itself. But as he scrambled about he found that the barrel continued to roll because it was actually an empty barrel. He floated with it out the doors and into the tunnel leading to the river beyond. He could still hear the song of the elves behind him and then he heard the water- gate close with a boom. The voices became fainter, and then faded away.  
  
~Good bye, Prince Legolas, ~ he thought silently. ~I hope we may meet again someday! ~  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
He wasn't certain of the exact moment the first memory crept in upon him. He had been enjoying the feasting , the singing, the dancing, and the general merriment. His eyes slid amongst his fair folk, pleased by their happy countenances, and bright clothing. His eyes came to rest on his youngest son, the orange lilies catching his attention. He smiled indulgently at his youngest son who had not made even one complaint this evening about his shimmery green outfit and floral wreath.  
  
~Yes, ~ he thought with great satisfaction. ~He is learning! Perhaps that pink outfit did the trick. . .? ~ He frowned. Pink outfit? The frown deepened to a scowl. He plucked up his goblet and took a swallow of the wine. Where was Galion with the good Dorwinion stuff? WHAT PINK OUTFIT??!!  
  
He turned to glare at his Master Archer who was seated to his left. Tanglinna, feeling his king's gaze upon him, turned slightly. Instantly he knew there was trouble.  
  
"Is something wrong, Your Majesty?" he asked, hoping that his voice didn't betray his anxiety.  
  
"Yes, Tanglinna, there is! Where is Legolas' pink outfit?"  
  
The archer's eyes widened, and he felt his throat constrict slightly.  
  
"Prince Legolas' pink outfit, Your Majesty?"  
  
Thranduil's scowl deepened further as he tried to force his memories into submission. There was something . . . ? A spider? Was it one spider or . . . ? Four? He shook his head. Nay, that could not be it! Spiders indeed! But all the same his narrowed eyes moved back to his son. He was sitting with Tavor and Brethil, laughing and talking. Why did he feel so strongly that he should be quite upset with them?  
  
Tanglinna followed the direction of the king's gaze. He grimaced. ~Not now! ~ He thought. ~Please not now! ~  
  
"Are you feeling quite well, Your Majesty?" he managed, fingers twining in the linen napkin on his lap.  
  
"No, I am not! Why should I be angry with them, Tanglinna? Tell me!" Suddenly Thranduil turned to the Master Archer. "And with YOU!"  
  
Tanglinna gasped slightly as the hawk like gaze fell upon him. He didn't feel very well himself suddenly! Oropher had been much easier to handle!  
  
"I . . . I . . . ! Your Majesty, I don't know what you are talking about!"  
  
"Don't you?" One eyebrow raised and Tanglinna knew he was done for. "You were there, Tanglinna. When Legolas cut off his warrior braid! You were the one who caught me when I Brethil ran into me!"  
  
The archer couldn't prevent himself from glancing over at the prince who was oblivious of the danger that was suddenly brewing.  
  
"You . . . you remember that, do you?"  
  
Thranduil's mouth twisted.  
  
"Why do I have the feeling that the way you *phrased* that question is very important?" he growled low in his throat.  
  
"I . . . I . . . I can't imagine why you would think that? It is just a simple question, really!" the archer hedged, his mind whirling. Suddenly all of Tavor's talk of the Halls of Mandos sounded rather pleasant.  
  
Now that Thranduil was making an effort to gather his thoughts coherently, images filled his mind. He pursed his lips in concentration. Suddenly he started to his feet.  
  
"Don't even think about moving, Tanglinna," he ordered, his voice a hiss, more like a spider than an elven king as the archer dared to shift uncomfortably in his chair.  
  
Everyone paused in their activities as the king strode from the room.  
  
Brethil watched him go, assessing him minutely.  
  
"He's remembered," he said taking another bite of the luscious cake prepared by Bombur. Creamy, fluffy icing that stood several inches tall topped the white cake. It was in the shape of a tree to honor the elves. "This is the best thing that I have ever tasted," he continued, oblivious to the panicked looks on his friends' faces. "That dwarf is an excellent baker! I wonder if your father has tasted this yet, Legolas. He might just have him come to work as his baker."  
  
But the prince was staring across the table at Tanglinna.  
  
The archer was sitting stiffly, eyes narrowed with anxiety. Slowly he raised his head to meet the other's gaze. He shook his head and drew a finger across his throat.  
  
"Ai, Valar!" Legolas croaked. "He *has* remembered!"  
  
"I told you," Brethil said, shoveling more cake into his mouth. "You really should try this. It is very good!"  
  
"Why can't I remember?! I remembered Bilbo's button, didn't I?" His eyes widened. "Oh, no! The dwarves!" He turned to grasp Tavor's arm. "I can't tell him about the dwarves! I promised Bilbo I wouldn't! At least I think I promised Bilbo that I wouldn't! Help me, Tavor!" He gripped his friend's arm like a vise, teeth clamped tightly together.  
  
"It will be so beautiful there," Tavor said in an unconcerned voice. "So quiet, and peaceful: no one screaming or shrieking; no dwarves; no spiders; no orcs . . . singing or otherwise; no one trying to pull your arm off. It will be *so* nice."  
  
Legolas backed away from him with a horrified look on his face.  
  
"The Halls of Mandos again," Brethil murmured ingenuously, licking the sugary icing from his fingers. "I think Master Tanglinna wished to join him. He looks rather . . . upset."  
  
The Prince of Mirkwood stared at the archer who had turned and was gazing at the doorway. Legolas' blue eyes traveled there as well. His mouth dropped open.  
  
"Now you look rather upset," Brethil commented. "Almost balrogged I would say!"  
  
Everyone in the hall looked to see the king standing there, hands clenched at his sides.  
  
"WHERE IS CELEB BAUDH??!!"  
  
Tanglinna jumped visibly, his face going white.  
  
"I am done for," the archer murmured as the feasters hastily rose and exited the hall through the opposite door, as far away from the king as possible.  
  
Tanglinna stood as well, hoping he could make good his own escape, but it was not to be.  
  
"Sit down!" Thranduil ordered, advancing slowly into the room  
  
"It is as the footsteps of doom," Brethil intoned, licking his fork.  
  
"We *are* doomed," Tavor said quietly, now that visions of the Halls of Mandos had been scared from his mind by the king's shriek. He pressed his hand to his racing heart.  
  
"The king is good and wise," Brethil said, now examining the fork to see if he had missed any icing.  
  
"Little Greenleaf, I need to speak with you," Thranduil said, his eyes flashing fiercely though his voice was deadly quiet.  
  
Legolas' legs suddenly began to shake, all the calmness and merriment having fled before his father's wrath.  
  
"Adar! I . . . ! I don't remember anything! I . . . I fell into Morn Nen, too! I don't know why I can't remember anything and you can! I don't know why!"  
  
"Morn Nen? And what were we doing at Morn Nen?"  
  
"He doesn't remember everything it seems."  
  
"Shut up, Brethil!"  
  
"Oh, very well, Your Majesty." The young Elf cut another slice of cake. "Can't talk when my mouth is full anyway," he grinned.  
  
"I . . . I don't remember," Legolas began again, nearly tipping his chair over as he backed away. But then he *did* remember.  
  
"Oh! Oh! We were getting the jewels back from the spiders!" he said, eyes brightening as knowledge once lost came flooding back.  
  
"Spiders?" Thranduil whispered, touching his face. "Spiders?!"  
  
"Yes! Yes! You remember! The ones that made up your face! You looked like a princess!" Legolas laughed aloud. "I thought it was very funny since you had put me into that pink outfit. Poetic justice almost! I was pretty in pink and you looked like a princess, too, in your makeup! Like father, like son!"  
  
Tavor seemed to start from his stupor at this and stared up at the prince in disbelief.  
  
"He's turned into you," he murmured in amazement to Brethil behind Legolas' back.  
  
The other Elf nodded, eating his cake and for once, not saying anything.  
  
Thranduil's face reddened, which should have been a warning sign to his son, but Legolas continued heedlessly, ticking various memories off on his fingers:  
  
"And there was the hair on your robes. Gwibess did that, but she was very sorry and won't do it again. But the two of you would make great friends if you would just give her the chance. You both like fancy clothes and sparkly things . . . !"  
  
"Shut up, Legolas!" Tavor hissed from the side of his mouth. "Shut up!"  
  
"And polishing your gems! Do you recall how many days it took the four of us to polish all your gems and things? I thought it was very funny that you made Tanglinna do it too! Then I thought we would never finish!" He grinned at his father. "And then of course there were the orcs!"  
  
"Orcs?"  
  
Mirkwood's youngest prince nodded.  
  
"Yes! They were looking for the Singing Orc Princess," he giggled somewhat hysterically. "Fancy that! Singing Orcs! Of course we showed them that we are fierce, feral warriors of Mirkwood!" He made what he hoped was a fierce, feral face, but the lilies and the green shimmery clothing rather ruined the effect.  
  
Thranduil was breathing deeply now, trying to control himself. It was one thing to listen to Brethil's inane chatter, but quite another to listen to his son's.  
  
"Shut up, Legolas!" Tavor hissed again, tugging on the green robe.  
  
Thranduil drew another deep breath.  
  
"Where is Celeb Baudh?" he asked once again.  
  
"Celeb Baudh? I don't know the answer to that one," Legolas shrugged. "But I remember the Wild Berry War!" He grinned hopefully.  
  
"Wild Berry War?"  
  
"It was very fun! You see, it started when Celuon and I started throwing berries at one another. Rather like this." He scooped up a small piece of Gloin's cake and threw it at his father who now stood a few feet away. It splattered on Thranduil's nose.  
  
"Great Valar preserve us!" Tanglinna breathed. He had managed to stay in his seat as ordered, thus far avoiding the king's notice, but he feared that the king would turn to him at any moment and demand to know where that ridiculous Celeb Baudh was.  
  
"Legolas!" Tavor gasped.  
  
Brethil frowned slightly.  
  
"The king is good and wise. And sticky. You look balrogged now, Tavor. You are wasting it," he pouted cutting a huge chunk from the remainder of the large cake and placing it on his plate.  
  
Thranduil glared at his son, who grimaced as he realized what he had done. The king wiped the sugar off his face. He stared at it then licked it from his fingers. He frowned slightly, then grinned.  
  
"That is quite good actually."  
  
"I told you," Brethil chimed in. "But no one ever listens to me. Honestly, I have a great many things to tell you, things that you need to know, but you are always telling me . . . ."  
  
"Shut up, Brethil!" Three voices said at once.  
  
"Exactly." Brethil shook his blonde head and continued eating.  
  
Thranduil looked at Legolas once more. Then he deliberately moved, closing the distance between them.  
  
"Adar! Please! I . . . I don't know what just happened! I . . . !"  
  
Suddenly a piece of cake caught him in the face, effectively silencing his words.  
  
Tanglinna stared in shock at them, then burst out laughing.  
  
The king and his son turned as one to stare at him, blue eyes identical beneath raised brows.  
  
"You think that was funny, Master Archer of Mirkwood?" Thranduil asked.  
  
"Ah, well, no. That is . . . well . . . ?" But before he could vacate his seat and gain his freedom, two well aimed pieces of cake hit him.  
  
"You are wasting it!" Brethil gasped again, grabbing the remainder from them.  
  
"Oh, truly?" Thranduil winked at Legolas and they turned to advance on Brethil.  
  
Soon all five elves were covered with sticky cake and icing, laughing uproariously. Suddenly a loud shriek filled the air. The elves cringed, never had they heard such a loud noise, not even from their king! As it died away, they turned to see Gwibess standing in the doorway.  
  
"What are you doing, Gwibess!?" Legolas asked the spider who was still adorned in the first green outfit.  
  
"Thrumb Dumb needs to learn to be nice to the Masters!!" she shrieked loudly. "If not I will become the Aran!"  
  
"She was the loudest!" Tavor commented, rubbing his aching ears. "Even louder than Thrumb Dumb . . .! Er . . . the King. . . er, King Thranduil."  
  
Thranduil looked at Tavor with a glare and then at the giant spider.  
  
"Actually . . . Gwibess. . .? I have a necklace that will compliment that outfit rather nicely."  
  
The spider's many eyes widened. Then she smiled.  
  
"Truly, O Great Thrumb Dumb?"  
  
"Yes, remind me later and I will give it to you."  
  
The spider pounced across the room with amazing speed. She swept the Aran into the air, holding him in at least four of her long legs.  
  
"I always knew you were a nice Aran! I did!"  
  
It was Legolas that laughed first and then Tavor and Brethil. Then Tanglinna shook his head and began to shake with mirth as well.  
  
When at last they had managed to calm themselves, Thranduil frowned as he was placed on the floor and looked at his Master Archer.  
  
"Speaking of jewelry . . . where is Celeb Baudh?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The next day the five elves headed for Morn Nen. Tanglinna was silent, not looking at anyone about him. He had never been so embarrassed in his life. Why did he ever think that throwing Celeb Baudh into Morn Nen would work? Thranduil had not been amused.  
  
After several hours of hard riding through the forest they suddenly reined in. There were voices singing ahead, near the enchanted river. They dismounted and moved silently forward. The voices were unlovely and gruff though the words carried clearly enough.  
  
"Once the Singing Orc Princess fair and bright,  
Came running to us in the night.  
Joy filled our hearts at that lovely sight  
As the Singing Orc Princess ran fair and bright!"  
  
Legolas' eyes widened in shock and anger!  
  
"They are singing about us!"  
  
"Then came the Queen so fierce and bright,  
Came running to us in the night.  
Joy filled our hearts at that lovely sight!  
As the Queen ran so fierce and bright!"  
  
"The Queen?" Brethil frowned. Then he smiled. "Oh! Yes! They mean you, King Thranduil! They *were* admiring you! That is exactly what I had thought!"  
  
Thranduil narrowed his eyes. He didn't like the idea of Orcs singing about him. And calling him a Queen no less!  
  
"Their golden hair flowing, so fine and bright,  
As they came running to us in the night!  
Joy filled our hearts at that lovely sight!  
As the Queen and the Princess ran so fine and bright!"  
  
"I will not stand for this!" the king of Mirkwood growled. He drew his sword and rushed toward the voices, followed closely by his companions.  
  
"Oh, look!" Brethil gasped, as they broke into the clearing. He pointed at the tallest Orc. "He is wearing Celeb Baudh!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Well, Frodo my lad, what did you think of that little adventure of mine?"  
  
The young hobbit stared up at his cousin, blue eyes wide. He was sitting on his knees, leaning somewhat forward.  
  
"Did that really happen, Cousin Bilbo?" he chirped, the cookie in his hand forgotten for sometime now.  
  
"Of course it did. All of it is true. Every word." The older hobbit smiled and winked.  
  
Frodo studied him for a moment, then a shy grin crept over his face.  
  
"Did he really act *that* silly?"  
  
"Yes, he did, the poor prince. He has had some adventures of his own it would appear!"  
  
"Do you know any more stories from Mirkwood?" The little hobbit gobbled his cookie, still staring intently at his cousin. He giggled. "Did Legolas get into trouble again? Did Tanglinna get into trouble for throwing that crown into Morn Nen? Did King Thranduil remember the dwarves at last? What happened to the orcs? What about Gwibess?"  
  
"Slow down, little one! Slow down! Of course I know what happened! I did see the prince at the Battle of Five Armies after all. He told me everything." He shook his head. "My goodness! Yes, I know what happened in Mirkwood after we left the Wood Elf King's Hall, but that is tale for another day, and some others besides. Are you up to a visit to Miss Pip's house?" he asked. "I am sure she will be glad to show you the Bubble Pipe that once belonged to Prince Let Go Lass!"  
  
Frodo jumped up, eyes bright.  
  
"Really? Will she let me hold it, do you think?"  
  
"I am sure she will let you make bubbles with it!"  
  
Frodo smiled, the blue eyes so bright and happy, and Bilbo felt his heart melt. He really did love his little cousin and was glad that the sadness that had nigh overwhelmed him earlier seemed to have dissipated.  
  
"Well, come along then! We can clean this mess up later. Perhaps I will have another story to tell you then." He held out his hand and Frodo took it. The child skipped ahead of him out of Bag End, dragging his cousin behind him.  
  
"Will I ever have an adventure, Cousin Bilbo? One with Prince Let Go Lass maybe?" He grinned at the joke.  
  
"Who can say, Frodo? One never knows when a Wizard might show up at your door. Who can say?"  
  
THE END  
  
Author's Note - Okay!! There is NO epilogue as this one just ended it all! It was not how I planned it, but little in this story has been! Now it is off to Hollin, and Rivendell with the Morn Nen wine, and Elrond's Council, and the black squirrels, and Glorfindel, and------------ (TreeHugger gets a rather blank expression on her face) WILL THIS MADNESS NEVER END!!!!!! Erm ---Never mind! I want to thank you all for reading this story and I hope you have enjoyed following it as much as I have enjoyed writing it! You have made me very, very happy with your wonderful responses! It has been so much fun! Thank you again!  
  
Author's Note - The Orcs' Song was one that The Sadistic Cow had mentioned in an earlier review. Whoever heard of Orcs singing songs??!! Oh, well. I guess some of them do!   
  
Author's Note - Balrogged is ziggy's word as she thought of it. We all know that look - if you have seen the movie anyway! As in "Ai! Ai, a Balrog has come!" Cool word!  
  
Response to Reviewers  
  
**To clear up some confusion I will tell you that Little Pip is the nickname of my beta reader al's daughter. She likes a certain cute young Hobbit (bet you can guess who) so I made her into the Little Pip in this story: a young girl Hobbit that Bilbo knows who is afraid of spiders. Ever since I have known about the bubble pipe, I knew Legolas was going to give it to Bilbo before he leaves. I thought that it would be a nice gesture for the Hobbit to give it to Little Pip to help her overcome her fear of creepy crawly eight-legged beasties! She is mentioned in Chapter 9 I believe.  
  
Gabrielle - Sorry to confuse you on the Pip issue. Though you weren't the only one! No, this Pip is not Peregrin Took, who of course is not born yet. Also Pip's mother who likes things Elven is one and the same al! Would have been cool if Peregrin could end up with it though! I will have to do some thinking on that score! (  
  
The Sadistic Cow - Cute seems to be the word for that last chapter. Cute is good! Yes, there are many stories to be told. I will try to tell some of them anyway! Elf torture just goes on and on! Hope you liked the Orc Song!  
  
Sake - I will write many things! You guys can't shut me up! Did Cecil find the cookies in the basement??   
  
blue eyed babe - I enjoy responding! It is great fun! I do feel privileged that you left such a long review! Thank you so much! But please don't go back to booze and drugs! I will write more of something! JK I knew you were joking - I hoped you were joking. But I am not. I will write more!  
  
annakas - You do feel the story of Elrond and the Morn Nen wine coming. I just need to think about it a little longer! Glad you got a warm feeling! I did too!  
  
Aria - Yet another muse!! N - Earth! Cool! None of mine have names except Glavrol who just finished her story. Now this one is to retire! There are other muses waiting in the wings! They have been very patient with me!  
  
angaloth - We shall see what he remembers in Hollin! (winks)  
  
JastaElf - Well, I promised the last hill of the roller coaster ride in this chapter, but you got everything I had left in me! WooHoo (c. Celeborn), the end is here! I like him being his merry self, but one more round of fun was necessary!  
  
Rings of the cosmos - My own Gwibess is perched on top of the computer monitor, her sparkly legs sparkling nicely! It freaks out everyone else here, especially my son who won't touch the computer now! You should get one!  
  
Irena - (bows) Thank you thank you! It was a bittersweet chapter. Oh, yeah. I hope Leoglas brought a fork - makes it easier to eat your words!  
  
Lirenel - Glad you are laughing and loving it!  
  
Opal Elf - POOF! This one 'tis done! Onto other things!  
  
Nancing Elf - You are sooooo good! It is the Vandal Root tea! Kudos to you! Yes, the wreath is daylilies! I painted a pic of Legolas the Sparkly Green and for some reason the wreath had orange lilies, so I used it! Poor Little Greenleaf (c. NE and Gwibess Jr.) indeed! As for the strange friendship betwixt Elf and Dwarf I had to set it up some how! I see Gwibess Jr. is taken with music! Cool!  
  
None - Hi! I hope you have enjoyed the father and son fun! Finally managed it!  
  
Hannah - Well, this one is written out, but there will be others. I promise!  
  
al - I am sure you would rival King Thranduil screaming if you cut off your left warrior braid! I could probably hear you from here! I hope Little Pip liked the pipe! Maybe she won't be so afraid of the spiders any more. They can be really cool little - or big - things! The bubble pipe with the boutineer - very cool collection! I hope Legolas enjoys it too! You are all quite welcome!  
  
Nadra - So you are set to pursue me all the way to Cirith Ungol? Good thing that I have Sam and Gollum with me! I think I might need them! Your black plot bunny with acid green eyes sounds very terrifying! But I suppose Gollum might try to eat it! Never you fear. More comedy will be forthcoming. The Battle of Five Armies isn't very funny really, so I skipped it. Perhaps later will be the time for that one! So put the Morgul blade away! Please! GANDALF!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
t - Yes, it was rather sweet and sad. Good byes usually are. Sweet and sad are good!  
  
Emryn - I hope you will continue to enjoy this!   
  
Lady M - I think you are right. Even without memories, Thranduil knows his son only too well! ;)  
  
ziggy - As you see "balrogged" was used! By Brethil no less! Thank you so much for that wonderful, descriptive word! Expect to see it used in other fics of mine as well! As to how much Legolas has remembered - we shall see! ;)  
  
Calenedhel -There will be more stories! Probably too many! Do send the comic strip if you get around to drawing it! I would love to see it! The wine has already been shipped - post haste! Hope you don't need it too often!   
  
Kristen - Wow! Wow! You knocked me down! I am glad you gave LOTR fic a look and started with mine! Think I will die of happiness now! I am thrilled you are finding this funny and are enjoying my other fics too! I am glad that you reviewed even once. I appreciate any reviews I get! Thank you so much!!   
  
PuterPatty - The amount of copyrighted phrases is - well, amazing! It is rather long too, isn't it! ;) What a strange bunch of people we are indeed! Erm - So that is where you bit Legolas?? There?! (snicker) I hope he enjoyed it as much as you seemed to! Poor Legolas! (c. TreeHugger), but Lucky PuterPatty!   
  
Karina - Good or bad things do end eventually. Just like this little story. There are more stories coming, the muses are stacked up all around the computer waiting for their turns! I don't think we ever stop being young and foolish - or at least foolish! ;) But we think we do, or so we tell ourselves! Of course I am sure you are never, never foolish!   
  
() I actually liked Gwibess patting him on the head! Don't you want a spider to pat you on the head?? ;) I think I solved most of the problems in this last chapter. I hope I did anyway. But perhaps you are right! A little Morn Nen wine anyone?? 


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